19. Chapter Nineteen

19

Chapter Nineteen

Kieran

T he feeling of majorly fucking up has haunted me since I left Britt earlier. After jumping on my bike pissed as hell, I went straight to Ryan’s house, let myself into his basement, and let out my frustration that way before having to go to my fight. I didn’t stay with her after I’ve been telling her I would for over a month. With that being said, seeing her standing so close to James fucking Hill at The Pit. Talking to him while looking relaxed almost had me throwing the fight just to get out of the ring and over to her faster. The only reason I didn’t is because Ryan went and got her instead. As I’m carrying her back into the locker room with those thoughts running through my head, I know I need to calm down before this conversation. Thank God I took my bike tonight. Sitting her on one of the benches lining the lockers we’re the only ones in here. That is until Ryan bursts into the room behind us.

“What the fuck was that all about? From both of you? I need answers.”

As expected Britt doesn’t take that well.“You need nothing. You’re cool and all but at this moment you’re just my ex flings best friend.”

Damn that stung, ex fling, we’re rectifying that as soon as humanly possible.

“What was what about, specifically?” I love getting under his skin more than anything.

“Lets see, shall we? How about we start with you letting some wack ass wanna be, knock you around? Then that’ll lead us right back over to this one who apparently knows James well enough to have his fucking number!”

My head whips around to Britt, “Wait, what?”

Brittany is glaring at Ryan with so much fury I’m surprised he hasn’t caught fire yet. “That’s a conversation for Kie and I after we work our current issues out. Once again, I don’t owe you shit.”

Forcing myself to take a deep calming breath I ease the tension and frustration that bubbles to the surface. “Okay, you two cut it the fuck out.” four eyes filled with anger whip to me. “Please. Let me get changed. Then I’ll meet you at your apartment.” My eyes stay locked on Britt’s. “You drove right? If not, you can ride with me.”

“Yeah, I drove. I’ll see you later, Kieran.” She moves to pass me to leave when I grab her wrist and pull her back into me, crashing my lips to hers. She kisses me back for a moment but all too soon she pulls back from me.

“I’m right behind you. Wait for me and I’ll walk you to your car. Please. ”

She gives me a small nod. “Yeah, okay.”

“Stay?”

“Swear.”

* * *

It took me no time to change into my riding gear. I forgot my fucking loops at Ryan’s place, but the ride to Britt’s isn’t impossibly long so I’ll live. After making sure she was safe in her car and pulling out, before even getting on my bike, I decide to take the back way to her house. My head needs to be clear, because for once fighting didn’t help me work through my thoughts. I’m just as jumbled as I was when I started.

By the time I pull into her parking garage my body’s loosened up, and the only thing clear to me right now is that I need to start talking. I can’t lose her. That much is apparent. I need to know how she knows James and I’m going to have to come clean about how I do. This isn’t going to be a fun conversation but it’s vital to our relationship continuing, and I’d do anything to make sure our relationship continues. No more leaving. I’m all in.

Those few hours where we weren’t talking was enough to make me realize, I might not have to have her, but I want to, more than my next breath.

Knocking on her apartment door, I make myself comfortable leaning against the frame. I can hear her arguing with someone on the phone. What’s that about? As she comes closer I can make out what she’s saying. Right before she opens the door I hear, “I’m safe, he’s not going to hurt me. Thank you for checking in on me I’ll see you at work.”

She must kill the call because when she swings it open the phone is not in her hands. She’s in the same outfit she had on at the fight. Her beautiful hair thrown up in a messy bun and her eyes red rimmed. She’s been crying and I know I did that. What a fucking jackass. I can’t stop myself when I step into her space and lightly cup her face in my hands, right before I press my lips to hers.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I’m repeating over and over like a mantra as I pepper kisses all over her cheeks, forehead, lips, chin, and neck. Kicking the door shut behind me, I lead her over to the couch, sitting on it and pulling her into my lap.

“So we have some things we need to talk about, huh?”

She gives me a sad, barely there smile. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

“Why don’t you go first. I promise I’ll lay it all out, but I need to know how you know James Hill.”

She looks genuinely confused. “I don’t know anyone named James Hill, Kieran. You guys brought him up multiple times tonight, but I have no idea who that is.”

What the Hell? I know I didn’t make that up. No there’s no way. Ryan went and got her. He would have known if it wasn’t him. Deciding to approach this differently I change up my question.

“Who were you talking to at the fight when Ryan came to get you? You were talking to someone, who is he?”

“Jax? He’s my boss, I told you about him, but his name isn’t James Hill, it’s Jackson Hall.”

You’ve got to be shitting me.

“Mo Stóirín, I have to tell you something about your boss, and I’ll understand if you don’t believe me. But I have video evidence as well as witnesses if that’s what you need.”

Her eyes widen, “You’re scaring me, Kie.”

My hands move up and down her upper arms as goosebumps cover them and she starts slightly trembling. “It’s okay. First, has he ever threatened you? Touched or cornered you?”

Her head’s shaking before my sentence is even done. “No, he’s nice, easy to work for. Particular but easy. He likes to make small talk, and hates that I refuse to call him anything but Mr. Hall to his face, not because he’s flirting. Just because he likes informality. Is he in your line of work? Am I in danger?”

Using my hand I gently slide it up to cup the side of her neck, my thumb rubbing gently on her cheek. “No, I don’t think he’s in my line of work. At the same time we have really bad blood. I don’t like that he has such unlimited access to you now that he knows you’re mine.”

“And am I? Yours, I mean. You made your wishes quite clear when you took off earlier.” I swear a donkey kick straight to the solar plexus would have hurt less. I deserved that but still it hurts like a bitch to hear.

“I’m so sorry about that. I have a temper and sometimes I say stupid shit. I didn’t mean it, and I realized that as soon as I pulled out of the parking garage.” My eyes avoid hers. I really am ashamed of my words and actions earlier. It isn’t fair to her. She did nothing to catch my wrath.

This time it’s her hands to cup my neck and bring my eyes to hers, “We both said mean things. I look for any reason to run and you don’t like feeling brushed under the rug. I’m sorry too.”

Giving her an understanding smile I decide this is the last stupid fight we get into. “So we’re both sorry. We’ll understand each other better in the future and work through it. Because if I know nothing else in this world, Brittany Mitchell, I know that it’ll be a cold day in hell before I let you go.” I press my lips to hers in a silent declaration.

She pulls back at me and gives me a smile that I’m almost certain reboots my cold, dead heart.

“I’m not letting you go either, Kie.” Pressing one more kiss to her temple I bring the conversation back around to James, I don’t want to, but she needs to know.

“So remember when I told you I’d been underground fighting for years?” She nods her head in affirmation.

“Well that wasn’t a lie. I have been fighting for years but I had to take a few off, and only got back into it about eight or so months ago. The fight, the one the night of the tape? I may have glossed over the seriousness of that. I was fighting your boss that night. We’ve only ever known him by James. I don’t know if that’s his alias underground or what. Regardless, I blacked out and they had to pull me off of him. He was cocky going in the only way to get to the top is to beat the best, and in the most humble way, I am the best.” Her eyes watch me intently, listening to every word I say.

“So him being a loudmouth paired with the video, it didn’t bode well for him. He was taken to the hospital after our fight. Ryan and I were trying to leave, we weren’t there to gloat, we collected the purse then headed for the door. We were almost there when James’ brother, Tucker. Hell maybe it’s Tanner? I can’t remember. Anyway, he came at me. I told Ryan to grab the car and I waited for Tobias to make his way over. We exchanged words, I don’t even remember what we said anymore, but next thing I knew he had a knife and was jabbing it in my side, he stabbed me a total of four times.”

“I woke up in the hospital surrounded by five pissed off brothers who had no idea I was fighting that night before Ryan called them. I almost died, it was touch and go for a while, and Mac wouldn’t leave my side. To the point where he’d sit outside of the OR doors when I’d go back for surgeries. I quit after that. For two years I channeled every ounce of energy I had into work, and working out. It was working fine, until my connection at The Pit hit me up asking me to come back. But you know, I realized something while fighting tonight. It didn’t help me work through my issue like it has in the past. I think I’m done. Seriously this time. My head is always clear when we’re together. I don’t think I need to fight anymore.”

Feeling filleted wide open for this girl I wait on a bated breath for her response. Tears run down her eyes. She gently brushes my hair off my brow looking straight into my soul.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m so glad you’re okay, and that you’ve decided you don’t need to fight anymore. Honestly, I’m not sure my nerves could handle it after hearing all of that.”

“I’m done, I swear.”

“Speaking of being done. Can you and your brothers be done fighting too? Kieran they love you so much and you love them. You shouldn’t waste precious time fighting like this. You’re missing out on time with Rhett, and trust me, I know from experience you can’t get that time back.”

She was separated from Clara and Rhett for nine plus months while they were in hiding from Clara’s ex. Only communicating via phone and face time. That’s the same boat I’m in now, it sucks.

“Okay, fine. I’ll talk to them. But I’m not letting them walk all over our relationship. They can be respectful, or I’m walking away.”

“Deal.” She gently presses her lips to mine, it isn’t seductive, full of wanting, or lust. It’s comfort and reassurance that I’m here and not going anywhere. That I’m safe and for the most part unharmed. She pulls away and settles so her ear is resting just over my heart. She listens to my heartbeat as I play with her hair while trying to figure out what the fuck she just did to unlock this floodgate I’ve hid away for three years. Hell for my entire life. It’s like something altered my entire genetic makeup tonight. She’s it. I finally understand why my oldest brother worships the ground my sister-in-law walks on. Why he’s made us swear we’ll always choose her life over his. There is no me without her, I’ve been a shell of a man all this time, and she’s just breathed life into me.