5. Clarissa

Haveyou ever woken up and thought, “Today is the day my life is going to change?”

No?

Well, me neither. I don’t think there’s one defining moment. I mean, there can be, but mostly, it’s a series of events that stack up to create a picture. My picture is shaping up to be less than pleasant.

My head has been pounding since my eyes sprang open this morning, and I just can’t seem to relax. It feels like there’s this flittering phantom floating just outside my peripheral vision, but I can’t quite grasp the source.

“Are you okay? You don’t look so good,” Bobby says, slowing down at my cubicle.

“Yeah, just tired, I think.”

She lingers at my side, tilting her head and frowning. I’m typing and glancing at the clock for the hundredth time today. It’s only two-fifteen in the afternoon, and the day isn’t moving fast enough for me.

“Are you calling into the meeting from your phone or coming to the conference room?”

I yawn and lean back in my seat. “I’m calling from here so I can roll my eyes in peace.”

Bobby laughs and shakes her head.

“Alright, I’m going in. I hope you feel better.” She’s off to the conference room before all my words are out, and I lean down to rest my head on my desk. Eventually, I lift back up and dial into the conference room, setting my headset on mute.

My cell phone chimes, and I see a message from Tyree.

Husband-to-be

August and Tam are coming over. You”re cooking the Salmon bites, right?

Husband-to-be

Scrap that Tam has a seafood allergy. Can you do Risotto?

I let out a breath and look at the ceiling. Slow tendrils of pain creep up on me, and I know a migraine is imminent. Tyree and I differ in this way. While I love people, the thought of entertaining after a long day is not the first thing on my to-do list. He could have company over for the holidays or no reason at all and love it.

Me: I’m actually not feeling great. Can we do a raincheck?

Husband-to-be: Come on, Clarissa, We’ve already rescheduled twice.

I huff under my breath, and conference room chatter fills my headset. As it picks up, I lean back in my seat. Looks like I’m only one of three people who thought better of going into the conference room, as a few team members sit in their respective cubes on the other side of me. While the office layout is a cubicle farm, the top halves are made of glass, so privacy is an illusion.

I press my fingers into my temples as the department heads introduce the agenda. Synergy and alignment are rolling around the conference room like a sumo wrestler with something to prove. I’d laugh if my head weren’t slowly ticking up from a throb to a pounding. I hesitate for a second before I pick up my phone and type back.

Me: Okay, fine.

Husband-to-be: I love you.

Me: Love you 2.

It’s not that I don’t want to entertain, I just have no desire to go home and cook while talking about current events with Tyree’s friends. I bite my lip and will the clock to jump to five. That’s the thing about watching the clock. That heffa knows I’m watching her, so she slows down, ticking backward a few times like I won’t notice. I grip my head and laugh under my breath. Today is going to be a long day.

I rush in with my arms full. I was missing a few ingredients, so I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home.

“Tyree,” I call as I kick the door closed and walk to the kitchen.

“Hey, babe! I’m in the back,” he yells, but it’s muted. I place the bags on the counter, emptying them as I go along. After a few minutes, he comes out without a shirt on, smelling good. He kisses me on the cheek and finishes unpacking the bags for me with a smile.

“August has been dying to introduce us to Tam.”

I wash my hands before I pull out a pot. I still need to hop in the shower, but I want to get the water going for the rice.

“Tam… Tam. Which one is she?”

“This is the one he’s crazy about. The one he’s been trying to date for six months but she wouldn’t give him the time of day.”

I nod as I fill the pot and place it on the stove. “Right, yes. I still miss Camille. She was a good time.”

“Shit, don’t say her name. You say it in the mirror five times and she’ll appear.” Tyree laughs at his joke, and I shake my head.

“She was not that bad. Plus, she loved to cook, so she hosted most of our outings.”

Camille was one of those people who curates the atmosphere perfectly, from drinks and appetizers to lighting and topics. I found her efforts created a seamless flow throughout the night. Everyone else thought she was fake and trying too hard to impress August’s friends.

“Let me take a quick shower. Can you watch the water?” I ask as I run to the back room, kicking off my shoes and undressing on the way.

“Yep!” I hear him but just barely as I shut the door and hop in the shower. I’m out in ten minutes and back in the kitchen, going step by step.

The doorbell rings just as I’m whipping the contents of the pot. “Wow, right on time,” I say, turning off the stove and washing my hands. Tyree jumps up and jogs to the door. He changed into a polo shirt and jeans, and I went with a maxi dress, low-key but still put together.

He opens the door, and August is standing next to who I presume to be Tam. “Hello,” I say, joining them at the threshold.

“Baby, this is Tyree and Clarissa. Everybody, this is Tam,” August says as we walk into the living room. Our apartment has an open floor plan, so from the front, you can see the entire layout.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” she says.

“Are you thirsty? I have wine or water?” I ask.

“Wine sounds good. Do you want some, too, baby?” Tam asks, leaning over to kiss August on the cheek.

They look so cute, and I smile at seeing them be so sweet. The night continues like this. When he had sauce on his lip from the risotto, she was there to clean it up. When he wanted dessert, she reminded him he’d signed up for the 10k marathon next month and how important his training is.

I’ve known August for over two years, and he’s never been a runner. I find myself poking Tyree throughout the night because everything she describes is someone different. I find it interesting that I could be influenced so much by outside forces that the person I’m dating fundamentally changes me. My likes and dislikes. My habits. My goals. I’ve never seen him like this, and although he’s different, he looks happy. Content, even. So I settle back into my seat and cross my arms.

The headache is muted but still lingering. August grinning in Tam’s face temporarily took my focus, but as I sit here, my eye sockets begin to throb.

“Babe, you okay?” Tyree asks, leaning over to me.

“I think I’m getting a migraine.”

Tyree pulls me into his chest while gripping my waist. “Shit, why don’t you go lay down, and I’ll bring you some water?”

“I’m fine, really.”

“You are, and I love how you want that to be true, but we both know it’s not. Go lie down.” He rubs my back, and the idea sounds good to me.

“Actually, it’s getting late. Tam and I need to head out anyway,” August says, standing up.

“It was nice to meet you. I hope you feel better,” Tam adds with a concerned expression.

Tyree kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear, “Go in the back. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I don’t fight it this time and say goodbye as Tyree deals with seeing them out, and I go to the bedroom. I change into my pajamas and tie my hair down with a scarf before I slip under the covers and turn off the light. The darkness is an immediate relief to my senses as I settle deeper under the covers. This is what I wanted to do as soon as I got home.

With my eyes closed and in the dark, I’m lulled into a relaxed state. Kisses are peppered along my jaw and up to my temples as heat radiates around me.

“I brought your water. Go back to sleep,” Tyree says, and I shake my head but make no real effort to get up or open my eyes.