43. Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Three

Roman

I set the stuffed peppers down on the table with a chuckle. Took me a minute to get them made, but I finally did. Even managed to avoid injuries this time. I hear the front door open, and the sound of Holden and Beck talking carries through the house to me. They’ve been carpooling to work, and it’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

When they walk into the dining room, neither acknowledges me, too busy in their debate.

“I’d probably think I was dying too if you came at me with a needle,” Beck says, grinning at Holden.

“Oh, so funny. At least I’m not having to explain what my title means every five minutes,” Holden fires back, then in a mocking voice says, “Oh, so you’re not a real doctor then?”

Beck narrows his eyes at him. “You little shit. You weren’t supposed to make fun of me about that.”

Holden cackles. “All’s fair in love and healthcare, Beckett .”

“Jesus Christ, Holden. I’ve told you seventeen times. Beck is not short for Beckett. It’s just Beck.”

“Yeah, but it’s so fun to rile you up,” Holden says, his grin downright evil.

I clear my throat, highly amused at their little back-and-forth. Two sets of eyes snap to me.

“Hey, beautiful,” Beck says. He walks toward me, and when he reaches me, he spins me around, giving me a wet, sloppy kiss.

Holden’s loud, “Oh fuck yeah, stuffed peppers!” makes me laugh into Beck’s mouth. He pulls back, turning to Holden with a glare.

“You can’t even chill long enough to let me kiss my boyfriend hello, can you?”

“It’s. Stuffed. Peppers. Beckett,” Holden says, punctuating each word with a clap. Beck groans and drops his chin to his chest, taking deep breaths.

“I’m not sure how y’all went from hating each other to… whatever this is in three days.”

Holden laughs, but Beck turns serious. “I didn’t really hate him. I felt insecure about our relationship,” he admits, his eyes shifting quickly to Holden before landing back on me. “He helped me realize that I didn’t need to be. This morning helped too,” he adds with an exaggerated wink.

“Ignoring that comment,” Holden says.

Heat floods my face, but I try to ignore it, which isn’t easy when Beck draws attention to it by trailing his fingers down my cheek with a soft smile. I clear my throat. “Anyway, how did he help you realize you didn’t need to be insecure?”

Before Beck can answer, Holden jumps in. “I told him about how much you whined about him for the last ten years.”

I laugh. “Well, some friend you are. Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Just as we sit down, there’s a knock at the door. I turn to Beck with a confused head tilt. He shrugs, but gets up to answer it.

Holden and I exchange a glance. I told Beck I didn’t want anything to do with the investigation into my mom’s possible death. I didn’t know her. It doesn’t matter if she’s dead or alive. She’s been gone for twenty years. “Do you think that’s something about my—Riley? Holy shit!” I gasp as Riley strides into the room at Beck’s side. I jump up and rush around the table to pull her into a hug.

“Hey, Ro,” she says, squeezing me. “How are you?”

“I’m alright, considering. I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.” I pull back from her.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it in time for the funeral, so I didn’t want Beck to say anything, just in case.”

That makes sense. I would have been upset if I had known she might be coming and then she couldn’t. “I’m glad you managed it.”

“Me too,” she says with a grin. Then she holds her hand out, an eyebrow raised. I laugh as I launch into the handshake we came up with when we were eighteen. When we’re done, she throws a fist in the air. “Here’s to putting the bastard in the ground!”

A startled laugh bursts from me.

“Hear, hear,” Holden says, raising his glass of water in the air.

Riley turns her attention to Holden, extending her hand. “I’m Riley.” I watch with amusement as Holden shakes her hand. “You must be the pretty twink that had my best friend losing his damn mind.”

Beck hisses her name as Holden’s jaw drops open in a rare show of shock. He quickly recovers, pasting a cocky smirk on his face. “In the flesh.”

Riley giggles, pulling him into a hug. “I think we’re going to be good friends.”

Beck nudges me. “Or a massive pain in our asses.”

I smile. “My money’s on that.” I’m not complaining, though. For the first time, I feel like things are the way they’re supposed to be. As Riley and Holden chat, Beck takes my hand and presses a soft kiss to my knuckles.

“There’s plenty for you too, Ri,” Beck says, dropping my hand and pulling my chair out for me. “Let me go grab you a plate.”

Once we’re all seated and eating, I turn to Riley. “So, how long are you going to be in town?”

“Unfortunately, not long. I’ll have to head back tomorrow afternoon after the funeral is over.”

That’s a little disappointing, but I get it. “Well, at any rate, I’m glad you could make it. How are things going for you?”

Her face lights up. “Great, actually! I recently landed a big account at work that came with an even bigger pay raise, so that’s nice.”

“Well, you deserve it. Did you ever find love?” I ask, shooting her a teasing grin.

She groans. “No, of course not. I never got lucky like you two. You were always so disgustingly in love. I still stand by my belief that all boys are dumb—except for the two of you.”

“Hey! I take offense to that,” Holden says, mock-offended.

Beck lets out a laugh, but tries to stifle it quickly as Holden rolls his eyes. “Keep it up, Beckett,” he warns.

Beck glares at him as Riley’s laughter fills the room. “Beckett, huh? That’s golden. Why did I never think of that?”

“Maybe because you didn’t have a death wish,” Beck says, voice deceptively sweet.

Riley shrugs. “I’m not scared of you, Beckett. It has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?” she asks, nudging Holden’s side.

Holden turns to her with wide eyes. “I think I might be a little in love with you.”

“Yeah, I think we’re gonna get along just fine,” she says with a wink.

Beck groans. “Holy shit. There’s two of them.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about Riley and Holden interacting,” Beck says as soon as we climb into bed.

“It’s a little scary, yeah.”

He reaches for me, making little grabby hands. Who am I to deny the man? I roll toward him, resting my head on his chest, and throw my leg over his hip. “Hey, where’s my rabbit?” I ask, lifting my head to look at him.

His cheeks flush. “It’s in the closet. I have you now. Why would I want to snuggle a rabbit?”

“Well, I don’t know. Should we put it up on a shelf or something? It’s special, right?”

He nods. “We can. Tomorrow, though. I don’t want to get up.” I smile and lay my head back against his chest.

After a few quiet moments, he says, “Can I say something a little crazy?”

“Of course.”

“I hate what we went through. I hate that we had to go so long without each other. But… in some ways, I can’t regret it.”

“Yeah?” I ask, tracing patterns on his stomach with my fingertips.

He sighs. “Yeah, I really can’t imagine you without Holden. He’s really good for you. I’m… happy that you have him.”

That brings a smile to my face. It’s so close to the conversation I had with Alexis before coming back, about how my life would be different if I had stayed all those years ago. Plus, I can’t imagine a world in which Holden was left alone on the streets. I don’t think he could have survived. We were meant to find each other. I believe that with my whole heart. “Yeah, he’s great. You have him too, though, you know? Hold is… well, he’s hard to know. He’s this little ball of trauma. Although he mostly hides it well. But once you get him on your side, he’s fiercely loyal and protective as hell.”

Beck laughs. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Just thinking about how I called him a chaos twink in my head the other day. Do you think he’d be offended if I called him that to his face?”

I try hard to be serious, but it doesn’t last long, and before I know it, we’re both laughing. “No, but if you ever want him to call you Beck and not Beckett, I’d avoid it.”

“ Beckett,” he growls. “See what I mean? Fucking chaos twink.”

I chuckle. “Well, you’re not wrong, but if you try to say I agreed with you, I’ll deny it.”

He gasps. “You really wouldn’t have my back?”

“Not on that. You’re on your own.”

“Rude,” he chuckles.

“Nah. Not rude. Smart.”

“Mmm, fair,” he whispers. I lift my head and kiss him gently, but the second our lips touch, heat explodes within my body and my cock hardens against his hip.

I still can’t believe Beck bottomed for me this morning. I don’t know what possessed me to go that route, but he seemed so vulnerable, so full of emotion that had nowhere to go. I couldn’t handle the sight of his shaky hands, the stark fear in his expression. He wasn’t kidding when he said he had an unhealthy relationship with sex. Something that used to be as easy as breathing for him seemed to have him paralyzed, unable to do anything at all. I’m definitely not complaining about the turn of events.

He moans, and I smile against his lips when I realize he’s got his hand inside his boxers, stroking himself.

He gasps, the sound making my stomach clench. “Why are you smiling?”

“Because I love that you’re touching yourself, that you feel so good you can’t help it. I want you to always feel good,” I whisper, my lips brushing against his with each quietly spoken word.

He groans, his hips lifting off the bed. “I forgot being with someone could feel like this. I forgot I could feel so good that I couldn’t resist the urge to touch myself, just to relieve the pressure. It hasn’t been that way in so long.” His words are making my heart ache, but the breathy, pleasure-drunk way he’s saying them is making my cock ache.

“It’s always good with you. Every time we’re together, there’s some new mind-blowing thing to feel or experience,” I say, grabbing his wrist in my hand to pull it from his boxers. He lets out a small sound of displeasure, but it doesn’t last long because I straddle his waist, lay my chest flat against his, and seal our mouths back together.

We rock against each other, dissolving into sloppy, uncoordinated kisses. His hands slide into my boxers to grab my ass, using his grip to push my hips down. I’m settling into the rhythm he’s set, letting the pleasure build as my need climbs higher, when he lets out a choked sound. His body goes taut, and I pull back, worried I’ve done something wrong. His fingers tighten on my skin as warmth floods the space between us.

“Sorry,” he gasps, body trembling, raspy moans spilling from his throat. I stare down at him, taking in the sight—flushed cheeks, eyes rolled back, pulse fluttering in his throat, face contorted in pleasure.

“Holy shit,” I mumble in shock.

He groans again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. Fuck, he’s too adorable for words, apologizing for coming when that’s literally the whole point. He opens his eyes and glares at me. “Why are you laughing at me?”

I grin. “Because you’re too fucking adorable.”

“Ugh, so embarrassing,” he mutters, squeezing his eyes shut. After a couple of seconds, he opens them again and there’s humor shining in the blue. “Note to self: do not think about the way Roman fucked you this morning while doing anything remotely sexual.”

I laugh again, and he chuckles with me this time. Once the laughter dies down, he whispers, “Let me take care of you.”

“You don’t have to,” I whisper back. “It’s okay.”

He shakes his head. “No, I want to. Roll over, please.”

I study him for a second, searching his eyes to make sure he’s okay. I don’t want a repeat of this morning, and I definitely don’t want him to feel pressured. All I see in his gaze is sincerity, so I nod and roll onto my back.

He’s on me instantly, his lips working their way down my throat and across my chest, his tongue flicking over my nipple before he sucks it into the wet heat of his mouth. The sensation sends sparks of pleasure to my cock, making it throb. He doesn’t stay there long, though. He kisses and sucks his way down my stomach until he reaches my dick. He pulls my boxers down and swallows me to the back of his throat in one smooth motion.

My hips jerk up as a startled, “Oh God,” escapes my lips. It’s been so long since I’ve had this done to me that it takes practically no time at all before I’m pulsing in his mouth, ready to spill.

I slide my fingers into his hair, tugging lightly on the strands. He moans around my cock, and his hand comes up to cup my balls. He gives them a gentle squeeze as his throat constricts around the head of my cock. I arch off the bed with a loud moan as the first jet of cum shoots into his mouth. He moans again, bobbing his head and swallowing rapidly to keep up with my release.

When my body finally comes down and I’ve melted into the bed, he pulls off me with a self-satisfied grin. He rolls to the side, strips off his boxers, and uses them to clean himself up before tossing them on the floor. I hold my arms open to him and he climbs on top of me, settling between my legs with his face buried in the crook of my neck.

Within minutes, his breathing is deep and even, and he’s fast asleep. I smile to myself and close my eyes, trying to focus on him and not on what tomorrow will bring.

Beck grips my hand tightly as we walk through the doors of the funeral home, with Holden and Riley right behind us. We’re the first ones here, which is to be expected, I suppose.

The funeral director makes his way toward us. “Good morning. We have your father set up over here if you’d like to see him before everyone arrives,” he says, gesturing to the front of the large, open room.

I turn to Beck, indecision swirling inside me. Do I want to see him? I’m not really sure. Within seconds, my other hand is being held, and without even turning, I know it’s Holden. He came with me to set all this up, but ended up taking over when I almost broke down. Then I feel a hand on my back—Riley. “I’m not sure if I want to,” I whisper to Beck.

He nods slightly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay if you don’t.”

The funeral director takes a step back. “I’ll give you all some privacy. Please let me know if there’s anything you need.”

“Hey, Ro,” Holden says, so I turn to him. “Ultimately, it’s up to you. But this is your last chance to see him. Right now, it might not seem important to you, but eventually, it might. I’d rather you see him now than not. You can’t get this moment back. Regret it for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.”

I swallow hard and nod. “Okay. You’re right. I’ll… I’ll go see him.”

Riley rubs soothing circles on my back. “We’ll be with you the whole time.” Beck and Holden murmur their agreement. I take a step forward, then another, my eyes fixed on a spot on the wall near the ceiling. Before I know it, I’m standing in front of Dad’s open coffin.

I brace myself and look down. I wasn’t sure what he would look like, but whoever got him ready for this did a good job. His skin looks strange, but it’s not yellow, and his stomach is no longer swollen with fluid. He looks like himself, but not really. It’s a little unnerving if I’m being honest with myself.

“Would it be weird to talk to him?” I whisper to Beck.

“No. If you want to talk to him, talk to him.”

I nod, turning back to stare at the man who brought me into the world. “I, uh, I don’t really know how to do this, or what to say. I guess I want to let you know that I’m sorry. If what you said about Mom is true… I’m really sorry that happened to you.” My voice cracks, and Holden and Beck tighten their grips on my hands.

I pause, taking a deep breath. “I’ll never understand why you did the things you did,” I say quietly. “I wish you could have gotten help. I wish things could’ve been different. But I…” I pause again, swallowing hard. Holden leans his head against my shoulder, offering me silent support. “I forgive you,” I finally whisper.

Dropping Holden’s hand, I turn into Beck’s waiting arms. He pulls me close, and I tuck my face into his neck, taking deep breaths as quiet tears drip from my eyes. There’s an ache in my chest, but I let myself feel it. I don’t try to shove it down or avoid it. I just let it wash over me while I draw strength from Beck. When I’m finally ready to pull away, Riley and Holden are sitting in two of the chairs in the front row.

“What am I supposed to do? Greet people or something?” I ask.

Beck shrugs. “If you want. You don’t have to. I can greet them if you’d rather stay here with Riley and Holden.”

Nope. No way. He’s not leaving my side. He must see that in my expression because he smiles gently. “Or you can stay with me, and we can greet them together. Either is fine.”

I nod. “Yeah, let’s do that. We’ll greet people together.”

“Of course,” Beck says, taking my hand and leading me to the entrance just as people start arriving.

Beck’s parents are the first to walk in. Lydia pats me on the cheek, and Danny wraps me up in a giant bear hug. Next come Mia and Emily.

Mia immediately wraps me in her arms. It’s a little awkward, since I refuse to let go of Beck’s hand. “Thanks for coming, you guys. I’m sorry I haven’t gotten to see you yet, Emily.”

Emily shakes her head at me. “No need to apologize, kid. Nice to see you two have worked your stuff out,” she says, gesturing to mine and Beck’s joined hands. “Mia said you had, but it’s good to see with my own eyes.”

Mia releases me. “Come visit us soon, yeah?”

“I definitely will.”

It quickly becomes apparent that the people coming aren’t here because they’re sad about my dad. They’re here because they’re sad for me . And given the low turnout, it’s clear Dad didn’t have any real friends. Maybe if he hadn’t been such a miserable bastard, this wouldn’t have been his life or his death.

The only exception is Lianna, who bursts into tears the second she walks through the doors. The theatrics make me a little sick, but she knew a different version of my dad than I did. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” she whispers as she passes me.

“Thank you. I’m sorry for yours as well,” I say, since she’s clearly upset.

Beck and I stand around for a while longer, but no one else shows up, so we join Riley and Holden in the front row.

The funeral itself is a short affair. No one speaks for him, and the only person crying is Lianna. It makes me feel sad for him, in a way. But he made his choices, and that’s on him.