29. Peyton

PEYTON

" C an I come in?"

"Of course, Dad. I was about to come downstairs anyway."

"I'd rather talk privately."

Peyton sat up in bed and scooted over so her father could sit next to her.

"I received a call from Laird Butler. Brodie will be home tomorrow. They flew him to Miami yesterday. He'll stay in the hospital there overnight."

"I see."

"He'll be in the hospital here for several more days. From what I understand, he was very close to death when they found him."

Peyton's hands rested on her stomach. It was too early for her to feel the baby move, but there were times when she could swear she felt her kick.

"Have you made any decisions, Peyton?"

"No, Dad. I haven't."

"I'd like to suggest you consider seeing him."

"I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask.

Instead of getting up, Peyton stayed in bed longer. The boys were off school today. Soon, they'd come tumbling in, excited to talk more about Brodie's rescue.

They knew he'd been in Argentina when the plane he was on crashed. Their previous assumption that Brodie would never return, like Kade hadn't, left them giddy with the excitement of his homecoming. They understood their mom was having a baby, but had few questions about what that meant for them as a family. Again, they incorrectly assumed that, once Brodie returned, they would be a family.

They fought over who would be her primary caregiver on the weekends. Finally, in order to stop their bickering, her mom had assigned Saturdays to Jamison and Sundays to Finn. On their "day," they brought her meals either in bed or on the sofa and were responsible for checking on her at least once an hour to see if she or the baby needed anything.

While Peyton thought her family was taking her bed rest too seriously, the two times she'd thought she was losing the baby, had devastated her. If keeping the little girl growing inside her safe meant she had to stay off her feet, avoid stress, and allow her family to care for her, that was what she'd do.

Jamison came in, sat on the side of her bed, and snuggled her. "Morning, Mama."

"Hi, sweetheart. You could've slept in. I know you were up late last night."

"It's my day."

"I know, honey, but I'm fine, and so is our little miss."

"How do you know the baby is a girl?

"Mother's intuition."

"Can I feel?"

Peyton moved the blanket aside and raised her pajama top. Her tummy was only slightly protruded, but soon, it would begin expanding. With Jamison, she hadn't started showing until she hit the five-month mark. With Finn, it seemed her stomach had started to grow as soon as she realized she was pregnant.

Jamison's hands were cold, and Peyton giggled when he rested them against her. He leaned over and kissed her tummy.

"Good morning, baby sister," he whispered.

Peyton's eyes filled with tears, in part because her child was so sweet and also because the emotional roller coaster she was on brought giggles and tears together so often.

"What's her name?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure yet. Do you have any ideas?"

"You should ask Brodie what he thinks."

Peyton didn't respond. There was no need to drag Jamison into the turmoil she felt whenever she thought about Brodie.

"What do you want for breakfast? Eggs, like every other day?" He smirked.

"No, I think I'll mix it up today. How about yogurt?" Peyton requested.

"You need to eat more than yogurt, Mom," Jamie said in a tone that sounded familiar.

"From Grandma's mouth to yours."

"It's my day. I'm responsible for you."

"Yes, Jamie. Tell you what. I'm so hungry this morning; I'll eat whatever you bring me. You decide what you think will be the best breakfast for me and your baby sister."

He shot off the bed and ran downstairs. Lord knew what he'd make for her.

"Knock, knock." Alex tapped on the bedroom door.

"Come in. You're here early."

"I'm opening Stave today. I think we should, especially with the festival next weekend."

"Oh, okay. That's good. I, uh?—"

"I'm only opening on the weekend for now. Friday through Sunday. Sam and Addy are excited for the hours. I was worried they'd both find other jobs, but so far, they're waiting it out."

The news of Brodie's rescue had likely spread throughout San Luis Obispo County. It was right to open Stave and give people a place to celebrate.

"I talked to Maddox last night," Alex told her.

"Are you on again?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure yet."

"Does he know about the baby?" Peyton asked.

"Yeah."

Peyton's brow furrowed. "Does Brodie?"

"Not yet. He wanted to know if you were going to tell him."

"He isn't even here yet."

"I don't think he's pressuring you. He said Brodie asks about you constantly," Alex added.

"Why?"

"Do you want to have this conversation again?"

Peyton shook her head. "Nope."

"Didn't think so." Alex kissed Peyton's forehead. "I'm off to bring wine to the masses. I'll be by tomorrow."

"Hey, Alex?"

"Yeah?

"Can you bring clam chowder and garlic bread with you?"

"Sure you can wait that long?"

"No, but since I'm not supposed to leave the house, I doubt my parents or the boys will let me drive to Cambria."

"I'll see what I can do."

Peyton picked her cell phone up off the nightstand and scrolled through the messages she'd received from Brodie. They all said close to the same thing.

He begged her to get in touch with him, begged her to allow him to explain why he'd left the way he had after they made love. Each one ended the same way. He told her that, whether she believed him or not, he loved her and he'd spend the rest of the life he'd been spared, proving it to her, whether or not she could ever love him in return.

He'd left two voicemails since she fell asleep last night. So she tapped the first one and brought the phone to her ear.

"Peyton, it's Brodie." His voice sounded stronger than it had in his first few messages. "I have something I need you to know, and since you won't return my calls, this is the only way I know to tell you. It's about the last night we were together. You see, that night?—"

Peyton couldn't listen to another word. She deleted that message, the one that followed, and all those he'd left before it. She refused to listen to him say he regretted their night together, the one that gave her the precious gift growing inside her.

Peyton wrapped her arms around the place where her baby girl grew. "You will never know you weren't wanted. You will never know one of your parents didn't love you. Never."

Her arms were still holding her stomach when the cramping pain woke her. She felt sticky wetness between her legs and stumbled to the bathroom in the hall. She screamed when she saw the amount of blood seeping through her pajama bottoms and fell to the bathroom floor.

"Peyton!" she heard her dad yell, his footsteps getting closer.

"Hurry, Dad!" she screamed. "I think I'm losing the baby."

An hour later, the nurse ran the fetal monitor over her stomach and shook her head. "I'm not hearing a heartbeat, Peyton. I'm sorry. I'll give you some privacy."

Her mother, who knew this pain, held her as she sobbed.

She didn't feel any differently now than she had when she heard Kade had been killed. Her baby was dead. It wasn't a miscarriage; it was a death.

The nurse returned to the room to discuss whether Peyton wanted to go through the loss naturally or through medical dilation and curettage. Her mom explained the difference, telling Peyton that, with her first, she'd let things happen naturally. The pain was intense, and the risk of infection was high. The next two times, she'd opted for the medical procedure.

She told Peyton she wondered still if the loss had compromised her uterus, resulting in the subsequent losses. There was no medical evidence to prove her theory, but it didn't change her mother's belief that, had she done things differently, she may have been able to have another child.

Peyton still hadn't made up her mind when the doctor came in.

"Peyton, I need to examine you, and then we can discuss your options."

"Will you stay?" Peyton held her mother's hand and wouldn't let go.

"Of course, sweetheart."

The doctor stretched latex gloves over his hands and asked Peyton to rest her feet in the stirrups. Tears streamed down her cheeks. There was physical pain as he performed the examination, but it was a fraction of the emotional pain she felt.

The doctor removed her feet from the stirrups, told her to ease back, and covered her with the blanket. He left the room and, when he returned, ran the fetal monitor over her abdomen.

Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Peyton heard the sound of her little girl's heartbeat.

"Order an ultrasound," he told the nurse.

Peyton's mom held her hand tightly and smiled when Peyton looked up at her.

"There are times we can't find the heartbeat," the doctor started to explain. "You remember from your first pregnancy."

The same doctor with her today had been her obstetrician with both Jamison and Finn.

"With the amount of bleeding?—"

She held up her hand. "I understand."

The tech rolled the ultrasound machine in, then spread the cool gel over her tummy. He ran the wand back and forth, stopping to tap the computer's keyboard or to click the mouse. Peyton recognized that he was taking measurements, and also movement.

"Do you want to know the baby's sex?" he asked.

"It's a girl," Peyton responded.

"It's early, but I think you're right."

"I'm sorry you were put through the scare," the doctor said when he came in after the tech finished.

She understood. Sometimes, the symptoms indicated more than what actually happened.

"I want to admit you. At least overnight. Maybe longer."

She'd be on the labor-and-delivery floor, where she'd been the last two times they had admitted her, far away from where they'd bring Brodie, but in the same hospital, nonetheless.

The aroma of clam chowder and garlic bread filled the hospital room.

"I love you so much right now." Peyton smiled at Alex.

"You only say that when I bring you food. It's starting to bother me."

"Get over it." Peyton laughed. "How many people are you planning on feeding? The entire nursing staff?"

Alex was unpacking brown paper bags emblazoned with the Sea Chest's logo.

"Is that all chowder?"

Alex pulled out four quarts, along with several foil-wrapped pans.

"And other delicacies. Your parents will be here shortly with the boys."

"I do love you, and not only because you bring me food."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Don't start in with all that pregnancy-induced, emotional shit."

Jamison tapped Alex's shoulder and held his hand out. This time when she reached into her pocket, she pulled out a twenty. "Can that cover my bad language at least for tonight?"

He shrugged and stuffed the money into his front pocket. "We'll see."

"Hey!" Finn punched his brother.

"I'll share it, you little bugger."

Alex held her hand in Jamison's direction. "Bugger? Now, you owe me."

"That isn't a bad word."

"Sure is, especially in my house." Maddox Butler walked into the room and over to Peyton. "Hey there, pretty little mama." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Hi, Maddox. I'm doing okay, thanks for asking." Peyton tried to be polite, but inside, she was fraught with anxiety. She looked over in time to see her parents and Alex usher the boys out of the room and close the door behind them.

"So he's here?"

"Brought him in about an hour ago. He's in the ICU, but it's only precautionary. They expect to have him in a regular room later tonight or tomorrow."

"Does he know?"

"No, Peyton. We discussed it as a family, and we all agree it's up to you to tell him. Only Naught and I, and our parents, know. We haven't told Skye or Ainsley."

"I appreciate it."

"Alex told me what happened earlier. Sounds like you had quite a scare."

"It was…horrible." Peyton's eyes filled with tears she brushed away.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's why I'm here, so it's hard to avoid the subject."

"Right."

"How is he?"

"Better every day. Stronger. More obstinate."

"Mad?"

"Yeah?"

Peyton laughed. "Sorry, I meant is he mad?"

"Oh, gotcha. I wouldn't say he's mad. He's worried. Beatin' himself up bad. Naught and I aren't letting him off the hook either."

"Did he tell you what happened between us?" Peyton asked.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

She folded her arms. "Get to the point."

"Alex told me."

"I see." Peyton wasn't surprised.

"You promised you wouldn't get angry."

"I'm not angry with Alex." Her best friend only knew part of the story anyway. She hadn't shared the part where Brodie left her in a shit pile of humiliation. All Alex knew was she and Brodie had had sex, she ended things, and he left the country. She'd fudged the order, but it was mostly the truth.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"Sure."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Maddox. Tell me what you think." No wonder Alex couldn't stay away from this guy. He was hotter than hell and gruff as all get-out, with a heart bigger than Butler Ranch.

"He really regrets whatever happened with you two."

Wrong word. She had no room for regret, his or anyone else's. If he regretted having sex with her, why in the hell was he so relentless about wanting to talk to her? Did he want her forgiveness? She'd never forgive him for something she'd never regret.

"Can I ask you a favor, Maddox?"

"Of course."

"Would you please tell Brodie he doesn't owe me a damn thing. He doesn't need to apologize, or feel regret, or even feel any responsibility for my baby. I'm raising two other precious children without their father's involvement, and we're doing fine. There is no reason for me to believe it'll be any different with my daughter."

"Two things. What did I say? And you know it's a girl? Shit, Peyton, that's wonderful."

"As I said, I don't need anyone's regret. If he's ashamed or embarrassed about what happened, that's between him and who he sees in the mirror. And as far as knowing my baby is a girl, I've known for weeks. It's a feeling, Maddox. One that is born out of love for my child."

"I didn't come here to cause more trouble, Peyton."

"I know, and I'm sorry I'm taking my anger out on you. None of this is your fault. I don't need any bullshit from your brother. Please tell him to move on with his life and stay the hell out of mine."

"Can I visit you again, or are you banishing me, too?"

How could this man smile at her when she was treating him so abhorrently?

"You're a good man, Maddox, and you can visit me whenever you'd like. But you might want to consider purchasing protective gear before you see me again."

Maddox leaned over and kissed her cheek for the second time, then grabbed her hand and put it near his chest. "If you need somebody to beat on, sweetheart, I can take it."