Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

G iovanni had never been happier to get off a stage. The second he passed the curtain, he tucked his head down and rushed to the little closet with his name taped on the door, closing himself inside.

He couldn't breathe. Sweating under his clothes, he wrestled his jacket off and threw it at the vanity against the wall. "Fuck!"

He died out there tonight. None of his jokes landed and the few that got sympathy laughs only made him look bad. He'd never wanted to bail on an act before the halfway point, but it was clear when he started that the audience wasn't jiving with his material.

He'd told these jokes a hundred times, but they no longer delivered the same laughs. Maybe it was him. He felt guilty talking about other women when his heart belonged to only one.

God, he missed Erin. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours and he was going crazy.

He didn't want to stay at the hotel he'd booked. He just wanted to get back to her, back to her bed, back to holding her in his arms and breathing in her familiar scent, back to her voice and the comfort of her stare when she looked in his eyes, and far away from this feeling that his life was falling apart.

Erin centered him in an unexpected way. She gave him a sense of purpose as if his presence in her life was doing some good for her on a level far removed from their sexual relationship.

They were friends. But more than that, she had become his closest friend, his best friend. How had that happened? Not to mention that he was falling in love with her.

She appreciated him and he desperately needed to feel needed. Being away from her tempted change. He feared returning and finding walls surrounding her. He didn't want to lose their connection or risk her taking it away, because it was one of the strongest connections he'd ever shared with someone. But what if she didn't feel everything he was feeling?

A paper slid under the door and he knew right away what it was. A comedian's pink slip—a check for his act with no invitation to return.

He canceled his hotel and drove home that night, but he didn't go to Erin's. He needed to talk to his father.

His stomach burned like acid the longer he thought of what his dad would have to say to him. He could hear the I told you so already.

Giovanni didn't sleep all night. His father found him sitting at the kitchen table, just after the sun came up.

"What are you doing here?" He dug out a heaping scoop of coffee from the canister and dropped it into the percolator trap.

Giovanni shoved down his resentment, irritated by the self-assured way his father always carried himself. Nothing inside of him wanted to have this conversation, but he was out of options.

He desperately hoped his success would have saved him from this moment, but it wasn't easy to make a name for himself as a new comedian. Especially while living in Jasper Falls. He had no choice if he wanted to stay close to Erin.

"I need a job."

His father stilled at the coffee pot, then reached for a cup. "You can start today. You'll answer to Finn and Ryan. Be in the yard by seven and wear work boots."

Giovanni pushed up from the table and left the kitchen.

Finn was surprised to see him but quickly understood what was going on. If Giovanni had followed his father's plan and started at the lumberyard full time, directly after college, he'd hold the same authority as his two cousins. But he'd never wanted to be a lumberjack, so he had no choice but to take orders as Ryan told him where to clock in and Finn barked out instructions about gear.

"Grab your harness and equipment from the bin. Take your cleats to get sharpened and meet me on the eighty-fifth acre."

He passed his cousin Luke by the trailers and shame crawled up his neck. They all knew Giovanni didn't want to be there. His presence only emphasized his failure as a comedian.

"It's temporary," he told Luke. "I'm waiting for a call from my agent." He had no agent.

No one mentioned his standup career or broke his balls for lacking the lumberjack gene the rest of his family possessed. When they were teenagers, they all had to work in the lumberyard, so he had the training but severely lacked the skill.

Climbing trees was hard and boring, and he'd rather jamb an ice pick in his eye than do it for one more day. It didn't matter that the branches were wet or that the ground was frozen. They worked in any temperature, so long as the weather was dry.

But forty feet in the air, on the top of a mountain, in upstate Pennsylvania during late February might as well be the center of the arctic. His ears burned from the cold, despite the safety ear muffs they wore. By the end of his shift, he could barely walk straight.

The guys were heading down to O'Malley's for a beer after work. "Come grab a drink," Luke invited.

"Nah, I've got somewhere to be." He checked his phone, but there was no service this high on the mountain.

Giovanni's boots were caked with mud and his back spasmed when he finally sat down in his car. He shut his eyes and leaned back, resting for just a moment.

A fist pounded on his car window and he jerked awake, Tristan and Luke laughing at him. "Don't sleep here."

He started his car and drove home, fantasizing about the heat of the shower the entire way.

His dad asked about his day, but Giovanni had nothing positive to say, so he kept his mouth shut.

"Have something to eat," his mother pushed. "You look pale."

He shook his head. "I need a shower."

He hadn't slept since he left Erin's and he could barely keep his eyes open. His muscles were wrecked and he dreaded having to use them again tomorrow.

After the shower, he collapsed on his bed, distantly hearing the buzz of his cell from the pile of clothes on the floor, but too exhausted to move. He needed to shut his eyes…for…just…a…sec…