Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

M ary finally felt confident enough to turn her face toward Hamish. She knew that when he looked at her he did not see a human woman but a goblin. Therefore it was hard for her to speak of things that made her feel vulnerable, But what did she have to lose?

"I hate to admit this, but I am afraid this counterspell isn't going to work." She glanced down, away from his searching gaze. "I'm afraid all their work will be for naught, and I'll be stuck like this. What if that happens, Hamish? What am I going to do? What if they can't fix this? I don't want to be like this forever. I want to be human again. I want to be—" with you… she finished in her head as she stared up into his eyes.

It was a lot for her to say but once she started speaking she couldn't stop the flood of her fears from leaving her mouth. And she'd nearly told him how she was feeling about him, and that unnerved her even more. Her crush on Hamish was growing quite hopeless with each passing thought of the spell not working. How could she possibly get her body back if Nellie Sharpfingers, the goblin witch, didn't want to let it go?

“It's hard to know with magic, lass. But I have seen some strange things in my time roaming the world. Anything is possible if you want it strongly enough. I would keep that in mind if I were you. It might lessen the load on your heavy heart,” Hamish said. "Magic isn't just about the spell, it is also your belief in the spell. You have to believe the possibility of it working is real."

Mary knew that he was trying to keep her in good spirits. However it wasn't working. The despair in her mind was dragging her mood and energy down. As though something was fighting her belief, fighting her determination. Something wasn't letting her have the faith she should have in the spell. She knew that she had to restrain such a thoughts because they were only hurtful to herself and the outcome she wanted, but also because the clashing of emotions could cause a magic outburst of some kind. But it was hard to ignore the fears and despair. They were so very strong in her mind. Having Hamish at her side giving her words of encouragement was nice and did help a little, but it wasn't quite enough. She needed something more, and in that moment it was as though he read her thoughts, because he took her hand in his.. For some reason, him doing this brought a calming force upon her. It helped to drive those fears and despair further away and she could breathe a bit easier.

"Having you near helps. You bring me peace where there was anguish just moments ago. Something about you Hamish, it affects me, it calms me. Calms this energy inside me that makes me feel out of control. Being with you, talking with you, it makes me happy. It gives me hope that I'll get through this." Mary looked up at him, afraid that she'd revealed too much. Hamish smiled down at her, his eyes softening in a tender way. He continued to hold her hand with his right one but wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and drew her into his side gingerly. “It brings me joy that my presence helps you to center yourself, to be stronger. I am thankful that there is something I can do to make up for the rather nasty introduction of when we first met. I should have realized immediately that you were not what you seemed and I berate myself for not doing so.”

Though his arm was around her, his touch was hesitant, it was restrained and guarded. As though he feared her being quite so close to him, and that filled Mary with a new sorrow. He wasn't attracted to her. How could he be with her in this form? He was merely being kind. It was his duty to see to her comfort. He wasn't doing it because he liked her, because he wanted to be with her. It was just his job. That made her want to wail in despair. Her heart ached with loneliness. She felt wretched but couldn't allow him to see that in her eyes, so she looked away.

Hamish felt a shift in Mary's body language. Something he'd said or done had made her withdraw from him. He didn't understand what that might be. Had his arm about her shoulders meant to comfort been too much for her? He withdrew it but continued to hold her hand and was thankful that she didn't pull away entirely. He knew that this form of hers troubled her, but the woman beneath needed his comfort and he hoped that she could see that he was trying to do his best for her.

He was grateful when Ivy engaged her in conversation and distracted her more. He barely paid attention to the conversation though, as he was lost in his own thoughts about the woman next to him. She brought out feelings he'd never experienced before, and they were quite confusing. Perhaps once this counterspell was finished, and she was back to her true form, they would be able to explore those feelings together. He certainly hoped that would be the case.

Maggie joined them a few minutes later. "We are ready for you now, my dear. Come along with me."

Mary took a deep breath and rose from her seat next to him. Hamish could see that she was incredibly nervous. If this did not work she could be stuck as a goblin forever. The thought did not sit well with him and he prayed to God that it would work. That she would be spared a life as a goblin.

Hamish glanced at her and noticed the fearful look in her eyes. He could only imagine the thoughts she might be having. He was having them too and it unnerved him. She was putting her life in the hands of these witches. Women he'd never met before but had to trust. What if something went wrong? What if it brought Nellie Sharpfingers to them? Were his men prepared? Was he? He had no weapon with him in Maggie's cottage. He couldn't bring it into her home with it being iron.

He should have checked with his men. He should have made sure they were looking out for Nellie. Before he took another step, he decided it was important to do so. "I am going to check in with my men. I'll be back in a few moments. Do not be nervous, I promise I will be back by your side in just a moment."

Mary nodded but did not say anything.

He turned on his heel and headed for the door without looking back.

Mary's fingers clenched into fists as she watched him go. Without him there, the bad thoughts intensified. She began to doubt the spell, doubt these women, doubt herself.

“I know this is all super weird. You've been through a lot, Mary. I can't even imagine because what I went through is nothing compared to what you are going through. If it helps remember that it was magic that brought you here and therefore it can be magic that saves you,” Ivy said, leaning in close to her ear.

“Thank you. That does help somewhat.” And it did. Magic was real here. She knew that. She'd seen it in action. Maggie had magic, Darter had said so, she'd seen it with the changing of the cottage. So she had to have faith that these women knew what they were doing. They moved between the circle of coven women and Mary noticed the chair she'd sat in before was gone and had been replaced with a long table. The coven was still working, anointing themselves with some kind of oil, whispering chants of protection and doing other little things.

Hamish, as promised returned a moment later and moved to her side. Just having him there lifted some of her nerves once again.

Darter slipped between the women and put his hand on her shoulder. "You will be fine."

"Thank you, Darter," she murmured.

“It's time. Hamish will you help Mary onto the table? She'll need to lie down for this,” Maggie said.

Hamish nodded and helped Mary get on the table and lie flat on her back. "Darter is right, lass. You'll be fine. Ivy and I will be right here."

Mary couldn't make her voice work, but she nodded her head. As she lay there, she curled her fingers into fists once again. She would get through this. She had to. The alternative was just too much to bear. She couldn't allow the negative thoughts to pass through her mind now. She had to think positively. Of course that energy inside her was welling up again, as though it was fighting against whatever was going on. Like it knew, and perhaps it did, but Mary did her best to keep her thoughts from descending into negativity. She thought of Hamish and the possibility of being with him in the future. Of happiness just out of reach. She could do this.

“Let’s begin, then,” Maggie said.

The witches gathered around Mary as she lay on the table, and the spell began.

Mary closed her eyes and thought about her life in Brooklyn. It made her feel calm to think of that life, the life she'd lived before coming here. She thought about her apartment with her roommates and how it was laid out. She thought about the blue couch and television in the living room. The glass coffee table and wooden bookshelf she had decorated with various museum replicas.

She thought about her comfortable twin bed and how she wished that she was in it at that moment. Another thought occurred to her at that. Maybe this spell would not just fix her but would also return her to her time. Was that possible? Was that what she wanted? Did she want to go back? Hamish's face floated through her mind and she knew it wasn't. She wanted him. She wanted him in this time. But she wanted to be herself, not this goblin. At that thought, she directed her mind to focus on him. On his ruggedly handsome face. His full lips and tender gaze. His gentle arms that held her and kept her safe when the energy got to be too much. She drifted on those thoughts as the coven members began to work.