Eight

*********

*********

TOBY

"No,"Miller says. I glance over the top of my phone to find him frowning at Kelsey, the token hetero girl in our otherwise gay guy household. "I promise you, he's gay."

This is a conversation/argument they have a lot. Whether some mutual acquaintance is gay or not. I'm not entirely sure why they get so caught up in it. I think it's just one of those routine, obligatory arguments at this point.

Imagine how I cackled when I first moved in and was told they'd argued about me. I suppose I don't necessarily present as gay in a very flamboyant way. Based on the fact that my room is practically barren of personality and what's there has to do with hockey, I can understand their confusion.

Miller is almost always right when it comes to saying someone is gay. It's when he insists that they're not is when he's wrong. I was one of those moments. The way everyone in the house studied me a second time was as comical as it had been to learn that they were wrong.

It still makes me chuckle to this day.

"Who's this debate about?" Zuni asks as he falls into the seat next to mine with a bowl of chips in his hands.

"I don't know," I say. "Been distracted."

"By the guy you keep sneaking in?" Ramah asks.

His question makes all four of them look at me. I shrug. "Actually, I think this is a relatively new discussion, so no. I've been looking at the rookies coming up for draft."

Ramah frowns. He doesn't even pretend to understand why I like hockey. Especially when I assured him it wasn't just an excuse for me to look at men wearing tight pants and stretching almost obscenely on the ice before the game begins. Or even the imagined sexual tension as fights break out against the boards.

Nope. I just like the sport. I have my whole life. For as long as I can remember. As soon as my parents allowed me on social media, I was making predictions on games and franchises. Players and teams and coaches. Even the occasional referee.

The one thing I'll say is that my graphics have gotten better. My predictions are hit or miss. Maybe I'm a little biased, but I think they've been eerily hitting it right more frequently these last few years. I like to see that I'm right more than wrong. Since I base my opinions on stats and research—on observation as opposed to passion—I tend to lean more into something at least thought-provoking if it's not entirely correct.

My favorite moments are when lively debates take place in my comment sections. It truly makes my day. I've been at this so long that I have more than a hundred-thousand followers. I've built up a true fanbase and it just tickles me. It might seem trivial, but I'm super proud of it.

Which is partially why I spend so much time on it. I don't want to let them down or fall out of the algorithm.

Also, I just enjoy it.

"Does that mean you're going to ignore the fact that you've been sneaking someone in?" Miller asks.

I shrug. "I always sneak people in since I try not to wake you when I get home so late."

"Yes, but that's not a regular thing. This guy has been consistent," Kelsey says.

Apparently, they've all noticed. I hadn't realized. Sighing, I shrug. "What is it you want me to say? He has a nice ass. I'm enjoying it."

"Yeah?" Miller asks, eyes narrowing.

"Also, his throat."

Ramah is watching me with an amused smile while Zuni looks slightly dazed. As if he's imagining said ass and throat. But Miller and Kelsey look skeptical. Not that I'm sure why. I didn't deny that he's been coming over.

"It's weird because it's been regular," Miller continues. "Which suggests it's the same guy. That's uncommon for you after two, three times, tops."

"He's been here at least a dozen times," Kelsey adds.

"Okay," I say. "Sorry. I didn't realize he's reached his welcome limit. We'll go to his house." Of course, I now realize he's always come here. I've never been to his house.

"What's his name?" Zuni asks.

"Why?"

He's still looking slightly dazed, but he blinks so he's back in the moment. Not imagining Atty's ass and throat. Faceless, of course. I'm not sharing either with anyone.

The thought makes my breath catch. Ohhh. When did I get possessive of him? Probably somewhere around the moment he admitted that he's only been submissive for me. This guy screams TOP and maybe dominant to some extent, but fuck, does he take direction well. The fact he very clearly wants to do as I tell him is so fucking hot.

Especially knowing that he's never done that with anyone else. I can imagine him fucking a cute little twink. The way he bends that bitch over and rails him. He just looks like that guy. I bet he is that guy.

But not for me.

There's a well of giddy excitement that surges through me at the thought. Yeah, that's where my possession came from. I don't want to share that. I want this part of Atty to be mine alone.

"Why are you being so secretive about him?" Kelsey asks.

I sigh. "I don't have a reason except that I want to keep it to myself. It's private."

"Sex should be private," Zuni agrees.

"Says you," Miller mutters. Zuni scowls at him, but Miller just gives him a grin and waggles his eyebrows.

They're about as opposite as two people could come. Zuni is quiet, observant, and reserved. Miller is… not.

"We're not talking about this again," Kelsey says. "We're talking about Toby."

I huff.

"It's not as amusing when she hyper focuses on you, is it?" Miller asks, batting his lashes at me.

Rolling my eyes, I shrug. "Look. He's just a guy I met at work. He's good sex. That's all there is to know."

"Then why haven't we met him?" Ramah asks.

"Because hookups aren't for keeps," I tell them. "Introducing someone that isn't around for long only leads to awkward conversations when you call them by the wrong name later. Think about how that makes them feel!"

Ramah has been easily distracted by this argument. As has Zuni. Miller and Kelsey have not. It's written all over their faces that they haven't believed a thing I've said.

Probably because I'm not sure I believe anything I've said. It's not like I've lied. We've kept our conversations and interactions all orbiting around sex. I'm not sure it's been intentional, but… that's just where we've been. How we've interacted.

I'm not sure I even want to know more. Yes, the sex is good and I want to keep seeing him. Sure, he's adorable. He's gorgeous. Breathtaking, actually. I've literally dreamed of fucking a man like him.

But that's all just sex, right? How can it be more when we've not had a real conversation?

"I can literally see that you're having a debate with yourself," Kelsey says.

Sighing, I drop my attention to my phone. I'm sorry I looked up at all. "You assume it's a relevant conversation to this one."

"He's right. It's probably hockey-related," Zuni teases.

Yes, think that.

"This isn't over yet," Miller promises. "We'll come back. But I want to talk about the bear that Zuni brought home."

I risk glancing up again and am rewarded when Zuni flushes. He's an adorable twink. Like seriously, he'd get a fan following easily if he'd show those blushing cheeks online. He's small, compact, and enjoys the biggest of bears—all furry with a gut and towering over him.

"What about him?" Zuni asks.

"Where do you even find someone like that, for starters?" Kelsey asks, shaking her head.

"Well, there are apps, you know," he answers. "Most of my hookups come from apps."

"Where do yours come from?" Miller asks Kelsey.

"The library," she answers, shrugging.

We stare at her for several minutes and she only offers a smirk.

My household is certainly part of the hookup culture that it seems all content creators romanticize. Nearly every one that comes on my feed is either all about thirst-traps or hinting at the vids you can find on their ReachMe accounts from a new collab. A new hookup.

Maybe that's why my favorite content creators are a couple. Sure, they have the occasional collab with others but for the most part, their content is together. It's hottest together.

There are other gay couples I follow online, but so much of their content looks forced. Stiff and impersonal. Even when it's public knowledge that they're real-life couples, it just feels… for show. Even their chemistry looks orchestrated and written.

But my favorite guys—Apollo and Psyche—you can just feel the heat between them. The chemistry is real. Their passion and their love are real. Which I find quite remarkable because they're super young—early twenties.

I've never been able to explain it in broader terms, though. Articulating why I love them so much is beyond my capabilities. They're just… goals. Their hot scenes are off the charts but their sweet moments, those little glimpses of life—they're everything.

Anyway… yeah. We're all part of the problem as far as some creators are concerned, thinking that we set the bar and expectations for gay men in society. In reality, we're just doing what we want. That could change at any time. Right now, we're all at a point in our life where we want to whore around. Tomorrow could be an entirely different story.

Or we could meet someone that might make us want something different.

"What about you, Toby? Where do you get your hookups from?" Kelsey asks.

"Same as Zuni," I respond, which is only like half true. Atty isn't the first I've picked up at work, though that's rare. Sometimes, I hit up the club after work and hookups come from there too.

"Ramah?"

Ramah shrugs. "Are there other ways to pick up people? Apps. It's convenient."

"Same here," Miller adds. "Apps. Although I'm curious about how you pick up guys in a library. I didn't think there were many options there."

Kelsey shrugs. "We live close to the law school and those guys are almost always in a library. Always stressed. Under a lot of pressure." She shrugs again and brushes her hair from her shoulders. "I offer to relieve some of that for a while."

"Huh," Miller says. "I should try that."

Kelsey grins. "You should. I'd wager a bet that at least half of them are so cross-eyed from staring into a book for so long that they'd not realize they're agreeing to fuck a guy. And when they do realize, they probably won't even care."

"Ohh." Miller grins broadly. "That sounds like a lot of fun."

"College is for experimentation," Zuni says solemnly.

Kelsey gives him a sympathetic smile and leans over to pat his knee. Zuni had been engaged to a woman when he went to college. One of those old family traditions of setting up a marriage. Well… suffice it to say, Zuni learned a lot about himself while in college and it led to ending his engagement. It sounded like his family was going to completely disown him for a while there. Thankfully, they turned out to be really good people. Totally understanding and supportive.

It was the one and only time I saw Zuni nearly break down into tears—the moment he spoke to his parents, and they promised that no matter what, they loved him and would support whatever direction his life took.

A happy ending when there are so many unhappy ones.

Zuni has definitely turned into a slut with a penchant for the big guys that could tear him in two. It's almost funny because he looks so reserved and shy. However, we used to share a wall before I moved upstairs. All I'll say is that he's got a set of lungs on him.

Ramah nods, agreeing with Zuni. He's another happy ending, although his started earlier. He came out in high school and his family has always been good about it.

Miller doesn't have the same story. All we know is that he doesn't have contact with his family. Otherwise, he won't speak of them. Then there's me. I guess I share both stories. My father is very supportive, but my mother has moments where she just doesn't understand.

Once, I tried to ask her why she was attracted to men. The way my father turned red as he tried desperately to keep his laughter in nearly had me cackling. My mother didn't have an answer except that's how she was made. Interestingly, she doesn't understand that being gay is just how I'm made.

She loves me, but I'm sure she'd like to change me. My father doesn't. He truly loves me the way I am, which I'm super happy about. Obviously.

And Kelsey, again, is our token straight girl. Her struggles in life are very different from ours. We fight for our right to love and fuck who we want. She fights for the ability to have autonomy over her body. We're all lesser people according to cishet men.

A conversation and commiseration we've had many times when something has triggered it. Thankfully, college experimentation isn't one of those moments. I don't think I have it in me to get into the heavy shit today.

My phone pings and a notification from Atty pops up on the top of my screen. I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. Something that apparently doesn't go unnoticed.

"Is that your man?" Miller asks.

"Yes, this is the ass I've been enjoying." Speaking of ass, that's what I'm looking at when I open the message. Fuck. Me.

"Must be a good message," Ramah teases. "He clearly likes what he sees."

"Stop looking at my crotch, fucker," I say, though make no move to change my position and conceal the chub. He's not wrong. I definitely like what I see.

"Are you going to use this as proof that he's only a piece of ass?" Kelsey asks.

I type back that I really want to see him in a thong. Does he have one? If I give him one, would he wear it?

"I think that's evident," I say without looking away. How can I when I have this ass to stare at? The curve and the way the light plays over his perfect bubbly globes. I want to bite it. Mark that fucking ass as mine, so if anyone else ever sees it, they'll fucking know. That ass is mine.

And I'm not sharing.

"I hope I'm in the same room when you get your head out of your ass," Kelsey says.

I glance at her with a frown. "I hope you're here when I tell him we're done." Except… that thought makes my stomach turn sour.