Chapter 14

Gwen

Iburied my face in my hands as I sat at my kitchen table the next morning. My steaming mug of coffee was only half gone and was helping to make me feel human again. Never again. Never again was I trying sleeping pills. I only remembered bits and pieces of what happened last night, but I woke up with Static curled up behind me in bed, his hardness pressed against my butt.

He”d woken up and mumbled something about putting the kids back in their beds so Grace stopped kicking everyone. She was a thrasher while she slept, so that made sense. He never ended up coming back to bed, so I figured he had club business to take care of. That was fine, it meant I didn”t have to face him in the morning light.

The flash of me sitting on my bathroom counter with my breasts out while he dried me off entered my mind and I groaned into my palms.

”What”s wrong with you?”

I looked up as Jordan walked in. The others were hot on her heels, followed by the dogs. I smiled and snuck a piece of bacon to Auron as he came to lay next to me. I”d called an emergency meeting of what I liked to refer to as the old ladies” club. My kids were still asleep, so it was the perfect time to come clean. Something Dr. Donaldson said had resonated. Just let it out. It was past time to tell my friends what was going on with me. I knew they were all wondering, but were too respectful to push. Except Jordan, but even with her, I”d refused to talk.

”Have a seat. Coffee”s on the counter,” I told them as they all came in. I held my arms out for Noelle as Sloane came over. Cuddling her close, I smiled down into her sleepy face. Ugh. I missed having a baby. As much as I loved watching my kids grow, I wanted ten of these at all times.

”Thanks for coming so quickly,” I told them, letting my eyes sweep over the group. They were all here. Some were still in their pajamas, but they were there. For me. I swallowed back tears that suddenly threatened to fall. ”You all have lives and it”s not like the world is ending or anything, so thank you for coming over here at the ass crack of dawn.”

”What happened?” Seek asked with a yawn.

”I”m not sure where to start,” I admitted. ”The struggle I”ve been having for the last...year. The nightmare last night. The fact that Static got me naked. Or that we woke up in bed together this morning.” The sound of a pin dropping would have equated to a nuclear bomb exploding that”s how stunned into silence they were.

”If we get a vote,” Dani finally said, breaking the silence, ”I say start with him getting you naked!”

”You”re such a hornball,” Kit said with a laugh.

”Food and sex,” Dani replied with a shrug. ”They”re literally the only things on my mind these days.”

”Lucky Smokehouse,” Jenny said with a laugh.

”Ugh.” Kit shuddered. ”Don”t forget he”s my brother.”

”Enough about your sex,” Jordan said. ”You get it all the time. This girl on the other hand...” She looked at me with a grin on her face. ”How was it?”

I rolled my eyes. ”We didn”t have sex.” The crestfallen looks on their faces made me laugh. It felt so good to laugh. These women were the only reason I had over the last year of my life. They helped me in ways they didn”t even realize. ”I think I need to start from the beginning, not the middle.”

”Aw, man,” Dani cried.

”Start wherever you”re comfortable, Gwen,” Sloane said, putting her hand on my forearm. She somehow always knew when one of us needed a gentle approach.

I looked down at the baby in my arms, and just let it all spill out. ”I went and saw a therapist yesterday,” I blurted out. ”I”ve been...having a hard time ever since the night Trent tried to kill me.”

There were murmurs of encouragement and love all around me.

I couldn”t stop now, or I”d never finish. ”I haven”t been sleeping well. And I can”t seem to get over it. The smallest things will send me into a panic attack, so if you”ve ever noticed I rush out of the room.” I shrugged my shoulders. ”That”s why.”

”Of course we noticed, Sweetie,” Susie told me.

Looking up, I found them all watching me with concerned looks.

”We weren”t sure how to help,” Seek added.

”So, we agreed that letting you come to us was best,” Daisha said.

”I don”t know if that was the right thing.” Jordan wrapped her arm around me from the other side while Sloane laid her head on my shoulder, trying to help comfort me.

”It took me almost a year to get to a point where I could finally admit I needed help. I”ve been fighting it the entire time. I wouldn”t have listened if you guys had tried to talk to me,” I admitted.

”We”re so glad you”re coming to us now, though,” Seek said.

I handed Noelle back to Sloane and raked my hands through my hair. ”I”ll do my best not to withdraw again,” I promised. ”But it”s so hard.”

”None of it was your fault,” Tori said in a soft voice.

Nodding, I stared down at the table. ”I know that. Most of the time.”

We sat in companionable silence for a few heartbeats.

”So what happened last night?” Dani asked. ”What?” She shrugged when everyone stared at her. ”It”s killing me not to know.”

I laughed again, shaking my head. ”I”m so embarrassed.” I dropped my head into my hands again. ”Between the therapy session and just...everything...I took some sleeping pills I got a long time ago but never used.” I groaned as more flashes of what happened last night went through my mind. ”I don”t know everything, but I must have had a nightmare and Static came and took care of me.”

Now they were all perking up, some eyes widening as they listened.

”I woke up, in his arms, in the shower.”

”Naked?” Jordan asked.

”Not yet.”

”Ugh, so close,” she muttered.

”Wait, yet?” Kit asked with a raised brow.

I recounted what happened after that. ”Guys. I was naked in front of him. Basically. He dried off my...” I sighed as my cheeks burned with embarrassment.

”The fact that he didn”t try anything just tells you how hard he was trying to be a gentleman,” Tori stated.

”No, it tells you how out of it she was,” Seek argued.

”Yeah, these guys aren”t the type to pass up an opportunity like that,” Eva said.

”You”d know,” Dani teased, making Eva”s cheeks go pink.

Eva was still trying to find her footing amongst our group and we were doing everything we could to help her. We already loved her and never wanted her to go anywhere ever again. This was her home. It was home to us all. I wasn”t sure what I was going to do once the threats were gone and I was forced to go back to my little house in Picture Rocks. Even the thought made dread creep along my spine.

”And Static may wear a suit for work,” Kit added, ”but he”s no more a gentleman than any of them are.”

”What do I do?” I asked.

”Uh, go jump him?” Jordan offered with a laugh. ”Girl, you need to relax. What better way than getting under a hot biker?”

”Getting on top of one,” Seek suggested. ”I highly recommend it.”

”Oh my God.” I covered my face with my hands because it was flaming hot. ”I can”t just sleep with him!”

”Why not?” Dani asked, looking around.

”It”s the lack of trust,” Sloane said. Her voice was soft, but it echoed through the room like a shotgun blast. We all looked over at her. There was a forced smile on her face. ”It”s hard to trust again once you”ve been...hurt...like that.”

”I”m sorry,” Dani whispered, horrified. She looked between us both. ”I didn”t mean-”

”It”s not your fault,” I interrupted, reaching across the table to pat her hand. It wasn’t like Dani didn’t know all about losing that trust. Her ex-husband may not have beat her, but he left his own kind of scars on her. Smoke was helping to erase them.

”I get it,” Jordan said with a nod. ”It took me forever to trust Ricochet and it”s not like my ex hurt me.”

”In a way he did,” I argued. ”By hurting your dad, he broke that trust with you, too.” I paused, then looked at her. ”How did you put it behind you so quickly?” I wasn”t talking about what her ex had done anymore, but what mine had.

Jordan shook her head, her black hair catching the light and shimmering. ”I didn”t. That”s why I started going to therapy. Why I talked Ricochet into going, too. We both needed it.” Her eyes were sad when she looked at me. ”I tried to have that conversation with you so many times.”

”But I wasn”t ready.”

She shook her head. ”It killed us to see you hurting, though I didn”t know it was so bad you weren”t sleeping. If I had, I would have forced the issue.”

”It”s my fault for letting it get to this point.” I gave her a grateful smile. ”Thanks for letting me get here on my own though. I needed that.”

”We”re always here for you,” Seek told me.

”Please don”t make us corner you and drag your emotions out of you,” Kit added.

My laugh was strained. ”Sloane?”

”Yes?”

”How do you learn to trust again?” I was staring at the table. ”I think I want that, but every time it seems like I”m making progress, I get knocked back down.”

”It starts with finding a man you know is trustworthy,” she replied. Her eyes sparkled as I peeked over at her. ”I think you know you have.”

”Why would he sign up for this?” I motioned to myself. ”I”m broken.”

”He doesn”t seem to mind,” Jordan said, her tone defensive. She didn”t like when I talked badly about myself. I didn”t either, but it was this new thing I was doing. I needed to fix that, too.

”I don”t know why.” I sighed.

”We do,” Eva told me.

”Yeah,” they chorused.

”Just...try not to push him away,” Sloane offered.

”Yeah, and let him take the lead,” Jordan added.

”These bikers are good at that,” Seek said. ”When they want you, they”ll do whatever is needed to get you to be theirs.”

”It might take them a while,” Kit replied with a laugh, sharing a commiserative look with Seek, ”but they do get there.”

”Are you sure he wants me?” I asked.

”Did any other biker kick down your door to douse you with water, get you naked, and then fall asleep with you in their arms?” Dani asked, tone innocent, even as a wicked smile played over her lips.

I blinked at that. ”No.”

”And they won”t,” Daisha said with a laugh.

”Nope,” Tori agreed, ”because they all know you belong to Static.”

Looking around at them, I shook my head in doubt. ”I don”t know.”

”Just do us one favor-” Seek said.

”Two,” Jordan interrupted.

”Fine, two,” Seek amended. ”Follow where Static leads.”

”And don”t let your fear make you take a step back,” Sloane said. ”Static would never hurt you. He”s crazy about you.”

”And your kids,” Jordan added.

My heart softened as I thought about the way he”d been with Sean and Grace. ”Okay,” I agreed. ”I”ll try.”

They all whooped with excitement, then settled as Noelle started fussing.

”Sorry,” Seek said with a wince. ”That”s why I left Sawyer with Hush.”

”Where are all the guys?” I asked. ”Static got a call and stumbled out of here so fast I didn”t get a chance to ask.”

”Pretty sure Lock is torturing them for drinking so much last night,” Kit said.

”And making him take care of them,” Eva said with a laugh. ”That”s what Idaho said anyway.”

We all laughed at that. These guys were pure trouble, and when they drank? It was trouble and chaos. Not an easy combination. ”Who wants breakfast?” I asked. They all raised their hands and I smiled. The vise around my chest loosened for the first time in almost a year.