23. Chapter Twenty-Three

23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Kieran

T he blinding rage ever since Phoenix told me about her past last night has been stuffed back to the deepest corner of my brain. She didn’t need ‘hulk out Kieran’ last night. She needed Kie, the man who loves her no matter her past. I’m the man who’s going to hand her the match and stand guard, pride in my eyes, as she sets flames to the world for scorning her as deeply as it has. I always knew she was brave. It’s why I’ve called her ‘Brave Girl’ since the beginning, but even I couldn’t have guessed just how courageous she was. How much she’d survived. My entire being will always be in awe of her.

After making sure she got to work safely, even if I do hate that she’s working for James, or Jackson, or whatever name he’s going by now, I head straight to the estate. She swore to call me if he does or says anything out of line and I can’t hold in the blinding rage anymore. My feet just need to make it to the gym so I’m free to explode in peace. I’ve never wished to not run into my sister-in-law before, but today I know I’m too angry to even speak to her. She didn’t do anything wrong, she just knows, besides Nix she’s the only person I can talk to about it, but I’m not in the mood for talking. I’m in the mood to throw and hit shit. Making my way into the house, I send up a prayer that no one is between me and the gym.

Of course I’m not that lucky. Roe and Clara stand in the foyer arguing as soon as I walk in. I don’t know or care what about, but if I have to hazard a guess, I’ll assume it’s because we got shot at the other day. I brush right through the middle of them keeping my head down and moving towards the heavy bags, jump rope, and lifting equipment screaming my name.

“Kieran?” Clara’s soft motherly tone nearly undoes me, but I can’t stop, I just have to make it to the gym.

“Kieran.” Rowan’s no nonsense voice calls at my back as I keep moving. I shake my head, almost there.

I hear Roe curse low under his breath before Clara tells him to go and his footsteps trail behind me. My hand wraps around the door to exactly where I need to be. My feet practically catapult my body inside. Rowan comes in behind me, but that doesn’t stop me from getting to the heavy bag. Not even bothering to wrap my hands, I grab my shirt at the nape of my neck and yank it off. Unable to hold it together one second longer my fists rain down on the heavy bag.

I can feel Roe staring at me, but he’s not in my peripheral vision. My mind blanks out as I take out every single ounce of anger, frustration, hurt, and fear on the bag. Someone let’s out a pained roar. It sounds like a wounded animal. It takes me a few seconds to realize I’m hearing my own agonized shouts.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been beating the shit out of this bag when my ass meets the mats that were just a second ago under my feet. My knees draw up and my arms wrap around them. Then like the absolute punk that I know I am, I bury my head in my arms and cry. I’m not a crier, but knowing I’m either in this room myself or at most with just my brothers, I cry. I cry for the girl who had to watch her mom die, the girl who was absolutely brutalized by her own father and his sick friends. The Brave Girl who decided to run that day, and the girl who rose from the ashes and refused to be a victim. I’d never let her see me like this over her, she’d be pissed I was crying for her. However right now my mind can work through it all, then pull myself together and do what I promised her we’d do. Get her the justice she deserves.

Taking deep breaths to calm myself after purging what I needed to, I feel a brother on each side of me pressing their shoulders into mine as a show of silent support. Someone’s hand goes to the back of my neck and gently squeezes. Peeking up to the owner of said hand, I find my big brother’s emerald eyes staring at me.

Declan gives me a sad smile before asking, “Want to talk about it?”

I can’t betray Phoenix like that but at the same time I need to talk about it to some degree.

“Remember when we found out about Clara? What she went through?” Dec nods at me in response. Before I can say anything though I feel a nudge on my other side. Looking over I find Roe watching me with apprehension.

He breaks his stare and looks to Dec, “Think what happened to Clara, then multiply it by about a thousand, take out the ex fiance and replace it with biological father, and you’re still not thinking extreme enough.”

My gaze whips to him, “You know? What the fuck, Roe!? And then you don’t even have the respect to keep it to yourself? You blab to others?”

Rowan glares at me, “I didn’t ‘blab to others.’ as you so eloquently put it. All I did was give Dec surface level information. His imagination takes over the rest. I’m not the enemy here, Kie.” He places his hand on the back of my head ruffling my hair like he’s always done.

“She told me everything last night, even stuff Clara doesn’t know. Then I told her I love her. She said it back and now I’m here working through my shit while she’s safe at work. I just needed to get it out somehow, I’m good now.”

Declan tightens his grip on the back of my neck slightly, “You aren’t. Kieran, I haven’t seen you cry since you were about ten.”

Shrugging his hand off me I stand up then reach my hand for his, “Yeah, I know, there’s a reason for that.”

Rowan cuts in standing while I pull Dec up, “What reason is that?”

They’ve already seen me lose it, might as well keep going at this point.

“Well, big brother, it’s simple really. I’m not allowed to. My profession and the standards I’m held to don’t allow me to beat the shit out of a heavy weight bag then sit on the ground and cry because the girl I’m in love with was hurt so badly that she’ll never fully recover from what they did to her.”

Declan tilts his head, “The standard you’re held to outside of this house, you mean?”

I shake my head at him, “No, I mean the standard I’m held to across the board. What kind of head security or enforcer would I be if I couldn’t keep my emotions in check on the job? You think holding all of this back for years and years is easy? I get scared, worried, and things weigh on my conscience just like they do yours. At home I’m the ‘rolls off his back’ brother, I make a joke out of everything, not a care in the world. You think that’s what’s happening inside my head? I worry about and deal with things that would never be a blip on your radar. It’s not an easy feat keeping you guys safe and alive. I keep the organization free of danger, if I fail someone dies. I don’t have time to be anything other than what people expect of me.” I’m yelling by the time I’m done. Rowan suddenly grabs the back of my neck and pulls me into a hug. This isn’t a ‘bro hug’. No, this is an embrace that only siblings can give you. Like when you’re at the edge of a cliff dangling one foot over and they’re the only ones who can snatch you back to solid ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry we made you feel like you couldn’t just be Kieran when we weren’t at work.” His embrace is so tight I want to tell him I can’t breathe but I don’t dare.

“It’s partially my fault too. You can’t fix what I don’t tell you is broken.”

Breaking apart he grasps my shoulder, both of us looking at Declan, “I’m sorry as well, I’ll be more vigilant. You can always come to me and talk. I definitely understand the pressure.” His nose scrunches up and a look of uncomfortability and what looks almost like disgust crosses his face.

“But also, I’m not going to hug you. I’ll support you without the hug, if it’s all the same.”

Unable to help it I break out in laughter. Declan is the least affectionate out of all of us .

“Yeah, Dec. I got you.”

* * *

I roll my shoulders, easing the stress and tension built up there. My arms are sore after my stint in the home gym. So I’m shaking them out a little bit as I pursue my tools sitting on my table while also waiting for Nix to pick up the phone. I have Alex Hayes hanging from my favorite hook, he’s passed out, pussy. I’m waiting for him to come to and in the meantime I just need to hear her voice. The phone connects as my hand automatically reaches for my favorite fillet knife, freshly sharpened and glinting in the overhead light.

“Hey, Mo Stóirín.” My lips curve into a smile just hearing her bustling around her office.

“Hey Mystery Man. What are you doing?” Her voice wraps around me calming all my fears and anxieties while allowing myself to move firmly into the unfeeling killer I need to be right now.

“Not a lot, just about to start a meeting. How’s work going?” I turn back to Alex and push him with the toe of my shoe.

Unlike my brothers I don’t like conducting business like this in suits, they’re restrictive, and expensive. It’s such a waste of money to burn them after every man I encourage for information. It’s because of that, I’m not as annoyed when blood gets on my shoes, they’re just Forces after all. Nor will I be annoyed when all sorts of bodily fluids end up on my sweats and t-shirt. After this I’ll shower, burn the clothes and shoes I’m wearing, then walk out of the warehouse in the same three piece suit I was dressed in when I got here. It’s the perfect formula, really .

“It’s okay. Jackson is avoiding me like the plague but really what do you expect?”

“Is he being a prick?”

She laughs at the rasp in my voice. “No Kie. He’s just licking his wounds. He’ll adjust in the next few days and go back to the pain in the ass boss I know and secretly enjoy.”

“You enjoy Hill now, Brave Girl?” I’m just playing with her, but also I’m a jealous prick, so I hope she tells me what I want to hear.

“I enjoy you… And me… That look you give me when you’re horny… And when your-” Before she can finish her sentence Alex groans as he begins to wake up. “What was that, Kieran?”

Now it’s my turn to groan but in frustration instead of pain, “Just finish the sentence. Please babe, I have to go but I’m begging you to finish your train of thought.” I’m practically drooling for her answer, but she likes to torture me so of course she doesn’t.

“Have a good meeting, Kie.”

I huff in annoyance as she laughs at my expense, the line goes quiet but before she can hang up I call out, “Brittany.”

“I’m here.”

“I love you. I’ll pick you up from work, okay? Do not leave without me. I have our project set up at the penthouse, okay? Stay, swear?”

“Stay. Swear. I love you, Kie.” She disconnects the call before I can answer and I toss it on the table.

Turning back to our guest of honor, I fall easily into my job. It weighs on me a lot of times. The kill, the means in which I obtain the information I need, all of it. However, with this specific string of people? My conscious is clear. My guilt is nowhere to be found. With traffickers, especially when looking at all things considered, I’ll do my job with ease and a pep in my step. Fuck these guys.

“Alex, Alex, Alex. I know you’ve heard of your guys going missing. I know the whispers about me are out there, surely you knew it was only a matter of time.”

“Fuck you, Irish scum.” He has the audacity to spit at me. I’m too far from him for it to land, but still, the insult is there.

“Uh, okay…” I look at him with disgust. “Anyways… I know you have a boss, they all do. I just need you to tell me who he is. That’s it Alex, my boy. Just one simple name. You give him up, I’ll make it quick. If you don’t, you’re going to learn just how tame the rumors and whispers about me really are. I promise you, you aren’t built to handle what I’m going to dish out.”

“I don’t know shit.” Alex fights his restraints and I let him wear himself down for a little while.

“Yeah, they never do at first, I’m so over the predictability. I had higher hopes for you, Hayes. Oh well, I gave you every chance.” Walking behind him I cut his shirt off with one quick swipe of my blade. It cuts his skin too, not that I’m worried about that, I didn’t research and practice how to skin someone alive for as long as I have to care about a few shallow cuts. “Okay, Hayes. Let’s see how long you last.” I take the blade in my hand and get to work, he better not take too long, I’ve got to go get my girl from work.