Chapter 22

Ivy

Gray or Stone. Stone or Gray.Those two men. Those two names. They bounce around in my brain on a fucking loop. I can't quiet it, no matter what I do.

So, I do everything I can to stop obsessing over my two closest friends in the world. I run around the ranch, even though I'm not a runner. I help muck out stalls, feed animals, unload booze, and even wash bikes. Anything and everything that occupies my mind that will allow me to do something other than think about Gray and Stone.

The fucked up thing of it is that I know what I want. I think I've always known, but I never let myself think it or believe it. For the past few years, it's been easy to forget about Stone. But now that the option is staring me right in the face, I can't stop thinking about him. "Fuck."

Maggie laughs loudly, the sound pulling me from my exhausting thoughts. "That bad, huh?"

I blink to clear the fogginess in my mind. It's late afternoon, and we're in Maggie's kitchen, indulging in a bottle—okay, two bottles—of wine to drink away my problems.

"What's that bad?" I ask innocently.

Maggie laughs again and pulls a fresh bottle of red from the fridge. "We're upgrading to red at three in the afternoon, and I know there's a reason. A big, sexy, blond reason. Spill."

My lips tingle just thinking about Stone, but I keep that to myself. Gray's been nothing but good to me. Supportive and loving. I'd be an asshole to fantasize about someone else, to think about leaving him. Wouldn't I?

"Honestly, there's nothing to spill. At least, I don't think there is."

Maggie scoffs. "Well, that's a big load of bullshit." She sets the bottle on the table between us before retrieving fresh glasses. She spares a quick smile for Freya before turning back to me. Her adorable little girl is sleeping in her playpen.

Maggie searches the counter for the corkscrew. "My ex. The guy I was with before I met Nova. Well, actually, he's the reason I met Nova, or rather his death is."

My eyes grow wide as she tells me all about her childhood best friend turned boyfriend. His name was Demon, and her story unwinds like a fucking daytime soap. "So you're wifed up by one of the guys who killed your ex? That's wild."

Her lips tug into a grin. "I'm pretty sure Nova wasn't there when Demon was taken out, but he did it to himself. He was so fucking stubborn, and he refused to listen. Because of that, I almost died, too. At least twice."

"If this is supposed to convince me to choose my best friend, you're doing a really shitty job." I shake my head while she fills our glasses. "Okay, seriously. What's the point of that story? Because I'm not getting it."

"My point," she begins but stops to take a long, slow sip of the hearty red wine, "is that you know what you want. Stop all the overthinking because you think there's a right answer or one that's more socially acceptable. There's not."

Is that what I'm doing? Trying to figure out the response that doesn't make me the bad guy? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. "Shit. You're right."

"I know." She sighs, grabbing her glass as she sits back in the chair. "I knew who Demon was even when I got with him. He was my best friend for a long fucking time. Yet, I saw the way he was changing, and I still dove in headfirst anyway."

"No offense, but it doesn't sound like it was all that great." It sounds like it was a dangerous and toxic relationship.

"It wasn't. But it was familiar, and when you don't have anyone else in the world, you hang on to what and who you have." Maggie's gaze shifts, and she looks like she's gone somewhere else for a moment before she turns a sad smile my way. "There was never a fucking chance that I wasn't gonna shoot my shot with Demon. It was inevitable. He was different, even though he hardly resembled the guy I grew up with. It was fucking inevitable."

Inevitable.That sounds like the perfect word to describe what I'm feeling, the pull I have—have always had—to Stone. "Dammit."

"Yeah." Maggie nods, and a knowing smile spreads slowly. "That shit hits hard, doesn't it?"

I can only nod slowly as it all sinks in. The fact that Stone and I were always going to happen. I put up a good fight and hurt Gray in the process. But it was all for nothing.

"Yeah," I sigh. "It does." The question is, am I really prepared to do something about it now, or should I wait?

"I'll let you sit with that for a minute," Maggie says and refills my glass , and then hers.

"Where's Nova? I didn't scare him away, did I?" Being in the bunkhouse alone is great, but I'm used to living with Sage, so I always have someone around to chat with when the mood strikes. But now that Sage is staying with Ella May, Maggie's invitation to chat came at the perfect time.

Maggie's brows dip, and she looks around even though he was gone when I arrived hours ago. "Probably at the clubhouse, so we're good at least for another hour or two."

I nod and let my thoughts swirl on their own for a few minutes while I sip my wine. Stone is my past. For years, I figured that's all he would ever be, but now that he's back, I have to face my own truth. He's also my future, at least, if I'm brave enough to do something about it.

"Do you regret hooking up with Demon?"

"No. I regret how it all played out, even though I know there wasn't shit I could do to stop it. By that point, Demon was someone else by then. Not the man I grew up with and loved." She smiles, and it turns into a laugh. "Mitch would say that Demon was an important step on my journey to finding Nova," she adds with a roll of her eyes.

"Maybe I need to book a session with Mitch." Therapy isn't my jam, though, so I laugh it off just as Maggie's phone rings.

"Can you check on Freya while I take that?"

I nod and go to the little girl who's just waking up, scooping her in my arms with a smile that she returns. "Hey, little girl, how ya doing?"

"What?" Maggie's tone draws my attention, and I look over to see how her brows dip with worry. I know that look. I've seen it enough over the years on the faces of the Reckless Bastards and their families. Growing up on Hardtail Ranch gave me an excellent ability to read people.

Maggie looks over her shoulder, and our gazes collide.

Shit.

"Okay. I'll let her know."

Double shit."Let me know what?" I ask as soon as she tucks the phone in her back pocket.

The look on Maggie's face makes my blood run cold. Suddenly, despite multiple glasses of wine, I'm instantly sober. "That was Nova, and he's in the Box." The Box is what we all call the room full of medical supplies where Annabelle and now Nova fix up the guys when necessary.

"Why?" I set Freya down and fold my arms. "What's going on?"

"Gray's been shot."

"Shot!" My feet move instantly, pacing a short length while my heart pounds in my chest before leaping into my fucking chest. "How bad is it? Is he gonna live?" I scan the room in search of my shoes. "Did Nova say how bad it is?"

"No. But go." The sympathy in Maggie's gaze looks a lot like pity, but I don't have time to think about that right now.

"I'm going." I get ready to haul ass to see Gray. He's hurt and bleeding, thinking I don't give a shit about him. But I do give a shit. A lot. "Shit."

I can't abandon Gray during his time of need. He was there for me when I needed him, and I'll be here for him too.

As long as he needs me.

"That look on your face tells me you made up your mind, but you're going to sacrifice yourself for…reasons?" Maggie shrugs before picking up her glass and draining it.

"It's hardly a sacrifice," I snort. "And it's not forever. Just for now."

Maggie's face shifts into disapproval. "You're playing with fire, girl."

"What do you mean?" It's not as if I hate Gray. I don't. I love him.

"He told you to make your choice, so do that."

"I can't." Not now. His family is my family. "I don't want everyone to hate me."

Maggie smiles softly. "If the Reckless Souls could accept me after all the shit I was mixed up in with my old crew, these folks will forgive you because you're family. That's what they do."

Her words aren't all that comforting because I know better than most that not even family sticks around. Not always. "I'm not willing to take that chance."

"Sacrifice," she says again while pretending to cough.

Ten minutes later, I rush into the building where a lot of administrative tasks are taken care of for the ranch. Racing past two desks, I hang a left until I'm at the addition that was added a few years ago. I stop outside the door I know so well and push it open, hitting a solid wall of muscle face-first.

"Shit. Sorry about that, Gunnar." I look around his shoulder at Gray and then at Stone. "He's okay?"

"He's okay," Stone assures me.

Relief pulses through me, and I step away from Gunnar, trying to not notice how connected the two men look together. Stone and Gray. It's like they're brothers in every sense of the word. Gray lies there, eyes closed, with a lightweight blue blanket covering him, Stone watching over him like a big brother.

I go to Gray, and Stone stands, offering me his chair next to the bed. "Gray," I whisper, feeling guilty as hell.

I stare at him until his eyes flutter open, and a sleepy, lopsided smile greets me. "Hey," I whisper close to his ear.

"Hey," he replies softly, wincing as he tries to readjust his position.

"You're okay," I murmur. "I'm glad."

"Me, too." I ignore the weight of Stone's gaze on me or maybe on us because I can't deal with that right now. I just can't.

I lean forward to kiss his mouth, but Gray turns, and I get his cheek instead. "What?"

"Don't, Ivy. Don't rush in here acting like you want me, like this is what you want, just because I was shot."

"That's not what I'm doing, Gray."

"Bullshit." He turns to me with a look that's somehow icy and fiery. "Make your choice."

What? Is this really what he's asking me to do right now? I've made up my mind, but I'm just as certain that this isn't the right time. I look away, hoping for more time.

"I see."

Those two words catch my attention. What does he see? Or rather, what does he think he sees?

Before I can ask any of those questions, the door swings open, and there stands my sister with wide, terrified eyes. They connect with Gray, and she goes to him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Thanks to Stone." Gray looks at Stone. He stares back at him with pain in his eyes. Stone nods before he turns and walks away.

"You're really fine?" Sage asks. "You're not trying to be tough, are you?"

"Hurts too much to do that shit."

They share a smile, and I feel completely left out. I'm not upset or jealous about it. I feel like I'm unnecessary here, so I stand and go to the door. When it's clear that no one notices, I leave and make my way back to the bunkhouse.

Where I find Stone waiting for me.