Chapter Twenty-Three Claire

Chapter Twenty-Three

Claire

“It’s so sweet,” Lacey says as Andie recounts how Austin asked her if we could come by theater rehearsal. It’s intermission, which is the only reason Andie’s talking to us. She’s very focused on the game any time Brandon is on the ice.

“It was. He even helped me move some of the bulky set pieces. It usually takes, like, three of us. You think I can recruit him every day?”

I laugh and shake my head. “Probably not.”

“He asked me if he could bring you to cheerleading practice, but I told him absolutely not,” Lacey says, grinning at me.

“What?” Andie shrieks in surprise. “Why not?”

“Because I still remember when she went to tryouts in seventh grade. She did one cheer and then said absolutely not and left me there alone.”

“You were in cheer heaven. You didn’t care if I stayed.”

“You’d be a great cheerleader. We could teach you all the cheers, and it’d be fun to do it together,” Andie says.

“I don’t like the idea of being tossed up into the air,” I tell her. Which is true. The other reason I only lasted half of a practice is because I could just hear my mother in my head. She thinks cheerleading is for people who can’t cut it as gymnasts or dancers. I don’t agree, obviously. Lacey has a special something about her that would be all wrong for dance or gymnastics, even though she’s great at both. And Andie loves cheering. It’s a natural fit for both of them.

“What about the hockey cheer team?” Andie asks and nods her head to where the small squad is standing just off the ice.

The sight of the girls in their skates makes a whirl of emotions stir inside me. It’s been months since I laced up my skates, but I can still remember that feeling, the first glide onto the ice. Nothing beats fresh ice. The smooth surface and the way the skates cut across it.

The cheerleaders skate to the center and do a cheer to get the crowd going. Their skill levels vary from good skaters to great. The latter incorporate some jumps and spins. At least two of them are good enough that I know they had to have taken years of figure skating lessons. I can hear my mom’s voice in my head, nitpicking their sloppy landings or the lack of height on their jumps.

“They do have great outfits. We need to work new ones into the budget for next year,” Lacey tells Andie.

Then they both look at me, and I realize I’ve gone silent as I think about skating and my mom. An ache has formed in my chest.

“I don’t think I have enough pep for cheering of any kind,” I say, which is true.

“Pep can be taught.” Lacey bumps her shoulder against mine and gives me a look like she knows where my mind just went.

When the Frost Lake hockey team comes back out onto the ice, Andie goes back to focusing on the game and cheering for Brandon.

Lacey scoots closer to me so I can hear her over our friend’s screams. “So have you found anything you liked during all this extracurricular fun with Austin?”

“The only thing I’ve realized I like is him.”

Lacey looks like she wants to burst with excitement. She clasps her hands together, and her shoulders inch up to her ears.

“It can’t happen,” I remind her.

Her shoulders fall, and she cocks her head to the side. “It’s been four months since you and Vaughn broke up.”

“I don’t want to cause problems for Austin.”

Her happy expression returns. “Vaughn can deal with it. I mean, look at him. He seems fine.”

I glance over to where the guys are coming back down the stairs to their seats. My ex is smiling, talking. By all appearances, he seems to have completely moved on. Maybe it’s me who needs to come to terms with it. It isn’t like I’ve been pining away for him, but there’s this part of me that knows Austin is a lot like Vaughn, and that scares me.

“Come on,” Lacey says. “You’re making too big a thing of this. Let me prove it to you.”

Before I can ask what she’s up to, Lacey stands and moves up a row to sit next to Rowan.

“Let me get in on those nachos,” she says to him.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he says in reply, looking a lot like he doesn’t want to share.

Vaughn takes a seat next to Lacey, then Austin sits on her other side. I can either move to the far side to sit by Rowan or sit beside Austin. Lacey’s eyes widen, and she tips her head slightly to indicate I should sit next to Austin. So I do.

One side of his mouth lifts in a crooked smile. I feel a zing from head to toe. I like him. Really like him.

He holds out a bag of Skittles toward me. “Want some?”

I hold my palm out, and he empties a large handful into it, then steals the red ones back.

“What are you doing?” I ask with a small laugh.

“They’re my favorite.” He winks and tosses the red candies into his mouth.

As the second period is about to begin, more of the soccer team fills the bleacher in front of us: Barrett, the twins, Blake, and a couple of freshmen. They’re talkative and loud, but I’m struggling to pay attention to anyone. It’s like all my senses are attuned only to Austin. The brush of his shoulder against mine, the smell of his familiar woodsy scent, and the occasional smile he gives me when I chance looking at him.

Vaughn hasn’t said anything to me directly, but he does give me a chin lift as the nachos are passed down and we make eye contact. I relax a little. It’s chill. We can all hang out, and it’s fine.

As the action on the ice starts up, I stop stressing about it completely. I’m still acutely aware of every move Austin makes, but I start to enjoy myself cheering on the team and sharing Skittles. He bought three packs.

He’s divvying out another handful for me when Eli turns around in front of us.

“Yo, Disco. There’s your girlfriend.”

At first, I think he means me, and an icy feeling rushes from my head to my toes. But then all the guys look out onto the ice where the hockey cheerleaders are in a line and doing a school cheer. Carefully, I keep my smile intact and my attention forward.

It’s easy to spot which one they mean when Barrett says, “I would not throw Jenn out of bed with me.”

“You wish,” Eli tosses back.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Austin says quickly with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

“You two look pretty cozy in English class.” Eli angles his body to grin at Austin.

“We were paired up on a project,” he says. “That’s it.”

“Oh, and the library during free period?”

“Again, working on a project.” Austin’s voice sounds like he’s gritting his teeth.

“Figures you get the hottest girl in class, and I get paired up with this idiot.” Eli nudges Eddie next to him.

The twins banter back and forth, and nobody mentions Jenn again, but my mind is reeling.

The whole thing sounds so similar. I bite on the corner of my lower lip as I consider this new information. Is it possible I’ve misread all the signs with Austin? We’ve become friends, sure, but is that all I am? Have I been freaking out about my feelings for no reason?

Austin’s knee bumps against mine, bringing me out of my thoughts. It could be an accident, but then he keeps it there.

“You gotta admit she’s smoking hot, bro,” Barrett says without glancing back. His eyes are still glued to Jenn as the cheerleaders take a seat in the front row.

“I’ve seen hotter.”

The guys all hoot and laugh at him.

When I finally chance looking at him, Austin is smiling at me.

* * *

After the game, people leave quickly. Vaughn left the second the buzzer sounded, as did several of the other guys. Lacey, Rowan, Austin, and I walk out together.

“Where’d your sister go?” Rowan asks Austin.

He stares down at his phone, jaw tight. “Left early, I guess. She texted me a few minutes ago that she didn’t need a ride.”

Rowan bobs his head. “Are you still good to take me home?”

“Of course,” Austin says, sliding his phone into his pocket.

“I can take you,” Lacey says. “You’re on my way home, and I’m taking Claire anyway.”

“I live in the opposite direction of Claire.” Rowan smiles at me apologetically.

“I don’t mind,” I say. “She can take you first, or I can call my mom and see if she can come get me. She’ll sigh all annoyed, but she’ll do it.”

“Claire’s on my way,” Austin says. “Lacey can take Rowan, and I’ll drop you.”

No one says anything, so I nod, heart jumping around wildly like he offered more than to let me sit in his car and drive me the few miles home.

His Jeep smells like him: woodsy, like opening a cedar chest, mixed with some kind of laundry detergent or soap. He turns the music down after starting the car. Neither of us speaks until he’s pulled out of the parking lot, headed toward my neighborhood.

“Are things with Torrance better?” I ask him.

“I thought so, but she didn’t want to be seen with me at the game and then took off before it was over.”

“I’m sure she went with one of her friends.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He takes his eyes off the road only long enough to attempt a smile.

“So you and Jenn?” I mean for it to come out teasing, but I’m not quite sure I hit the mark.

“Do you know her?”

“Not well. She moved here last year, and we haven’t had any classes together.”

“That’s what she said.” Austin nods his head. “That she moved here last year.”

It occurs to me that they probably have a lot to talk about, having both moved to Frost Lake so recently. A feeling that is awfully close to jealousy surges through me.

“What’s your project over?” I ask, staring out the window.

“We have to do a book trailer.”

“What’s the book?” I don’t know why I keep asking questions about it. I guess so I don’t seem jealous, but it’s just making me more jealous.

“ Pride and Prejudice . The whole class had to read it, and now we’re making trailers to convince our friends to read it.”

Of course, only the most romantic book on the required reading book list.

“We did this role-playing thing where she’s Elizabeth Bennet and I’m Mr. Darcy.” There’s a hint of laughter in his tone like they had a fabulously fun time.

I feel hot all over and also cold and like I can’t breathe. Austin comes to a stop in front of my house, and I fling off my seat belt to flee.

“I could show you the video if you want.”

“That’s okay. I’m sure it’s really good.” I need air. I reach for the door handle. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Hey.” He captures my wrist to stop me from getting out of the car.

I should smile and fake that I’m fine, but I can’t manage it. Disappointment swirls in my lower stomach settling like a rock. It’s hitting me just how much I like him and how he likes someone else. I should have just gone out with him that first night after he kissed me and then asked for my number.

But I didn’t know him then. Austin is sweet and fun. He loves soccer and his family and making people smile. I know because he’s made it his mission to make me smile, and I have, more than I can remember doing in a very long time.

“I thought you weren’t going to run from me anymore,” he says.

“I’m sorry,” I say. I can’t make any other words come out of my mouth. If I do, I’ll tell him everything.

He studies me closely, fingers still circling my wrist. I wonder if he can see the jealousy oozing off me. If he can, he doesn’t call me on it.

Instead, he leans over the middle console. His light green gaze darts from my eyes to my lips. My heart pounds in my chest, and my throat is thick with emotion.

I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m frozen. I want to run away, but I can’t. Not when he’s touching me. His thumb glides slowly over the inside of my wrist along my pulse point.

It’s only when his lips hover over mine that I realize he’s going to kiss me. Austin is going to kiss me.

“We shouldn’t,” I say with absolutely no conviction in my tone. I’m not even sure why I believe that. Because of Vaughn? Because we’ve become friends? Neither of those feel important with the way he looks at me.

“I disagree,” he says. “Strongly.”

Then he leans all the way in. My lips part as his press tenderly against mine. My heart flutters, and my pulse races as a giddy sort of surprise and excitement flows through me.

His other hand comes up to my jaw and skates across my skin until he’s holding the side of my neck and guiding me through the kiss.

It isn’t my first kiss, not even my first kiss with him. It’s so much better.

His tongue sweeps into my mouth. He tastes exactly like Skittles, sweet and addicting. He’s tentative at first, matching my hesitancy, but when the shock wears off, I urge him on by opening wider. His response is immediate, kissing me in a way that makes my head dizzy.

Austin pulls back, and his green eyes pin me in place. “Best idea ever.”