Chapter 33

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

VYA

"I've never bred a female before," he said.

I tried to keep the surprise off my face but failed.

"The systems lack sufficient females," he reminded me.

"Right. But how do you know…I mean, you've been doing things that I…" My flush deepened. "You've really never had sex with anyone?"

"There are pleasure bots at void stations. Pleasure males like S'doifu too. Although, as you heard, not many of them choose to pair with my kind."

I blinked as my brain processed what he was saying. Actually, it was less processing and more mental images of Khorahn getting blowjobs from sexy men like S'doifu.

"How long ago were you with a pleasure male?" I asked.

"It was in my youth when my predecessor was teaching me what it would mean to breed with a female and the care I would need to take if one should choose me. I prefer bots when I feel the need, or I ignore it."

I nodded absently and faced forward again. Instead of bringing the spoon to my mouth, I hit myself in the nose and dropped the spoon. Jolted from my headspace, I wiped at my face at the same time I bent forward to duck under the table for the spoon.

Khorahn said something under his breath, and too late, I remembered the view he likely had and what he'd done the last time I'd been in this position. His fingers lightly brushed down my spine, and I bolted upright to look back at him.

"I'm still struggling," I said bluntly. "Because of all the scent-markings, I'm craving sex with you. But I don't want to be bred. I don't want to have your babies and be stuck in space forever. I have a home. Parents. An older brother. A niece on the way. I want to see them again.

"I'm so grateful to you for everything you've done, but I'm not willing to give you the rest of my life because of that."

"I understand," he said. His arm wrapped around my waist, igniting more heat and wanting. Especially when he stood and I felt his ambal nudge me there .

A sound escaped me, but before I could wantonly arch into him, he gently placed me on the seat. By myself.

"Call out when you're finished," he said. "I need to replenish the fuel cells. It will take several jumps to reach your homeworld."

Clutching the spoon I'd dropped, I watched him walk away. His ass was amazing to look at and gave my guilt a foothold. What harm could a little friendly sex really have?

"Stupid. Just stupid," I muttered before focusing on my food. Once I finished, I put my dish in the cleaner unit then left the kitchen.

Resisting the need to find him and apologize, I went to the garden room instead. He'd added dirt to the beds at some point, along with a pile of cushions near them. I sat there, closed my eyes, and tipped my head back. The lights above made it feel like I was sitting in the sun. Warmth seeped into me, and I lay back with a stretch.

Space didn't make sense to me. If not for Khorahn, I'd say there wasn't anything good about a vast nothingness filled with aliens who wanted to use humans for sex. No thanks. But I didn't feel like that with Khorahn. With him, I felt safe. Cared for. Cherished. And that was without sex. Was that all real, though, or a byproduct of his scent-markings? I just didn't know.

I turned onto my stomach and stretched out my arm to look at my skin under the lights. A faint shimmer lingered. Once it disappeared, would my connection with Khorahn disappear?

Would that thread of fear I felt about leaving him disappear with it?

I wasn't sure what to think or feel.

Tucking my hand under my cheek, I lay there and stared at the mound of dirt next to me. Dirt. Something so common back home but precious in space. I shook my head. Everything was so different. Home was better.

Are you sure? a little part of me whispered.

I woke alone in Khorahn's bed and struggled to remember how I got there. I remembered the garden room and "sunning" myself. Then nothing. I had to have fallen asleep. Had Khorahn found me and carried me back here?

Stretching, I stood and shuffled to the door. The itch to find Korhahn was less of an itch now and more of a curiosity as I made my way to the bathroom. I used the toilet and felt a throb of need when I finished. But it wasn't mind-numbing in its intensity like it had been. Did that mean I was almost back to normal? Why did that make me feel so guilty?

Surprised at what I was feeling, I looked down at my arms again and saw very little shimmer remained. That was a good thing, right?

I left the room without showering and made my way to the kitchen. My stomach growled, but as I stood in front of the food processor, I felt incredibly sad. It wasn't because Khorahn had never taught me to use it. It was because he wasn't there to take care of me.

What would happen when I returned home? To my apartment where I lived by myself? To my life filled with a job I used to like and friends who I used to go out with on the weekends? Would I still like that life? Would I still find peace in the independence I'd established for myself, or would it feel lonely?

I left the kitchen and stood in the hallway.

"Khorahn?" I called.

Silence answered.

I started down the hallway, calling out as I moved. It wasn't until I'd almost reached the huge space where he'd kept the gems that I heard him answer.

That weird suit that had swallowed him whole was just sliding down his face when I entered. His ears twitched toward me, and I watched him inhale.

"Why are you sad?" he asked.

I opened my mouth to give him an honest answer but then paused. Was the answer honest, or was it just part of coming down from the hold he had on me?

"I'm not sure," I said. "But I think I missed you."

He nodded, watching me. And I hated it. I hated that he wasn't coming to me and picking me up so I could snuggle against him.

"I feel a little unstable. Maybe I'm just hungry. Can I bother you to make me something to eat? I went to the kitchen, but I still don't know how to use that machine."

He stood there with that suit loose around his hips, not making any move to come to me.

"If you don't have time, that's okay," I said, turning away.

I'd almost made it to the door when his arms closed around me, and he picked me up.

"You're afraid and angry and sad all at the same time," he said, looking down at me. "Since I can't scent-mark you to calm you, tell me what I should do instead."

"Holding me is good," I admitted, meeting his gaze. "Sometimes hugs can fix a lot. Emotionally."

He dipped his head to rub his nose against mine.

"And this?" he asked softly. "Does this help?"

"Yeah," I said on an exhale, tipping my face so he could nuzzle me more easily. The gentle brush of his nose over my skin soothed away the loneliness. His soft exhales warmed my face and made me feel loved and cherished again.

Hooking my hands around his neck, I ran my fingers through his hair and just held on as he calmed me in a totally new way that I absolutely loved.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes, and he pulled back to meet my gaze.

"Thank you, and I'm sorry I?—"

He dipped his head and lightly brushed his lips against mine.

"You have done nothing deserving of an apology."

Staring up into his blue eyes, I found myself nodding.

How lost was I in Khorahn? I didn't know, but I owed it to us both to find out what was real and what wasn't.

Once we reached the kitchen, he put me down, revealing he'd ditched his pants, not that I minded, and showed me how to use the food dispenser so I could feed myself whenever I wanted. However, he also made it clear that I didn't need to make my own food. He would make it for me whenever I wanted.

"Is it possible to make anything besides the oatmeal? Not that worm dish, though."

He chuckled lightly. "Mtinash sent some recommendations that you could try."

He tapped a few buttons, and the machine started to hum.

"What kind of food is it? Human food?" I asked.

"I believe so. He sent another comm request to the Oebri you contacted. Since your presence was confirmed, the Oebri were willing to share more specific information regarding your dietary needs."

Khorahn reached for the finished bowl of food and turned toward me.

"They also provided a direct comms link to the human representatives on the Senwar trade station. They asked that you contact them regarding your well-being within the next flare. They likely wish to ask how and when you were taken and if there are others with you."

I looked down at the food blankly for a moment until I realized what I was staring at.

"Is that spaghetti?" I grabbed it from him and had a spoonful in my mouth a second later. My eyes almost rolled back in my head. "So good."

In silence, he watched me wolf down several bites before I realized how I had to look. Rather than apologize, I motioned toward the table as I swallowed.

"What happens to you if I call them from the ship? Mtinash made a big deal about not being found."

"They may try to locate the ship," he said, sitting across from me. "However, it wouldn't be to forcibly remove you. They would simply wish to verify your safety, which you can insist they do through a comms link rather than in person."

I thought of how it felt to talk to the Oebri on the comms link and weighed the risk to us versus the possible risk to other abductees. I didn't remember being taken, only waking up in that bathhouse. While the other girls who'd been there with me hadn't survived, who was to say they were the only ones abducted with me?

"I think I should call them," I said, "as long as it won't put you in a bad position."

"I will be fine," he said.

He watched me finish my spaghetti, and after ensuring I didn't want more, we went to the room with all the monitors and controls.

"You can sit here," he said, motioning to the only chair.

"What about you?"

He flashed me a smile. "I will stand here, off-screen."

I looked at all of his deliciousness and nodded. Then looked down at myself.

"Maybe I shouldn't be naked."

"Wait here."

He left the room and returned several minutes later with a handful of necklace-dress.

"Whoever you speak to will likely ask how soon we will arrive. We're several jumps away from the Senwar system. In order to get there quickly, I'll need to stop to refuel. It would be safer for you if we stopped at a Helix station. Tell them we will send them the coordinates of our next destination after I run the jump calculations." As he talked, he helped me to my feet and fitted the chains around me. His hands were at my waist when I caught his face between my hands.

"You know this isn't what I meant when I said I shouldn't be naked, right?"