Chapter 10

~Gabe

Lying here next to Justin, I can"t explain what I did. It was like I couldn"t help myself, couldn"t control my need for my own stepbrother.

Driving back, I don"t let myself think too deeply about it or feel any of the feelings that seem to be bubbling up. I just push them down.

Justin is sitting next to me. He"s slumped in the passenger seat and dozing. I keep glancing at him. He seemed more at peace with what happened than me. But he can"t be. We"re stepbrothers.

I"m driving us back to my place, but when I pull up in front, I realize it"s close to Justin"s quitting time. He"s awake now so I ask him, "You"re heading home now, right? I should drive you. How do you usually get there?"

"Bus or I walk," he says. "You don"t need to drive me."

"So you want to stay at my place overnight?" I challenge him. He just glares at me. "I"m not letting you walk or take the bus. You can stay over or you can give me your address."

Reluctantly, he gives me his address. I demanded it, but now I find I"m disappointed, like I wanted him to stay the night.

The building where Justin lives is awful. The facade is crumbling around every window. At the corners, bricks have come off. If it looks like that from the street, how bad is it inside?

"I"ll walk you to your place," I tell Justin as I park.

"Why?" Justin demands.

"I"m curious. I want to see where you live," I tell him, but I"m more than curious. I"m concerned.

"Whatever," he says and we go in.

As soon as we"re through the main entrance of the building, the smell hits me. The elevator looks like a death trap and smells even worse. Seeing the appalled look on my face, Justin tells me, "You wanted to come. I"m not taking the stairs after the way you worked me over. But you can go ahead, or just go home."

"Thank you for outlining my choices," I tell him. He"s feeling assertive since we fucked and that just makes me want to fuck him again. Maybe it would be better if I didn"t go up with him, but I get into the elevator and it takes us up with a disconcerting lurch.

By the time we get inside Justin"s one room apartment, I realize it"s later than I thought. It"s gotten dark. Plus all his shades are down though they are broken and crooked so I can see the last of the sunset shining through in garish colors.

I smell mold and I"m about to mention it, but Justin lowers himself to the couch and curls up on it. "You should eat something," I tell him because he looks ready to fall asleep right there.

"Do you work for me now?" he asks since he"s usually the one trying to get me to eat. He"s almost insolent now but looks dead tired too.

"You"re in no shape to go to sleep without eating," I tell him.

He laughs bitterly. "I don"t sleep that easy," he says.

I go into the kitchen area, which is basically just a corner with a sink and some counter space, most of which is taken up by a microwave. There is a small fridge and I steel myself before I open it. It"s almost empty.

I"m about to tell Justin that I"m going to order him some food, when I see he"s asleep. Sighing, I order the food anyway. I order some groceries too so he"ll have something in his fridge. I"m proving Justin right by doing exactly what he usually does for me. He needs it more than I do though.

As I wait for the deliveries to arrive, I"m bothered by this place. There"s only one lamp sitting on the floor and I turn it on so I can have a look around. I find that the moldy smell is coming from around the windows and the space between the wall and the floor, where there shouldn"t be a space, but the floor has rotted there leaving a gap.

If Justin was awake, I would be telling him that he can"t live here. Instead, I watch him sleep and can"t help thinking of what we did, how overwhelmingly turned on I got. Out of control, wanting Justin more than anything.

It wasn"t him. It was because I hadn"t been with anyone since before Derrick died.

While I"m trying to keep myself from thinking of Justin under me, me inside him, the takeout and grocery deliveries arrive. Both delivery people look uneasy about where they find themselves. The generous tips only seem to make them more uneasy.

After putting away the food, I get ready to leave. I"m nearly to the door when I hear a strangled sound from Justin. He"s having a nightmare.

Sitting next to him on the couch, I shake him a little to wake him. He starts fighting me. He sounds terrified as he says "No" over and over.

"Everything is OK, Justin. You"re safe," I tell him.

He gasps and whispers, "No. No. Royce." His eyes open. Blinking at me, he looks confused.

"Did Royce hurt you?" I ask him.

Justin frowns at me. "Where are...?" He looks around. "Why are you here?"

I ask him again, "Did Royce hurt you?"

Justin shakes his head. "No. He saved me." His expression is grim though.

"From what?" I say but he just stares at me darkly, silently refusing to answer. I try a different question. "Does that mean you would do anything for him? Even sexual favors?"

"I owe him," Justin states defiantly.

"So that"s the only reason you let me fuck you," I say and he doesn"t deny it.

Still sitting next to him, I"m glaring at him but he just keeps staring at me levelly. As I keep sitting there, I become aware of him lying next to me, his side against my hip, my hand still on his arm. He"s breathing deeply and his defiant gaze softens. He blinks a few times like he"s going to fall asleep again then mumbles, "You turn me on and make me sleepy. It"s weird."

"You should sleep," I tell him. He"s pale even in the dim light of that one lamp.

"I can"t sleep," he says, but just like before, he drops off.

I get up carefully so I don"t wake him. I should go, but I"m worried he"ll have another nightmare and wake up alone. That shouldn"t keep me here, but it does.

After pacing for a minute, I take a seat on the other end of the sofa and Justin"s legs end up on my lap. I rest my hands on them and will myself not to stroke him, not to wake him and fuck him again.