Chapter 18

Electricity courses through my body when his lips meet mine, threatening to shock everything that comes into contact with me. Except it's him—the one who is searing my skin with every touch—and it feels like I'm having the same effect on him.

Lips mold against mine, nipping, licking, sucking. But then he pulls away just as quickly, chest heaving at the same pace as mine. I reach for my heart, holding it where it pounds, and I think about how much I must have hurt him. I also think about what my therapist said—friends with benefits. I don't want to lose him, but I also can't give him what he wants from me. What if we can meet in the middle?

In one frenzied movement, I close the space between us once more, and he bends at the waist to pick me up. He pushes me against the wall, my back meeting it with a hard thud, and I grab the back of his neck to pull his face toward mine. Our lips meet again, this time faster, harder, rougher. Tongues war with each other, teeth nip at lips, and when I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, he moans for me. My hips move over his abs of their own accord, rubbing myself on him. And I swear it's like someone's set my clit on fire because it's pulsing, pounding to the beat of my heart—and I need relief.

"Suck on my tongue, baby." He groans as he pulls away, and then suddenly, his bottom lip is caught between my teeth again, and I pull on it slowly. "Bailey," he whispers, "I will fuck you right here if you don't stop biting me like that."

I inhale sharply, but then angle my face up to his. Theo takes the hint, lowering his face toward mine and letting me into his mouth. After a slow kiss, his tongue brushes against my lips, and I open up, sucking on his tongue.

"Mmmm," he moans again, and I bury my fingers in his hair and pull on the strands softly.

Theo's mouth descends, trailing a path from my jaw down to my neck. I tilt my head at an angle, giving him access to nip and lick as he wants, and I can tell he's warring with his feelings. We're caught in a state of desperation, although I can feel the anger coming off him in waves. He's pissed that I left him, ghosted him, and I can't even blame him for it. I'm angry with my own damn self.

"We have to stop meeting like this," I tell him softly as I pull away.

"How?"

I give him an accusatory look, knowing he doesn't care. "In hospitals."

"Then let's meet at my place." I open my mouth to object, even as he gives me a quick kiss to shut me up. "Hear me out. You're about to be off work. So do what you need to do and come home with me."

Home.

My studio doesn't feel like home, though he says it like calling a place home is the most natural thing in the world. "Why would I do that?"

"Because we need to talk, and you know it." Theo sighs, letting me down and putting me on my feet. "You left me—over a fucking kiss, Bailey. Do you know how much that hurt? The least you can do is come home with me and fix this ache in my chest."

"I don't know how to do that," I reply, my voice hoarse and cracking.

"All you have to do is be there," he whispers, crowding me again, his thumb meeting my bottom lip. "Please."

"Alright," I relent. "Wait for me in the waiting room, and I'll be there in about twenty minutes. I have to give report on two patients, so it should be fairly quick."

"I'll wait however long you need me to wait, Bailey."

My heart somersaults in my chest at his words, but all I can do is nod and walk out of the room, leaving the door open behind me. No one pays me any attention as I return to the nurse's station, although I'm sure when they spot Theo waiting for me they will have a million questions. Like, are you fucking your patient? Ex-patient? Does it matter if I'm no longer taking care of him? Is it unethical? I don't even fucking know. But there's a strong attraction between us, chemistry. Spending time together is easy. These are all things I've never experienced before. And I plan on exploring all of that.

The next twenty minutes are some of the longest of my life, and of course, I have Linda again, who just loves to talk. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same about her. That may sound a little cruel, but I'm not one for small talk. I guess unless it's with Theo. Sometimes, I think that everything that comes out of each other's mouths during the time we spend together is meaningful.

Once I am done with report, I clock out, get my bag from the break room, and go to the waiting room where he's meeting me. I follow him all the way to the ER entrance in silence, but when we get to his black Audi R8, I audibly gasp. I don't know how he's not judging the piece of shit I drive. He just opens the door instead, and I get in.

The scent of leather meets my nostrils as I sit down. He closes the door behind me, and suddenly, I feel very self-conscious about my scrubs. It feels criminal to have spent an entire night in the hospital and then put my filthy scrubs on his beautiful leather seats.

"Nice car," I murmur as soon as he gets in. "I feel dirty just being in it."

Theo chuckles, "It's okay. I'll clean it later."

"So you admit I'm dirty?"

"Yes," he says without hesitation. "Who even knows where those scrubs have been all night."

"And you're okay with me being here? Dirtying up your car?"

"Bailey," he sighs, "I'd let you dirty up whatever you want."

Images of me dirtying him up come to mind. Me riding his dick. Him holding me and pushing me against the wall. The feel of his lip between my teeth, the way I sucked on his tongue.

Fuck.

I need to get it together.

I don't say anything for the rest of the ride, bouncing my leg as I pray for us to make it to the condo quickly. The air is thick in the car—the silence all but audible. Sadly, The traffic is not helping matters either, and I focus on the bumps in the road as a distraction until we arrive at the condo and get out of his car.

I don't know what to expect when we get inside. Is it going to be awkward? Or is he going to try to maul me again? Do I want him to? The answer is yes, but I know we need to talk first and that's the problem. I don't want to. If things could just progress naturally until we decide to give this friends-with-benefits thing a shot—which he doesn't even know I want—that would be amazing. But he deserves better than that, and I have to give it to him.

Once inside, I drop my bag by the front door and take off my shoes as well. "Can I take a shower?" I ask him.

I didn't bring spare clothes, but I'm not above wearing a T-shirt at home, even in the cold weather. I'm sure he'd lend me a pair of sweatpants if it came down to it. Let's just hope they have drawstrings because I'm tiny compared to him.

"Sure," he says softly. "Do you have spare clothes?"

"No." My lips tip up slightly. "Do you mind lending me a shirt?"

Theo pushes my shoulder playfully, closing the door behind him. "I'd never mind seeing you in my clothes."

My stomach fills with butterflies, though I ignore the feeling. "Where's your laundry room?"

"I'll take you."

Theo takes me into the kitchen and through a door next to the fridge. A spacious laundry room comes into sight, light and airy with its bright white walls and decorative shelves. The floors are checkered tile, and there's a sign that says in this kitchen, we dance.

I smirk, "This isn't even the kitchen, Theo." I point at the sign. "Or am I missing something?"

"I just like it, okay?" Theo shrugs. "I will dance anywhere." He clears his throat. "Clean laundry is in the dryer, so you can just grab whatever shirt you want from there."

"Thank you," I reply, looking up at him and making eye contact. His blue eyes widen slightly, and he licks his lips and then looks away. It's endearing how shy he just became. I wonder how shy he'll be at my proposition. "Can you stay in the living room until I'm done with my shower? My scrubs are dirty so I need to put them in your washer and then go to the bathroom."

"Naked?" Theo gulps.

"Yeah." I nod with a smile.

"Right." He runs a hand through his floppy brown hair. "Of course."

With that, he leaves me alone to get out of my clothes, and I immediately start the wash and grab a shirt from the dryer. I pad across the condo quietly, get in the shower, and admire it. It has white subway tiles from floor to ceiling, double shower heads, and even a bench. The shower has glass double doors, but I can't see the bathroom anymore due to the steam.

Getting under the stream of water, I close my eyes and use Theo's shampoo and body wash, loving that I'll be smelling like him for the rest of the day. Like pine trees. I never found the smell appealing before, but it's quickly becoming a favorite of mine now.

Done with the shower, I dry off and put the t-shirt on. It's going to be cold out there, I already know, and the one thing I want the most is to lie down on his bed and sleep. But again, we have to talk before any of that happens, and I wonder if he'll even let me stay after what I have to say. I know I hurt him, but how much does he actually like me? Will he forgive that? Something tells me if I'm here, then he must be willing to.

Opening the bathroom door, I take a deep breath and make my way to the living room. There sits Theo, paying attention to his phone, his foot propped up on the couch. He looks so comfortable, so at ease, something I never am. It's a sight to behold how beautiful he is. He's now wearing gray sweatpants slung low on his hips, and he's shirtless, showing off his sculpted chest and cut shoulders, huge biceps, and corded forearms. An athlete through and through. My mouth waters, and I swallow hard.

With my next step, he looks up from his phone. "Hey, Bailey." His voice is rough, low. It does things to my insides that I can't even ignore anymore. "Come sit."

"Okay." I sit next to him, making sure to pull the shirt down slightly and close my legs so as not to flash him since I'm not wearing any underwear. Damn it, I really didn't think this through. "I just want to say?—"

"Why?" Theo interrupts, his voice cracking on the word. His face is anguished, and I know right now that I truly hurt him—more than hurt him, even. "Why would you leave me that way, Bailey?" I inhale slowly, trying to calm the erratic beat of my heart. You said we were a mistake, and I forgave that, but leaving me like that after we shared a moment? How could you do that to me?"

My eyes sting as I try to blink the tears back, yet one traitorous one escapes. He closes the distance between us and brushes it away with his thumb. "I was just scared."

"You know what I was scared of?" he asks, and I shake my head. "Never seeing you again. When you didn't reply to any of my messages, I was going fucking insane, Bailey."

"I'm sorry."

"What was that?"

"I'm so sorry, Theo," I whisper. "You don't understand how hard it is for me to let anyone in."

"Then explain."

"I blocked you because I like you. I like you… and I don't want to, because all I can do is hurt you in the end, Theo. And I don't want to do that."

"Why is it so hard for you to give us a chance?"

"Because of Robert!" I exclaim, getting up from the couch and pacing circles around the living room. "Theo…I ran away because he almost killed me. I don't trust anyone anymore. I can't."

"You can trust me," he pleads. "I promise."

"It's not about you," I reply, "You're a great guy—you really are. It's not personal. But I know I can't be the person you need me to be. I can't catch you if you fall."

"You're just saying that because no one's ever caught you before."

"Maybe." I chuckle, holding on to the last thread of my sanity. I don't want to relive what happened seven months ago, but he needs to understand why I am the way I am. "He thought I was cheating on him…and he beat me…stabbed me. Then he left me for dead." I pause and stare into his eyes. "I ran as soon as I was out of the hospital and never looked back. Cheyenne has been the only person I've let in…" I gulp, hating that I haven't talked to her since she told me she wouldn't cover my ass with Theo. "I came here to start over, and none of that involved you."

"Maybe not at first," Theo says slowly. "Except now it does. I want it to involve me."

"The thing is, Theo." I sigh, loud and long. "I'm emotionally unavailable."

"Bailey, if you let me, I'll show you what your life is supposed to look like."

"I want to keep seeing you," I blurt, and he rears back, a smile widening on his face quickly. "But it needs to be casual."

That pretty smile drops just as quickly as it came. "Casual, how?"

"Friends," I tell him. "With benefits."

Theo raises an eyebrow. "And what's in it for me, Bailey? Besides the pleasure of your company."

"What do you want?" I ask him with furrowed brows.

"I want some relationship perks." My eyes widen. "The benefits part of the deal."

"That's called sex, Theo."

He just shakes his head. "No. I want more than sex." My stomach drops, and it's my turn to shake my head. "You go to parties with me, come to my games. We spend time together. Sleepovers."

"That's a relationship, Theodore."

He smiles now. "Those are the terms." I stare at him wide-eyed, unable to reply. I want your friendship, and friends do those things with each other."

I know they do. I fucking know, but I also know that if I did all of that with him, it would be hard not to fall in love with him. "On one condition," I add. "If you fall in love with me, you have to promise we end this between us. No hard feelings."

"That's it?" he asks with a straight face that is totally unreadable. "Those are your terms?"

"Simple." I shrug. "Don't fall in love with me, and we can have sex all you want."

"I don't just have sex with people," Theo counters. "I'm taking my time with you."

"Oh?" I ask with disappointment. "You don't want to have sex with me?"

Theo grabs me by the waist, yanking me toward him until I'm on his lap. "Baby, I want to fuck you," he whispers against my lips. "I want to make you cry with how good you feel." He trails his fingers slowly over my cheek. "I want your face soaked with tears, the same way I want your cum all over my dick."

My hips give a little rock against his, feeling his erection thickening underneath my bare pussy. A little zap goes straight to my clit when he grabs my ass cheeks with both hands and squeezes. Oh God. I think my brain is short-circuiting.

"Monogamous," I gasp when his hand comes between us and he begins to rub my clit. "Oh my God, Theo."

"Right there, baby?"

"Yes," I grit my teeth. "Only me."

"Only you," He agrees. "Only ever you."

His fingers come to my entrance and hook into me, his palm against my clit. He thrusts in and out at a torturous pace, his hand rubbing against my clit with perfect timing, and my eyes roll to the back of my head. "There."

I cup his face and bring his lips to mine, letting him finger me while I suck on his tongue, and he moans. It makes my stomach flip, every groan coming from him. Every sound he makes turns me on even more.

He hits a spot inside of me that makes me see black, and I begin to rock my hips to the rhythm of his thrusts. "Theo." I moan, "Fuck."

"That's right, baby," he groans, going faster. "Fuck yourself on my fingers. Come for me."

I pick up the pace, rubbing my clit against his hand, seeking the friction. It feels like I'm going to detonate any moment, the way my spine tingles. Though I'm feeling it all the way down to my toes. And when my legs lock up and my pussy tightens, I know it's over.

My head begins to spin at the exact moment my legs begin to shake, but I don't stop. If anything, I go faster, and Theo yanks my head back and bites on my neck—hard. It sends a shiver down my spine, getting me closer, closer?—

And then I fall off the edge.

"I know, baby," he whispers against the shell of my ear. "Look at how perfect you are with your pretty pussy wrapped around my fingers."

"Oh, God."

"Yes." He groans, "Fuck, Bailey. You're soaking me."

And just like that, I know this arrangement we made is the best thing that's ever going to happen to me. Because the sweet Theo who opens my doors and cuddles me during thunderstorms is not the same man who just finger fucked me.

And I can't wait to unwrap even more of his layers.