20. Chapter Twenty

“Um, boss.”

“What?” I snapped at Daniel. “I’m sorry. What’s up?”

“Just wondering what that lemon you just mangled did to you?”

I glanced down at the one I’d been slicing to refill the condiment tray at the bar with. “Fuck.” Tossed it away and started with a fresh one.

“Why don’t you fly to LA and see him? You said Easton would hook you up.” Daniel, always the mediator and of the perfect mindset to bartend.

“We’re way too busy. We’ve got shows booked ourselves.” And on the verge of another hiring frenzy with how much business had grown since Josh and Stoli’s show.

“Boss, they are weeknight shows. Fly out for a night. Get your fix and come back good and well fucked. Or do the fucking. Or however the fucking works.” Daniel’s blush made his tongue-tied rant twice as hilarious.

“Good and fucked, huh?” Daniel waved a dismissive hand through the air, but he was right. My team had this. I whipped out my phone and shot off a text to Easton, not anticipating the immediate reply I received.

Easton: I can get you on the company jet tomorrow night to catch the show at Whisky a Go Go. Fly you back the next day if that works?

Could I make it work and leave that soon?

“Yes,” Daniel’s voice sounded over my shoulder.

“Peeping Daniel.”

Me: Works for me. Let me know where to be and when.

What I didn’t expect to find when I got to the corporate hangar at SeaTac was for Easton and Diamond to be waiting inside the plane. “Good morning,” Easton greeted me. “Hope you don’t mind if we tag along?”

“What? No, not at all. Just surprised is all.” Damn, I hope I didn’t sound ungrateful because I wasn’t.

“Excellent. We’d told the bands we’d catch a show while they were out and hadn’t been able to. This felt like the perfect opportunity. I also took the liberty of booking a hotel room for you and Josh for tonight.” My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, and I froze mid-step. “Are you okay?”

Easton and Diamond came toward me, and I held up a hand. “No, I’m all right. Thank you, I’m just... Well, to be honest, I’m really blown away with how nice and down to earth all of you are.”

“Ha-ha, have a seat. We have three hours to get to know each other better.”

Let the inquisition begin.

“Does Josh know I’m coming?” Purposely I’d left it out last night when we talked. He was coming off a high from the show and had a lot of excess energy to burn off and I wanted to surprise him.

“We didn’t tell him and no one outside of the three of us knows. I was going to ask Jeremiah to set you up with tickets then Diamond and I decided to go so there was no need.” Diamond had his AirPods in while Easton and I talked. He wasn’t a fan of Josh’s, so I was more than happy to not have him partake in our conversation. “Don’t worry, Diamond will come around.”

Easton easily read my mind, or followed my line of sight. “Josh isn’t the same person he once was. In case I haven’t said it before, thank you for helping him.”

“Happy to. I hope it’s working well for him. I’m glad Sal brought him on, he’s an asset to Chaotic. Diamond and I saw them when their original guitarist walked off stage. Josh was a perfect fit, and it was time for him to come into his own. How’s the bar doing?”

“Insanely well. The remodel has started but we’re staying open during it, which is a bit intense. Thankfully the crews come in early each day, and we open the bar later, which has helped. Slightly. I used Stoli’s contractor, and he put a second team on our home reno. Would’ve been great to have it done before Josh gets back but that’s just not possible.” What a huge undertaking. The contractor was well versed, but there were still decisions I had to make. Colors, tile and grout, countertops, those kinds of things. Once a week I walked the spaces with the super on site and no issues thus far. Fingers crossed it stayed that way.

“If you want, Josh can fly back with us tomorrow since they hit the road back to Seattle in the morning anyway.”

“Thanks, I’ll ask him tonight. Is there a party or anything they need to attend after the show?” I was unsure how this went. You hear about the after parties, but the way Masterson operated was different than their competitors.

“Sometimes, but that’s more for the larger bands plus most of these guys have already settled down and aren’t interested. Makes our lives a lot easier. Too much can happen at those gatherings, and I’d rather not run social media interference like I used to.” Easton rolled his eyes and scowled at a dozing Diamond. “That man I married has a tendency to flash his privates in public. He’s far too proud. Then I’m left sending out the demands to remove the photos. Thankfully, I believe we’ve moved past that phase.”

I couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like. “Not sure I’d be so calm had Josh done the same.” Though he did confess to flashing his bandmates, tattoo talk he claimed. Maybe we should clarify a few things before he became Masterson’s next what not to do poster child.

As soon as we landed, we were ushered into the awaiting limo and driven to the venue. A lot of famous bands were discovered at Whisky a Go Go and I was amped to check it out. Masterson security met us at the rear entrance and led us inside and straight to the dressing rooms.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen.” Easton’s voice rang out and the noise ceased. Josh spotted me and his face lit up. “Brought a delivery for Josh.”

Josh was across the room and in my arms so fast we fell against the wall in a tangle of limbs. “You’re here.”

“I am.”

“While those two get reacquainted,” the group laughed, “Diamond and I will check in with Jeremiah.”

Josh and I walked over to the couch but there was no way in hell I was sitting on it. That thing looked like it had been baptized in who knew what bodily fluids and I wasn’t putting my ass on it. “Afraid the couch will bite you?” Josh teased.

“Something like that. Think it might require a tetanus shot or antibiotics if I touch it. Ready for the show?” He hadn’t stopped smiling since I got here and I freaking loved it. Hell, my face likely mirrored his.

“I am now. Have my own personal cheering section.”

“Dude, you already have that,” Marley jumped in. “You hit that guitar solo on ‘Break It Up’ and the audience melts every time.”

Josh blushed. “Awe, does my man have fans? Will he be the next poster on a bedroom wall?”

“Only if it’s yours, baby.” Josh’s hands didn’t leave me whether they were on my waist, holding mine, touching my shoulders, he craved the constant connection, and I was right there with him. Little over three weeks apart, how would we survive months on end when they hit the road for real? At least having him fly back with us versus driving cut the time by a couple of days.

“We met with River earlier, he said our social media was blowing up and we’ve gained thousands of followers with each show.” Jason was proudly on top of it. “By the time we get home we may have a real fan base.”

“I’d say hate to tell you that you already do,” Jeremiah announced as he came in, “but I don’t hate it at all. Your music is great, and your stage presence is even better. Zero drama and the fans are loving it.”

The guys high-fived each other, all smiles. “Thanks for taking a chance on us.”

“You owe that thanks to Sal, but I’m glad he did. Thanks for making my initiation into band management an easy transition. Granted, our long haul will happen later this year and I’m not foolish enough to believe there won’t be bumps in the road, but as long as they’re nothing major and not caused by us, it’ll all work out.”

Jeremiah was a smart man, young, but clearly well trained by Easton. “Where are you staying tonight?” Josh asked as the others chatted around us.

“In a hotel room with you that Easton booked for us?”

“No shit?”

“No shit. I get the impression you’ve passed their test, well, most of them.”

“Most?”

“I think there are a couple of guys that require a bit more proof before they jump on the Josh bandwagon. But you’ve got it.” I knew without a doubt they’d come around. How could they not? My man worked hard and toed the line. They’d be assholes if they never saw it.

“Yeah, I believe I know who you speak of. Ryder will be the big one. I think he feels the most betrayed since we worked closest together. We never hung out or anything outside of tuning and practice and I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am.” Given the history, I believed Josh was spot on. “And likely, two very large, very angry drummers.”

We have a winner!

“Well, Rockstar, go out there and give them hell.” With a final kiss, I followed the guys out and watched as they took the stage.

“Come on, I’ll take you around front to watch.” Diamond shocked the hell out of me with his offer, but I wasn’t going to look an over-muscled gift horse in the mouth. Guards lurked nearby, though I was sure Diamond could hold his own if need be. They had a section corded off for us away from the public with a perfect view of the stage.

“LA, how the hell y’all doing tonight?” Jason screamed into the mic and the crowd met his enthusiasm ten-fold. “Right on. That’s what we like to hear. We’re Chaotic Abyss and we are here to rock. Your. Mother fucking. World!” Holy shit, I should invest in ear plugs when they played the larger venues ‘cause my ears were already ringing. Meh, what’s a little hearing loss between partners?

Jason, Marley, Josh, and Nigel set the bar high for Embrace as they rocked the shit out of their six-song playlist and never missed a beat. Jason was right, Josh captivated the audience with the killer riffs on his guitar solos. Hell, I was mesmerized watching his fingers move with grace and ease. Had I tried that, mine would be a tangled mess.

“Thank you, Los Angeles. Give us a few minutes and we’ll be out at the merch tables killing some Sharpies.” The crowd cheered as the guys threw out pics and drumsticks. Josh winked and tossed a pick to me before Diamond and I followed them backstage.

“Great show,” Diamond told them and then walked off.

“Well, that’s better than his usual growl,” Marley pointed out and they all agreed.

“That was awesome. You guys are so in sync with each other, and the crowd was wild.” Adrenaline rapidly coursed through my veins. You’d have thought I was up on stage with them. I wanted to scream and shout, which I pretty much did as I sang along with Jason. Headbanging wasn’t something I’d ever done before but I was right there with them, likely with a sore neck tomorrow but it was more than worth it.

“Great show, guys,” Jeremiah said as he neared us. “After you’re done at the merch tables, you’re free to watch Embrace or hit the bus. Josh, you can leave with Reagan after that. The driver waiting knows where to take you. The hotel manager has the key to your room.”

“Lucky duck.” Marley downed a bottle of water and wiped away the sweat with the towels Jeremiah handed them. “Someday.” Didn’t need a degree to figure out what he meant by that. The rest of the guys did the same, tossed their empty bottles in the trash and handed the towels back.

I followed them and Deuce out to the table. The line was as far as the eye could see, which was hard to believe given the number of bodies still on the floor. Off to the side I stood as they posed for pictures, signed shirts and just about anything the fans sat in front of them. In the end, the merch was gone, the guys were tired, and the fans were ready to watch Embrace.

“You gonna fall asleep on me, Rockstar?”

“Not a chance in hell. Gotta grab my bag before we go, though.”

“Cool, show me your bus.” I thanked Easton and Diamond as we walked past them, and Easton asked one of the guards to escort us to the bus. “Holy moly. This is incredible.” The rig was massive, black on black, with blacked out windows. There was no way anyone could see who was inside. Wider, longer bunks than I’d expected. Loved the heavy privacy curtains and storage on the inside. Two bathrooms, one in the main hallway and one attached to the back bedroom. The finishes were not standard by any means. This wasn’t a drive off the showroom bus, it was custom ordered from start to finish. Glad to know Josh wasn’t slumming it in a beat-up old-school bus.

“I can see how people live like this full-time. This is amazing.”

“Right? Better than that shithole I used to live in for sure. Gets cramped with five grown men on it but still not too bad.” Josh hurriedly packed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “They’ll bring my equipment back with them. No use grabbing it when it’s already going to the next show in Seattle.”

The guard led us to the waiting car, and we made the short drive to the hotel, Josh and I holding hands the entire way. Everything about him kept me captive. From his kind eyes to his deep soul. When I was with him, I was happier. As promised, the hotel manager met us in the lobby and escorted us to our room.

“Whoa. This isn’t a room, it’s a damn apartment.” Wide-eyed, Josh glanced around and beelined it straight for the wall of windows with the best view of Los Angeles.

“This is my first time in LA.”

“No shit? I lived here for a bit. Not long before I moved to AZ. It’s something else. Sad to see how many came here with delusions of grandeur, dreams to fulfill to only have them disappear. Stories I’ve heard from those I met would break you. Kids living on the street, life turned to drugs and tricks just to survive.” Josh shook his head and turned toward me.

“What’s wrong?” His eyes said it all, he had something to say and whether I’d like it or not, he had to get it off his chest.

Josh crossed the room and sat back on the couch with a sigh. “So, um, you know I’ve been working with the doc on those exercises. Rewriting my nightmares.”

Nightmares, as in more than one. I should’ve known this but never asked for fear of that triggering him. “Yes.” Did I ask how that was going or was that the wrong thing to do? I should schedule an appointment with his doctor and ask for guidance.

“Well, the biggest, I guess deepest embedded one I’m struggling with the most. It’s, um, that one time I kind of mentioned before.” His eyes pleaded with mine to not make him spell it out, but it wasn’t clicking.

“One time?”

“Yeah, um, bottoming.”

Oh. Ohhhh. Fuck.

“I think the best way for me to rewrite it is to not rewrite it at all.” When I cocked my head to the side like a confused pup, he smiled. “For this one, actions may speak louder than written words and if I do it again of my own free will with the person I love and trust most in the world, that positive memory will push the other into the vault and keep it locked away. I hope.”

“Josh.”

He held up a hand to halt any speech I may’ve given, though words escaped me. “Please. This is killing me, and I’ve got to work through it. The only way I see how is with you. Reagan, you’re the love of my life, my forever, my partner in life, and the only human I’ll ever trust without question.”

“God, Josh.” I cupped his face and kissed him with all the love I could. “You are my forever, but are you sure?”

“Yeah. Please?”

Jesus Christ, that single word, a solo plea for help whether it be in a conventional or unconventional form, sealed it for me. Josh needed this, needed to be owned by someone he loved and trusted. The one person who could undo a wrong that happened to him so very long ago. If I was the key to his healing or even just to help with a piece of it, I was there. However he wanted me to be. I grabbed our bags and held my hand out. “Come, my love.”

He was nervous, the energy radiated through him and into me. Josh stiffly stood at the foot of the bed as I undressed him and whispered sweet words of love and praise as my lips pressed to his exposed skin. “My love, my life.” Shivers coursed through him, and goosebumps covered his body. “I’ll love you forever and into the afterlife.” I folded his clothes and sat them on a nearby chair. “You’re gorgeous, Josh, inside and out.” Josh watched as I undressed and placed my clothes with his. When I removed the lube and condoms from my bag and sat them on the nightstand, he stiffened.

“If at any time this becomes too much, you tell me to stop. Shout red or no, whatever word you choose, this stops right then. You have nothing to prove to anyone, Josh.”

“Yes, I do. I have something to prove to me.”

At a loss for words, I merely nodded and pulled the sheets down. We lay side by side and shared soft kisses and lightly stroked one another. No rush for the finish line and the almighty happy ending. Just two men, in love, embarking upon a next step in their future. One of love and healing, mental health, and happiness. I waited for a signal from Josh that he was ready. When the thrust of his hips increased and his moans deepened, it was time.

“Josh?”

“I’m ready.”

As I raised to reach for the supplies and move into place, Josh slid his legs apart. I hovered above him and recited the words I’d said many times but were the ones he needed to hear most right now. “I love you, Josh.” I pressed my lips to his then proceeded to do the same along his neck, onto his chest, sucking each nipple in turn. Josh’s back arched as he thrust up and sought more. My lips trailed down his torso and along his happy trail. When I reached his semi-hard cock, I sucked it to the hilt as I quietly lubed my fingers and trailed the tip of one around his rim.

Josh flinched, so I sucked harder, and gave his mind something to focus on other than the intrusion. Many times, he’d allowed a finger or two inside and enjoyed prostate play. But this time was different, this was taking it to a whole new level and one he’d never wanted to venture to again. His trust in me and his faith that I was the key to helping him heal absolutely blew me away.

“Sweetheart, relax.” He took a couple calming breaths, or at least that’s what I assumed they were meant to do. Slowly, he let me in, one hand focused on prepping him while the other stroked his cock. By the time I had three fingers inside him, repeatedly pressing against his sweet spot, his hips thrust of their own volition and the moans increased. When both stopped so I could roll the condom on, he froze. “Josh, are you sure?” I had no problem bottoming for him, I quite enjoyed it to be honest, but this was a decision only he could make. Once we passed this uncrossed line there was no turning back.

His eyes remained closed though his head nodded as he whispered, “Yes.”

I lined my cock head at his entrance and pressed just the tip in and paused. “Josh, open your eyes.” I wasn’t moving until he saw that it was me, not the man in his nightmares. “There you are. Remember, Josh, I love you.”

A single tear rolled down his cheek and I kissed it away. “Please, Reagan. Make me forget.”

I only hoped and prayed I had the power to do just that. If not, this could turn into an epic failure and only further set his healing back.

As I pressed forward, Josh kept his eyes on mine, seeing only me. Once I was fully seated inside him, I held still. He needed time to adjust both physically and mentally. I brushed the hair from his face and gently kissed him. “How are you doing, my love?”

He took a moment to reply. “I’m good. We can, um, keep going?”

“Was that a question or are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I promise, I’m okay.”

With his assurance, I pulled nearly all the way out and thrust back inside. The feels, the culmination of us coming together in this light had my tears matching his. My goal was to please my man, replace his pain with pleasure and make it so he only saw me and how happy we were. Positive moments, making love, so deeply embedded in one another there was no beginning nor an end.

“There!” Josh’s hips raised as I thrust back in at the same angle to hit his prostate again. His lust-filled eyes on mine, I now knew he only saw me. No dark memories, only the pleasure I gave him. I could almost see the change as it occurred, though once he slept that would be the true test. Firmly, I took his cock in hand, jacking it in tune with the thrust of my hips until it took him over the edge and my name ghosted across his lips as he came. “Reagan.”

His muscles clenched around my cock and pulled me over the apex with him. As we came down from our euphoric eye, I continued to press tender kisses to his skin. There we lay in a sweaty heap, holding each other and basking in the moment. As I raised above Reagan to dispose of the condom and clean us up, I glanced down at him. His eyes were closed, and he had the serenest look on his handsome face. To think that I was the one who put that there was nothing short of amazing.

Gods, I was crazy for this man.