23. Peyton

PEYTON

" M om, wake up. Mom…" Jamison was shaking her arm.

Peyton opened her eyes and realized she'd fallen asleep on the sofa with Brodie, who woke up too.

"Hey, sweetie," she said, climbing off. "Is everything okay?"

"I have to leave now, Mom."

Peyton looked her son up and down, realized he was dressed, and checked the time. Jamison was right. It was a little after seven, and they needed to leave, or he'd miss the morning bell.

"Come on, partner." Brodie put his arm around Jamison's shoulders. "I'll give you a lift."

Peyton watched as Brodie stepped into his boots, grabbed his jacket, and opened the front door. Jamison came over, kissed her goodbye, and followed.

"See you shortly." Brodie closed the front door behind them.

The scene was so familial. Was it because Brodie reminded the boys of Kade, or were they comfortable around him already? Jamie hadn't seemed bothered that she was essentially sleeping in Brodie's arms when he woke her. Both he and Brodie acted as though this was an average morning.

Peyton started a pot of coffee before checking on Finn, who was still sound asleep. Even Finn had assumed Brodie would stay with them at the hospital, then when they came home yesterday, he made sure Brodie stayed for dinner. He'd done more than stay. He'd made dinner while Peyton fussed over her little boy.

When Jamison came home from school, Brodie helped him with his homework and took him outside to shoot some hoops after they ate.

The least she could do was offer to make him breakfast.

Jamison's school was only a few minutes away, so Brodie returned at the same time she took eggs and bacon out of the refrigerator.

He walked in the front door without knocking, then stopped. "That was presumptuous of me."

"What? Walking in without knocking? Don't be silly. I knew you'd be right back."

He approached and turned her away from the counter so she faced him. "Peyton, we should talk."

He was right, but it would be so much easier to continue pretending this was normal. As soon as they addressed it, Brodie would leave, and her house and life would be too quiet and lonely again.

"Can we have breakfast first?" She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"Woman, sometimes I think you're heaven-sent." He cringed. "That was probably the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?"

"It was sweet."

"This is what we need to talk about, Peyton." Brodie placed his hands on her waist.

She rested her head on his chest, put her arms around his neck, and Brodie kissed her.

Had it only been two or three days since they were in this kitchen, him kissing her, then carrying her into the bedroom where they'd had the best sex of her life?

"What are you thinking about?" he murmured.

"You, me, you know."

"No, don't know."

"Brodie…"

"Oh, you mean, you, me, your bed?"

She felt her cheeks flush. "Yes."

"Me too."

"But we can't."

"I know, sugar, but we sure can think about it."

Peyton pushed away from him and grinned. "I'm making breakfast, not thinking about bed."

"Hey, uh, would you mind if I took a quick shower?"

"I'm sorry, Brodie. If you want to go home, I completely understand. You've been in the same clothes…wait, you're not," said Peyton.

"Maddox brought me a bag."

"I didn't even notice," she murmured.

"You've had a lot on your mind, Peyton."

"Brodie, I don't?—"

"Stop, sweetheart. I'm going to shower, and then we'll have breakfast. After that, we'll talk, okay?"

"I should, too."

"Shower?" he asked.

"Uh, yes. I'll, um, wait."

"Honey, you're killing me. I am the last person you need to be so nervous around."

"I'm so…oh, no…" She was crying. "What is wrong with me?"

"Come here." Brodie took her hand and led her to the sofa, sat down, and pulled her with him. "My ma had her hands full when we were all little, as you can imagine."

"Yeah?"

"I can't speak for my brothers and sisters, but what she did always seemed to work for me."

"What was that?"

"She'd tell me to close my eyes, take five slow, deep breaths, then open them and tell her what was wrong. If I couldn't, I'd close my eyes again, take five more deep breaths, and so on. Sometimes, it took two or three rounds, but it almost always worked. Wanna try?"

"Not really."

Brodie laughed. "Okay."

"But I will." Peyton closed her eyes and took five deep breaths.

"Can you tell me what's bothering you?"

"Yes, but I don't want to."

"Five more breaths, then. We'll keep going until you're ready." This time Brodie breathed in and out with her.

"Better?"

She shut her eyes tight. "I don't want this to end, but…"

"I see. You think I want life to be the way it was before Finn's accident."

"Do you?"

He shook his head. "If I had my way, I'd never leave."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I'm so tired, and I can't stop crying."

"Honey, I wish you'd let me take care of you."

"But you have your own life, and I know that, and I know you need to leave."

Brodie stood and pulled her up from the sofa. "Come with me."

Peyton followed him down the hallway. When they were near her bedroom door, she stopped.

"Trust me," Brodie whispered.

She followed him into her bathroom, where he turned the shower on. "You're going first. I'll keep an ear out for Finn, and I'll make breakfast. We'll eat. I'll take a shower, and then, sweetheart, one of two things is going to happen. Either you get in bed while I hang out with Finn. Or, if you're up to it, we'll talk until Finn wakes up, and then we'll both hang with him. Now, scoot." Brodie tapped her bottom, turned around, and closed the door behind him.

Peyton let the warm water rain over her. Every part of her hurt from first sleeping in a chair at the hospital, and then falling asleep on the sofa with Brodie. On top of that, she was exhausted—mentally, physically, and emotionally. The best thing would be if Brodie went home and she slept.

She wasn't the whiny complainer that cried on Brodie's shoulder. She'd weathered far worse in the last ten years and was a strong, independent woman in the aftermath of her divorce and Kade's death.

There were times, though, when it was nice to chuck it out the window and let someone else take care of her, for a change. It didn't make her weak—Kade used to tell her it made her human.

The aroma of bacon wafted into the bathroom, and Peyton shut off the water in the shower. Now that she was clean, she was more hungry than tired.

When she came out, Finn was on the sofa, watching cartoons, chowing down his breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs, and Brodie had tossed chopped vegetables in the skillet for an omelet.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Starving. I see Finn is a happy camper. Hey, buddy, how are you this morning?" Peyton sat down on the floor next to where Finn was stretched out.

"Brodie made me breakfast."

"I see that. Whatcha' watchin'?"

"Teen Titans."

Peyton sneaked a piece of bacon from Finn's plate.

"Hey!" he said but then laughed. "It's okay, Mom. You're probably more starving than me."

"Sure am, but it looks like my breakfast may be ready. Need anything before I eat?"

"No, Mom. Jeez. How long are you gonna be like this? Brodie helped me get out of bed, but I made it to the bathroom and out here on my own." He pointed to his crutches.

"Okay, tough guy. You're officially on your own."

"Thanks, Mom."

Brodie set two plates on the kitchen island and pulled out a stool for her. "Feel better?"

"Immensely. Thank you for making breakfast, although I wish you would've let me cook for you this morning. You've done so much for me."

"Dinner."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"Any requests?"

Brodie glanced at Finn, who was engrossed in cartoons. He leaned forward, kissed right under her ear, and inhaled. "God, you smell good."

"Brodie, we were talking about dinner tonight." She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I can't think when you're this close and smell this good."

"Okay, never mind. I'll figure it out on my own. Anything I should stay away from? Food allergies? Hate green beans? Anything like that?"

"I'm not that picky. Except lima beans. I hate them," Brodie told her.

"Ew, lima beans. They're disgusting," Finn added.

"When have I ever made lima beans?"

"They have 'em at school, and when they do, everybody pukes."

"Finn! We're eating."

"So? It's true."

"Okay, so no lima beans. Anything else?" She waited when he appeared lost in thought. "Yoo-hoo, Brodie."

"I don't care. I'd even eat lima beans if you made them for me."

When they finished breakfast, Peyton insisted she clean up while he showered. She asked him again if he'd be more comfortable going home, but dropped it when he raised a brow.

She washed the dishes and started a load of laundry, then called to check in with Alex. They'd talked yesterday, when her friend had called to see how Finn was, then again when Peyton told her they were on their way home from the hospital.

"Good morning." Alex yawned.

"Am I calling too early?" Peyton looked over at the clock. It was after ten. "Tell me you weren't still sleeping."

"No, Miss Morning Glory, I wasn't, but I haven't been awake that long."

"Was it busy yesterday afternoon?" Peyton asked.

"Heck, no. I closed at five."

"And?"

"And what?" Alex asked.

"Why were you still asleep at ten in the morning?"

Alex lowered her voice. "It's really none of your beeswax, but if you must know, I'm not home."

"Where are you?"

"Hanging out on Adelaida Trail, where I happen to know Brodie is not."

"No, he's still here. In the shower at the moment. What's the deal with you and Maddox? And seriously, why don't I know anything about it? I'm a little hurt, honestly."

"Don't be. There was nothing to know for a long time. We talked after all the weirdness with you and Brodie, then when he came to Stave Friday night, things sorta, you know, happened. And here I am. Although whenever we've done this in the past, after about a week, we're ready to scratch each other's eyes out. I figure I've got three or four days of amazing sex left, and then we'll hate each other again."

"I feel as though I keep repeating myself, but Alex, how do I not know any of this?"

"I don't know. It's too… Can't think of the word. Raw, maybe?"

"That, I get. I'm feeling the same way about Brodie," Peyton admitted.

"I can't believe you let him spend the night with the boys there. It's not like you."

She sighed. "I keep looking in the mirror to make sure I'm still me. That's how much I'm not like me right now."

Alex chuckled. "That's great. I'm gonna steal it. I keep looking in the mirror to make sure I'm still me. Classic Peyton."

"Oh, before I forget, did you cancel with Peter yesterday?" Peyton asked.

"I did. Didn't he call you?"

"I don't think so, but I'll check after we hang up. Why would he have?"

"He wanted to talk to you about a little somethin'-somethin', would be my guess."

"Oh, this isn't good. I wish you hadn't encouraged him. It's going to be so awkward at the wine dinner."

"Call him and tell him you're not interested."

"Let me check something. Hold on." Peyton set the phone on the kitchen counter, counted to five, and then picked it up again. "I checked. I am still me, which means I'm not you. You make those kinds of phone calls. I avoid people until they get the message."

"Handle it your way, sista. Only, my way is far more effective. Gotta go. I think the Mad-man might be here to ravish me again."

"Talk to you later, Alex."

"Buh-bye."

When Peyton saw there was one voicemail from a number she didn't recognize, she put it on speaker to listen.

"Hi, Peyton. Uh, this is Peter Wells calling. I'm, um, sorry to hear about your son. So, I was wondering if you'd like to reschedule. I could come up next Monday, and then maybe after we finalize the menu, we could have dinner somewhere. Give me a call when you get this message, and we can figure it out. I'm, uh, looking forward to seeing you, Peyton."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," she heard Brodie say from behind her.

"Brodie! God, you startled me. How long have you been standing there?"

"Only long enough to hear the tail-end of that message."

"It isn't polite to eavesdrop," Finn yelled from the sofa.

"Who's eavesdropping?" Peyton shouted in his direction. "This doesn't concern you, Finn, any more than my message concerns you, Brodie."

Brodie sat down next to her at the counter.

"What?"

"It does concern me, Peyton."

"It doesn't. That was a private message from a guest chef who we have a wine dinner planned with."

Brodie shook his head. "That message had nothing to do with your wine dinner, Peyton. You're definitely not going out with him."

"Brodie!"

"It's time for us to talk." He looked over at Finn. "Let's go outside."

Finn got up and steadied himself on his crutches. "I'm going to my room now, parental units, where I'll put on my headphones in order to refrain from eavesdropping."

Peyton laughed as he passed them by, but would need to discuss his "parental units" remark with him later.

"Let it go," said Brodie.

"Let what go?" she asked.

"Parental units. The less attention you draw to it, the less often he'll do it."

She took a deep breath. Did he really just tell her how to handle Finn? First, he told her she was not having dinner with someone, and then he told her to let something go with her own son.

"I had a lot I wanted to say to you, Brodie, but I've forgotten all of it, so I'll say this. Don't think for one minute that you know one iota more about my little boy than I do. You may think you've got me all figured out, but you don't. And you sure as hell don't know my son better than I do."

She stood and opened the front door. "It's time for you to leave. I appreciate everything you've done for me and my family in the last few days. As I said, I don't know what I would've done without you."

"Peyton, I'm sorry. I didn't mean?—"

"But you did, and that's the problem. You've known Finn for what? Three days? I'm 2,931 days ahead of you."

"I'm sorry. I won't ever make that mistake again. Believe me, I absolutely do not think I know your son better than you do. It was a stupid thing to say."

"Tell you what. When you can give me that speech and actually mean it, give me a call and maybe we'll talk. Bye, Brodie."

"Peyton—"

"In the last few minutes, I saw a side of you I'm not crazy about. You eavesdropped on a private message and then called me out on it. You actually told me I wasn't having dinner with someone. Then you told me how to handle a situation with my son when I did not ask for your advice. I let you take charge of certain things in the past couple of days because I was exhausted and I trusted you. Don't abuse my trust by thinking you can waltz in here and take over everything, especially my relationship with my boys."

"That isn't what I was doing."

"No?" Peyton went into the kitchen. "There's this thing I do with my kids, kind of like the thing your mom did with you. When I know they aren't being honest with me or with themselves, I make them take a time out. I tell them that when they're ready to take an honest look at the situation, I'll be happy to discuss it with them. Until then, I'm not interested. So Brodie, right now, I'm not interested."

Brodie stood and went down the hall and into the guest bathroom. He grabbed his bag, then stopped at Finn's door and waved.

"Hey, Brodie. Wait!" she heard her son call out.

"I gotta go, but I'll see you soon, okay? Take it easy on that leg."

Brodie stopped in front of her, and for a minute, she thought he was going to continue arguing with her, but he didn't.

"See ya, Peyton."

She probably should've stopped him before he left, and thanked him again for all he'd done to help her and the boys, but hadn't she already thanked him a hundred times? Instead, she sent a text to Alex.

Call me when you're done on the trail , she wrote. Need to talk. I think I might've f'd things up , she added a few seconds later.

"You weren't kidding. What did you do to him?" Alex was standing in Peyton's kitchen, unpacking groceries.

"What is all that?" Peyton asked.

"Stuff."

"Frozen pizza? Burritos? Mac & cheese?"

Alex put her hand on her waist. "I'm hungry."

"Is that an apple pie?"

"I'm really hungry. Back to Brodie. What happened?"

"We had an argument, and I asked him to leave," Peyton admitted.

"The state?"

"What does that mean?"

"By the size of the suitcase he had with him when he left, I think he's planning to be gone a while."

Alex was quiet while Peyton told her about the last conversation she and Brodie'd had.

"Well? You're not saying anything."

"You're the one who texted me and said you think you f'd things up."

"So you agree? You think I was wrong?"

"Wrong? I don't know. Too tough on him? Definitely."

"Really?"

"Go look in the mirror, Peyton. You're still you."

She checked her phone, both to see if it was time for her to pick Jamison up from basketball practice and to see if she'd missed a call or text from Brodie. She hadn't.

"You want me to go get Jamison or stay here with Finn?"

"I'll go. Thanks for coming over, Alex."

"I'm here almost every day, Peyton. What would I do with myself if I wasn't?"

"Yeah, but you only have a couple of days of amazing sex left before your next dry spell, so I owe you."

Alex stuck a spoon into a gallon of ice cream. "Whatever. I have junk food. I'm good."

Peyton had a few minutes to kill before Jamie would be done, so she walked from her house to Moonstone Beach Road and watched the sun on the water. A week ago, she'd met Brodie here and wound up spending the whole day with him. Now, he wasn't speaking to her, and she wasn't sure what to do about it.

Part of her could see Alex's point, that maybe she'd been too hard on him. On the other hand, he'd really overstepped. She was about to jump off the rock and go get Jamison when a familiar orange sports car pulled up.

She turned around and waited for him to get out. When he didn't, she walked over. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Uh, I have to go get Jamison."

"Please get in."

"Brodie, did you hear me?"

"I heard you. Please, Peyton."

Peyton climbed in, and Brodie drove to the school. Jamison was walking out the gym door when they arrived.

"Where's Finn?" Jamie asked.

"He's home, honey, with Aunt Alex, who raided the junk-food aisle at Louie's," Peyton told him.

"Cool! Am I going to be allowed to have any?"

"If she'll share."

Brodie drove to Peyton's. "Can you tell Alex your mom and I have a quick errand to run?"

Jamison looked at his mom.

"It's okay, honey. We'll only be a minute."

"Okay."

Brodie put the car in reverse, then drove the block and a half to the beach.

"What's going on, Brodie?"

He parked the car and turned to face her. "You were right. When I said I was sorry earlier, I only said it because you were mad."

"And?"

"I was wrong. I don't know shit about parenting, except what I learned from my own parents. When I said what I said, I was thinking about how they'd handle something with us. It took me a while to see it from your point of view. I get that I don't know your boys, and because something worked with me and my siblings, it doesn't mean I'm an authority."

"I overreacted. It wasn't bad advice. I had more of a problem with the way you said it than what you said," Peyton told him.

"I'm pushing too hard. I get that, and I wish I understood it enough to explain it."

"What are you afraid of, Brodie?" she asked.

"Everything. I don't recognize myself lately."

Peyton sighed. "I said something similar to Alex."

"I'm supposed to be on my way to the Bay Area, but when I got to Monterey, I turned around." He looked at her. "I'm not like this."

"I'm not either."

"When I left your house this morning, I convinced myself that time away from you would be the best thing for both of us. I planned to stay gone long enough for my obsession with you to abate. I couldn't do it." Brodie rubbed his neck. "Right or wrong, I'm in this with you, Peyton. I don't know how to get out, mainly because I don't want to. I want you, and not only sexually, although even if we made love ten times a day for the rest of our lives, it still wouldn't be enough for me."

Peyton gazed at the sea.

"Please say something," he murmured.

"Your instincts are right, Brodie. Time apart will help us both get perspective."

He looked out at the water. "I told Alex I was more into you than you're into me."

"I'm sorry I leaned on you as much as I did these past couple of days. It wasn't fair to you. I gave you the wrong idea."

"So I'm right."

"I'm afraid so. I let you take Kade's place in my life because it was easy and it felt good to have someone to lean on. You aren't him, Brodie, and you never will be."

"I see."

Peyton got out of the car. "Bye, Brodie."

"Where are you going? I can take you home."

"I'll walk. It isn't that far."

"Peyton—"

"Let me go."