Chapter 10

Telise

R az'jin keeps repeating this one word, as if saying it different times with different intonations will change the fact that I don't know what it means. But I'm getting an idea. "Wife," maybe? Whatever it is, I'm not interested.

I don't belong to him, and certainly not forever. Where did this idea even come from?

Don't get me wrong—I want him. I loved having him, over and over again. I enjoyed getting to know him, and learning from him, and spending time with him even when he wasn't sucking between my legs or driving into me with his cock. I have a very deep affection for him, that much is true.

But beyond that? It's not possible. I always knew it wasn't, and I thought he did, too. Now I'm starting to wonder how he thought this would end, and I'm concerned that the truth of the matter was not shared between us.

"No," Raz'jin growls. "Mine." He repeats the word again, gesturing at me and then himself. He wants me to go with him, to leave Eyra Cove at his side on the last ship out of here before we're all frozen in for the winter.

And the more I push him away, the more I refuse to abide by this decision he's made—all on his own, I might add—the angrier he gets. I've only seen him this angry the once before, when I dropped from a tree branch and kicked him square in the head. When I held that knife to his throat, he had glared down at me with a look very much like this one.

We were clearly on completely different pages about what this relationship looked like and how it would end. That was a grievous error.

"You can stay," I say, gesturing to the room around us. "Stay with me."

The dark look in his eyes turns even darker. "I'm not staying."

"And I'm not going."

For a second, I see hurt flash across his face. He really expected something else out of this, that's obvious to me now. But that was foolish of him, and it's not my fault.

His hand clenches into a fist, and I wonder if perhaps he's going to attack me and try to drag me along with him anyway. He takes a threatening step towards me, and my hand drops to where my dagger would usually be at my waist—but I'm buck-ass naked. I retreat to the table beside the bed where it sits in its sheathe and reach for it.

Raz'jin's eyes widen as I take the dagger in my hand. I make it clear that if he's going to get violent, I'm going to get violent right back. I've defended myself against this troll once before and I can do it again.

It's like the dagger in my hand is the last straw. His face twists into rage, showing me a fury beyond anything I've seen before. He lunges for the dagger in my hand and wraps his fist around it, so the blade bites into his palm. I yelp, trying to pull the dagger free of his grip, but all I do is dig it deeper into his flesh. Some blood dribbles out and down his wrist. But it's as if he doesn't even feel it, the way that he uses the dagger in my hand to draw me towards him.

Then Raz'jin says something that I think means, "You're making a mistake." I yank the dagger free of his grip and he yowls, sending more blood splattering. As I back away, holding the dagger out with the point facing his chest, the yowl morphs into a roar. It's a sound I've only heard when ending a trollkin's life. He walks towards me until the point of my dagger is pressing into his chest.

"I'll do it," I say.

"I know." His gaze is conflicted for a moment, and for that moment, I can see that he's deeply wounded. But then the anger rushes back, and Raz'jin turns his head to one side to spit on the floor. He starts speaking words I don't know, so fast I can't even try to understand them. I catch bitch , and fuck . He turns away from me and storms over to the door, knocking over every single thing in his path. A table falls down, the one where we sat working on my Trollkin while he drew pictures for me, and he snaps it in half just by stomping on it.

"Stop it!" I yell at him. I'm going to have to pay for all this. "What the fuck?"

He turns around and bares all of his teeth at me. I'm so surprised by it that I freeze. He smashes his hand through the window, then turns on his heel and walks from the room.

What did I do to deserve all of this? He could have stayed here with me. It's not so bad, really, with a warm fire always burning in the belly of the inn. We could have had many more cold nights together, bundled up under furs and blankets, finding all sorts of activities to keep our blood running hot.

I stomp after him. "Raz'jin!" He pauses on the top step but doesn't look up at me. I approach him and lower the dagger to show I'm not going to stab him through the back. I just want to touch him, to try to make him understand. But the moment my hand brushes his skin, he jerks away like he's been burned. Trying to push me off, he sweeps one arm so wide and with so much force that it flings me backwards against the wall.

"Asshole!" I did learn that one. He takes off down the stairs, and when I'm recovered from my collision, I race after him down. "You piece of shit."

"Fuck you." He's using that other version of the word "fuck," not the sexy kind, but the one that means, "I hope you get bitten by a snake while you're sleeping and die alone screaming." He turns to face me and jabs a finger in my face. "Liar. Traitor."

What? What did I ever lie to him about? He's taking this way too hard. I never promised him anything, and I certainly never lied about what I wanted out of this.

Every single pair of eyes in the inn is watching us have an incredibly ugly breakup.

"Fine," I say. "Get out." I walk up to the door and point the way outside, then switch back to Freysian, because I don't know how to say what I want to say. "Get on that fucking ship of yours and never, ever come back."

Raz'jin doesn't have to speak the same language to understand what I'm saying. He stomps over to the door and flings it open. I brush his hip with my hand one more time, and he pauses on the threshold as if he's about to change his mind.

But then, he doesn't, and Raz'jin storms out of my life for good.

Raz'jin

How could she have done this to me?

Telise led me to believe it was real—that what I felt for her was reciprocated. Maybe we didn't say it in so many words, but it had seemed so obvious to me. The way we kissed, how our bodies melded together like honey and bread, the happiness we both felt over the last month or more... I thought we had an understanding about what this was. We were mates, bonded together forever. Wherever I went, she would go, too.

It was the fear in her eyes when she reached for her dagger that sent me over the edge and into the abyss of rage. Not only did she not feel the same way about me, but she truly believed I might hurt her.

And didn't I? Ugh, I just meant to push her away, but she's so small that I sent her into a wall. Humiliating, really, to not know your own strength. Now all of that fear she felt is justified. That, perhaps, enrages me more than anything else.

I didn't mean to do it.

When I reach the dock, I'm so angry that I'm gasping for air. I want to tear my hair out, throw my axe through the wooden pier, scream and yell until I'm hoarse and mute.

"Are you, um, wanting to board?" asks an orc standing at the top of the ramp. He looks concerned at the state of me.

I glare at him, but then nod my head. "Yes."

"Transport for one?"

It should have been two. I nod again and hold out my coin. We exchange, and then I'm on the ship, ready to return to Kalishagg where things make sense.

After I've claimed a room in the cabin of the boat, I sit down on the bed and stare down at my hands. One is still bleeding, the droplets falling to the wooden floor and staining it an even darker brown. There are two long gashes now, one through my palm and one across my fingers where I grabbed her dagger and held it, hoping she would understand how hard I was willing to work to keep her.

But it all fell on deaf ears.

Later that night, the ship pulls away from shore. A lighthouse up on a distant cliff illuminates the sea. I come up onto the deck to watch as the little port of Eyra Cove starts to shrink into the distance.

For a moment, I think I see someone with bright red hair standing on the pier. But surely, it's just my imagination.

I'm one of the very few on board, as almost everyone else was wise enough to get out before the wind turned frigid. Now we'll have to contend with floating ice, and hope that we don't run into any of it in the dark of the night.

How could this have all gone so wrong? It boggles my mind that Telise would throw away everything like this. My rage is melting off and giving way to something else, something I don't want to even entertain.

No. Shame, remorse, sadness—those are not familiar feelings for me. In fact, they are far beneath me. But I can't help the swell of it anyway, deep in my chest. I remember when she showed me her cloak that first night in the inn, and I marveled at her craftsmanship. When I took out my most precious belonging and let her hold it in her hand.

I reach into my pocket to pull the emerald out and remember that moment right before we took the leap. I probably should have known, even then, that this was fated to turn out badly.

But it's not there. My jewel... It's not where it belongs.

On my way out the door of the inn, her hand brushed against my waist.

A cold fire starts to burn in the depths of my chest. No. She couldn' t have.

As I replay it again, I realize that in fact, she did. Her shifty, quick little hand slid into my pocket and pulled my emerald out.

The flame explodes, filling my entire body. I want to jump into the frigid water and swim back to shore. She took everything from me, and I'm going to take it back. But the pier of Eyra Cove is already out of sight, just a flashing lighthouse off in the distance.

I roar and tear off the chunk of railing I was gripping tight in my hands. I could kill her right now, just reach out and grip her throat and squeeze until she goes limp.

For breaking me. For stealing from me. For ruining everything.

If I see her again, I will most certainly kill her.