20. Steel

20

Steel

This life never stops.

Never slows.

My club requires my attention every minute of the day, and up until now, they’ve had it.

Waking up with Tempe in my bed a couple of days ago was a mistake I shouldn’t have made, and there’s no taking it back.

She’s splitting my focus, and now, every time I blink, I see her kneeling in front of me. Offering everything I can’t have if I’m going to be the kind of man my club needs.

Not that I can scrub my thoughts clean either. There’s something innocent behind the mile-high walls Tempe builds. Something soft underneath the ruthless fighter. And no matter how hard her life has been, her touch heals, and her kiss cracks me open.

I tried my best to resist her—to be patient.

I tried to stay in control, but she snaps it .

She showed affection to a man who’s better at killing people than loving them.

Maybe she just caught me at the end of a hard day. A difficult month. An impossible year.

A weak moment.

My traitor’s daughter dropped to her knees, and I stared into the eyes of the blood that tried to destroy me and my men. She blinked up at me, and I wanted to forget the war I’ve been fighting since I first slipped on my president patch at twenty-one.

I wanted the peace she was offering.

Comfort.

Something a man as strong as me was weak enough to give in to for a moment.

She parted her lips, and I felt the pause in the universe. I gave in to what I’m not allowed to want—things I never knew I did.

I don’t fuck women bare, and I certainly don’t fuck them in my actual bed.

I sure as hell don’t let them stay at my house.

She breaks every rule I’ve ever set.

Tempe might think of herself as another check mark on my mind-numbing list of conquests, but she’s so far from it that I’m not sure who I am anymore.

What we did was more than sex, and I learned at a young age the danger of wanting more than that from a relationship.

My dad gave his whole heart to my mom. He never strayed and never wanted more than she gave him. He wanted a family, and they had it—first me, then my brother.

But life’s unpredictable whether you’re in the club or not. And when we lost Wyatt when he was only a year old, Mom never recovered. It didn’t matter that I was five and barely understood it. I felt the impact in every day that passed.

Mom rarely left her room after his funeral. She didn’t even want to see me when I tried to bring her things I thought might help.

My favorite stuffed animal, my favorite blanket, a hug.

That’s when I learned that people don’t have to be dead to become ghosts. I watched her become one right in front of us. Haunting the house with her cries. Turning the air cold.

Dad tried to hold it together, but the pieces were everywhere. Our love wasn’t enough to fix her. My love wasn’t enough to fill the holes.

I still remember that day I learned that love doesn’t last.

A breeze ran through the house when Dad and I got home because the back door had been left open. Dad walked in first, and I was right behind him. We had been at the shop, where I played with my toy cars while Dad fixed his motorcycle and talked to Helix.

I sorted the wrenches, making an obstacle course for my cars. It was like every other day.

When the nightmares take over, I can still see my mom’s feet floating in the air. Her nightgown blowing in the breeze while her body swayed.

Her twisted face. Her discolored skin .

The final transition to the ghost she was already becoming.

Loving us wasn’t enough to keep her here, and I learned not to trust feelings of comfort ever again.

Whoever says it’s better to have loved and lost doesn’t know how heartbreak can level someone.

It’s why I don’t entertain relationships. Especially ones that end with me putting my name on some girl’s back. My dad did that and look where it got him.

Call me cold.

Call me heartless.

Call me incapable of emotional commitment.

It’s better than the alternative.

But the fact that Tempe and Austin are living in my house is starting to get to me. And having her in my arms kicked up something in my chest I thought I was numb to. The two of them make me doubt myself, which is dangerous for an MC president.

So from now on, I need to be smart.

I need some distance.

The past couple of nights, I’ve slept at the clubhouse because it’s better than the alternative.

For a split second, Tempe made me feel safe.

Safe is dangerous in my world.

So I slipped out of my bed before she woke up, rode to the club, and haven’t returned since. It’s better that she hates me than expects what we did to change something.

“Smoking again?” Legacy is the first one to church, and he doesn’t miss that I’m already on my second cigarette.

“I’m quitting. ”

Maybe if I say it enough times, I’ll believe it.

“You know…” Legacy leans back in his chair, watching me. “Sometimes life’s little surprises are a good thing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Tempe.” Legacy taps his hand on his knee. “And Austin.”

I take a drag of my cigarette, wishing the rest of the guys would show up so I could get church started.

“They’re leaving soon. Ghost is making progress on the drive, and then I’m cutting ’em loose.”

Legacy hums, not saying anything, even as his eyes pass judgment.

“This isn’t like it was with Bea, all right.” I take another drag. “She’s your kid, and you had no other choice but to take her in when Sera bailed. But Tempe and Austin are Helix’s family, not mine.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Jameson.” Legacy shakes his head. “They’re his blood, but they’re not his family. We decide who we let into that circle, the same way we decide who belongs to this club.”

“I’m not claiming her.” I put out my cigarette, itching to reach for another if Legacy wouldn’t give me so much crap about it. “I’m just helping her out.”

“So you keep telling yourself.” Legacy combs his fingers through his hair. “But everyone deserves a slice of life that’s just for them. I didn’t realize that until Bea came around. Before that, this club was everything to me, just like it is to you. I didn’t think anything could come above it. But Honey Bea… I’d give my blood, life, and soul for that little girl’s happiness. She’s the sunshine I didn’t think I needed, and you deserve that too. Something that gives you purpose outside of this club. Something that makes you happy.”

“This club is what makes me happy.”

“There’s more to life than that.”

I tip my head back and take a deep breath. “Not for me.”

Not if I want to keep my men safe. They rely on me not to be distracted, which is exactly what Tempe and Austin do—distract me. Ever since they moved into my house, my attention has been in two places.

I need them gone so I can get my head on straight.

“Just think about it,” Legacy says. “Once you accept what I’m telling you, you’ll kick this foul mood you’ve been in lately.”

“What he needs is to get laid.” Soul walks into the room, wiping his blond hair off his forehead.

If he only knew that’s where my problems started.

Fucking Tempe reminded me that I’ll never be the kind of man who can give a girl like her the life she deserves.

“Helpful as always, Soul.” Legacy shakes his head.

“Just doing my part.” He shrugs. “You could use some pussy too. All this family bullshit at the club is killing the mood.”

Thankfully, the rest of the guys start to filter into the room before Legacy and Soul can get into it. They have opposite views on family, and there’s no use trying to sway either of them from their opinions.

Ghost is the final one to walk in, shutting the door behind him.

“You cracked the drive?” I ask as he takes a seat .

Ghost has been working on hacking the flash drive for weeks, but it’s been one firewall after another.

“Yep, but you’re not going to like it.”

“Didn’t think I would. What’s on there?”

Ghost leans forward, planting his elbows on the table. “Everything there is to know about Sapphire Rise. The building plans, the books, the permits.”

That’s not what I was expecting Ghost to say.

“What the fuck would Helix or the Sinners want with inside info on a strip club?”

“That’s the part you’re not going to like.” Ghost leans back. “They wouldn’t.”

“Then who—” I don’t finish the question when the realization hits me. “Rick Zane.”

“Fuck.” Soul slams his fist against the table, no happier about it than I am.

“At least now we know who’s funding the Iron Sinners’ payroll,” Ghost says.

Not that it makes this any better.

Rick Zane controls most of the Strip, and he’s been trying to push the Twisted Kings businesses off it. Something he’s been succeeding at, no matter what we do to fight back. While the Iron Sinners keep us distracted, he sends the city after our businesses one by one.

Code violations.

License lapses.

He seems to know every issue we have the second it happens, and now we know how he’s been doing it—insider information .

“Zane’s involvement makes sense.” Legacy’s eyebrows pinch. “The Sinners have had more resources lately, and now we know where they’re coming from.”

“If that’s the case, then it’s also going to make ’em that much harder to take down,” Havoc adds.

He’s right. War costs money, and if Rick Zane is funding our enemies with bottomless resources, it’s going to be a fucking nightmare.

“The timing on this brings up another issue.” Ghost looks around the room. “Their last target was the tattoo shop. They shut us down for a code violation.”

“I’m aware.”

“That was after Helix was already dead.” Ghost looks at me. “Someone else had to have leaked that information.”

“If there’s someone else on the inside, why’d they send Tempe to retrieve it?” Havoc speaks up. “Anyone in here could have gotten the flash drive without raising any red flags. All they had to do was strip the info off Ghost’s computer and get it out. It doesn’t make sense. Why hide it and have her come here instead of just taking it to the Iron Sinners the second they had it?”

That’s a good point, and I don’t have any good answers. “Don’t know.”

“You’re sure she’s not in on it?”

“I’m fucking sure.” It comes out louder than I mean for it to, but I don’t take it back because he needs to get it through his head. “And I don’t appreciate that this is still in question.”

Havoc nods, sitting back. But his expression tells me he’s on the fence .

“I don’t know why they sent Tempe here, but she’s not a part of this. Anyone who doubts that can get the fuck out of this room.” I pause long enough for anyone to leave, but they don’t. “If you want to protect the club, figure out who is leaking insider information to the Sinners. And I don’t care who is bankrolling them; find me a way to take down Titan and his men.”

“What about Zane?” Soul asks.

I push my hair back. “One problem at a time. Right now, he’s using them to do his dirty work, and he’s being smart about it. First, we take down the Iron Sinners, then we’ll deal with Zane. Agreed?”

Everyone nods.

“Get to it.”

Slowly, everyone leaves the room.

I can tell a few of them doubt me even if they don’t say it. But I can only control so much right now, and in time, they’ll understand, like I do, that Tempe had nothing to do with this. So long as they do their jobs, convincing them is a problem for another day.

As everyone disperses, I make my way to the bar in the front of the clubhouse. I need a shot to dull my headache.

Every time I think I’ve put the club back together, something else tears it apart. Dad made this look easy, but maybe he was just more fit to be a leader.

“Hey, Steel.”

I glance over and see Wren, one of the newer patch bunnies, sliding onto the barstool beside me. Her red hair is in a tight ponytail that shows off her bright-blue eyes. She leans forward to show off her big fake tits, and that used to be enough to do it for me.

A new face.

A nice rack.

A good time.

But right now, all that means absolutely nothing.

“Want some company?” Wren asks, smiling.

I’m still staring at her, processing her question, when the door to the clubhouse opens, and Tempe steps inside.

She’s messing with her hair when she walks in, tying it in a knot on the top of her head as she scopes out the room. And when our eyes connect, her stare drifts to Wren sitting beside me, and I immediately sense a shift in her posture.

I should fuck Wren. Or, at the very least, make Tempe think I am. It would push her away so fast, she’d never fall for my bullshit again. But the thought of touching another woman when I know what it’s like to be lost between Tempe’s legs has me questioning my existence. And now that I’ve felt that, I can’t let it go.

“Sorry, sweetheart. Busy.” I stand up, making my way over to Tempe, who refuses to look at me when I stop in front of her.

Once more, she starts messing with her hair, pretending not to notice me leaning against the wall beside her.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

She glares at me. “Looking for Havoc.”

His name coming from her mouth nearly makes my jaw crack with how hard I’m clenching it. “Why are you looking for Havoc? ”

Tempe narrows her eyes even more, crossing her arms over her chest. “Because the washer at the house broke two days ago, and Havoc brought the laundry to the clubhouse. I need to get my uniform for work.”

“Why the fuck would you go to Havoc with that and not me?”

“Really, Steel?” She tips her chin up, and I get the full force of her irritation. “When was I supposed to ask for your help with this? Or better yet, how ? You still have my phone, and you haven’t been around for days.”

“I’ve been busy.”

She glances at Wren, who’s still sitting at the bar. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“It’s not—”

“I don’t care. We agreed to one night, remember?” Her eyes narrow. “I didn’t walk into this expecting you to change your ways. So don’t worry, I didn’t catch feelings. That night was the same thing for me as it was for you, and we’re not talking about it again. Just let me deal with my business, and you can go deal with yours.”

She takes a second glance at Wren before turning to walk farther into the clubhouse in search of Havoc.

I could stop her— I want to. But I also know there’s no point when I can’t live up to what she’s looking for.

I warned her, I’m not a good man.

If only I didn’t hate that about myself right now.