Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

STEVE

I barely shifted my weight in time to stop myself from crushing Billie with my much larger frame. We lay there in silence for a moment, both sticky with sweat and panting. My heart was pounding against Billie's. We were still joined at the waist, with my knot wedged inside her tight seath. I attempted a small movement so I would be able to look Billie in the eye. She moaned at the movement of my cock, still trapped inside her, and I felt her clamp down on me, causing a tingle of sensation down my spine. I managed to shift to one side so I could prop myself up on my elbow and take her all in.

Her face was flushed pink, and sweat made her little ringlets even more pronounced around her hairline. Her beautiful chest was still heaving, her eyes still dark. I skimmed my fingers up and down her side, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do after , so I wanted to let Billie lead the way. I had never had a mating of any kind, but that definitely wasn't something casual for me. I hoped it wasn't for her, either.

"How was that?" she asked.

How was that? I had no idea what the appropriate response was. Life-altering? Mind-blowing? An out-of-body experience? Beyond anything I'd ever dreamed of?

"Do you want the truth?" I asked.

At this, a look of concern flashed across her face. Oh, that's not what I wanted.

"I didn't want to overwhelm you," I explained hastily. "It was amazing. Lifechanging. I have never come so hard in my life. Watching you come while clenched around my cock will be seared into my brain forever."

Billie looked relieved. "Oh—you scared me."

Then, it was my turn to get nervous. I had never fucked anyone before. What if it wasn't any good for her? The way she clung to me, digging her tiny fingers into my back and wrapping her legs around me to pull me closer, all pointed toward her enjoyment, but how was I to know?

"Was that—was that—was I okay?" I asked hesitantly. "I know that I am not as…experienced at this."

Billie stroked a finger down my jawline. "That was incredible. I have never had a guy make me come twice. I can't believe you're new at this. I can't believe I am saying it, but that might be the best sex I've ever had."

I blushed. "Well, you made me come twice. It seemed only fair."

Billie laughed. "That is not at all how things usually occur, but I could get used to it."

This reminded me that Billie had been with others, several others. I didn't like the ugly feeling that grew in the pit of my stomach when I thought of Billie atop someone else, crying out someone else's name. I didn't want to admit my jealous thoughts. She had a right to a past just as much as I did, but I owed her honesty.

"Sorry. Just mentioning how things had been different for you in the past made me picture you with others. I—I didn't like it," I finished lamely.

"Ah, that's reasonable," she said, nuzzling my neck. "I wouldn't like to picture you with anyone else, either. I know we have pretty different past experiences, but I promise there is only you now."

"So, does that mean you want to be my chosen mate?" I asked.

I had wondered how this might work. There seemed so little orc between the two of us that it felt unlikely that any Elska bond would happen. But, we could be chosen mates. Billie looked surprised.

"Chosen mates are like spouses, right?" she asked, eyes wide. "It's a pretty permanent decision?"

Oh no, I'd asked too soon. I was scaring her off already. She'd had more casual partners than I'd had. Maybe she wasn't ready to make this permanent?

I cleared my throat. "Yes, mates are usually taken for life." I was a bundle of nerves as I watched her take in the information.

"When I got to this planet, I was excited about the idea of an Elska mate—someone destined for me who I didn't have to look for. But I don't think we have enough orkin in us to be fated." I was so tired of looking for my person on Earth that I started to think there wasn't anyone for me. "Here, fated mates solved that problem. But we aren't fated, are we?"

"No, I don't know if we have enough orkin blood between us to form an Elska bond," I said truthfully.

"But you could probably bond with another orc, couldn't you? What if there is someone else in my tribe that you are destined for?"

I shook my head vigorously. "I would deny the bond. There was no one else for me, Elska or not. Now that I know you—now that I've been with you. You are all that I want."

Billie considered what I'd said momentarily, still tracing her fingers up and down my side. I assumed she was trying to reassure me, for which I was grateful.

"You'd be willing to deny an Elska bond for me?" she questioned after a time.

"Yes," I responded, undeterred. "You are my everything."

"Could we do a hybrid human-orc relationship to start?" she asked after a time. I could tell she was hesitant to dive into full-blown mates.

I didn't love the sound of that, but I was willing to listen.

"Tell me more," I said.

"Well, we'd continue to date, and then, if things went well, we'd decide whether or not to make this permanent when the season is over. If we decide to make this permanent, one of us is going to have to move, except I don't know that either of us is ready to make that decision yet."

I hadn't thought about that. Forever meant one of us saying goodbye to our tribe forever. And yet I didn't even need a moment to process. My mind was made up. I was staying. I'd already considered staying before Billie and I talked about a relationship. I fit in much better with the Fyrifírar than the Snaerfírar, and my only hesitation had been whether they'd allow me to stay. Surely, if I was going to take Billie as a mate, they would let me. Then, really, my only issue would be a difficult conversation with Reykr.

Billie wasn't ready for forever today. We could continue to "date" until the end of the season, and then I would tell her I'd decided to stay.

"Okay, so we continue to date." I paused. "Can we continue to do this?" I gestured at our still-connected bodies.

Billie, smiling as always, said, "Yes, we can continue to do this. I am going to insist upon it."

I sighed with relief. Then, I asked the last question on my mind. "Do you still want to keep it a secret?"

I honestly didn't know what answer I wanted. I was undecided.

"I think so." Billie's brows furrowed in uncertainty. "I like having something that's just ours for now. Without everyone watching, it gives us more time to decide on the future."

She had a point there. I didn't want the whole tribe watching this unfold. If Reykr knew I was interested in one of the humans, he would automatically worry about whether or not I'd come back home. And I also liked that it was just between us—well, and Joey.

"You may have to remind Joey to keep it a secret," I said.

Billie rolled her eyes. "Oh, trust me, I am well aware. Um… now that we've had our serious ‘what is this relationship' conversation, do you think you could tell me how long we're stuck like this?" She waved at our joined hips.

"Oh! I have no idea. I've never knotted someone before." I blushed with embarrassment. Billie was really seeing my lack of experience.

She looked slightly surprised, then shrugged. "I guess that makes sense."

Billie pulled me in for another kiss. I didn't think we would ever be able to part if she kept kissing me, but I decided to keep that to myself.

BILLIE

I was in the showers, thoroughly washing so that no one would smell Steve on me in the morning, when Joey busted in.

"Well?" she demanded.

"Well, what?" I said, just to annoy her.

"Well, what happened with Steve?! You just slipped back in from berry picking, didn't come to dinner, and now you're showering alone." She crossed her arms and frowned at me, clearly disgruntled.

I laughed and continued to wash my hair and hum to myself.

"Billie, if you don't give me the deets right now, I am going to tell all the girls that you went berry picking with Steve this afternoon and had me cover for you." She tapped her foot in impatience.

"Alright, alright." I sighed. "Everything you assume happened, happened. We had sex. It was amazing. The best sex I have ever had, hands down. And I don't know if orcs come by oral naturally as a skill or if Steve is just a fast learner, but I have never come that quickly."

Joey just opened and closed her mouth, eyes wide.

"But we're still keeping it a secret," I said pointedly. "So keep your big mouth shut."

I was still sad that for anything to be permanent, either Steve or I would have to say goodbye to our home. Granted, Fyrifírar hadn't been my home for long, but I couldn't imagine my life without all the girls I was abducted with or the tribe that had welcomed me in. But the idea of being without Steve also pained me.

"It's just complicated. If we decide to be serious, then one of us has to move," I explained.

"You can't seriously be considering leaving. You've—we've put in months rebuilding the bar," she said, shocked.

"I know. I know. But I can't ask him to stay just for me."

"Didn't he come here because he hated his own stupid tribe?" Joey asked.

"You know it isn't that simple. He isn't in a rush to go back, but I don't know if he ever considered staying here permanently."

"Well, what if you are fated?" Joey asked, flopping onto a bench by the showers and scowling at me.

"We don't even know if we can be. Between us, there's only a quarter of an orc. Maybe that isn't enough for us to be mates?"

Joey thrummed her lips over her fingers, thinking. "So you're just going to ‘see where it goes.' What does that even mean?"

I sighed. This whole conversation was making me sad. Joey wasn't asking anything I hadn't considered when Steve and I started things, but it was too soon to talk about forever. Steve and I had slept together once, and we'd been on two dates. The only way forward was to wait and see. Joey looked at me sadly as if she could see it all swirling around in my head. She knew from day one how badly I wanted forever.

"Well. I think he'll ask to stay," she said firmly.

I returned my attention to my hair. "I am going to try to take it a day at a time."

I wanted forever with someone, but it was too soon to decide with Steve. I had been on two dates. Two dates that were amazing and ended in mind-blowing sex. But was that enough to establish a long-term commitment?