Thirty-Four

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TOBY

I've barely seenmy house in several days. The only reason I'm home right now is that Atty has a hockey thing and all my monitors are here. I can work on my tablet and phone when needed, but this is much easier.

It also means I have Jayse on my tablet. I think he's cutting videos and turning them into teasers and short reels for social media. He's got an earbud in, so I don't have to listen to constant moaning and bodies slapping.

I'm looking at my scheduled predictions and stats posts, looking for anything having to do with L.A. Ajo joining the team really changes things. There are like six coaches in the NHL that are top tier as far as I'm concerned and Ajo Tonopan is one of them.

There's just something about the teams he works with and their continued, improved performance after a certain amount of time. L.A. finished sixth in the Pacific Division last season. I'm confident that they can move up at least two positions, if not three. They have the talent and now I think they have the coaching.

My phone blinks and I glance down. Atty's name across my screen makes me grin. Even though there's no dirty pic this time, I think I smile more when it's not. Our sex has always been hot. Right from the start, our sex life has been epic.

But what came after that might be even better, which isn't something I thought I'd ever say. I think this snuck up on both of us, but fuck if it doesn't feel like my life is just fucking perfect right now.

"Look at you," Jayse says, and I glance toward the tablet. He's grinning. "Honestly, Toby, I've never seen you so happy. I've never seen that smile."

I roll my eyes.

"You know that stupid saying that people glow when they're happy or when they're pregnant? I always said it was a crock of shit, but you just fucking blind me these days. It's sick."

"It's my foundation. It says it'll turn your skin radiant. Thanks for noticing," I sass.

Jayse laughs. "You and I both know you'd never wear makeup." He tilts his head. "Except that one time you tried eyeliner."

"And poked myself in my eye. No thanks. I'll stick with what I got."

He laughs again. "But seriously. I'm really happy you're so happy."

Despite my momentary breakdown when I called him weeks ago, panicking over Atty not responding to my texts, we don't talk about anything sappy often. Rarely are there moments of weakness like that between us. So this feels borderline awkward and uncomfortable.

"Thanks. How's your porn coming?"

Jayse snorts. "It's hot. I don't know why everyone doesn't try a year of this. There's something… empowering about it."

"Oh yeah? Slutting it up in front of a camera is empowering?" I tease.

His grin is wide. "It is! There's always going to be haters, but they exist for everything. If your hair is too long or too short. If you wear the wrong color. Hell, even if you're too short or too tall. So I mean, they're there. You block and ignore. But the feeling of people telling you how hot you are? How good you look? That they want to be your baby next?" Jayse shakes his head. "I really can't put it into words. It feels good. It's a self-confidence boost like nothing else."

"Huh, I guess I can see that. Still not sure I want my dick forever on the internet, but I support your dreams."

Jayse cackles.

My phone ringing distracts me, and I look at it. Expecting Atty. At first, it's just a random number. The line under it says ‘identifying…' and then ‘SPORTS SPOT.' My breath catches. That's… a mistake. Surely.

"I need to take this. Mute, please." Jayse's finger comes toward the screen as I hit mute. Then I answer. "Hello?"

"Can I speak to Toby Eads, please?"

My stomach flips. It's just a random female voice. Nothing to be nervous about there. "This is he."

"Hi, Toby. My name is Megan Dunns, Managing Director for Sports Spot. How are you?"

Everything inside me stills. I think I've forgotten how to breathe! "I-I'm good, thanks. How are you?"

I can hear her smile when she says, "I'm wonderful. Thank you. Do you have a minute to chat? Is this a good time?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry, I'm very unprepared for this phone call, so please excuse me if I sound stupid." I wince. Yep, that was stupid.

She laughs quietly. "It's completely fine, Toby. Listen. Sports Spot has been watching your profiles for a long time now. I'm going to be honest and tell you that there are quite a few of our anchors who rely on your reports and stats for their pieces and conversations. I know they've named your profile several times in reference."

They have. It always makes me giddy when they do. I nod, though she can't see me. "Yes," I say out loud. "I've heard them. It's really cool when they do."

And now I sound like a child. That's so cool! This can only get better, right? I will eventually get my foot out of my mouth.

"We'd like to offer you a position with the channel," Megan continues, and I nearly choke on my tongue. "Most of what you do wouldn't change. You already do so well. But we'd like to bring you on to our team and give you more tools. You'd still largely work from home, but there'd be travel involved as you cover hockey games. We'd ask for more in-depth reports. We'd also ask for you to add our logo onto your graphics for branding and partnership identification. How does that sound?"

Like a fucking dream!

For the record, I do my hockey thing for fun because I enjoy it. I've never had any interest in pursuing anything professional as far as reporting or journalism is concerned. I just love hockey.

However, I'm very aware of what a big deal this is. What a huge opportunity this gives me. But…

"You said there's travel involved. What does that mean?" I ask.

"Good question," Megan says. "We'd send you to cover select games we think—or maybe you've predicted—could impact the season. On average, I think two to three times a week, but it could be up to four times."

My stomach drops. I'd be leaving Atty.

"We have plenty of time for discussion. I don't need an answer right now or even tomorrow. I'm sure you'll think of other questions too. Take your time to think about it, Toby. I'll leave you my direct line and we'll continue to talk details. Okay?"

I nod, but I think I already know my answer. "Thank you, Megan. This is… incredible."

"Good. I'm glad you're pleased. Give me a call at the end of the week and we can touch base about how you're feeling and discuss any questions you might have. We'll talk soon."

I write down her details and then hang up, dropping back into my chair. I didn't realize I'd started to pace the room. The screen is bright and slightly blurry in front of me as I look through it. I don't see anything right now as it registers.

That really just happened! Sports Spot wants me on their team! This is such a… a… fuck, it's incredible.

"Toby?"

I blink out of my reverie and look at Jayse. "Sorry."

"You're still muted," he says.

Tapping the microphone icon, I repeat my apology.

"What happened?"

"I… don't even know. That was Sports Spot. They want me to work for them."

"Oh my god, Toby!" he shouts, coming out of his seat. "That's fucking awesome! Congrats."

"Yeah," I mutter, trying to smile. "Thanks."

"What's wrong? I think you should be a lot happier right now."

"It requires a lot of travel to attend games."

"Yeah, okay. And?"

"Between my travel and Atty's, we'd likely never see each other. It's far too soon to put our relationship through that kind of test."

"Ah," Jayse says, sitting down. "Okay, think about this—if you decline the offer, will you regret it later?"

I close my eyes. That's exactly the question I needed to hear to put it all into perspective.

* * *

I'm pacingin Atty's entryway as I wait for him to get home, practically chewing a hole through my bottom lip. I know I made the right decision. But my stomach still flips uncomfortably.

The click of the lock has me pausing and I stare, almost unseeing, waiting for the door to open. Atty sees me right away and smiles. But whatever he sees on my face makes his smile short-lived. He shoves the door behind him and immediately wraps me in his arms. "What happened?"

I take a deep breath. "Sports Spot called me today."

"Oh… kay," he says and I'm sure he's trying to figure out what that means.

"They offered me a position."

"That's great, Toby. I didn't know you applied there," he says, pulling away to look at me. His smile fades again. "Why aren't you happy right now?"

"I didn't apply. I—" Huh. Well, fuck. I have no idea how they got my number! Shaking my head, I decide it isn't important right now. "The position requires a lot of travel. So… I'm going to turn it down."

Atty studies me for a minute before placing his hands on either side of my face. He kisses me softly. "You don't have to do that."

"It's an incredible opportunity, I know that. But in ten years, I'm not going to regret not taking it because I'll have you."

"Toby—"

"This is what I want. I want to be here every day when you get home. I want to watch you play and judge your performance." He grins. "I want to wake up every day to you. There's no way we can make a relationship work where neither of us are ever home and rarely see each other, especially not a new one. And I don't want to live like that. Yes, in ten years, I'll be sad and wonder what I might have missed by not taking it. But I'll absolutely regret taking it and losing you."

Atty wraps his arms around me tightly. "You shouldn't have to make this choice. That's not fair."

"I know. But really, I'm not hurting for money. I don't need the job. It would be cool and a bucket list kind of job, but I don't need it."

"Being a knight pays your bills, huh?"

I laugh and realize we've never talked money. "No. My stocks and investments do." Atty pulls back to look at me with surprise. I smirk. "Stabbing people with a joust is just for fun."

He barks out a laugh. "Of course it is."

"By the way, we should talk about your investments, so you're ready for the day you might want to retire."

"Is this your way of saying I'm starting my downward momentum?" he asks, eyebrow raised.

I grin. "Not at all. That conversation was for Sid. I'm really good at numbers, so it's important that the people I love are managing their money right."

He studies me for a minute. "Say it again."

It's impossible not to fucking grin like a lunatic. "I love you."

Atty sighs. "I'm never going to be tired of hearing that."

It's a frequent exchange. Not just the words but the request to hear them. As if we can't quite believe this is real.

"Are you sure you don't want to take the job? We can figure something out. It doesn't have to?—"

I shake my head, pressing my lips to his. "This is what I want. I want our happily ever after. I want a love story. A romance worthy of sonnets. A gay fairy tale that makes the entire world jealous."

"Yes, I can see it now. It all began with a confused boy and lots of sex…"

I laugh, but what gives me a lot of my happiness from what he just said is how comfortable he is saying it now. He's smiling. He's come a long way in such a short time, seeing him comfortable with who he is just makes me feel like I'm flying high.

"I mean it," I insist, pressing against him and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms circle my waist, and he hugs me tightly, my feet practically leave the ground. Closing my eyes, I press my face to the side of his neck. The bruise I left there with my teeth is fading. We'll fix that later. "This is what I want. Maybe someday when you retire, I'll see if they still want me. If not, that's totally okay, too. But you, a life with you—I want this more than anything."