Chapter 19

CHAPTER

NINETEEN

Courtney

"I'm so tired," I say as we head toward Merrick's place. I am exhausted, but needing to display that is all a part of my plan. I'm not staying over tonight. It's why I drove to his place. I've decided I need to cut ties. I promised him when this started that we would part ways, and I'm holding up my end of the bargain. However, my heart can't take the wait, so it starts tonight. Hopefully, he lets me go without a fight, with me using the "I'm tired" excuse. If not, we'll have the painful conversation of ending this.

My heart aches. I've never felt this kind of dread and pain in my life. That's part of what tells me that what I feel for this man is the real deal. I can't do anything without thinking of him or wanting to call him, and it has a fire burning inside my chest at the thought of walking away.

Merrick is a good man. He's going to let me down easily, and even though he can't see us being more, he showed me what it's like to be cherished. I might not have him for a lifetime, but my memories, this feeling, they're mine to hold on to forever.

"It was a beautiful wedding," he says from his spot behind the wheel. His eyes are on the road, and in the dark car, with only the lights of the dash and the random passing light outside, I take him in. Memorize him for when I need to pull his features from memory.

"It really was. Thank you, Merrick. Tonight could have been dreadful for me, but you saved me." My voice cracks at the end. I swallow back the lump in my throat and focus on keeping my breathing even. I can do this. I can let him go, just as I promised. It's not his fault I fell in love with him. I know he cares for me, but that's to be expected with all the time we've spent together.

Reaching over, he places his hand on my thigh. "I'm glad I was there for you." He moves his hand over mine.

"You were. I'll never forget it." I'll never forget his smiles. The way his arms wrap around me makes me feel safe. I'll never forget how he wouldn't stop until I understood that I'm worthy and that I can't let people walk all over me. Merrick taught me how to stand up for myself and not shy away from asking for what I want.

With the exception of him. I'd give anything for him to be mine, but I won't put that on his shoulders. I couldn't stand the rejection. It's a risk, one far too big for me to take. He's had months to ask for more, and he hasn't. Last weekend, when he made love to me, I was certain he was going to then, but the words never came.

I have to accept that this is the end of the road for us.

I'm quiet for the rest of the drive. My fingers are laced through his as my hand rests on top of his, not willing to lose this connection. I'll hold on until the last moment when I have to let him go.

When we pull into the driveway, he turns off the ignition and climbs out of the car. I'm exhausted from staying up late and getting up at the ass crack of dawn today. I didn't sleep much, knowing what tonight was going to bring.

My heart races and my hands tremble slightly as he pulls open my door. As soon as I'm on my feet, I wrap my arms around him, holding him with everything I've got. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop the tears from rolling. My body trembles from the pain of knowing what I'm about to do.

"Hey." Merrick rubs my back while he holds me close, being the incredible man he is as he tries to comfort me. "Baby, what's wrong?"

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't do it. I can't find the words. I want to tell him I'm in love with him. I want to tell him my heart is broken because he's not going to be mine. I want to tell him I'm going to miss these hugs and his kisses. I'm going to miss his touch, and I'm certain I'll crave only him every day for the rest of my life.

"Talk to me, Court. What's going on?"

I have to do this.

Clearing my throat, I pull out of his hold and wipe my eyes. "I didn't expect this, Merrick. I didn't think I would feel like this when I had to let you go."

"Let me go? Courtney, what are you talking about?" He reaches for me, but I step back out of his reach.

"The wedding is over. We said that we'd part ways after the wedding." I can't stop crying. He reaches his arm out for me to take his hand, and I so badly want to take it. I want to let him hold me and tell me this isn't happening, but that's not the way life works. We don't always get what we want.

"Baby, that was months ago."

"I know!" I yell. "I know it was months ago. I know that this is all on me." My voice quiets. "I know my lies started this, and I have no one to blame for this pain but me."

"Stop." His voice is loud and stern. "Come inside. We'll talk about this."

"I—I can't. Can you not see what this is doing to me? It's killing me to have to walk away from you, Merrick Kincaid. My heart is being ripped in two, but you didn't sign up for this. You did everything you said that you would do. Now, it's my turn to keep my word. I told you after the wedding, we could walk away."

"I'm not letting you walk away from me."

I smile sadly. "You're a good man, Merrick. I'm sorry I can't control my emotions. I'm a big girl. I promise you, I'll be fine."

"Fuck that." He lunges for me, and before I can get away, he's tossing me over his shoulder in a firefighter's hold. He kicks the door of the SUV closed and marches toward the front door of his house.

I don't fight him.

I don't have any fight left in me. The pain in my chest is too much. I'll let him say what he wants to say, and then he'll let me go.

Closing my eyes, I will myself to be strong enough to have this conversation. I need to control my emotions. He carries me into the house and places me on the couch. I keep my eyes closed because being here hurts.

Losing him hurts.

"Baby, I need you to open those big brown eyes for me."

I shake my head. "I can't."

"You can. Please, open them for me."

Pulling in a deep breath, I slowly exhale before opening my eyes. I blink a few times, trying to make sense of what I'm seeing. The room is cast in a soft glow. There are what appear to be hundreds of flameless candles placed throughout the room.

"What?" I ask, my eyes seeking his before mine bounce back around the room. There are several bouquets of flowers all around the living room.

Not just flowers.

Roses.

Red roses.

The flower of love.

A sob catches in my throat.

"I see now that waiting to tell you what you mean to me wasn't the best plan."

"What do I mean to you?" I ask, because I'm struggling to process what's happening.

All of this is for me?

"I've known for a while now that you're special to me. I've wanted to tell you so many times. Last weekend, when we made love, I wanted to scream it to anyone who would listen, that I'm madly and irrevocably in love with you."

"You—You love me?"

His palm rests against my cheek as he tries to catch my tears with his thumb. "Yeah, baby. I love you. My heart beats for you. I wanted to tell you, and I almost did, but I was afraid you would think it was the moment that had the words leaving my lips. Then, when we took a bath together, I almost did it then. It wasn't until I was holding you long after you'd fallen asleep that I decided I would tell you tonight."

I wipe at my cheeks and smile, which has his shoulders dropping a little as he relaxes.

"I was holding you, and I knew that tonight would be perfect. Weddings always get everyone up in their feels. I thought we'd both come home from the high of seeing your sister marry her best friend, and I could confess what you mean to me. I wanted to tell you that I want to stay real."

"How?" My eyes scan the room again. It's then that I see there are also rose petals spread all around the room, with a trail leading down the hallway.

His smile is soft. "My brothers. More than likely, from what Kennedy told me, my sisters-in-law helped too."

"You had your family do this for me?"

"You're my family, too, Court. That's what this means. My love isn't conditional, and it's forever."

My breath shudders as I let his words sink in. He loves me—he loves me forever. My tears well again, ready to fall. "I love you too."

Moving in, his lips hover above mine. "Am I dreaming?" he asks, making me laugh.

"I'm wide awake."

"Me too, baby." With that, he presses his lips to mine. It's slow at first but turns needy. He grips my hips, and somehow, he manages to lift me from the couch as he stands. He takes my spot, lowering me to his lap, my knees straddling him.

Tearing my lips from his, I sit back on his thighs.

He places his hands on my cheeks. "You're beautiful."

"You make me feel beautiful."

"There will never be a day that goes by that I won't tell you. Just in case you need the reminder."

"Be careful. You might spoil me."

"Oh, baby, I'm going to spoil you."

"All I need is you, Merrick."

"Done."

"Are your brothers gone?" I ask him.

"Yeah, that's why we did battery-operated flameless candles."

"So, we're all alone?"

"Just you and me."

I nod and stand. His eyes watch me intently as I pull my dress over my head. The bodysuit I have on underneath with a mesh covering over my cleavage was bought with him in mind. I'm covered in silk and lace, and his eyes tell me he approves. I didn't think he'd ever see it, but he was still the reason I chose this over all the others I could have picked to wear under my deep plum dress my sister picked out for me to wear today. The dress was really low cut, but we loved everything else about it, so the lady at the dress shop suggested a bodysuit underneath that had more coverage for my breasts. This one caught my eye, and it went seamlessly with the dress.

"Fuck, Court, if I had known that's what you were hiding beneath that dress, I would have pulled you away from that wedding hours ago."

"I bought this thinking of you. I didn't think you'd ever see it, but here we are." I let my hands hang at my sides, letting him look his fill.

"Here we are," he agrees. Leaning forward, he works the buttons of his black dress shirt. Once he's finished with the buttons, he slides each arm out, leaving him in his jeans. "Come here, baby."

I don't hesitate to go to him, sitting sideways on his lap. I wrap an arm around his shoulders, while he clings to me as I lean into his kiss. His lips are soft yet firm and so familiar. He lifts my leg in his other hand, opening me up to him.

"Love you, Court."

"I love you too."

He kisses me again. His tongue traces across my lips, begging for entrance. I don't hesitate to open for him. His hands trail up my sides. "How do we get you out of this?" he asks, making me laugh.

"Maybe we should move to the bedroom."

"Okay." He winks, and my belly flips.

I hope I always have this reaction to this man. In fifty years, I want him to wink at me, and I want my belly to flip just like it does right now. I never want to lose this connection between us.

"That's my line."

"I'm stealing it. You gave me your heart, baby, that means what's yours is mine." He stands with me in his arms.

"I can walk, you know."

"Why should you have to when I can carry you?"

"Stubborn man."

"Your man."

"Okay," I say, and we both break out in laughter as he carries me into his room.

When we reach the bed, he drops me softly, and I bounce, only making me laugh harder. "How do I get you out of this?" he asks, as he works the button, then the zipper on his jeans, and pushes them down his thighs. He kicks off his shoes, then his jeans. He strips out of his boxer briefs, kicking them across the room, and fists his cock. "We need you out of that sexy-as-fuck fabric right now."

I'm still laughing as I climb to my knees and give him my back. "Unsnap me." This thing is complicated at best. I have a snap at the crotch because being able to go to the bathroom is a necessity, and there are snaps just like a bra in the back.

"Fucking hell, Court, how did you get into this thing on your own?"

"Skills. I could get out of it on my own too, but now that I have you."

"I'll take care of all the zippers. Especially the ones that bare you to me."

Once everything is unfastened, I remove my arms and slide out of the rest of the bodysuit. "It's your move, Kincaid."

"Are you wet for me?" He strokes his cock, and seeing the veins in his arms pop with each stroke is a major turn-on.

"I'm ready."

"Are you sure? Maybe you should check."

"What?" I squeak.

"You heard me. Check. Slide your fingers inside your pussy and tell me if you're ready for me."

"I—I've never done that."

"Good. Another first of yours that's mine. Now, tell me, are you ready for me?" Instead of keeping my eyes on him, I watch as he strokes his cock while I slide my hand down my body and do just as he asks, easing one digit inside myself. I moan at the contact, and the feeling of wet, hot silk that coats my hand.

"I'm ready."

"You sure? I can't be slow tonight, Court. My girl told me she loves me back, and I need to be inside you. We have the rest of our lives to take it slow. Tonight, I need to fuck my girlfriend. My real girlfriend."

"I'm ready," I repeat with a breathy moan.

"Stand up."

Removing my hand, I do as he says, and stand on the bed. He steps in close, takes my hand in his, and licks my fingers clean before placing his hands on the backs of my thighs. "Wrap those sexy legs around me and hold on, baby."

He lifts me, and I do as he asks. With one hand on my ass, the other slides between us as he guides himself inside me. "Ready?" he asks, pressing his lips against mine.

"Always."

The reply is barely out of my mouth as he thrusts, only to pull out and do it again. His movements grow faster, and I can feel my orgasm building. "Please," I beg. I don't really know what I'm begging for, but I trust him to give me what I need.

He grips my ass as he bounces me on his cock. The move is hot as hell, and I tremble as my body responds to the moment. The familiar burning in my core starts to heat. "I'm close."

"Get there, baby. Come on my cock, Court. Do it for me, baby. Soak my cock."

"Merrick!" I scream his name as my orgasm ignites.

"There you go," he says, never stopping his thrusts. "Here it is, baby. I'm—fuck!" he roars as he spills inside me.

Wrapping both arms around his neck, I cling to him, to this feeling, and the fact that he's mine. I didn't have to walk away. He refused to let me.

"Was that real? Am I dreaming?"

He laughs. "That was real, baby. We're real. Today, tomorrow, and forever. I love you."

"I love you too."

Merrick carries me to the bathroom, and after a quick shower, we fall into bed, naked, wrapped in one another, exhausted, and happier than we could have ever imagined.