8. Chapter Eight

8

Chapter Eight

Brittany

L eaving work after fourteen hours, my entire body is exhausted. Honestly, I’m so mentally drained from this week and specifically today. I know it’s next to impossible for them to find me at this point, but it isn’t impossible. I’m a lot closer to Ohio now than I was when I lived in Arizona. All day I’ve felt myself in fight or flight. In that head space I spent my entire life in until two of my abusers were sentenced when I was fifteen. It feels like a hand has wrapped around my throat and is restricting my air way.

Focusing on my breathing and putting one step in front of the other my feet carry me the half-mile to the doors of my apartment complex. Looking up and down the sidewalk, I swipe my access key and slide inside of the door pulling it locked before letting out a deep breath. I’m in a key protected building. I’m fine .

My phone dings as I force my lips into a small smile for my door man, Jeff. He’s probably in his mid forties if I’m guessing. Tall, but not as tall as Kieran. Muscles, but not as strong as Kieran. Green eyes, but not as vibrant as Kieran’s either. I’m annoying myself at this point. This man will not exit out of my brain no matter what I try.

Walking quickly past Jeff, my feet carry me to the elevator. Once I’m safely inside with the correct floor pressed my hand goes into my bag to grab my phone. I’m assuming it’s Clara, we’ve been going back and forth about a girls night, an Auntie night, and some cookout she and Rowan are planning.

Rowan and Mac have reached out to me to apologize in the week since the incident happened. I’m just not in the right mindset at this point to even entertain their texts or reply. They said what they said, they meant it, and they hurt my feelings. I don’t need their pity apology because my best friend and godson are pissed that I’m not coming over. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t be able to go over there anyways. I have one day off a week and on the days I work, I don’t even get off until eight, sometimes later.

Clara and Rhett have a new family, and I’m so happy for them. Seriously, I’ve seen the Hell they lived first hand before Roe and his brothers came barreling in all caring, sweet, and hot as sin. I’m so thankful for them. I just wish I wasn’t getting pushed out in the process.

Making my way to my apartment and unlocking the door my thoughts wander to the one Byrne brother that has my mind all twisted up. My bag goes on the table where it belongs as my head switches once again to David and Robert getting out today. Shaking my head the weight of the phone in my hand registers again just as it begins to ring. Why is Kieran calling me? He’s never called, just texted me a couple times a day. I swipe to answer just before it goes to voicemail.

“Hello?” I’m well aware that my voice sounds skeptical, but I also know if something was wrong with my people Rowan would have called.

“Mo Stóirín.” The smile in his voice radiates through the phone. “What are you doing?”

I huff out an exhausted sigh before replying, “Nothing, I just walked in the door from work. What’s up?”

The playfulness of his tone dissipates in an instant, “What do you mean you just got off? It’s eight at night? What time did you go in?”

I’m taken aback by the harsh tone he uses. “Uhh— I went in at six this morning, why?”

“Why are you working so much, Brittany?”

Who does he think he is questioning me like this? I’m pacing the floor while all the stress and anger from the week is hitting me at once. “It’s none of your business how much I’m working or why, Kieran.”

“Woah, hold on. I’m just saying, fourteen hours is a really long day, that’s not a typical shift. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” His voice is soft, and concern laces it. I don’t know what it is about someone genuinely asking you that, but I cry every time. It’s like a key to unlock the floodgates I’ve kept locked up since last week.

Through gasps to catch my breath I’m able to choke out, “I’m sorry—It’s— It’s been a long week— I’ll let you go.”

I hear footsteps and a door slam before a car engine turns over, “Don’t you dare hang up, Britt. I’m coming to you. It’s okay, you’re okay.” Something in his voice that’s calming but still authoritative brings me to my knees, literally .

I can’t catch my breath, the hand is back, my hands are trembling, and Kieran sounds like he’s a million miles away. Maybe I dropped the phone, I’m not even sure at this point. All I know is that flashbacks of my childhood start hitting me all at once. The cages, the men, the hands, the beatings, the cameras flashing, and the red button on the video cameras blinking. I’m deep in my memories when I feel hands grabbing my face. Is it real, or is it a memory? I’m not sure, until arms wrap around me from behind and hold me tight to a big strong body.

I’m fighting his grip before my brain catches up and begins to process the soothing voice in my ear, “Shhh, Brave Girl. It’s okay. I’ve got you, you’re okay. Just breathe Britt. Breathe with me.” I slump back into his chest as soon as I realize it’s Kieran. I’m too wound up to be embarrassed right now. “Good girl, just breathe with me.” He takes a deep breath and I try to copy him, but mine come out more erratic than his. We exhale together, while one hand travels up and down my upper arm in a soothing motion. The other gently runs up and down the front of my throat almost like he’s trying to remind me there’s nothing constricting my airway.

Eventually my breathing turns to semi normal, but the sobs continue to wrack my body. He turns me in his lap pulling my body into his chest and my face into his neck. At this point I’m not even crying because this week has been so much, today’s been so emotionally draining, or I’ve worked myself to the bone. I’m crying because I feel so lonely and I’m so tired of it. I’m twenty four, almost twenty five, and all I have in this world is myself.

I don’t even have Clara’s dog Parker anymore. He’s back home with her and Rhett. If something happened to me tomorrow Clara and Rhett would be okay. They have the Byrne men. They’re the only ones who’d even notice. Them and my mom, but she’s been forced to live without me for six years at this point. Just phone calls two to three times a week.

I’m just so tired of being so fucking lonely all the time. No one even knows half of the struggles I have because I keep everyone at just the right distance from me. Far enough so all of the dark pieces of me don’t eclipse their light, but close enough that they never even notice. Kieran holding me while I break down? That’s too close. But that’s a problem for the me of tomorrow. Today I’m going to let him hold all my broken pieces simply because I can’t do it on my own right now. I know I’m scaring him off, but that’s probably for the best.

Kieran waits patiently until my sobs stop and my eyes dry. I’m not sure how long we’ve been here but I know it’s been awhile. Without a word he stands up with me still in his arms. Peeking up at him I find his vibrant eyes filled with concern and scouring my face for something. I’m assuming whatever it is he finds it, because he lets out a big sigh and kisses the corner of my lips, “Let’s get you to bed.” He carries me back to my bedroom and lays me down on the queen mattress. How he knew this was my room, I’m not sure, but I refuse to think too hard about it.

“I’m going to take off your clothes and get you dressed for bed, okay?”

“Kieran I’m fine, I can get myself dressed for bed.”

His lips curve in what I can only describe as a concerned smile. “I know you can, but I want to.” I’m much too drained to argue right now, so when he pulls off my heels one by one before rubbing my foot, I let him. He gently pulls off my tights and my black pencil skirt leaving me in a pair of black panties. Kieran tilts his head back and shuts his eyes tightly. He takes a few deep breaths before opening his eyes again and looking back to my bare legs. Shaking his head he takes off my blouse, then reaches behind his head fisting the back of his shirt before pulling it over his head and dressing me in it.

He smiles broadly at his job, “There. Perfect.” He moves the blanket out from under me, then covers me up. “Do you need anything?”

“No. Uh thank you for coming. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Leaning down he presses his lips to my forehead, “No apology needed. You need to rest. I’m sure you’re drained.” Kieran turns to leave and panic grips me again. I can’t be alone right now. Before I chicken out my hand shoots out to grab his. He turns back to look at me with his brow raised.

“Please, stay.”

“I was just turning the light off, I’m not leaving you tonight, swear.”

After turning off the light in my bedroom, toeing off his shoes and socks, and discarding his jeans he slides into the bed behind me. He pulls me over to him so my head is resting on his peck and my arm is draped over his torso. Taking his hand and pulling my leg over so I’m half straddling his strong thigh we settle in.

“Comfortable?” Kieran asks, bringing his hands up to massage my scalp. I let out a half groan, half moan as my body completely melts into his.

“I could lay here for at least a week.”

His lips press to the top of my head, “Good, go to sleep, Brittany. I’ve got you.”

* * *

I woke up this morning to a note on the pillow beside me. Kieran let me know he had a ‘work emergency’ and he would text me later. That was before six this morning. It’s now five in the evening and still no sign of him. I’ve contemplated texting him first, but have quickly pushed the thought away every time it comes up. He said he would text me not for me to text him. Trying and failing to not check my phone for the millionth time today, I decide I’m not waiting around for him anymore. I’m going out. I’m a strong independent woman. I do not need to sit around on my only day off and wait for my phone to ring.