8. Cord

Chapter 8

Cord

What the hell is she talking about? Macy's always wanted a house full of kids laughing and playing. It was a dream of hers and one I planned on helping her grow into reality.

I wanted to see miniature versions of us running around and causing a mess. I dreamed of wrapping my arms around her and whispering how much I love her as our kids play tag or hide-and-seek in the backyard.

But for her to say she's better off being alone? No way. I won't allow it.

"Listen, I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend again, but I wanted to talk to you about us."

"There isn't an us." She sighs and I feel it to my core. She's given up on everything, just like Dad pointed out. She doesn't think she deserves or can get the life she wants, so she's letting go of all of it.

"Let's be real. Wyatt and Charlie are going to end up together again. It's not a question of when, it's just how long they're going to take to get there. I have a feeling it won't be long at all."

"Not after they aired all their dirty laundry. She's falling for him all over again, I can see it."

Just like I wanted to do with you.

"Exactly. Which means we're going to be around each other a lot. Cici's my sister and your best friend. Charlie's like a sister to me and she's my coworker. Plus, soon she'll be my best friend's girlfriend again. There's no avoiding each other." I run a rough hand through my hair and try to maneuver this conversation carefully. "I want to be friends, Mace. Real friends, not this we barely tolerate each other shit. I want to be able to walk into a room and talk to you without any sort of bad feelings towards you or any tension making it weird for everyone around us."

"And how do we do that?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm willing to try if you are."

"And if I'm not?"

"Then chances are we both won't get invited to things with our friends. They'll pick one or the other, but never both of us. Do you really want your friends to have to pick which one of us they should invite to things?"

"No," she says softly. "I don't want to lose Charlie and Cici too."

"Things last night were… rough. I knew exactly where to poke to piss you off and I'm sorry for that. But you…" I sigh and scrub a hand down my face. I don't want to admit any of this, but I have to. "You can't throw yourself into another man's arms just to make me jealous, Mace. It fucking hurts to see."

"It's been four years, Cord. You shouldn't be jealous anymore," she whispers so quietly I almost don't hear her.

"So, you're telling me if we went to the bar right now and a beautiful woman was all over me, you wouldn't get jealous?"

"No, I'd expect it. Women have been all over you since you went pro," she says emotionlessly, like that isn't the reason she broke up with me.

"And I always politely put distance between us because I loved you," I growl, trying to keep calm, but I'm clearly losing the battle.

"Exactly. Loved. At one point in time, you loved me, but not anymore." She shakes her head and drops her gaze so I can't see her eyes anymore.

"That's where you're wrong. I never stopped loving you, babe. You've always been it for me, but I'm done chasing you." It's such a lie. I'm never going to stop chasing her, but maybe if she thinks I've given up, she'll want me back. "How many times am I supposed to beg you to listen to me and to let me back in? If there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that I can't force you to do something you don't want to do. If you wanted this relationship, you would've fought for it, but you didn't. You got tired of us and you walked away. "

"I got tired of feeling like I wasn't enough! Fuck, Cord! Do you know how hard it is to watch other women flirt with your boyfriend and wonder if you're enough to keep him around? Every night I fell asleep wondering if we got married, would you eventually cheat on me and leave me, just like my mom did to my dad? That fucking destroyed him! He turned into a man I don't even recognize anymore. He beat my brother and took all of his anger and hurt out on us. Every part of his life was turned upside down when the love of his life walked away. So, I'm sorry if I don't want to go through the same thing one day. I'm sorry for protecting myself and ending things when I began to see the red flags flying high in the air."

"What red flags? I'd never hurt you."

"No, but I knew I was head over heels in love with you and it wouldn't be enough when some cleat chaser threw herself at you."

"Don't you get it, Mace? It doesn't matter how many women throw themselves at me when I only see you. It's only ever been you and you tossed all of that away because of something I didn't even do. Hell, I didn't even know you when all of that went down with your parents. But I guess it's good to know where I stand with you. I'm just a piece of shit who would ultimately leave you for some cleat chaser. I'm glad you think so highly of me."

I rise from the couch and toss a box of Macy's favorite chocolates on the coffee table. I've been hiding them since I got here. I figured I'd give them to her after we talked, but we're done. This isn't going to solve anything. It's clear she doesn't want me around and I can't change her mind on the matter.

"Have a goodnight, sweetheart. You're getting what you want. I'm gone and I'll leave you alone from now on."

Just saying the words is like a thousand knives to my chest. I don't want to walk away from her and I definitely don't want to keep my distance from her, but I'm not sure what else I can do.

I tug the door open, refusing to look over my shoulder at her. Right before I walk through the door, a hand slams the wood shut in front of me. Macy squeezes between the door and my chest, looking up at me with big eyes, brimming with tears.

"Stop it. I don't want you to go. Not like this," she whispers.

"Sometimes we don't get what we want."

A single tear slips down her cheek and before I can stop myself, I brush it away with my thumb and cup her face in my hand.

"Cord…"

"Goodnight, Mace." I press a soft, lingering kiss to her forehead before carefully moving her out of the way and slipping out of her apartment.

This time she doesn't stop me. I make it all the way to my car before my emotions win and tears cloud my vision. I hate seeing her hurting so much. She's lost and she doesn't know where to go from here, but I can help her. I'll stop at nothing to give Macy the future she always wanted, even if I'm no longer a part of it. Even if I have to watch her find her happily ever after with another man.