32. Carly

The past few days had been a blur of avoidance and uncertainty, my thoughts consumed by the weight of the ultimatum Nate had given me, the silence I'd had from Logan and Bennett ever since, too. At Forge, I'd tried to keep busy, staying as far from Nate and Logan as possible to save myself some heartache. Bennett was busy with his new job, so he'd been around the house less often, too. That was a valid reason, but I got the sense that he was also trying to give me some space. Maybe he needed space from me, too, after I'd hurt him.

It was safe to say I was just going through the motions. The time was passing in a slow molasses blur as I just tried to carry on, numb to the world. But with Ella, there was no escaping reality, no just scraping by, no phoning it in. She was the bright light in my life through all of this, and I couldn"t let my own turmoil taint our relationship in the slightest.

We sat together at the dinner table, just us two for the first time in… well, since my mom first went on the vacation that changed everything for our family. I listened carefully as she recounted the highlights of her school week, but my inability to concentrate out of sadness and fear and whatever else was clouding my stupid heart-brain made it so I zoned out for a moment until I heard a familiar name.

"Where's Doctor Ben, Mama? Didn't he want to have dinner with us?" Her sweet face was a little sad at the prospect of Bennett avoiding her, and it broke my heart.

"I'm sure he wanted to," I said at first.

"Is he mad at me?" She started to sniffle, and I reached across the table for her hand, wrapping her small warmth in both of mine.

"No, baby! No, of course not," I hurried to reassure her. "He's just… busy with his new job."

"And Logan and Nate?" she asked. I swallowed hard.

"They're busy, too."

"Too busy to have dinner?" she asked incredulously, and I should have known a pretty lie wouldn't be enough to fool my whip-smart daughter.

"Well, there's something else, too," I began, my voice trembling slightly. Honesty was the best policy, right? That was what I always told her, anyway. "Bennett, Logan, Nate and I… we had a fight. Nothing about you, and it's nothing you did. But I think they don't want to have dinner with me right now, which is why they haven't been around the past couple of days."

Her eyes widened in surprise, and I could see the confusion flicker across her face. "A fight? About what?"

"Grownup stuff, baby," I said with a wince, knowing how much she hated that excuse. "But they all still love you just as much. You're so, so special to them."

"They're special to me," she said quietly, poking at the food on her plate with a sad, downturned expression.

All of a sudden, it dawned on me that I'd been keeping a huge secret from her. That now felt like the right time to tell her the truth. I took a drink of water to swallow down the nerves creeping up my throat, and I did it. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. "Ella, baby. I need to tell you something about Doctor Ben, if that's okay. You know how I told you that you need a mama and a daddy to have a baby?"

She nodded, her brow scrunching as she looked up at me.

"Well, Doctor Ben is your dad. I met him several years ago, and we made you. But I didn't know about you until later, after we lost touch, and so I never got to tell him you were here until he came back to us. Isn't that special?"

She thought of this for a long second, and then her smile started to break through like the slow ascent of sunrise. "It is. Does that mean Nate and Logan are my dads, too?"

"I…" My words trailed off. I guess I could see how she'd gotten that idea. And despite the crumbling I'd set in motion, the thought of sharing my best girl with my three best guys had such a lovely appeal, too. I blinked hard to keep myself from forming tears. "Well, that depends. Would you like them to be your dads? Would it be okay with you, having all three of them?"

"Duh," Ella said, making me want to laugh even as tears still threatened. She looked at me like this was the most obvious thing in the world. "Three dads are better than just one, huh? And that's way better than no dad. My friends' dads teach them cool things and do all kinds of goofy stuff. I want to tell my friends about my dads, too."

The weight of realization settled heavily on my shoulders, pressing down with a force that threatened to crush me beneath its burden. I couldn"t deny it any longer—I had been using Ella and my mom as shields, hiding behind them to avoid confronting my own fears and insecurities about how deeply I cared about Logan, Bennett, and Nate. And now, as I sat across from Ella, the truth staring back at me from her innocent green eyes, I couldn"t help but feel a profound sense of regret.

"Ella," I began, my voice faltering slightly as I struggled to find the right words. "I… I"m sorry."

Her gaze softened, the corners of her lips turning up in a small, understanding smile. "What for, Mama?"

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was to come. "For… for not being honest with you sooner. And for letting fear guide my actions. I want you to always be brave, and Mama hasn't been very brave lately."

Ella listened intently, her brow furrowing in thought as she processed my words.

"I know that each of your dads loves you very much," I continued, my heart heavy with guilt. "But they might not want to be with Mama anymore because of the disagreement we had."

Ella considered this for a moment, her expression pensive as she weighed my words carefully. And then, with the wisdom of a child far beyond her years, she spoke.

"But Mama," she said, her voice gentle yet firm, "you just have to say you"re sorry."

Her words cut through the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside me, offering a glimmer of hope in the darkness of my despair. It was a simple solution to a problem that I had made needlessly complicated, a reminder that sometimes, the path forward was clearer than we dared to believe.

I looked into Ella"s eyes, seeing the strength and resilience that lay within her, the reminder of Bennett, and I felt a surge of determination wash over me. She was right. It could be that simple. All I had to do was swallow my pride, admit my mistakes, and ask for forgiveness.

"Thank you, sweetheart," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. "Thank you for being mine, and for being the smartest person I know."

Ella beamed at me, pure light and happiness personified. As I spoke the words aloud, a weight lifted from my chest, replaced by a sense of hope and renewal. Maybe it wasn"t too late to make things right, to mend the bonds that had been strained by my own misguided actions.

There were still uncertainties. The guys didn't have to forgive me just because I told them I was sorry, and hell, maybe they'd lost interest in me by now, anyway. But I made a silent vow to myself—to be brave, to be honest, and to never again let fear dictate my actions. For Ella, for my guys, and for the love that bound us together, I would do whatever it took to make things right.