5.Not-so-Shocking Truths

5. Not-so-Shocking Truths

So much for professionalism.

"How dare you! Are you really a reckless psycho or just an idiot?" I yell at Az, right there on the university campus lawn.

Yelling feels good. Once I start, it's hard to stop.

Even as curious students pass by and gawk at the show. I don't even care that we're making a scene.

I thought the grumpy bastard in front of me was an electricbrand wizard.

Instead, he's cursed. Cursed with magical lightning he can't fully control. And he just chased me around wielding this curse like a weapon.

Air casters are weaker against electric power. I had a right to know about the gamble we were taking .

"What were you thinking, trying to shock me with a curse that doesn't take orders from you? Oh, wait, I know. You—"

"Weren't thinking?" he fills in, sounding bored.

"No. I was going to say, you really are a murderer, aren't you? You're a serial killer who happens to be cursed and I'm your next would-be victim." I grin as he glares, way too happy to finally get under his skin for even a second. "They do say criminals have a guilty conscience, so that's why you unburdened yourself to me in the coffee shop."

"Are you done yet?" he wonders tiredly.

"Not even close!" If he doesn't like smartasses who aren't him, then I'll go back to rage. It's easy to lecture, "You risked my safety without even a warning! Do you realize how dangerous that was? Airbrands are particularly vulnerable to electric magic, which is why the curse needs to be monitored carefully and triggered responsibly in a controlled setting. You could've electrocuted me and seriously hurt me!"

"Hey, you were right there playing along with two-person magical tag."

"I thought you were an electricbrand. Blossom said you were in charge of the study. How are you both running the project and the subject?"

He shrugs. "I know how."

"But you don't really know how to use electric magic." If he did, he wouldn't be cursed .

"Of course not. I'm not a wizard. If I actually had electrical ability, you wouldn't stand a chance against me. I never would have gotten tired so easily."

"Seriously? That's what you care about, that you would have won our little game?"

Az sighs, remaining composed amidst my fury. But his voice sounds almost weary when he speaks.

"I've had this curse for a long time, Marty. I can sometimes trigger the electricity for a few moments if I really concentrate." Then all traces of anything other than snide sarcasm are gone. "You know what? I didn't expect you to dodge that well. Impressive, really." His eyes widen and he adds, "Or it would have been impressive , if you weren't freaking out now."

Is this all just a game to him? I can't even respond as the wind picks up around us, whipping my long, light brown hair across my face. A familiar heat rises to my right shoulder.

Oops, the wind isn't natural. My emotions and magic created the sudden breeze. I take a deep breath, reigning in my powers. At least the air feels good against my flushed skin as I try to regain control.

"You're not even sorry, are you? Do you not care about anyone but yourself?"

"You're only upset because I was right after all." His eyes remain locked on mine, unflinching as he growls, "You don't have what it takes to see this through."

My mouth drops open, stunned at his lack of remorse.

I've seen everything I needed to. Turns out, this isn't the opportunity I hoped for. If I thought this opportunity called to me once, I see it's a wrong number now.

The differences between us are insurmountable. It's time to walk away.

"Good luck with everything, Az. One day maybe your curse will be broken and then you can find a soul."

"Nice meeting you, Arty." He waves goodbye cheerfully. "See you around."

My eye twitches when he purposefully gets my name wrong, but I don't let it stop me. Sure, it's disappointing to get so close to my dream job. For a whopping three seconds, I had a purpose. Then I promptly quit with no plan for what comes next.

But this is the only option.

I have to leave him to his misery. It's impossible to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

I can feel the weight of his gaze on my back as I make my way across the campus lawn. Even as my steps take me further away, my mind is still on him. ‘I've had this curse for a long time, Marty.' His expression when I wondered who wouldn't want a curse lifted. When I asked why he was running the study and the subject, he said ‘I know how.'

And when I asked if he only cared about himself because all evidence points directly to that one conclusion, he seemed angry. Angry one moment and then almost relieved when I walked away…

Oh no. The pieces slot together. Everything I've seen from him, everything Dr. Blossom told me. It makes sense.

"Don't do it Marty. Come on," I beg myself. "Just keep walking away."

Too late. I understand what's happening here. Seeing it all in a new light leads me to an unfortunate conclusion. I have to do the worst thing ever: go back to him.

The journey back seems twice as long. My steps are slow and plodding, but I'm still back in front of him too soon.

"Couldn't stay away?" he asks when I return, his infuriating smirk still plastered across his face.

I open my mouth to respond, and whispers reach me. Whispers centered around the intense confrontation and strange competition that just transpired between us. Nearing the end of summer, less students dot the lawn than during the fall when the new semester starts.

Still, how many people just witnessed all that? Too many .

"Damn it," I mutter under my breath. "We should probably... um, go somewhere more private."

Az must be intrigued by my sudden change in demeanor because he follows me inside without question. We enter an office in progress.

Whoever the space belongs to is halfway through moving out or moving in. Stacks of books and papers create an organized chaos on the desk, ready to be packed into one of the spare boxes piled up or placed on the empty shelves. A toppled box scatters its contents in one corner.

He storms in, looks around the small space, and he shifts uncomfortably on his feet as his bravado falters. I can't help but suspect it's been a long time since Az was alone with another person like this.

"Alright," I say, taking a deep breath. "How long have you been cursed?"

"Six years," he replies, unable to keep the weariness out of his answer. "Almost seven."

"And how many times have you tried to break the curse?"

"No idea." Az shrugs. "Lost count a few years ago."

"None of it led anywhere." I'm speaking more to myself, but he glowers anyway.

"Yeah, I was there. I know that."

He stalks from one side of the small room to the other. Every time he reaches the wall, he looks so annoyed and glares like the room's dimensions personally wronged him. He doesn't seem comfortable with the small space, doesn't know what to do with himself.

"It would be really easy to give up," I say. His face goes suspiciously blank. "After so much time searching for an answer and not finding anything. I wondered why someone with such an invasive curse would drop out of an opportunity that could help. It's because you don't think this will help. You don't think there's anything we can do."

He isn't missing out on anything by dropping out of a pointless study that leads nowhere. He's had more than his fair share of those.

"It's nothing personal, McFly." The hushed words go against everything he said outside, but he seems sincere. "I've seen a lot of people with big ideas make promises about being the ones to lift my curse. They give up and go and I'm still cursed. What's the point of doing it again? Nothing's going to change."

"That's why you backed out of the study. That's why you tried to chase me away today." He was trying to get me to give up so he could do the same.

Pacing only makes him more restless, and I think he's just going to keep winding himself up, but all the energy drains out of him in a rush. He drops down on top of the desk .

"Hope is really hard to hang onto after six years," he sighs. "I've been poked and prodded, I acted like a good little lab rat while people did experiments. Universities fund studies sometimes. I paid out of my own pocket other times. Even unbranded casters have volunteered their services for free, hoping to score a brand from helping the poor cursed bastard. Yet here I am, still…" Cursed? Alone? Hopeless?

"I can't imagine how hard that must be," I say awkwardly.

After our rocky start, being sympathetic is a tad difficult.

But Az Serrano isn't just a combative bastard. He's exhausted, hurt, and cursed. Of course he isn't in the best mood. Of course he's wary. A caster did this to him. And all the magic us eager researchers throw at him hasn't made a damn bit of difference. He can lead this study because he's been through this enough times that he knows how.

That isn't quite the standard operating procedure for a project like this, but after six years, standard procedures haven't been working. And it lets him keep his team small since he doesn't get along so well with others. It must make him more comfortable. Less people to clash with, less people to navigate around… and less people for him to watch from the outside, all of them working together while he's still on his own. Because so meone else pays the price and gets zapped whenever they touch his skin.

When he isn't riling me up, I can admit that anyone would be upset and at their wit's end in his situation.

I try again, the sympathy easier this time. "Sorry. Going through all this alone, it's… well, it's a curse."

"Yeah," he huffs. "That's an understatement. No hugs, no casual touches, nothing. I haven't been able to touch family or friends for over six years. Not that I have family and friends—not anymore." Az clears his throat. "Small touches lead to small shocks. Not enough to hurt anyone, but when allowing a small amount of contact, it makes it easier to forget that longer touches can hurt someone." He obviously speaks from experience. "And I found out the hard way that even innocent contact with a friend or family member can get dicey fast. Staying away from them, distance, it's easier."

"It doesn't sound easy."

"Easier," he corrects sharply.

Six years of this has created the defensive, distanced, sometimes combative and infuriating man before me today.

"The distance sucked at first, sometimes it still does," he admits. "But it's better than hurting anybody. Even getting change from a cashier at a grocery store is tricky. The curse's gotten in the way of everything." He looks up at me with incredibly tired eyes. "But the worst part is the next eager caster who's sure they're gonna be the one to finally break the curse. They're so sure they get me believing them."

"But they're wrong," I finish quietly.

"Losing hope is rough. I thought this would be easier to handle since I'm not praying for a miracle, just a way to tone down the negative effects, but…"

"What happens if this fails too?"

"Yeah. Hope seems impossible some days, but it's about all I've got. If this doesn't work… If I can't lift the curse or lessen it, then that's it, isn't it? There's nothing left to hope for." He grimaces, casting a quick glance at me. "Sorry for, uh, wasting your time. I thought I was ready for this, but I changed my mind and had to cancel."

When even an innocent touch becomes a curse and skin becomes dangerous, no wonder Az is hidden behind layers like a leather jacket in the summer. It would be difficult to maintain relationships without any physical intimacy at all. Forgetting for even a moment could harm someone you care about.

He must be so lonely.

There's only one option. I have to jump into the middle of a magical mess and figure out the mystery of Azure Serrano. Get close enough to uncover answers but not too close. Not close enough to fry me. Not as close as I wanted to get the night I met him.

"I'd like to give this a shot," I say. "And I'm willing to work around whatever boundaries are easiest for you. I'm not asking you to set yourself up for disappointment. You don't have to believe this will go anywhere. You don't even need to trust me." Not yet anyway.

"Oh yeah, how's that gonna work?"

"You have every right to be skeptical. I don't have a problem with earning your trust. I'll hope for both of us. All you have to do is let me try."

Az stares at me for a long time. The quiet between us stretches on, and the longer I wait, the longer it seems like I'm waiting for him to turn me down. The disappointment building in my gut surprises me.

It's not like he'll make any of this easy. And succeeding where so many others have failed will already be a challenge. I'm not sure why I already feel invested.

Less than an hour ago, I thought he was too much trouble and it was better to stop before I got started.

And yet here we are. I'm not ready to walk away after all .

Az shakes his head, letting out a weary chuckle. "Alright, Marty," he says. "You want to try? I'll let you."