Twelve

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TOBY

Jayse is here visitingand I love when he's around—it's like no time has passed. Even when we haven't talked for weeks, we can pick up right where we left off. I've always been one of those people who goes where the wind takes me. If something looks pretty on the other side of the field, I'm probably going to wander that way.

Thus, I followed something pretty and found myself in L.A. after college, knowing that Jayse would always be there if I needed him. The decision to go wasn't difficult. I knew if I wanted to come back, I'd have a place there. Leaving Jayse was the hardest part of the decision. It was the first time since we met that we lived in different cities.

We told ourselves it would allow for personal growth and that it would strengthen our friendship. Which it has. I'm not sure about the growth part, but we can at least pretend that's the case.

However, when we get together, it's like time hasn't passed and we're teenagers again. First and foremost, we catch up on all the drama about people we know together. People we know separately. Even people we don't know. Hockey.

Jayse isn't a fan, per se. I honestly think he's just made an effort to follow hockey and learn the sport for me. He wanted me to have someone to talk to about it. Someone who knew what I was talking about and could follow along, hold a meaningful conversation. That's just the kind of guy he is.

He's also a wildflower. This man started a ReachMe account the minute he turned eighteen. He said that in high school, he talked all the time about the kind of content he'd create and the places he'd travel.

I'm proud of him for following his dream. He compromised with his parents and agreed to go to college ‘to obtain skills for a future date' when he's no longer suited for porn. Honestly, I think they're a little na?ve to think that there's an age limit on porn stars. There's a market for all ages and body types.

He kept that to himself though and Jayse attended college to appease his parents. That's where we met. He does travel to all the places he's talked about, but he always comes home to work in the forge with Vulcan.

I don't think it's the job itself he can't walk away from. Or even that Vulcan needs help in the forge. I think, like me, he's just protective of the big, cuddly, pink bear and hates the idea that there isn't someone here to look out for him.

Of course, we both know this concern is misplaced. Not only is Vulcan capable of taking care of his business on his own—quite effectively, I might add—but he also has four men now, who are always happy to be there to support him.

Still, it's a compulsion. I constantly check in on him too. Even with nearly the entire length of California separating us.

"Okay," Jayse announces, rolling onto his side and sitting up. "I've been keeping this a secret for far too long and I have to tell you now or I'm going to bust."

"Why are you keeping secrets from me?" I ask, pretending to pout. Okay, I don't have to pretend. I am pouting.

"Toby," he says, drawing out my name like a whine. "I so wanted this to be a surprise and just dump it in your lap when it's done, but I don't have that kind of patience. I'm far too excited."

"Just tell me already!"

Jayse pulls me up so I'm sitting facing him. I can literally feel his giddiness radiate off him like the sun's beams. "So… I set up a collaboration for next month."

"You mentioned one that was right up my alley. Tell me who!"

He waits, a maniacal grin on his face that seriously has me worried for his mental state right now. "Who are your favorite content creators of all time?"

Well, that's a loaded question. I have favorites for different things. But I suppose as a blanket—"Psyche and Apollo."

I'm not sure how his smile widens further, but it does. "Shut up!" I say, gripping his arm and digging my fingers in. "You didn't."

"I did. I was already planning a trip to Miami, and when I posted that online, Psyche reached out to me!"

"Shut. Up. He did not!"

Jayse laughs, throwing his head back. "He so fucking did! I didn't even know I was on their radar. I feel like such a small fish compared to them. But he said they're fans of mine." He looks at me with glee.

"Oh my god, I might throw up."

He continues to laugh as I wrap my head around this. I know, I know. Porn stars aren't celebrities except… they are. To many, many people, they are. And they have awards, conferences, parties, galas. You name it, the gays have it.

I don't think of Jayse that way because, to me, he's always just going to be Jayse Cohen, my best friend. But in reality, he's one of those stars too. He's a porn celebrity. It might be a weird thing to be proud of, but I'm super proud of my best friend because he's doing exactly what he's always wanted to do. He's visiting the places he's always wanted to. He lives the life he's dreamed about.

How many people can say that?

"I need all the goods. I want to know what they're like in person. But only if they're extensions of what I see online. Otherwise, don't ruin the illusion. Oh, my god, I can't believe this!"

Jayse grins. "See why I couldn't keep it quiet any longer?!"

"Yes! Oh my god, I can't believe you get to meet them."

"And mess around with them," he taunts, waggling his eyebrows.

I groan and fall back on my bed. "I'm totally jealous." And yet… I'm not sure I'd jump at the opportunity. At least, not at this point in my life. Last month, fuck yeah. But now?

I'm totally stoked by this. For Jayse. I'm even slightly jealous because he gets to meet them for real. My ideal gay couple goals! But… I think I'd rather fuck Atty.

If that isn't a revelation on its own, I don't know what is.

"It's not for another month or so and then we'll take time to go through the footage, split some of it up, and decide what we're posting where," Jayse explains.

He's explained this all to me before. Collabing is more complicated than just showing up, fucking, and posting videos. There's all the teasers that lead up to it, always linking the others' accounts so you can share and expand audiences. There's posting duplicate content on all accounts but also posting exclusive content on just one account so that the other creators' audiences are tempted to follow.

Then there's the actual video itself. Sometimes there's multiple and each ReachMe account gets its own. Sometimes they're broken up, so you have to subscribe to everyone in order to see the whole scene. Then there are times they're just posted on all accounts.

Honestly, I hadn't thought porn was so complicated until Jayse really started to excel in his career. There were months when he'd come back daily after he'd learned something new he should be doing. We used to joke that someone should write a guide for beginners who wanted to create successful adult content.

He continues to tell me everything they have planned, and I sit here and marvel the entire time. It feels like a dream. For the first time, it feels like Jayse lives an entirely different life and I'm now sitting on the outside looking in.

Miller interrupts us, insisting that we join them downstairs or they're all going to invade my room. Jayse is a treat for everyone when he visits. I think part of it is because of the whole online celebrity thing. The first time Jayse came over after I moved in, I was confident that Ramah was going to pass out.

All four of my roommates recognized him. Two of them were already subscribers to his ReachMe.

Jayse and I curl up on the couch in a blanket with the rest of my roommates scattered around the room. Kelsey and Miller have the game console on, taking turns playing their weird animal community game that I seriously don't understand the appeal of. But whatever. To each their own. Whatever makes them happy.

Ramah is sitting with his legs curled under him in a chair, still a little starry-eyed as he looks at Jayse. I'm not sure if it's a crush or the porn star thing. Jayse pretends not to notice. He usually remains this way for the first hour or so that Jayse is here. Then he chills out.

Zuni is sprawled across the other couch, surrounded by snacks. I'm not sure where he puts that stuff, but that man can pack it away.

"What's new up in the mountains?" Kelsey asks.

Jayse shakes his head and shrugs. "Not a lot. Just forging with V. Chasing off his loser brother and a shitty wannabe customer."

I sigh. "Is he still hanging around?"

"Sometimes more than others. Most of the time I can head him off like I do the Karens and Chads before they even reach the forge," Jayse says.

"How do you do that?" Zuni asks.

"A very large ax and a loud threat," he explains. I laugh when he flashes me a grin. "I've found that most people rely on demeaning and intimidating people as their strategy in bullying them. When it's clear that their bullshit doesn't bother me, they're easy to scare off. One man I even made piss himself." He shrugs.

"You should have caught that on camera," Miller says.

"It is on camera," Jayse preens. "The entire property is covered in security cameras because of the forge. We keep the footage of assholes just in case they want to get mouthy."

"I bet he's mortified," Zuni says. "Hopefully that humbled him."

"Unlikely. Those people just take their tactics elsewhere. Small dick energy, you know?" Jayse admits, rolling his eyes.

"Compensation strategies for small dicks are the most toxic," Kelsey agrees. "I think it's small tit energy for girls."

Zuni snorts, spitting water everywhere, which only makes us laugh harder.

"Oh god, don't do that. I don't want to talk about tits," he whines.

"I listen to you all talk about dicks," Kelsey counters.

"There's a difference. You like dicks as much as we do," Miller says, still laughing. "We aren't all that interested in tits."

"I don't know," Jayse starts. "Tits are probably the least scary part on a woman. They're just squishy pillows of various sizes."

"With nipples," Kelsey adds.

Zuni makes a face.

Our laughter continues to fill the air, fueled by Zuni's expressions.

"Did Toby tell you about the guy he's been sneaking in?" Miller asks Jayse.

Jayse laughs. "It's adorable you think he keeps things from me."

"I'm offended that you tell him and not us," Miller grumbles and I shrug.

Jayse grins. He turns his attention to me and his smile has changed to something else. Before I can figure it out, he says, "Look at you, living your dream."

I smile, but I'm obviously confused. Sure, I enjoy what I'm doing and have no complaints in life, but I'm not sure if this is my dream exactly. "Am I?" I ask.

He laughs. "Don't play coy. You've been obsessed with hockey for as long as I've known you, and you've bagged a hockey player!"

The room is plunged into complete silence as everyone stares at Jayse. This is news to all of us. Me, not least of all.

"I… what?" I ask.

He stares at me for several minutes. "You're kidding, right?"

Except we both know I'm not.

"The guy you've been hiding is a hockey player?" Zuni asks. "No wonder you've been hiding him."

"I'm not—what?"

Jayse chuckles. Fishing his phone from between the folds of the blanket, I watch as he taps away. Then he hands me his phone, open to ShareIt.

It's a picture of guys running. I'm not sure if it was taken by paparazzi, but given the exposure and lack of clarity, it was likely someone just snapping a picture as they approached. They clearly need a phone that can handle pictures of motion shots.

There's a group of them. Five men running along the beach. I recognize almost all of them and feel immediately stupid that I didn't realize my mistake in thinking that Atty was just a random friend of the hockey team.

Because it's stupidly clear right now who he is, even if he's unrecognizable. Winslow Oberlin, Hugo Bladen, and Hector Atlas had always been three peas in a pod since they were traded to L.A. the same year. They've been close. Besties. Hockey's favorite trio on and off the ice. Egon joined their friendship circle when he was hired a few years ago and then Noah did last year when he was traded, bringing their friendship circle to five.

They were all at Medieval Company the night I met Atty—Hector Atlas. Together. How did I not see this?!

Chills break out over my skin, leaving me struggling to take a breath. Holy fuck, how did I not know?! Why didn't he tell me?

"You really didn't know," Jayse says.

I shake my head and toss his phone back at him while I get to my feet. On my way to my room, I dial Atty.

Hector. The man who has had a girlfriend for years!

Oh my god, what the fuck is going on right now?!