Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Alissa

Ihad started out numb with terror. Desperate to find a way out of a situation I had never asked for and neither one of us deserved. And, of course, raging silently against Gregor for getting us into this mess, even unintentionally.

But he had sworn he would get us out of it. And now he had put himself bodily between us and the men with guns, and his awful, awful boss. And now, slowly, he was standing up to the bastard, and winning over the crowd.

They weren’t at all what I had expected from mobsters. They weren’t okay with Michelle and I being dragged in here. They winced and muttered with each other when child porn was brought up. And when the man who had let them into Gregor’s apartment showed up and spoke up immediately, they responded by looking between Sergei and their boss with expressions of shock.

“That’s nonsense!”

Sergei’s eyes flashed as he stalked up to stand beside Gregor, holding up a thumb drive. “I have a copy of your email correspondences on the subject. Including who you had the porn made for.”

Panic flooded Vasily’s expression and he lunged up, one hand under his jacket as he clawed for the thumb drive with the other. “Give me that! Give me—”

“They kept records of everything,” Sergei growled, sounding sick with disgust. “You didn’t want them taken out because they were filming child porn. You wanted them taken out because they tried to blackmail you.”

Vasily was still trying to get at the thumb drive. He pulled out his pistol and pointed it at Sergei. “Give that to me now!”

“It’s too late,” Sergei replied flatly, staring him down. “I already forwarded what I found to every single brother. You are finished, Vasily. No one will accept your leadership after this.”

I glanced down to where Gregor was still picking the lock on his manacles. They were almost off. One side finally clicked open and he slipped his wrist free, then latched both sides onto one wrist. The clicking of metal was hidden under Vasily’s shouting.

“This is mutiny!” Vasily screeched. He pointed the gun at Gregor, at Sergei, then waved it around at the others, who were checking their phones and starting to respond to what they found. “You owe me obedience.”

Then it hit me what Vasily had been blackmailed with. What had made Sergei so disgusted, and the old man so afraid. I was so furious and disgusted myself that I found my voice. “They found out that they were making those films for you, didn’t they?”

He screamed and pointed his pistol at me.

Gregor moved like lightning. He grabbed the slide and yanked the pistol out of his boss’s bony fingers entirely. His other fist slammed straight into Vasily’s face.

He fell back into his chair with blood streaming from his nose and his eyes wide with shock. “Kill him…he’s loose…kill him!” he gurgled.

Nobody around us fired. I realized after a second that there weren’t any guns trained on us anymore. The gunmen were checking their phones too.

“You’re a pedophile,” Gregor spat as Vasily hid his face with trembling hands. “That’s why you’re willing to kill kids to hide the truth. That’s why you tried to kill me. Because you were that scared that I would find out from my daughter.”

Gregor grabbed Vasily by the collar, lifting him off his feet as his eyes rolled in terror. I wondered if he was considering blowing his brains over the table right then and there, and covered Michelle’s eyes just in case. But no shot came.

Gregor handed the pistol to Sergei instead and loomed over Vasily, who looked ready to shit himself. “Well, you were right to be scared, but not just because of me. Did you really think we would take finding out what you are, and what you’ve been doing, any better than your family did? I’m assuming that’s why they kicked you out of their lives. What did you do, start chasing your grandkids?”

“Someone shut him up,” Vasily sobbed. “Shoot him, shoot him!”

Nobody moved.

“Put him downstairs in the cage until we figure out what to do with him,” Gregor said, sounding exhausted. I knew I would feel just the same as soon as the adrenaline wore off.

I at the old man who had caused so much misery just so he could get his perverse nut and saw he was blubbering silently. Fear? Self-pity? It didn’t matter. He was powerless now,

“It’s okay, baby,” I told Michelle, stroking her hair. “Nobody’s going to let the bad man hurt us.”

She relaxed a little in my arms. Meanwhile, Gregor stood like a bulwark between us and the ruined former leader, who had no more words for any of it. Two of the men who had captured us walked over grimly to escort him away.

Only when the door closed behind them did Gregor turn to us, folding both of us into a firm hug that seemed to squeeze all the chill from my bones. “It’s over,” he told us. “You’re safe.”

And I believed him.

***

It took another hour to sort everything out and then get us back home. It was unreal to hear those big, scary men apologize to me for this terrible misunderstanding. I wondered how much of it was genuine embarrassment and how much was fear that Gregor would kick the ever-loving crap out of them if they were less than contrite. But maybe that didn’t matter. Maybe what was most important was that they did, and that Gregor had kept his word in keeping us safe.

The biggest apology had come from Sergei, who turned out to be Gregor’s best buddy and seemed to feel genuinely guilty. He seemed horrified that he had been Vasily’s intelligence man and yet somehow had never caught on to what was happening until it had been almost too late.

I had been as gracious as I could manage, but I was worn out from terror and drama, and Michelle was even more so. She fell asleep in my arms during the ride back to Gregor’s.

“Are you doing all right?” he asked me quietly as he drove.

“Ask me once we’ve gotten some sleep,” I said honestly. “Right now, I’m holding it together and awake, but that’s about it.” I checked Michelle again. She seemed to be all right, but it scared me that she had taken all of this so well. It implied that what she’d dealt with when taken from me had been that much worse.

One crisis at a time, I told myself firmly, trying to ignore how heavy my eyelids were getting.

Cold air slapped me in the face and a snowflake landed on my cheek. My eyes fluttered open. Gregor was carrying me from his car to the elevator with Michelle in my arms. The wind was howling past the mouth of the garage, spitting flakes in at us from the white-out swirl outside.

I woke up again when he shifted me to balance our weight on one of his thighs. I heard his key in the lock, and then his door opening, and the cat yelling for food and attention.

We were home. Odd to think of his place as home, but right now it still felt like the safe haven he had taken us into. Finding out what he was, and the kind of things he’d done, didn’t change that. The relief was real.

So were my feelings for him. But even as I felt him settling us on the bed and taking off my shoes, I wondered if I could cope with this, especially long term. And even if I could, what would it do to Michelle to have a mobster for a dad?

***

I woke up warm but a little uncomfortable thanks to sleeping in my clothes. Michelle was still snuggled in my arms, and Gregor was breathing softly against my neck with one arm thrown over us. His cat, meanwhile, was wedged between my head and the headboard, purring like a motor.

This was cozy as hell and very comforting, but it also meant I couldn’t really go anywhere without scooting down to the bottom of the bed like an awkward snake. But staying in the same position for a long time had made me stiff, and after a while of just lying there trying to enjoy the warm stillness, I gave up and made the effort.

After wiggling down to the bottom of the bed, I sat up and then stood, feeling shaky but all right. I turned and looked back at the bed, only Feodor the cat seemed to have woken up from my movements. He stretched and yawned, then hopped off the bed to follow me out.

Showering with a worried cat checking regularly to see if I was drowning was an interesting experience. Normally, he was distracted by Gregor or Michelle. But now I had a furry little face pressed against the pebbled glass as I washed my hair, and the occasional worried meow to keep me company.

I got out and dressed, then made a cup of tea, filling the cat’s bowl as I waited for the water to boil. I stirred strawberry jam into it without even thinking about it, and went to sit down on the couch.

I had decisions to make. Decisions that would affect all our lives.

I thought, and sipped, and petted the cat, who ended up sprawled across my lap after his meal. My mind felt split in two, each half arguing with its counterpart.

My heart wanted Gregor, even after everything. My body certainly did. But my mind was full of last night’s memories, and all that I had learned.

He treated us like gold. But he worked for the Russian mob.

He risked his life to protect us. But he lied to me about how he rescued Michelle.

He was everything I could want in a man. And he was Michelle’s father. But he had an incredibly dangerous job. He could die, he could be arrested, and he killed people.

I was halfway through my tea when I heard the bedroom door open and saw Gregor heading for the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes on his arm. I set up another cup of tea to steep and tried to ignore the nervous flutter in my stomach.

He eventually came back out with wet hair and reddened wrists from the manacles. Blinking sleepily, he walked into the living room, giving me a smile as he smelled the tea steeping. “Thanks, I could use a cup.”

We sat together in silence for a while as the caffeine slowly kicked in, the cat sprawled between us so he could get pets from us both. When our hands made contact over the little guy’s furry back, Gregor caught my hand gently and enfolded it in his own.

“How are you doing?” he asked softly.

I looked at him and saw loving concern, and beyond it, that same quiet resignation. Like he was bracing himself for bad news.

“I’m ambivalent,” I admitted. “Last night was really scary. Finding out you lied about Michelle really hurt. But you saved her. You protected us both. And I love you.”

There, it was said.

He closed his eyes, an almost pained look on his face. It took him a few moments before he spoke. “Ever since we met again and I found out about Michelle, I’ve been bracing myself for you to take her and run. I’m still wondering if you will. Not even sure I could blame you, after everything.”

“I don’t want to,” I said tentatively. “But I’m worried about Michelle’s safety and my own. I mean…” I sighed. Why was this so hard?

“I understand.” He hesitated and then met my gaze. “I love you. But I love you enough to let you go, even let Michelle go, if you need it. I don’t want you living scared. Not of me, not for me, not in general.”

I squeezed my eyes shut against tears. Was I tough enough to do this?Either choice required more strength than I was sure I could muster.

“You saved my daughter even before you knew she was mine because it was the right thing. You stood up to your boss for us. You didn’t let him decide our fates. You even got everyone else standing up for us too. But I also know that life with you would never actually be normal.”

“It would be as normal as I can make it,” he said softly, thumb stroking along the back of my hand.

I swallowed hard. The heat between us was as intense as ever; another siren’s call urging me to stay.

“If it was just me, I would take the risk and not even think about it,” I admitted. “I’m a grownup. I’d think it was worth the risk, hands down.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “But?”

“Michelle.” I licked my lips, trying to keep my voice even. “I have to put her first, and I am trying to figure out what would be best for her.”

“It’s too bad we can’t just ask her.”

I nodded. “We could eventually, though.” Hopefully. If she ever spoke again.

“Figuring out what to tell her and when would be tough,” he commented. “She’s very observant, and after last night, she’s going to know something odd is up with me.”

I winced. It was way too late to put that genie back in its bottle. But realizing that helped some. “I just…how do I know something like last night won’t happen to us again?”

“You don’t,” he admitted. “I wish I could promise you that there will never be problems. That there will never be rivals, never be dirty cops or even, potentially, another member of the organization going over the edge. I wish I could say that. But I can’t predict the future. All I can do is promise to do everything I can to protect you and Michelle, no matter what happens.”

“I believe you.” But was it enough? My hesitation turned into a longer silence as I struggled with what else to say. When I looked up at Gregor, he was looking over into the hallway.

There was Michelle, in her pajamas, hair mussed, blinking sleepily. She stared first at me and then at Gregor, brows drawn together.

Crap. “Hi, sweetie. Did we wake you up? I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and went for her sketchpad and crayons, then plopped herself between us, next to the cat. We watched as she drew at a furious pace, sometimes looking up at us, as if she was checking if we were watching.

“Does she get bit by the art bug like this a lot?” Gregor asked curiously.

I shook my head. She had always liked to draw and build, but this had an urgency to it that I wasn’t used to seeing. “Let’s give her a minute.”

She worked hard on whatever it was she was drawing, tip of her tongue caught between her lips and a determined look on her face. Finally, with a little sigh, she looked between us and held it up.

Three figures, one in a long, dark coat, one with sun-yellow hair, one in between the two and crayon blonde as well. They held hands and were smiling.

Gregor and I looked at the drawing, and then at each other. He smiled a little. “Well…I think she’s given her opinion on the matter after all.”

Michelle looked up at me firmly, her chin trembling just a little.

“Are you sure?” I asked her gently.

She gave me a tiny smile and nodded.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked back up at Gregor. “Okay,” I said. “Then let’s try this.”