Chapter 2

Gwen

I”d kick myself later. Once my heart wasn”t in my throat. Once my blood wasn”t ice in my veins. Sean talked the entire ride home about wanting to spend the rest of the day with Static. I promised him I would ask Static if he had time to hang out. Static always made time for both Sean and Grace. It was one of the reasons I was so relieved we were living here right now. Sean, especially, needed the male bonding.

Seeing all the guys standing in the parking lot had been fortuitous, but they”d looked busy, so I just waited until they were finished to speak with Static. Sean would get a guy”s day, and I”d get a little flash of a devastating smile. That man was a golden god and he didn”t even seem to realize it. I was waiting for the pace of my heart to reach flutter mode as he turned, but then I saw the signs I missed before.

There was blood on his face. Cuts. His suit was disheveled and dirty. I had no control over myself anymore. Suddenly, I was staring down at him, his face barely recognizable as I cradled his head in my arms. Shouting and the smell of smoke surrounded me. I was shoved right back into that event center when the mafia men were beating him.

Then it got worse.

I was hitting Trent with a pan I was holding, screaming at my children to run as Trent charged me like an angry bull. The pain and gut-wrenching fear was swallowing me whole as I stood there in the Arizona sunshine.

You”re safe. They”re safe. Trent”s dead.

It was a mantra inside my head as I clutched my children close to protect them. I never knew what was going to set me off, and this was a particularly bad reminder of both my ex trying to kill me and the Italian Mafia almost killing Static. The buzzing in my ears kept me from hearing much as I hurried the kids toward the clubhouse. I could see Sean”s mouth moving, but I wasn”t able to make out the words. All I could hear was Jordan”s voice as she reached my side in that kitchen. The sound of the fighting as she tried so hard to protect me from Trent.

My best friend had put herself in danger to keep me and my kids safe. She”d ended up in the hospital right next to me, though she managed to keep us both alive until my brother arrived.

”Gwen.”

My name registered in my mind. I looked up at Ricochet, fully aware that he could see the panic in my eyes. If anyone knew about flashbacks like these, it was my brother, Gage. Funny that he suffered from them for so long and now here I was right there with him.

His hand squeezed my shoulder and I heard the distant hum of his voice, but again, I couldn”t make out his words. He led me upstairs to the apartment the club was allowing us to stay in. After the incident with Trent, Lockout had gone on full alert and had us all move in. I wasn”t an old lady. He and the club didn”t owe me and my kids anything, but being Ricochet”s sister came with benefits.

If we hadn”t been living here at the clubhouse, I wasn”t sure what I”d be like. More of a mess than I already was. Being around the other women was helping me immensely. And I knew being around the men was what chased that haunted look from Sean”s face. I would be forever grateful to them all.

”You back?”

Sucking in a shuddering breath, I nodded and gave Gage a small smile. ”Sorry.” I wasn”t sure how long I was stuck in the flashbacks and the panic, but I knew it had been some time. It always took me a while to get over it.

”You never have to apologize,” he said, shoving a glass of water into my hand. ”Not to me.” His eyes narrowed on my face. ”You need to speak to someone, Gwen.”

”You”re one to talk,” I shot back.

He winced, then looked down. ”I have been.”

”What?” I asked, sitting up a little straighter. I didn”t remember sitting down, but he must have led me to the chair.

He shrugged. ”I don”t advertise it, but Lock and Jordan talked me into seeing a shrink. To help with...everything. Started not long after the incident with Trent.”

”That explains why you seem to be doing so much better,” I replied. ”I”m so glad, Gage.” I tried for years to get him to see someone, and I knew for a fact that Lock had as well. The fact that he was now just made me want to hug Jordan all the more. She was such a good influence on him.

”I can give you the number.” He searched my face. ”It”s a female.”

The fact that he knew I wouldn”t want to be alone with a guy I didn”t know right now told me how closely he was watching me. I was doing my best to hide the fact that I was struggling. I hadn”t even talked to the other women about this. Not even Jordan. She”d been there, and knew how horrible it had been, but I wasn”t ready to share. ”Is Jordan-”

”Yup,” he answered before I even finished. ”She”s been seeing this lady since that night, too. She was waking up with nightmares.”

God did I know how that was. I swore the bags under my eyes had their own luggage. It didn”t matter that it had been almost a year, nothing seemed to be getting better. Here at the clubhouse? It was easy to be open and joyful. I was safe. My kids were safe. Outside of here? I was constantly watching every shadow. Trent was dead. I knew it in my mind, but my nervous system didn”t seem to have gotten the memo.

”What happened?”

I looked up at Ricochet and shook my head. I wasn”t going to dump all my trauma on him. He had enough to deal with on his own. ”Just a bad day.” Besides, I wasn”t about to admit to him that his handsome club brother had been the reason for my panic attack. Poor Static didn”t need my overbearing brother giving him hell. Especially not when it looked like someone had already gone after him. As much as I wanted to ask what happened, I kept my mouth closed or my brother would put two and two together.

”You want me to stick around?”

”No. Thanks,” I smiled at him and held up the water. ”I”m good now.”

He eyed me a moment, then nodded. ”If you need anything, you call me.”

I promised him I would and watched him leave. After a few minutes, I stood and went to check on my kids. They were sitting together on Sean”s bed, watching a cartoon. He looked up and I saw the worry there. Smiling at him, I went and sat down with them, tucking them into my sides. It killed me when he watched me with that careful, but not fully concealed, concern. He shouldn”t be worrying about me. He shouldn”t think he has to protect me. That was my job. It was my duty—and my privilege—to protect him from the monsters in this world. And I was doing my best, but somehow they got past my defenses. And now I couldn”t keep the memory out. How was I supposed to do this?

I always thought I was strong. When Trent left, I knew I could raise these kids by myself. I never doubted it. My love was too great to fail. Never once did I think I”d fail to protect them. But I had. And it was the only other person who was supposed to love them unconditionally that had broken all our trust. Now I couldn”t seem to find my footing. And every time I slipped, it affected my kids. They were happy here. Content. Unafraid. Until something like this happened and I saw that fear leach back into their eyes.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I texted my brother, asking for the therapist”s number. That was one way I could help. One way I could start taking control of my life again. Then maybe I could get through a day without making poor Static think I was terrified of him. And I could leave that devastated look in my children”s eyes behind for good.

”Mom?”

”Yeah, Bud?” I asked, looking down into my son”s face. He wasn”t a baby anymore. There was wisdom and strength there, despite the fact that he was only nine years old.

”I still want to hang out with Static today. He promised to show me the Rocky movies.”

Sean was completely head over heels for Static. I couldn”t blame him. If I would allow it, I probably would be, too. Who could resist him? With his charming smile and his smooth personality, there wasn”t much Static couldn”t talk a person into. It was why he was such a good lawyer. ”I”ll check with him,” I promised.

”Now?”

Sighing, I got off the bed. We”d watched more than a few episodes of the cartoon they both loved and it was past time to get up and going with the rest of my day. Spending an hour or two with my kids was always my preferred way to relax though, so it hadn”t been a hardship to watch their show. ”Yeah. Now.” I”d promised him on the way home I”d talk to Static. It wasn”t Sean”s fault I”d wigged out and rushed straight up here. Twisting my fingers together as I walked down the hall, I paused at Static”s door. I stared at the wood grain, trying to bolster my confidence.

”Why isn”t she knocking?”

”Dunno, she seems confused.”

”Do you think she knows how to knock?”

I turned my head and found Butcher and Toxic standing there smiling while Toxic impersonated my daughter”s favorite snowman. ”You”ve watched that movie too many times.” The fact that these two men had seen it at all was shocking. At least until you saw them with all the kids. When Tori”s and Susie”s kids had been the only children around they had given them a wide berth. Now the men had taken on the role of uncles with a scary affinity that made me wonder what they were teaching the young ones while we weren”t around.

The smile dropped off Butcher”s face as he studied me. ”What”s wrong, Peaches?”

This man. He was gruff. And could be terrifyingly dangerous. But never to us. He”d been calling me Peaches ever since I”d come to live here with the kids. When I asked why one time, he just shrugged and said I was sweet. It made me smile.

”Nothing,” I said, putting more confidence in my tone than I felt.

”That why you”re standing in front of the prospect”s door without knocking?” Toxic asked. ”Because nothing”s wrong?”

”Oh.” I opened my mouth, trying to figure out what to say. ”Sean wants a play date,” I said with a weak smile.

Toxic made a noise that was more a sound in his chest than anything and reached past me, pounding his fist on the door. He grinned at me when I jumped at the unexpected movement and sound, but I saw the recognition in his eyes. The smile was to put me at ease after scaring me.

I bit back the sigh. It was a weakness I now had and I was tired of it. I just couldn”t seem to get it to go away. The door opened and I pasted a fake smile on my face as I fought not to blush. Static had that effect on me.

He rubbed a towel over his damp hair, his beautiful blue eyes bouncing between the three of us. His gaze finally settled on me. ”Hey.”

”Hi,” I said, nerves rattling around inside me.

”She wants a date,” Toxic supplied, completely unhelpfully.

I gasped and turned my head to glare at him. When I looked back at Static a slow, sensual smile was spreading over his face. ”Anytime, Sugar.”

”For Sean,” I clarified, heat making my cheeks warm. The way he called me sugar made me want to melt.

”Promised him I”d show him Rocky,” he said, letting me off the hook.

It was bad enough that I wanted to toss myself into Static”s arms every time the man looked at me, but to be feeling this way with Butcher and Toxic looking on was just downright awkward. ”I really appreciate you spending time with him,” I repeated, just as I did every single time he took a few minutes to bond with my child.

A flash of something I couldn”t decipher entered his eyes before it bolted away. ”I told you, Gwen. I love hanging out with him. Grace, too. Send her along if you want a night alone.”

”She”d love that.” I hesitated. ”Thank you.”

He leaned against the doorway, folding his arms over his chest. The cotton t-shirt stretched over his muscles, making them more noticeable. He wasn”t as big as Hellfire by any means—so few were—but he was incredibly fit. He had a swimmer”s build, and there”d been more than one night I”d imagined what it would be like to run my tongue over those smooth tan muscles. That was just a fantasy, though. I had kids to think about. And no matter what kind of itch this guy created within me, I had to focus on myself, and them, right now. There wasn”t room for anything else.

”You okay?”

”Fine,” I said, snapping back to attention. ”I kind of wish everyone would stop asking me that.”

”You ran off so fast, I-”

”I didn”t run,” I argued, cutting him off. It was a lie. I”d absolutely run away. Or stumbled. I wasn”t really sure. Clearing my throat, I smiled at him. ”Thanks again. I”ll send the kids over in about two hours?”

”Great.”

I turned and yipped as I slammed into Toxic in my hurry to get out of there and away from Static”s questions and prying eyes. They had been so uncharacteristically quiet, I”d sort of forgotten they were there.

”You”re still here?” I asked, flustered, and smacked his chest to get him to move. Those two were basically as much my brothers now as Ricochet was. As much as Smoke and Hell were. But Static? I peeked over at him and found him still watching me. Hurrying away, I tried to cool the raging hormones that made me want to shove him inside his room and do sinfully dirty things with him.

I beat a hasty retreat and didn”t stop until I was inside my apartment, leaning back against the closed door. ”What am I going to do about this?” Bury it. That was my only option. Nodding, happy with my plan for now, I shoved off the door and went to prepare a meal for the sexy biker who was having a movie night with my kids. The least I could do was feed him, and make sure my kids were fed as well.