12. Brighton

"It was so nice meeting you both," I say to Sandra and Paul as we walk them down the stairs and toward the door. Noah is talking quietly to his father, and I'm sure it was about the big announcement Noah made. I understand why he did what he did. I truly do. It's endearing that he cares so much about his mother and just wants to say things to make her happy, but she isn't the only person who heard there was an impending wedding.

Camryn was so damn excited, talking about her lump wish coming true, and so fast, it broke my damn heart and had her father a complete mess for the rest of the dinner. I thought my life was a mess, but Noah, he's in so deep, he's going to need a compass to find his way out. Wait, I guess I'm in deep too, because no way do I want to hurt Camryn, or her grandmother.

Hugs are given all around, with Paul and Sandra offering to take Camryn overnight next weekend, so we can have some adult time, and I try not to squirm from embarrassment. Paul clearly knows we're not engaged, but he's playing along for Sandra's sake, I assume.

Once they're gone, Noah exhales sharply and picks up Camryn. "Time for bed, Bean."

"I want Ms. Brighton to put me to bed. When do I get to call her mommy?" she gives a big yawn and throws her arms around her father's neck.

His face pales. "Camryn, about that. Sometimes adults do and say things because?—"

"How about we talk about this in the morning? Someone is very tired tonight, and I don't mind putting her to bed."

Noah nods and I follow him upstairs. He sets Camryn down in the living room and I take her hand and lead her to the bathroom where she washes up and brushes her teeth. In her bedroom, I pick out a book as she gets into her pajamas.

Look at me, after one night I already know her routine. Maybe I'd be good at this after all. That thought hits me like a fist to the gut. God, how are we going to tell her that I'm not going to be her mommy. This is so messed up. But Noah knows her better than I do and maybe we can figure out something that won't crush her. Honestly, it's so damn sweet that she wants me to be her Mom. My heart pinches tight as it fills with warmth for this little girl.

Her eyes are drowsy after a busy day and night and she falls asleep as I read and I'm grateful because if she starts asking questions, I just don't know how to answer them. Once she's out, I tuck her in, give her a kiss on the cheek and close her bedroom door.

The house is quiet as I walk around, searching for Noah. I find him in the den, taking books out of a box and putting them on the shelves.

"Are you okay?" I ask quietly. He turns to me. "I can go if you want some quiet time."

"No, please stay." He exhales loudly and sits on the desk. "Tough night."

I step up to him and he instantly widens his legs and pulls me in between them, wrapping his arms loosely around me. He rests his chin on my shoulder and I put my arms around him. Silence fills the space as we hold one another, and I soak in the warmth of his skin as his breath tickles my neck.

"I really made a mess of things."

I inch back and take in the worry in his dark eyes. "I understand why you did it, Noah." I lightly brush his hair back and search his handsome face.

"Seeing Mom…like…" He stops talking as he begins to choke on his words.

"It's really hard."

"One minute she seems so happy and lucid, and the next…" He shakes his head. "I don't want to lose her." He sniffs. "I don't want Camryn to…" He swallows, hard. A moment later, he snorts out a humorless laugh. "Now I've dragged you into it."

"You did and said what you thought was right in that moment." I rub his shoulders. "I don't mean this in a mean way, but soon enough, your mom might not even remember what you said."

"Bean is never going to forget."

"No, that's why I didn't want you to say anything tonight." I give his shoulders a squeeze. "We need to be careful how we phrase it. We have to do it gently, so she doesn't think I'm not going to be in her life."

"Right, I almost fucked up a second time." His eyes narrow. "What are you talking about, being in her life?"

"Camryn is a fantastic little girl. I don't know what's going to happen after the NHL season, or even where I'll be living when I'm done being her nanny. I mean, I'll eventually want to put my education to better use, right?" His eyes are locked on mine, watching me carefully and I throw one arm out. "Noah, you could fall in love and be married by next summer. I see the way women are with you." His dark eyes remain focused, strained, and I find him quite unreadable. "But that doesn't mean I have to abruptly exit Camryn's life."

"No?"

"No. I'd like to be a part of her life, if that's okay with you."

I want to tell him I can always be a part of his life too, but he's going to one day find a woman who he'll want to marry and who will really be Camryn's stepmother. As he considers that, I add, "A lot of nannies stay in contact with the kids they care for even when they're grown up."

"You'd really want that?"

"I do." I chuckle. "I still see some of the kids I cared for here at the resort when I was a teenager. They're in their teens now, but they pop in to say hello."

A small smile tugs the corners of his mouth. "You were so good with them. They loved you. That's how I knew you'd be great with Camryn."

I arch a brow, using words he once used on me back at him. "Didn't know you were watching."

He shrugs. "I guess we have that in common."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I saw you watching me, too," he explains, his voice low and quiet, like something from the past is paining him and I hate seeing him like this.

"You mean you watched me watching you?" Jaw agape, I stare at him. I thought I was stealthier than that.

He huffs out a breath. "More like I watched you sneering at me."

I jerk back a bit. "Wait, what are you talking about?" My mind goes back to the days I could see him through the cracks in the fence as he mowed and gardened. Then there were the times I got a really good view from the resort patio.

"You hated me," he announces, no harshness to his voice. "You sneered at me like you didn't even want me on the property."

"No." I shake my head fast. "I never hated you, Noah. Like you said, I didn't know you, and the people I hung out with?—"

"Hey." The softness in his voice reaches his eyes and silences me. He brushes his thumb over my flushed cheek. "I thought we were going to leave the past in the past."

I know he keeps saying that, but if he really meant that, he wouldn't have bought this place and made me the nanny. The past is very much alive between us as he gets his revenge.

"I never hated you, and you should know I wasn't sneering."

"No." He cups the back of my neck. "What were you doing then, Sunshine?"

"I was admiring." I touch his arms. "You've seen your body, right? Even as a teenager you were ripped." Something that resembles hurt quickly flickers in his eyes, but it's gone before I can examine it deeper, and my words are meant to lighten his mood, not darken it more. "All that lawn work gave you guns."

A wide grin splits his lips. "Guns?"

I take his arms and bend them at the elbows. "Welcome to the gun show, baby."

He laughs hard. "So that's what it takes to get your attention, huh? A guy in old, ripped jeans, sweat soaked T-shirt and dirty work boots."

"Dirty, yeah…" Wait did I say that out loud.

His gaze drops to my mouth as I wet my lips, dying to kiss him. "I thought you said you liked guys in suits."

"Sure, I do but there's something very hot about a guy in ripped jeans and work boots."

"I'll have to remember that." He goes quiet for a moment and looks at some spot past my shoulders. "Wait, were you watching today?"

I whistle innocently and gaze around the room. "Sunshine, you're full of surprises." He cups my face and brings my focus back to him as he exhales deeply and goes serious. "I need Camryn to spend as much time with Mom as she can. I think it will be good for both of them. Life is fucking cruel."

"Yeah, it is," I agree, thinking about my mom running off with her sheik and the pain he endured during our high school years. "I think it's a good idea for them to see a lot of each other. I'll make sure she does, Noah. I promise you that."

"You're a good nanny."

"You're a good daddy."

He gathers my hair in his hand as he focuses back in on me, and I can see how much he's hurting. All I want to do is take his pain away for a few hours.

"I really am sorry for putting you in that position earlier."

As soon as the word position leaves his mouth, it gives me an idea. "Yeah, then how about tonight, you put me in a position you're not sorry about?"

The pain in his eyes morphs to heat and interest, his gaze never leaving me as I walk backward to the door, close it and flick the lock. I lean against it for a second and give him my best seductive look. From the way he's watching me I'm pretty sure I'm coming off like a constipated meerkat. Sheesh. Time to try something else.

I push off the door and saunter toward him, but before I reach the desk, I make my way to the tall bookshelves and put my hands up high, like I'm reaching for one of the books he shelved earlier, as I wiggle my backside.

A low growl reaches my ears and a measure of triumph goes through me. I'm about to look over my shoulder, but he's on me in seconds, his hard chest pressing into my back as he captures my hands and holds them high.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Just trying some positions. Are you sorry about putting me in this one?"

"Fuck no." Mouth near my ear, he whispers, "Keep your hands here." He folds my fingers over the shelf. "And hold on."

Oh God.

One hand slides back down my arm and along my side as his growls of hunger reach my ear and vibrate through me. He grips the hem of my dress, bunching it in his fist as he drags it up my thighs and waist, until he's exposed my panties to the bottom half of the bookshelf. He tucks his hand under the cotton dress and slides his fingers into the lacy leg band of my panties. I move my body, so damn eager for his touch it's making me delirious.

"What about this position?" I manage to get out as I seek his fingers. "Are you sorry for this one?"

The rough pad of his finger connects with my clit and I bend my knees and moan into the pleasure.

"Not sorry at all. Are you?"

I pant as he applies pressure to my hot, slippery nub. "No, this is a position I can get behind," I murmur, which results in his other hand dropping to my backside. He gives one ass cheek a gentle massage and pushes his cock into the other one. I push back to massage his erection and love the way he grunts in response.

I move quickly, back and forth, alternating between rubbing against his cock and finger. As I work myself into a frenzy, he pushes against me to keep me still and slides a finger inside me. My nipples press into one of the shelves and everything about this position is driving me crazy.

The sound of his zipper releasing wraps around me, and he shoves one foot between my legs and widens them. His arm slides around my hips and he pulls me back a bit until my ass is in the air.

"Fuck yeah, now this is the position," he grunts and when I glance at him and find him working his hand on his dick, I just about orgasm on the spot.

"Noah," I groan and stare at his cock.

"Like that, Sunshine." I nod and he lifts the back of my dress, laying it over my shoulders. I have never felt so wide open or exposed before and I like everything about it. "Would you like it better if I put it inside you?"

"Uh huh."

He gently tugs on my panties, just bringing them to my knees. Why does having sex like this, with our clothes still on, feel so…dirty.

He pushes another finger into me, but dammit, I'm wet and hot and so freaking ready for him.

"Please," I beg and rock against him. He moves closer and I stop breathing when he rubs the damp tip of his cock all over my cheeks, marking me with his cum.

I rest my chin against the bookshelves as he removes his fingers and pushes the crown of his cock against my opening. I groan as he offers me an inch, his hands going to my hips, his fingers gripping my soft flesh for leverage.

"Fuck, you are so tight, Sunshine."

"Noah, please, more."

"This what you want?" He inches into me, stretching my body. My sex gives around his cock, softening to take him in an he leans over me, his teeth scraping along my back.

"Yes," I murmur, being careful not to cry out and wake his daughter. If he doesn't finish what I started, I could very well melt into a puddle at his feet.

I try to open my legs, and a thrill goes through me as my panties prevent me from moving very much. God, I like being open for him, but being restrained like this comes with its own pleasure.

I've never had sex like this, never knew the position could hit me hard in all the right spots. "Ohmigod, Noah." He drives deeper and my sex swallows every inch he's giving me. His hands leave my hips and one goes around to play with my clit as the other goes to my breast, toying with my nipple through two layers of fabric. Why is this so damn erotic?

I move and grind and cry and whimper, and when he picks up the pace, slamming into me like a man on a mission, I let go around him. Hot cum drips from my core and coats his penetrating cock.

"Brighton," he grunts out, pounding in once, twice and then stilling inside me as he releases, filling my body with his hot seed. I close my eyes as the warmth of his release curls through my womb, taking me to places I've never been before. Why is sex so good with him?

Maybe because I know it's for fun. Sex for sex. We can be free and open, taking and giving what we want. No need to pretend it's anything else because neither of us want that. Or maybe because it's not really sex for sex, and I'm feeling something so much deeper.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

"You okay Sunshine?"

"Yeah, why?" I pant out as I dig my fingers into the empty bookshelf.

"You went a bit quiet, and that's odd for you."

"Very funny," I shoot back and as he leans over my body, his chuckle rumbles through me. "Just trying to catch my breath, while thinking about the positions you like putting me in."

"You like them too, right?"

My heart wobbles. I really like how he checks in with me like that. "I like them too, J-bone."

"Jesus, can we not." I laugh and he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me up until I'm completely pressed against him. He puts his other hand around my throat and tilts my head back until it's on his chest. Warm lips brush the side of my forehead and he moans softly. "I don't regret that position at all."

We stay like that for a long time and I enjoy his strong heartbeat against my back. As it slows, I turn, and my dress falls to my thighs. My underwear, however, is still hovering around my knees.

He bends and his warm, wet fingers trail the outside of my thighs until they reach my panties. "Didn't even manage to get these off."

"I kind of like that," I admit a bit sheepishly, which is insane after the way I seduced him and rode him with zero inhibitions.

"Yeah." He puts my panties back around my hips and gives me a soft, tender smile which curls around a soft place in my chest. As my heart thumps, I give him a little push back and he watches me with curiosity as I walk to the door, and unlock it.

"Leaving?" he asks.

"Actually, no." I crook my finger and open the door. "All this…it makes me want to try out a few more positions."

"I'm going to need a minute," he says with a grin as he tucks his cock into his boxers and zips up his pants.

"That's okay, I'll start without you."

"Sunshine…" he growls a low warning in his voice.

I turn, and bolt from the den, and his curses bring a smile to my face as he chases me to his bedroom.