Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

G iovanni spent the next day sulking at home.

"What's the matter with you?" his mother asked, never one to beat around the bush.

"Nothing."

"Oh, that was convincing." She dumped a basket of warm laundry on his lap. "At least make yourself useful and fold these."

His mother sat beside him as they folded, the silence not lasting long. "Maureen tells me you've been hanging around with Erin Montgomery."

He wasn't surprised she knew how he'd been passing his time. Gossip spread like wildfire through their family, and his mom and the aunts never let a rumor slip by unnoticed.

"I was." He wasn't sure if their recent fight meant things were over or if Erin would eventually call and admit she was wrong.

His mom raised a critical brow. "That was quick."

He shrugged and searched for the matching sock to the one he held. "You guys don't like her anyway."

"That's not true."

"When Finn was dating her?—"

She stopped folding and looked at him. "That girl was never right for Finn. Just because we didn't like them as a couple doesn't mean we didn't like her."

"Well, we had a fight, so it doesn't matter."

She shook out a T-shirt and continued to fold. "What kind of fight?"

"She lied to me."

Several minutes went by in silence. The television chattered softly in the background, but Giovanni was too lost in his head to pay attention.

"You know, Giovanni, when people don't feel safe, they sometimes lie as a defense mechanism."

He frowned. "Why wouldn't she feel safe with me?"

"I'm not saying you made her feel unsafe. I'm saying some old habits die hard." She lifted the pile of folded laundry and stacked it in the basket. When she stood, she faced him. "Don't be so short sighted as to assume everyone grew up in a home as loving as yours."

Her words startled him and he followed her into the master bedroom. "What are you saying?"

She opened and closed drawers, not bothering to look at him. "If you care about this girl, you have to accept what she comes from."

"You mean Mr. Montgomery?" His breathing turned unsteady. "Say what you mean to say, Mom."

She glanced over her shoulder and met his stare. Shutting the drawer, she rose to her full height and let the empty laundry basket hang at her side. "All right. Ward was always a little off to me. Your father liked him as did your uncles, but whenever that little girl would come to Maureen's there was always something haunting in her eyes. Men don't look children in the eyes the way women tend to."

"So why didn't you say anything?"

"I did. I said something to Maureen and she asked Finnegan. But Finn said everything was fine. I didn't have more than a suspicion. Not enough to make a public accusation."

His shoulders sank and he leaned into the wall.

"Is it true then?" his mother asked.

Giovanni still didn't have a full explanation of the abuse Erin grew up around, but he knew enough. "He was mean. I don't really know how mean, but I know she's got…trust issues."

His mother sighed. "Trust issues can certainly cause a person to lie. What did she lie to you about?"

He couldn't bring himself to say something as simple as her birthday , because it now sounded completely juvenile to let such a simple fib lead to a fight. "It wasn't just a lie. It was the fact that Finn still acts like he knows her better than anyone else."

She scoffed. "You sound jealous of your cousin. Finnegan's happily married, Giovanni."

"I know." He was feeling stupider by the second. Why had he gotten so upset? "I don't know if I…can handle dating someone like her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's…complicated. I have to get back on the road for work. I don't know if what we have can sustain long distance."

"You could always?—"

"Don't. I'm not working at the lumberyard. I hear it nonstop from Dad, I don't need to hear it from you."

"It's not a bad thing to have options, Giovanni."

"That's not what I'm doing with my life."

At the moment, he didn't know what he was doing. He needed to get back to work, but he was afraid to leave, worried too much time away from Jasper Falls might ruin any chance of having something real with Erin. But, at the same time, he wondered if he was overestimating their connection. She hadn't even told him about her birthday.

"I just need some time to think," he explained, slipping out of his mom's room and heading to the kitchen.

Erin was not like other girls. She had a lot of baggage and some real pain that still hurt her on a regular basis. He wanted to help her, but he also wanted a normal relationship.

As he tried to work through his confusing emotions, he accepted that Erin might never be normal. The question was, which did he want more, Erin or something easy?

That week, he was asked to perform at an underground comedy club in the Bronx and couldn't pass up the offer. It wasn't great pay, but agents often scouted clubs like that for fresh talent.

He should have called Erin before he left, but he was still trying to work through his feelings. If he wanted out, this was the exit he needed, but some part of him still wasn't ready to walk away, and he was trying to figure out what it was about her that kept her in the forefront of his mind. There were countless girls out there who were less complicated than Erin Montgomery.

He didn't like being in the dark, especially when his cousin seemed to see everything so clearly regarding the woman Giovanni was dating. Maybe that had less to do with Erin and more to do with Giovanni's own insecurities amplified by his cousin's perfect track record.

He was jealous. He couldn't help it. Life always seemed to work in Finn's favor. Giovanni's dad never stopped raving about what a great guy Finn was, how responsible, and dependable, a perfect fit to run the lumberyard.

He couldn't deal with his girlfriend singing the same tune. Not that she had, but Finn knowing her birthday had passed felt an awful lot like his father singing his praises. It made Giovanni feel inadequate and threatened in some uncomfortable and insecure way he didn't like.

On top of everything else, why did Erin have to have a history with Finn?

It wasn't just her history with his cousin, it was the way they stayed friends. The way Finn point-blank told him he was protective of her.

Giovanni didn't know why this had been eating at him so much. Finn was totally bonkers in love with Mallory. Mallory even pulled Giovanni aside at the bar and told him how happy they were for him and Erin. Finn only knew her birthday because they'd dated since the third grade. They had a history, that was all. Erin's future was totally up for grabs.

On the drive home from the city, after the show, it finally hit him. He wanted a future with Erin. Not just whatever they were doing now, but a long-term connection he could count on. He was falling in love with her, and if she didn't even think to tell him it was her birthday, what did that say about her feelings for him or lack thereof?

She was so damn guarded and he understood why, but sometimes their relationship centered so much around her needs that his went completely ignored. He didn't want to be a needy bitch, but he expected her to consider his emotions at least once in a while. Christ, he wasn't even sure if she thought about him at all when they were apart. Meanwhile, she was a steady obsession filling his mind.

By the time he returned to Jasper Falls he was more confused than ever. Maybe he was getting in over his head. What if Erin was giving him the most she'd ever be able to give? Was it enough for him? Could he deal with always being an afterthought?

It was hard enough trying to navigate her moods and convince her that socializing with his family wasn't going to kill her. Last week, he wanted to walk into town for a muffin and coffee and she threw a fit. She acted like he suggested slowly pulling her fingernails off. In the end, she made a pot of coffee at home and gave him a stale muffin from the basket Skylar made, which she still refused to put away.

When he pulled into his parents' driveway, the house was dark. He set the car in park and debated going to Erin's. Maybe they should talk. Did she even realize he'd been gone for two days? His phone hadn't rung once.

Yanking his keys out of the ignition, he turned off the car and went inside. This time, she was going to have to be the one to fix it.

Erin closed the last box of her father's personal items and taped it shut. Cleaning out his bedroom, a room she had never been allowed to enter, had been an incredibly draining experience.

She hated the feel of his belongings and the tobacco-drenched stench of his furniture. She'd gone through the entire house and not found a single keepsake from her childhood. He'd kept nothing as if all the macaroni necklaces and homemade holiday cards had been meaningless.

She took his bed frame apart and carried the long bars to the curb, setting them beside the mattress and box spring. Every time she dismantled another piece of him, she felt lighter but no more stable than before.

Giovanni hadn't called in days. She figured things would eventually end, and she'd thought she'd done a good job at keeping her guard up, but he'd forced himself into her quiet world and…she missed him.

Foolishly, she told herself they were just on a break, but deep down she knew he wasn't coming back. Like everyone else, he had enough.

As she gathered up the laundry from the hamper and sorted it to wash, she came across Giovanni's sweater and paused. Holding the soft knit material in two hands, she brought it to her nose and breathed in his comforting scent. Her eyes closed as tears of regret surfaced.

She wanted to apologize and fix them, but she didn't know how. It would have been one thing if she'd missed his birthday, but it was her birthday. What did it matter to him? If she didn't care about it, why should he?

Why had she been so difficult? Why couldn't she just be normal and easy like other girls? He was one of the few people in Jasper Falls that was actually nice to her, and she screwed it up.

She slammed the lid of the washing machine and set it to start, carrying his sweater back up to her room and placing it safely in her drawer.

Over the next few days, she developed a pretty unhealthy connection to that sweater, sneaking away to sniff it when she should have been cleaning out drawers or packing up closets. Eventually, it was clear her heart had entered into a monogamous relationship with the sweater. Nothing else mattered.

She slept in it. Drank coffee in it. And sometimes, she touched herself in it, breathing in the fading scent of cologne that seemed to particularly cling to the left sleeve.

The house should have been emptied by now, but the closer it got to the end, the slower she worked. She'd contacted a realtor and spent the next several days, working dusk to dawn, removing the tobacco saturated carpets and refinishing the floors.

After painting some walls, she moved the unwanted furniture to the curb, but only a few pieces were picked up. She called Finn to ask if he could help her get the rest of the furniture to the landfill or Goodwill.

"Sure. I can swing by tomorrow morning."

"Thanks."

He showed up with Luke and the two of them had the curb cleared in under a minute. Once the truck bed was loaded, Luke waited in the cab, out of the cold.

"You doing okay?" Finn asked, wedging his hands deep in the pockets of his Carhartt jacket.

She nodded and forced a smile.

"How are things with Giovanni?"

A sharp ache formed in her chest, and she looked at the snow-covered lawn. "Things are…complicated."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing, Erin."

"I don't know if it's a good thing."

"Do you like him?"

She met his stare, a thousand words of affirmation dancing in her mouth, but not a single one came out. Why could she never be honest with Finn when he'd always been so kind and concerned about her? She wanted to talk to someone, but she couldn't force out the words.

"It's okay. It's none of my business," he finally said.

She couldn't bear the thought of him misunderstanding her silence. "He's amazing."

At that, Finn grinned. "That's great. I'm happy for you two."

She didn't have the heart to tell him they weren't a two. She was just a one—a lonely, single, socially awkward one.

"Thanks." She waved a hand at the empty curb. "And thank you for doing this."

"Any time. Call me if you need anything else."

She watched them pull away then returned to the heat of the house, which she now kept at a toasty seventy-four degrees. The tobacco-tinged walls had been revived with bright whites and sunny shades of yellow, the lingering ghost of her father fading with every renovation.

She was coming to realize it wasn't such a bad house. A small family could be happy there.

The thought of children actually laughing in the halls instead of screaming or running for a place to hide made her smile. The yard would look nice in the spring when the snow melted. It would be a perfect place for a swing set or a doghouse.

It was a good little house, and she wanted to find happy people to turn it into a home.

The town remained blanketed in snow but had been doused in shades of pink and red like it was every year just after her birthday. Ignoring all the nauseating Valentine cards cluttering the stores, she stocked up on groceries and grabbed a bottle of wine.

She refused to have a pathetic pity party for herself. It wasn't like she hadn't spent every Valentine's Day alone since her twenties.

When she got home, she made a box of mac and cheese, set the table, and poured herself a glass of white wine. She'd picked up a box of chocolates as well, and planned on devouring them with her dinner.

Sitting down with her supper, she lifted her fork and stilled when the doorbell rang.

Her heart sprung like a pinball shooting off against her ribs and she hated how hopeful she was that it might be Giovanni at her door. But who else could it be at this hour on Valentine's Day night?

She didn't have pants on, but the sweater covered most of her thighs. "Who is it?" she called, sticking to the shadows.

"Candy graham."

She smiled, rushing forward to open the door. But Giovanni's smile disappeared the moment his gaze dropped to her bare legs.

"That's my sweater. I've been looking all over for it."

Her gaze dropped to the flowers in his hands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He met her playful stare and scowled. "It's been ten damn days. Why haven't you called?"

She shuffled backward, out of the drafty doorway and into the warm house. "I thought you wanted space."

"I've had enough fucking space. I wanted you to call. Did you even miss me?"

Her DNA was all over his sweater. Of course she missed him. "Did you miss me ?"

He glared at her. "What do you think?" The crinkle of cellophane-wrapped blooms filled her arms as he shoved the flowers at her.

She hid a smile, pulling the flowers to her nose and backing into the kitchen. He followed her like a predator locked on its prey.

Her heart pranced in her chest as she reached the doorway to the kitchen. "You've caught me at a bad time. I'm in the middle of a romantic dinner."

He lunged and she bolted into the kitchen, but he caught her by the sweater and yanked her back to him. His body tensed and stilled the moment he set eyes on the table.

Tapered candles and a plate of ninety-nine cent macaroni waited with a seven dollar bottle of wine. What could possibly upset him about this?

"Who got you those chocolates?"

"I bought them for myself."

He looked at her as if measuring the truth of her words. "Is this really what you're doing for Valentine's Day?"

"This is what I've always done." At least since being an adult.

He sighed, the tension leaving his shoulders as he blew out the candles. "Not anymore. Get dressed. I'm taking you out."