20. Carly

The one way my romantic, head-in-the-clouds mother and I were very much alike was in our shared love of weddings. Now that I made a good chunk of my income from wedding photography, I loved them even more. And today, I had my camera in tow for a perfect spring wedding gig I'd been looking forward to for months. A perfect combination of my interests. It also didn't hurt that snapping shots of the beautiful grounds of the country club venue my clients had picked for their special day was an amazing distraction from all the messy, complicated, intense feelings I had swirling around in my head.

Hell, the tumult was in my body, too. Just as thoroughly as Logan and Nate had rocked my world in a physical sense, last night with Bennett had turned my emotional world completely inside out and upside down. There was no better time to focus on my passion, the dream I'd put on pause after the night Bennett and I had conceived our daughter, than right now.

I'd dressed the part for the Villanueva wedding. My navy blue floral patterned dress often hung at the back of my closet, untouched, but this was the perfect occasion to whip it out. Paired with some cork heels and more makeup than I usually bothered with for work, I was feeling every bit the fancy Queen Carla Ben had painted me as in Ella's new favorite bedtime story. And Ella was dressed like a princess, too.

Because I knew the groom from an old restaurant gig and this wedding was child-friendly, the happy couple had allowed me to bring Ella with me on their day. It saved me the trouble of worrying about childcare, now that my mom wasn't always around, and it made my heart smile to see her running around with other kids before the ceremony, taking care not to stain her lilac dress.

The wedding ceremony unfolded like a scene from a fairytale, just like the story Ben made up to help our daughter dream sweetly. The sun cast a golden glow over the lush greenery of the country club grounds, bathing the outdoor ceremony in a warm, ethereal light. As I snapped photos of the bride and groom exchanging vows, my heart swelled with emotion. Witnessing their love and commitment to each other reminded me of my own longing for a love that would last a lifetime. It was cheesy, but it was true. I was one of those girls who'd dreamed of my wedding since I was little.

I couldn"t help but feel a pang of envy as I watched the bride and groom gaze into each other"s eyes with adoration. Sure, I'd been shown a similar level of adoring attention lately, but I didn't know where I stood with any of the men who looked at me with that level of heart-eyes. This low heart pain was a feeling I was all too familiar with, the ache of wanting something I feared I may never have. I had always dreamed of finding my own happily ever after, even if I didn't believe in fairy tales. I yearned to provide stability and security for Ella, for myself. But now that I was entangled with two (three?) men at once, the prospect seemed more distant than ever. Christ above.

I pushed those stressful thoughts aside, focusing instead on capturing the love and joy of the newlyweds in my photos. As a wedding photographer, I had the privilege of documenting some of the most intimate and memorable moments in people"s lives, and I cherished every opportunity to do so. This side of being a photographer was just as fulfilling to me as the "artsy" side I'd favored back in college—the unflattering portraits, the well-lit landscape shots, the still lifes I pretended to care about more than I really did. This kind of photography was a form of art in its own right, and it took an artistic eye to capture the raw emotion and beauty of human connection.

As the ceremony came to a close and the newlyweds shared their first kiss as husband and wife, I wiped away a stray tear that had escaped down my cheek. It was a bittersweet moment, tinged with happiness for the couple and a drop of sadness for my own melodramatic bullshit. I let myself wallow a little in it, but only inside. I refused to let my own insecurities dampen the light of this occasion.

Best man speeches were usually hit and miss. Luckily, Victor Villanueva's best man was his father, a kindly older man from Venezuela who gave a lovely speech in English and Spanish to include both sides of this newly-blended family. I thought of the guys in my life almost against my will, thinking with a mental chuckle that Dwight would make an amazing best man to any one of them. His speech would make everyone cry, just like this five-two old man. It would be fun if I ever got to hear that speech some day.

After all the speeches and ceremony bits were finished, the party started. I mingled with the guests, snapping candid shots of laughter and celebration on the dance floor. Ella flitted around the reception with a radiant smile on her face, weaving in and out of the crowds and always coming back to tell me some update about the new friends she'd made among the guests. How lovely it would be to be able to give Ella siblings to play with someday. I wished for it hard as I watched her dance with a new friend, hand in hand and jumping to the beat of a popular wedding jam. It warmed my heart to see her so carefree and happy, and I thanked my lucky stars, every last one, that I was privileged enough to be able to include her in this, even if that dream of giving her a bigger family wasn't on its way to becoming a reality.

As the evening wore on, I found myself lost in the rhythm of my work, the click of my camera shutter a comforting soundtrack alongside the shitty DJ's generic music choices. When a slow song started and the happy couple began to sway together in the center of the floor, I made sure to take plenty of photos. This was the kind of moment I knew the couple would want to see for themselves after this whirlwind day was all over.

I was in the zone, snapping as many candid shots as I could get, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I whirled around and caught sight of something I'd never expected in a million years.

"Wanna dance?" Bennett asked me quietly, his expression almost sheepish. He stood before me in a well-pressed suit, a deep green tie bringing out the vivid shade of his eyes. Our daughter's eyes, too.

"Are you… crashing a wedding? For me?" I asked him, my voice high in disbelief. He smiled and ran a hand over his slicked-back hair, careful not to disrupt the effort he'd put in to look nice.

"Yeah, Carly. I think I'd do just about anything for you, if you'd let me."

My heart was thumping wildly in my chest, the sound almost drowning out the music. "I… I don't understand."

"Here," he said, holding out his hand for me to take. "Dance with me. Please."

I couldn't say no to that. I slid my hand into Bennett's, letting my camera hang from the strap around my neck in rest. I'd taken plenty of photos for now. Maybe this was an opportunity for my own romance to blossom. What better place than a wedding?

Bennett twirled me skillfully onto the dance floor, making me laugh a little breathlessly. Then, he pulled me close, one strong hand steadying me at the small of my back. He guided us in a slow, careful swaying dance, romantic and intimate, providing a perfect moment for me to rest my head against his chest. It felt like a dream, and that only became truer when he cleared his throat and started to speak.

"Carly, I've been thinking a lot. About you and me, and Ella, and… our family. And I've decided that no matter what kind of family it's going to be, I want to be part of it. All in."

I wasn't sure what to say. But he didn't give me a chance to even attempt a response because he kept talking, his words coming out in an emotional rush.

"I care about you so much more than you can even understand. Both of you, but this isn't even just about Ella. It's you, Carly. I liked you so much when we met years ago, and some part of that feeling never went away. Now that I've gotten to spend time with you, gotten to know the incredible woman and mother you've become since that night in college… I can't just walk away, no matter the circumstance.

"If you feel even a fraction of what I do, and you're interested in being with me, I want you to know that I'm down with taking things slowly. It's what's best for Ella, and for both of us. We're still getting to know each other, and I don't want you to feel pressured."

I didn't feel pressured at all. I felt understood. Safe. Valued. But one question was nagging at me, and I had to ask. "What about Logan and Nate? I care about them, too. And after everything, I'm not sure I can just… be without any of you. I can't choose."

"Yeah," he sighed, and I pulled away from his chest to look up into his pensive face. He swallowed hard. "I won't lie. It was hard to think about, at first. I never really thought I could be jealous like that before you. But I realized it wasn't that I didn't want you to share yourself with anyone else, I just… wanted there to be a place for me in the mix. As long as I have that, I think I can learn to share. If that's what'll make you happy."

Fuck. Share. The idea of having some kind of claim on each of these three very different, equally amazing men, sharing my body and my heart with them, overwhelmed me with joy and desire. The possibilities for the future flooded my brain. Group dates and cuddling in a big, warm pile. Erotic adventures, each of them worshiping my body and wringing out every ounce of pleasure with their careful attention. The idea of being full of all three of them at once…

"It would make me happy," I breathed, admitting it out loud even to myself for the first time. "But aren't you afraid?"

"Of course I am." He half-laughed, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingertips traced my skin on the way, leaving a tingling trail of sweetness in their wake. "I'm scared shitless, Carly, even now. I've never had a relationship like this. But you're worth trying for, and just like when I went to Sierra Leone, I'm deciding to not let fear keep me from something that could be amazing. And I really think it will be. I have a good feeling."

I had a good feeling, too. I kissed Bennett in the middle of the dance floor, living out the fairy tale he'd written for us, my heart full to bursting with joy.

The music eventually stopped, and soon, my work at this wedding was finished. After I'd spoken with the newlyweds about when their photos should be ready and took the final just-married shots of them leaving the reception together, I gathered Ella up in my arms and packed up my equipment. Bennett joined us, his two best girls, and the three of us headed home.

In the quiet darkness of our house, the new relationship Bennett and I had agreed to explore came to life. A tension that we'd ignored until now lit up in the darkness. I carried my passed out daughter to her bed and kissed her forehead as she snuggled into her covers, fast asleep, and then my body started to tingle in anticipation as I headed back to the living room where Bennett was waiting for me. I was waiting for him, too. My body had been waiting for him all along, maybe, and now it was softening in preparation for him. At least in hope.

I strode up to Ben with more confidence than I felt. I looked up into his eyes, and I begged him to kiss me.

"Carly," Bennett sighed as he leaned in and did exactly that. Just like he said at the wedding, he was taking it slow, a gentle, careful press of his lips to mine, a polite question of his tongue running across the seam of my lips, asking to be let inside. I obliged him hungrily, parting my lips and chasing his tongue with my own, our warmth mingling, stoking into a flame.

We moved to the sofa, the same one we'd occupied for Ella's movie night. That night when I saw what a good father Bennett was meant to be. I laid myself down on the cushions, using the throw pillow for leverage behind my head so I could still reach Bennett's perfect lips. He moved over me with care and grace, a light melding of our bodies creating a warm embrace.

I sighed into the kiss, then followed the impulse I felt to bite him, snagging his full lower lip between my teeth. His breath caught, and the hand that had been resting chastely on my waist started to move, caressing me back and forth, carefully pulling my dress up to bare my thighs to him. I reached for his shirt, too, undoing the buttons carefully and then pulling his undershirt up to reach his warm skin. His abdomen tensed as I caressed him, but not in a way that said no.

Both our bodies were only saying yes, yes, yes. We had to be quiet, careful not to wake our sleeping daughter, but maybe that was why we'd chosen the living room rather than one of our beds—there was more physical distance, but it would be easier to hear if Ella started to stir, to jump apart like kids caught hooking up in their parents' house.

That was a little bit how it felt, really. This house had been my mom's, after all, and Bennett's touch made me feel younger, lighter than I had since before Ella was born. Maybe it was just because I had him to help me, now. And his kindness, his affection made my heart feel new again, too.

We started to shed our clothes more quickly, now, frantic hands pulling at material until I was down to my bra and panties, Bennett shirtless with his pants undone. Holding eye contact with me all the while, he reached his hand into the front of my panties and gently stroked through my pooled desire.

"You're so incredible, Carly," Bennett whispered as his fingers explored my folds. He moved his lips to my jaw, then my ear, then my neck as he fingered me with pure, sensual need. It was careful and curious, but not fumbling like those almost-teens we were pretending to be. He found my clit with no effort, stroking it gently as if he were petting some soft creature that needed extra care, and I sighed as I relaxed into the cushions.

"There," I told him when he found the perfect pressure against my bundled nerves. I reached down to grab his hand, wanting to be close to him as he petted me. Our fingers interlaced as he rubbed slow, delicious circles into me, making my hips undulate against him.

It was as natural and powerful as the tide when I came. Bennett kissed me hard when I tensed, swallowing down my primal cry. He kept kissing me through it as he gentled his touch, massaging me carefully back down to earth.

In a seamless slide, Bennett pulled my panties all the way down, and I adjusted so I could kick them off onto the carpet. He kissed down to the swell of my breasts, spending his time there as he reached behind my back to unhook my bra. Within another languid, lovely moment, I was naked before him, and Bennett couldn't decide whether to kiss me, touch me, or just look at me. The lust in his eyes was tinged with something lovely and sweet, almost adoration.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Carly," he whispered. He moved to press an open-mouthed kiss to my breast, suckling my whole areola into his waiting mouth and making me gasp at the sensation. Even after coming once, my inner muscles were aching again, yearning for more. Bennett shushed me carefully, then contradicted himself. He sucked me harder. An electrical current shot straight to my pussy in response, and I let out a strangled moan, as quiet as I could manage. His hand came up to gently cover my mouth, and it was painfully erotic in its own right.

He spent a long while on my breasts, just as interested in that full, ripe flesh as Logan and Nate had been, but with an added layer of reverence in it. I felt like a goddess as he sucked and teased my nipples, alternating the use of his skilled doctor's hands and his sensual tongue. I told him quietly, "I can come just like this, if you want me to. I'm–I'm close."

He sighed against me, the breeze of his mouth prickling goosebumps on my skin. "Christ, Carly, I wanna see that. I want to kiss you like this forever. But I'm afraid I… I won't last. Can you wait to come again until I'm inside you?"

The politeness of the question made me emotional. How had I found and enchanted a man who was this sweet? I whispered through a smile, "I can if you stop what you're doing and make love to me already."

His quiet chuckle vibrated against my nipple, and it took a lot of concentration not to come apart then and there. He kissed each of my breasts as if to say goodbye, and then he moved back to ravish my mouth.

I whispered reassurances to Ben that I had an IUD now, that there was no worry that our coming together the way we both needed would result in another accidental miracle like Ella. She was a once in a lifetime kid, anyway. And when he couldn't resist anymore, when he accepted my comfort, he let me reach for his hard cock and pull it free from his boxers.

God, this felt familiar. I'd known his body so long ago, and it turned out I never really forgot it. His thickness filled my hand perfectly, and the silky smoothness of him was an addiction I couldn't shake. I stroked him lovingly, running my thumb over his blushing head and savoring every deliciously breathy sound he made in response to my touch. It was perfect, getting to taste his sounds of pleasure as he kissed me. Someday soon, I'd have to taste his hardness, too, have him fill my mouth with his perfect heat.

"Please, Carly," he rasped as he pulled back from my mouth. He locked eyes with me, pleading for more than just this physical release. I wanted to give him everything he'd ever wanted. "I need to be inside you."

I might have needed it even more. I guided him with my hand to my waiting, dripping entrance, and he helped me with a forward rock of his hips. When the head of his cock was submerged in my wetness and he was struggling for control, panting with his restraint, I wrapped my arms around his slim waist and pulled him into me, kissing him hard to tell him to come inside, to move. He sank into me like it was where he belonged.

Bennett's smooth, slow undulations hypnotized me with sensual bliss. I felt full and ready and absolutely cherished, and I rocked up into his thrusts, deepening our connection, whispering soft, enthusiastic yeses to encourage us both. I could have kept this up for days, months, years. It was perfection, having Bennett inside me again after all this time, and I wasn't about to let it end too soon.

"You're perfect, Carly. So tight and warm," he whispered as he kissed my jaw. "Beautiful."

Of course he would be kind, full of lovely praises even in this moment. My nails scraped the smooth skin of his back, and that caused a shift. Spurred on by my touch, Ben growled low in his throat. It was an animalistic side I hadn't seen in him before, and it made him pick up his pace, fucking me harder.

Our breathing grew more rapid, in sync and syncopated at the same time. I was almost worried about Ella waking up from the sound of our skin slapping together in the quiet of the night, but she was fully out when I laid her down, and this felt too good to worry about anything else. Bennett buried his face in my neck, biting down on my sensitive flesh, making me whimper.

"I love that sound," he rasped in my ear. "I want to make you make that sound again and again. Forever."

I wanted that, too. He sucked and licked the same spot he'd bitten, and I let out a small sigh. I might have a mark tomorrow, but I didn't care, because then he was pounding into me, harder and faster, more intense. I was at his mercy, completely lost in the overwhelming pleasure he was giving me. The pleasure we gave each other.

I pulled Bennett's head to mine, kissing him hard to muffle the loud, guttural moan I couldn't help but release as I felt myself finally shatter apart again. It just felt so good, my pussy clenching around his cock, the exquisite fullness carrying me through the waves of my orgasm. I pressed my oversensitive nipples up against him, even the light friction of his ginger chest hair against them adding to the overwhelming feeling of rightness. Every nerve in my body sang for him.

When Bennett followed me over the edge in another few powerful thrusts, I almost came again. Instead, I cried with the emotional release, and Bennett kissed my tears away, murmuring sweet things to make me smile. There was just no better feeling than the raw, hot pulse of him spurting his seed inside me as I still clenched and unclenched with aftershocks. Well, except maybe the perfect calm of us coming down together, still connected and warm and sweaty, sharing sweet kisses and words of affection.

In the aftermath, we both wanted nothing more than to curl up to sleep in each other's arms. But we decided together that it would be best if Ella didn't have to question why we were sharing a bed. So, once we'd gathered our forgotten fancy clothes from the living room and shared another kiss, a promise of the future we were both excited to share, Bennett said goodnight to me. It wasn't a goodbye, but a see you tomorrow. And after the beautiful love we'd made tonight, I half hoped we could say that again and again until the end of time.