Chapter 15

CHAPTER

FIFTEEN

Courtney

I'm dabbing tears from my eyes as I watch my sister turn this way, then that in her wedding dress. She's getting married in five short weeks, and her dress is finally finished. She's been very laid-back about all things wedding planning, but her dress, that's the one exception. She had it designed, and I have to admit, it's perfect for her and fits like a glove.

"Oh, honey, you're beautiful," Mom tells her, wiping at her eyes as well. She and I are both smiling and crying, while my sister... she's radiant, her smile lighting up the entire room. There are no tears on her face. She's confident this is the next step for her future, and I'm so damn happy for her.

"Chloe, you're glowing. Rodney isn't going to be able to take his eyes off you. Hell, he isn't going to be able to breathe when he sees you," I tell her. It's the truth. Rodney loves my sister fiercely, and although I've never been in love, I can imagine seeing your bride or groom on your wedding day is a pretty emotional event. That's the first day of the rest of your forever as husband and wife. It's a big deal.

"Yeah?" Chloe's eyes light up.

I nod. "Definitely."

"You're next," she says, happiness shining from every piece of her.

"One day." The weight of my fake relationship that's not so fake—at least the way he makes me feel isn't fake—sits heavily on my shoulders. I hate that I'm lying to them, but I could never regret this time with Merrick. Never. My time with him will forever be a part of my story.

"How are things going with Merrick?" my mom asks. "The two of you have been seeing each other for a while now. Are things getting serious?" she questions. She's been quiet about Merrick and me since the night we all had dinner together. She thinks her oldest daughter is in a loving, happy relationship, and she's only partially right. He's loving, and I'm happy, and I know Merrick is, too, but we both also know there is an expiration date on all of this.

For me, yes. For him, I have no clue. "We're taking things slow." It's not a lie. We're taking the intimacy slow. It's killing me, but it's how things need to be. I'm the one who slowed us down. It took everything I had inside me to tell him he couldn't return the favor last weekend. The following morning, he got a call early from Brooks. He was working, and Palmer needed some help with something. As the only single brother, Brooks called Merrick first, knowing he wasn't pulling him away from his wife and kids. Not that it would matter. Any of them would have jumped at the chance to help Palmer. Their family is tight like that. Regardless, I thought we could pick things up that morning, but life kept that from happening, which is fine. I wouldn't want him to not be there for his family. It just means we have our next experience to look forward to.

I have to shift in my seat to ward off the desire that rolls through me just thinking about it. About him doing that to me.

"They're really into each other," Chloe tells my mom. "You should have seen them when we all had dinner together. There's something there," she declares.

"We're dating. Of course there's something there." I give my sister a look that tells her to hush, but she's too lost in her love bubble to understand. Then again, why would she? She thinks the thing between Merrick and me is real.

"You know what I mean." Chloe laughs. "He's sweet and attentive. How have you not fallen head over heels in love with him already?"

I think maybe I have.

I freeze as those thoughts float through my mind. Is that what this is? I've never been in love. I've had crushes, but nothing I've ever felt before has been like this. It's intense and consumes my thoughts. Merrick has quickly become my favorite person, and I don't know how I feel about that.

My sister is getting married in five weeks. He was supposed to just be my date for the wedding. We were going to hang out a few times, go to the wedding, and then I would tell my family it just didn't work out.

Now, I don't know what's going on. We're more than what we started out as. We're friends, and we're not exactly lovers, but close. Hell, I don't know what we are. I do know I think about him all day, every day, and I crave being with him. That's not all I crave. It's his touch and his kisses. They are my new addiction.

"He's a good guy," I finally say.

"Well, your father and I approve," Mom tells me.

"The way he looks at her, how could you not?" Chloe asks.

"Stop. We're dating, taking our time getting to know one another. We're not jumping into anything serious." You know, because it's all for show. Well, it's supposed to be. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure what's for show and what's real anymore. I know he's into this—whatever we've started—but he's not mentioned what happens after the wedding, and I refuse to ask. I'll face the consequences when we get to that point.

"You keep telling yourself that, big sister."

I don't bother to hide my eye roll, which makes Chloe laugh. That's how the seamstress finds us.

"How are we doing?" the store seamstress asks.

"We're doing great. I love it." Chloe spins on the platform that's surrounded by mirrors.

"Perfect." The seamstress claps.

"Now, mother of the bride, and maid of honor, how about we do a fitting today as well?"

"Oh, is that necessary?" Mom asks.

"Nope." The seamstress, Kate, grins. "But it's fun. I'll go grab them."

"Looks like we get to play dress up too," I tell my mom. She grins and drains her glass of champagne before bouncing over to the changing room, ready for her dress.

Mom and I both try on our dresses, and Chloe insists we stand up on the podium in front of the mirrors with her.

"My beautiful girls." You can hear the crack of emotion in my mom's voice. "I love you both so much. I'm so proud of both of you."

I wait for her to tell me I'm next, that she can't wait until I'm also walking down the aisle. That's what she would have done before Merrick. However, the words never come. Just happy tears, words of love, and praise for the women we've grown to be.

Having Merrick in my life has changed so much for me. My family doesn't nag me, and my confidence is growing every day. I no longer feel like the overlooked wallflower. Well, sometimes I do, but less and less, and I'd be a fool not to realize it's Merrick's influence.

"How about I treat my girls to lunch?" Mom offers.

"Yes," Chloe and I reply at the same time, making our mother laugh.

"Where are we going?" Mom asks.

I look at Chloe, and we reply together, "Pizza Town."

Mom shakes her head, but her smile lights up her face. "Let's get out of these beautiful gowns and go get some cheesy breadsticks."

Chloe winks at me, and I nod. We both know Pizza Town is our mom's favorite. If she's going to buy lunch, it might as well be her favorite. Besides, who doesn't love pizza?

"If you all don't have plans tonight, you should come over. I'll have your dad build us a fire and we can make s'mores," Mom suggests. "This momma is feeling a little lost knowing her babies are grown women now. Today really put it into perspective for me. I love seeing you both happy, but I miss you both so much."

I slide my arm around her shoulders, giving her a hug. When I release her, Chloe steps up and does the same.

Chloe's eyes find mine, and I nod. "I'll be there," I answer.

"Us too," Chloe says, talking about Rodney.

"Your father's going to be so excited. We were just saying how we hate not getting to see you as often now that you're both grown and out of the house."

"Mom, I've been living out of the house for years now."

"It's been a couple for me too," Chloe reminds her.

"Hush, you two." Mom turns to me. "What about Merrick?"

"I'm not sure what he's got going on tonight. He mentioned going fishing with his brothers, but I'm not sure if that's still the plan. If not, I'm sure he'll be there." He mentioned that he and his brothers talked about going fishing later this evening, but I don't know if any solid plans were made. Either way, it gives him an out if he needs it.

"I hope he can make it. I'd love to get to know the man who has put the light in your eyes a little better." She hugs us both before she leaves to go to her car.

"She's right, you know. There is a light in your eyes that I don't think I've ever seen before."

"It's there because everyone has stopped hounding me to find a man to settle down with." That's only a very small piece, and I know that. I also know they're right. Merrick has changed me. I try not to think about what's going to happen when I have to walk away from him. My heart is going to be crushed. Again, I don't know if this is love, but I do know there is a piece of that man that I'll always carry with me. His influence on my life has been impactful, and I have him to thank for helping me come out of my shell and giving me the confidence to grow into the woman that I was meant to be.

"Possibly, but somehow, I don't think so. That might be some of it, but I don't think that's all of it."

"Hush." I laugh. "Go home to your fiancé. Tease him with how beautiful your dress is. Better yet, I think I'll text him later and tell him just that."

My baby sister grins, and she pulls me into a fierce hug. "I love you, big sister. Thank you for being with me every step of the way." She pulls back and shifts her purse up higher on her shoulder. "I want this for you, Court. I want you to know what it's like to be this in love."

"I'm not some old spinster. There's still time. I'm not going to be a single cat lady yet," I tease.

"Stop." She chuckles. "Be safe. I'll see you later at Mom and Dad's."

"You too. Love you."

"Love you!" she calls out, moving toward her car.

I do the same and rush to roll down the windows and blast the air conditioning. I should have started the car to let it cool down while we were chatting. Once the cool air starts to circulate, I roll up my windows and call Merrick via my Bluetooth as I pull out of the lot.

"Hey," he answers. "How was the dress fitting?"

"She's beautiful." My baby sister is going to be a beautiful bride.

"If she's anything like her older sister, she is. Are you done?"

His words wrap themselves around my heart and tug at the strings. Does he even realize how sweet he is? How do his words make me feel as though I'm precious to him? I'm sure he doesn't, which is why I need to keep reminding myself this is all for show, and Merrick is just one of those guys who can easily dish out compliments. It's part of his charisma. "We are. We just had lunch."

"I just got back too. I went over to Rushton's. He got Caden a Power Wheels truck, and I had to be there to see him drive it. That kid is a trip. He's fearless. We had to stop him from hitting several trees and the swing set." He snickers. "Crosby made burgers on the grill."

"Are you going fishing tonight?" I ask him.

"Nah, the twins got shots yesterday and they've been fussy. Ramsey is taking Ada for the night, and Leo has an ear infection."

"That's terrible. I feel bad for them. Is there anything that I can do?"

"Nah, we're all set. They're getting loved on as they should be. Are you free tonight?" he asks.

"Well, about that. My mom invited us to their place for s'mores. It's something we used to do a lot as kids, and she was feeling nostalgic today. Chloe and I told her we'd be there. You're welcome, of course, but I told her you had plans, so you have an easy out."

"You're going to be there."

"I am," I confirm. I'm not sure what he's saying because I just told him I was going.

"If that's where you're going to be, then I'm there. I mean, unless you don't want me to go."

"No." I rush to assure him. "I want you to come, but it's my parents, and I know you didn't sign up for all of this, and I wanted you to know that they think you have plans, so you're off the hook."

"First of all, we said we'd hang out, something we've been doing a lot of since the very beginning, and I'm not mad about it. Second, we started this to convince your family to give you a break. Third, I don't feel obligated to spend time with you, Courtney. There is a lot that happened between us, and that wasn't how either of us saw this playing out, but I'm not mad about that either."

He's right. I'm letting old insecurities that still linger cloud my judgment. It might also be a little bit about my heart. The more he's immersed in my world with my family, the harder it's going to hit me and hurt my fragile heart when this ends, but I push all of that to the back of my mind for now.

"Merrick, would you like to head to my parents' later this evening for a bonfire and s'mores?"

"Tell me what time to pick you up?"

"I'm free the rest of the day. We'll probably get to my parents' place around seven or so. I know my mom, and she'll be planning dinner as well."

"That's like five whole hours from now."

I glance at the clock and see that it's a few minutes before two in the afternoon. "We can go later if we need to."

"Come to my place now. We can chill until it's time to leave."

It's on the tip of my tongue to ask him if he's sure, but that's the old self-conscious Courtney. I know he wants me there, or he wouldn't have asked. "I'm on my way." I hit my signal to turn left for his place instead of right for mine.

"Be safe, babe. I'll see you soon." The line goes dead, and I don't dare allow myself to glance in the rearview mirror to see the smile I know is on my face. I refuse to acknowledge that something deeper is happening between us. It's the only armor I have to protect my heart, because even though I've never felt it at this level before, I'm certain I'm falling in love with Merrick Kincaid.

Tonight has been better than I could have imagined. When we got here, Dad was grilling burgers and hot dogs, and Mom was making up the s'mores tray. Merrick chatted about something or other with Dad while I assisted Mom.

By the time Chloe and Rodney arrived, we were ready to eat. Conversation flowed easily, and Merrick fit in with my family as if he'd always been a part of our lives. It's reassuring and terrifying at the same time.

I'm glad he's getting along with my family; that makes this a hell of a lot easier, but it's also worrisome because I can't help but wonder if this is what our life would be if he were really mine.

"Dad, we should have roasted the hot dogs like we did as kids," Chloe says, dropping her napkin to her empty plate.

"Next time." Dad smiles. "You girls used to love cooking over the open fire."

"My brothers and I did that a lot too," Merrick says. "We have an annual camping trip with my dad, my brothers, and my cousin's husband, Deacon. We started doing one with the entire family too. It's a lot of fun."

"We should go camping," Chloe tells Rodney.

"Babe, you're not a happy camper," Rodney teases. "You need coffee and a shower."

"Well, they have those, right?" Chloe looks to Merrick for confirmation.

"It really depends on the campground, and if you have a camper, then yeah, you have amenities."

"We should do it."

"Sure, baby. We'll look into that when we get back from our honeymoon." Rodney kisses her cheek, and the way they look at one another… I want that. I want that more than anything.

"Who's ready to roast some marshmallows?" Mom claps and scurries inside to get the tray we put together earlier. She's back in a flash and handing out sticks.

Merrick pushes a marshmallow onto the end of my stick and gathers the graham cracker and chocolate bar, setting them on the small paper plate before grabbing the same for himself.

I catch my mom's eyes, and she nods her approval. She doesn't need to tell me that my fake boyfriend is a good man. I know he is. He's proven that to me over and over again.

I wish things were different. I wish that after the wedding, we were going to stay real.