24. Tyson

It’s beena week since I took Issa to the Botanical Gardens, and I haven’t been able to relax since. It’s funny; I was trying to help her release stress, but now I’m wound up tight. I’m not sure what happened to my plan to stay away. I meant it when I said it, but the execution didn’t quite land. I knew something was bothering her, but leaving it alone wasn’t an option. The speeches I gave myself every time I’d see her were cool, except I couldn’t stick to my plan.

I don’t bother knocking before walking into my parents’ house. Scrubbing my hands down my face, I sit on the couch, lost in thought.

This is so fuckedup.

“Hey, son. Whatchu doing here?” my dad asks, and I rise up.

“Nothing, just killing time.”

My father walks into their living room and sits in his favorite chair with a bowl of almonds and water. He sits the water on the end table but keeps the almonds at his side.

“Hmm. What really brings you here, son?”

I laugh and lean back, stretching my legs in front of me and crossing my feet at the ankles. My dad changes the channel to the game and takes a handful of almonds as he waits. I have no doubt the change in snacks is due to my mom. If it were up to him, he’d have a bowl of chips and dip.

“I see mom has you eating differently.”

“You know your mother.” He shrugs and tosses back the almonds.

“How— When— What if you have the desire for something you can’t have?” I finally stutter out. I haven’t voiced to anyone what I’ve been dealing with, but it’s weighing on me.

“Hmm. Well, you could always buy yourself whatever it is.”

“It’s not something money can buy.”

He leans back and narrows his eyes. “I see. So it’s something intangible.”

I nod because that’s close enough, and he pops more almonds in his mouth. My mom is in the kitchen off to the side, and I hear her talking to my sister.

“Well, I guess you work hard. I always told you and your sisters if there’s something you want, go after it. If it’s meant for you to have, it shall be so.”

I chuckle, and he winks at me before focusing on his game.

A minute later, my sister strolls in with a big smile.

“Hey, Dad.” She bends down and gives him a hug.

“Hey, sweet pea,” he says before moving back to the TV. She dips her hand in his almonds, and he slaps it away. “Not that sweet. Get your own.”

We laugh, and she comes over to me and plops down on the couch. She turns her head while lying back on the seat.

“What are you doing here?”

“I can’t come see my parents?”

She narrows her eyes and shakes her head.

“I guess I’m not used to seeing you when I drop in on the weekend.”

I laugh, and she joins in. That was the hardest part for me. I love traveling, and the experience is not something I’d take away, but sometimes, it was lonely. Being overseas, I missed my family. I had friends and definitely dated over the years, but there’s something about being home. Nothing else is like it.

“Anyway, where’s your girlfriend?”

“What are you talking about? I don’t have a girlfriend.” I bump her shoulder with mine, and she laughs.

“Not yet.”

“Kay, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m just saying I’m a great judge of character, and I be seeing things other people miss.” She shrugs with a smile.

“And what the hell did you see?”

“Do you remember that time—I think it was tenth grade—you were dating Tammy?”

I haven’t heard that name in years, and her recalling it brings me back. Tammy was the girl I’d had a crush on since middle school, and she never gave me the time of day. Until one day, she decided I was cute and sent me a note saying as much. I was still a puppy dog about her, so, of course, I said yes to dating.

“Yeah, I remember. What’s up?”

“We went to your basketball game, and you introduced us, and I told you Tammy was a snake.”

I laugh, recalling Tammy’s face. She tried to play it off, but she was not happy.

“You were a little kid. Kids say stuff all the time.”

“Did Tammy dump you before the homecoming dance and start dating your teammate?”

I don’t respond, only nodding at her words.

“So, messenger’s age aside, I be knowing.” She winks with a smile. “It’ll be hard, but you’ll find a way.”

Her words stop me, and I mull over them. I’m ready to ask her what she means, but my mom comes into the room. Soon, everyone is talking, and the conversation has moved to something else, but I’m stuck. Even as the thought guts me, I know there’s no way this works in my favor. I either blow up a fourteen-year friendship for the possibility of something that might not even be reciprocated or watch the woman I wish was mine live happily with someone else.

I stayed with my parents for a few hours, and by the time I left, my mind was made up to let it go. Whatever it is, nothing can come from it. Tyree is my best friend, and I can’t hurt him like this. I probably have been hanging out with her and calling her too much, leaving me wide open to long for something more. Something I’ll never have. Maybe time away will remove the twisting churn I feel when we’re in the same room.

Maybe it will stop me from wanting to devour the sun.