21. Chapter Twenty-One

21

Chapter Twenty-One

Kieran

T he moment I get into my black Escalade, my body aches, physically aches, to go back to her. The five guards are not doing much to ease my anxiety. I mean our head of security turned on us less than a year ago. Killian, Ian, and Collin are on the door, and even if I’ve been skeptical about everyone since Nolan turned on us they’re the ones I trust the most. Honestly, I think I may steal Ian and Collin for Britt depending on what she tells me tonight. Leo and Alec are running surveillance, they’re included in the handful of men I’ve never had to doubt. I also know they’re routinely on Rhett and Clara too. Rowan will have to be fine sharing, because I’ve just made my mind up.

I don’t know who was on the other end of the phone this morning or what they even said, but that terror? The way her body froze up? That was enough to make me want to go on a spree with my favorite knife. I don’t give a fuck about my brothers being mad at me right now. I care about who petrified her like that. Who the fuck is looking for her? She said he found her. Was she in a situation like Clara? An abusive ex she had to escape or something? I have so many questions and not a single answer. However, she asked me to fix things with my brothers so that’s what I’m going to do.

She is right, I do need to have a conversation with Mac at the very least. He’s my best friend and I’ve ignored him for weeks. Practically threw him to the side for Britt. That’s not exactly true but that’s how he’s seeing it, I’m sure. Then there’s Rowan, he’ll demand a conversation, and because he’s my boss that’s exactly what he’ll get. Because he’ll demand it in an official capacity, Dec will be there too. Might as well just include the twins and have a ‘Byrne brothers come to Jesus’ moment.

They’re going to have to get over the ‘her and I’ thing. It’s been weeks, whatever their problem is they’ll get over it or this will be the new normal and our parents will continue to roll over in their graves. I’m itching to get back to her. Is this how Roe feels? This sucks. Like my heart is in a separate location from my body just walking around. How do I function like that?

Pulling up to the estate the guards open the gates for me and I roll right through them. I texted Rowan when I was leaving so no doubt they’re all waiting in the office for me. Parking my SUV and pocketing my keys, I make my way into the house. It’s eerily quiet, especially for mid-day. Walking through the living room I see all five of my brothers lounging around the room. Okay, so I guess this isn’t an office meeting. Looking around, Rhett is nowhere to be found. All of my brothers are looking at me by this point so I just ask.

“Where’s Bear?”

“In his bedroom playing with the new lego set we got him last night.” Rowan answers with narrowed eyes, “Do we need to move this to the office, or is everyone going to be cool? I’m going to be honest, my wife is across town, so she isn’t here to stop us from going outside or to the gym if that’s what needs to happen.”

I toss my hands up. Truthfully, I’m hurting from yesterday so I have no intentions of throwing down today. “I’m cool.”

All of my brothers mumble their agreement as I walk to one of the empty chairs and sit back in it, tilting my head up to the sky and taking a deep breath before letting it out with my eyes closed. Our downstairs is a giant open plan. It’s basically one big room, the only doors that separate spaces down here are Rowan’s office, the bathrooms, and front and back doors.We can easily see if Little Bear appears at the top of the stairs, at least me, Mac, and Sully can. Flynn, Roe, and Dec are on the couch which faces away from the stairs and towards the giant T.V. on the wall.

Opening my eyes back up and getting comfortable I wait for someone else to start the conversation. It’s a punk move, I know it and so do they, but I don’t know where to start and honestly I’m not sorry for popping off. They’re the ones who inserted themselves in mine and Brittany’s business. No one did that to Rowan. We all loved Clara from the get go and just warned Rowan from a safety aspect. He was all in and we wanted that for him. Why do I not deserve the same support?

“Okay, well if no one else is jumping, I’ll start. I’m sorry, Kieran. I didn’t say anything that day in the office but maybe that makes me the biggest part of the problem. You needed just one of us to have your back. Hell, there’s six of us, and half of us sat idly while the others ripped into you. That’s bullshit, and I didn’t know how to bring it up when we’ve seen each other since then.”

Flynn’s looking at my shoes by the time he’s done. He looks so much younger than his eighteen years. He looks like the little boy who would sneak into the gym with me and beg me to teach him all I knew about defending himself instead of the most scouted hockey player in the country that he is. He’s always been the big emotions kid between us all, I expected him to go first. He thrives on structure and everything ebbing and flowing in their natural order. He needs his foundation solid because everything outside of the six of us changes so rapidly. He’s a grown man now, but at the same time he’s not and right now he needs my reassurance that I’m not here to make things worse.

“It’s fine, Flynn. I don’t blame you for staying quiet at that moment. That was a lot to walk into. At the same time, yeah, being the outcast sucks. Knowing everyone was so down for Rowan and Clara from the second he brought her up just to turn around and be met with push back and being iced out over Britt was a punch in the gut.” I’m cut off by Declan trying to defend his actions.

“Okay, in my defense I did warn Rowan about Clara.”

“And the second he pushed back, you backed off. I push back and everyone’s actively avoiding me at a cookout.”

Rowan puts his hand up and like the leader he is, everyone turns their attention to him. It’s just something about him, he commands a room with a single look.

“First and foremost, you’re right. All of you were so supportive with Clara and Bear, and I appreciate that more than you could ever know. My only issue with you and Britt is how it’ll affect the rest of us.” I start to cut him off to remind him he didn’t give a single, solitary fuck about how bringing a girl and kid into our home would affect the rest of us but he continues.

“I have been informed that by trying to do the right thing, I’ve been the catalyst in this weird dynamic we now have going on. I overstepped, Kie. You’re an adult and so is she. This is clearly more than a random hookup. I’m sorry for the past few weeks.”

“That was hard, wasn’t it?” I fight the grin threatening to break through my stoic expression.

“Tasted disgusting, but it’s the truth and I have to set aside my pride and apologize sometimes. Especially when I hurt my brother enough that he doesn’t come home or talk to us for weeks on end.”

I shrug, feigning nonchalant, “It was obviously better if I didn’t. Thanks for the apology. I just wanted you to think better of me than to just hook up then discard my sister-in-laws best friend. Just so the air is completely cleared, it’s probably important that you know Britt thinks we aren’t talking because you guys think she isn’t good enough for me. That’s why she stormed out yesterday.”

Five voices mumble curses all at the same time, but it’s Sully who speaks, “Is she okay? You told her that’s not true right?”

Flynn might be the one with the big emotions, but Sully would rather jump into an ocean with cement shoes before knowing a girl is uncomfortable because of him. He’s not big on his own feelings, except when concern for the opposite sex arises. I think it’s because his best friend is a girl and he’s been in love with her since the moment he saw her. If they think Britt and I were trouble because her best friend is married to my brother I’d hate to see how they’ll all react when Elle and Sully finally get together. The entire East Coast might explode.

“Yeah, I told her, but when you guys act like we both have a contagious disease she’s not going to believe me but so much.”

“You moving back in? Gonna take my calls and answer my texts again?” Leave it to Mac to jump right down to it.

“Yeah, I’ll start staying here again but I’m not sure how often. That depends on Britt, her apartment and the penthouse is closer to her job. And yeah, I’ll start taking your calls and texts again. I’m sorry too, to all of you. You guys hit me where it hurt and I lashed out then retreated.”

Mac isn’t done though, “So we’re laying it all out on the line?”

My brow furrows, “Yes… So if you have more to say, say it.”

“You’re sure? If I have more to say I just need to say it? In front of everybody?”

He’s annoying me now. It’s the only reason I snap at him. “Yes, MacQuillian spit it out.”

“How much longer are you going to keep the fighting from us? I know about the tape too, Kie.”

Fucking fuck.

“I’m not talking about that.”

It falls on deaf ears though because the living room erupts and everyone starts yelling to be heard over each other at the same time. I know I told him to just say it, but he was setting me up and he knows it. Also, how does he know about the tape? More importantly, how long has he known about it? Rowan yells above everyone else to shut up. They listen flawlessly, and quiet down. Wonder if he can teach me that trick, actually? Judging by the way he’s about to incinerate me with his eyes, that’s probably not going to happen.

“Let’s start with what does Mac mean, the fighting?”

Shit, well here goes nothing, “I started fighting again, about eight or so months ago. My head’s fucked up, way more so than you guys even think. I needed an outlet to figure my shit out. For a long time after the stabbing I did that by training, then training wasn’t enough. I got back into it and it calmed my racing mind. Until it didn’t. Last night was my last fight, the octagon isn’t where my mind calms down anymore, it seems only Britt can do that now.”

“So you’re done this time? Seriously, done. Because I can’t handle you in the hospital fighting for your life again. I get you were the one fighting, but we were the ones watching you struggle to survive day in and day out. That shit is not easy.” Declan pipes up. The others nod along with him.

“If you aren’t done this time, Kieran, you’re fired. Effective immediately.” Rowan drops the bomb that has all of us stunned in silence.

After a few moments I get my bearings back, “I said I was done didn’t I? No need to threaten my place in this family even more so than it already has been.”

“Well maybe if you ever thought of anyone other than yourself I wouldn’t have to take such drastic measures. Have you thought about that?”

Oh, fuck him. “If I ever thought of anyone besides myself? So am I only thinking of myself when I run your security? When I personally make sure Sully and Flynn are at school? What about the times Mac’s been so low over losing Riley that I’ve had to stay with him so he didn’t end his own life? Was I only thinking of myself then Rowan? What about when Declan needed my help getting Natasha the fuck out of town before everything popped off with her dad? Oh, no it must have been the time I sat in front of a woman’s house I didn’t know for hours on end to make sure the little boy inside was safe.” I need to stop, but I can’t. It’s like word vomit at this point, the poison that I need to release from my veins so I can heal, finally.

“Enough!” Rowan roars, but I’m not done.

“No, that’s not right either. It’s definitely the fact that almost three years ago I received a blank tape in the mail and decided to watch it before handing it over to Mac to evaluate. Only to find that tape was a recording of the torture and brutal murder our parents endured. It’s gotta be that I hid that tape and never told you guys so that you didn’t have to live with the images of our Mother being violated while our Father had to watch. Just moments before they were both killed, burned into your retinas.” Surging up to my feet I rake my fingers in my hair, “But yes, Rowan. Tell me all about how I’m so selfish.” I start pacing the room with the intensity of a caged animal.

No one says anything, not until Mac walks up to me and grabs my arms pulling me into a hug before pulling back and whispering, “I’m sorry. They needed to know.”

He’s right, we can’t build on lies and I know that. Airing your shit out sucks though.

It’s pretty awkward after my outburst.

That is until Roe grabs me by the back of the neck and pulls me close, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry that you’ve been carrying that alone. I’m so sorry I was a dick.”

Taking a moment to compose myself I nod into his shoulder, “It’s okay. It isn’t your fault. I should have spoken up.”

Really I should have spoken up, there’s six of us, we’ve always shouldered life’s storms together. That’s how we always make it through. Six Byrne brothers against anything else? Well, I know who I’m placing my bets on.

* * *

Walking into Britt’s apartment a few hours later, the sound of my two favorite girls giggling smacks me. Unable to stop the grin at their contagious laughter my feet carry me to Britt’s room to find them. Clara came into my life like a hurricane when she and my brother got together. She’s the sister we’ve never had. Honestly, most of the time I like her more than Rowan. The need to follow her around and make sure she’s safe is almost unbearable at times. Considering the protectiveness we all have for her I’m surprised she and Rhett can move around the house without us hovering.

Leaning against the door frame to the room I cross my arms and just watch them. Brittany looks so happy compared to this morning. I don’t know what Clara said or did but I’m so thankful for whatever it was. Before I can get my fill of her carefree laugh Rowan stomps his way into the apartment. He stops beside me and drawing both sets of eyes to him.

“Ready to go, Pretty Girl?”

Clara studies him for a moment before smarting, “Why? What’s in it for me if I go?”

Rowan struts into the room, picks Clara up, and tosses her over his shoulder. An act he would not have been able to do just months ago. “You, me, hammock, and that new toy you just bought. ”

Clara’s face flames red the same time I make a fake gagging noise, “Rowan!”

He swats her ass as he heads for the door, “Bye little brother. Glad we’re all friends again. Be in the office at eight thirty tomorrow morning.”

“Got it, Boss.” I shut the door behind him, lock it, and head back into the bedroom where Britt’s still laying.

Walking into the room and sitting on the bed beside her, my hand finds hers, threading our fingers together. My thumb strokes the side of hers as I take in the much more lively woman than the one I left here earlier. “How was your time with Clara?”

She watches my thumb intensely, “It was good. We have a lot to talk about. I haven’t been honest with you.”

My heart drops out of my ass and all the way down to the ground floor. What does she mean?

“You can’t just say that then be quiet. What exactly does that mean?”

“It means I have something I need to tell you, and you aren’t going to take it well. But I need you to promise me that you’ll listen to me until I’m done. And that you won’t leave me alone after. I’m serious, Kie. This is shit that the only people who know outside of what happened are lawyers, police, and partially Clara. I need to know that this is safe with you, that I can trust you to not run back to your brothers. You have to stay.”

“I’ll stay, swear. But I’m going to be honest with you, you’re scaring me, I need you to rip the band-aid off. Also what does ‘partially Clara’ even mean?”

“It means that she doesn’t know everything that you’re about to.” She pats the spot beside her so I move to mirror her position, sitting at the head of her bed while leaning back onto the headboard. I want to pull her in my lap but don’t for fear that she’ll reject the comfort. I steel my nerves and turn my head to look into her perfect eyes.

“Okay, I’m ready.”