6. Rearview Mirror

6

REARVIEW MIRROR

EVANGELINE

I can hear the coyotes from inside the house. They’re loud tonight, but that’s not what’s keeping me awake. It’s not just the emptiness of this house, but that it’s devoid of anything that reminds me of home. There’s nothing left but bad memories.

I break down and do something I swore I wouldn’t. I pick up the phone and dial Cleo. She answers on the first ring.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?”

She makes a tsk noise. “For one, it’s past midnight, and two, you never call me. You always text me some bullshit emoji as proof of life,” she quips.

I didn’t even realize it was that late. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“Have you met me?” she jokes.

I manage to let out a laugh.

“I miss you,” I sniffle.

“I miss you too.”

“It’s just been a rough couple of days. Nothing I can’t handle,” I lie. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” she probes.

“No,” I sigh.

I grip the phone tighter, hearing her voice making me emotional.

“Will you tell me about your day?” I ask and pull the covers up and over my head as I cradle the phone between my ear and the pillow.

“Well, you’re not gonna believe this…”

Something tickles my nose and I swat it away. The heaviness of sleep starts to lift. I was on the phone with Cleo, but I must have fallen asleep. I swipe my hand along the sheets, searching for my phone, when I bump into what feels like an arm.

An arm that’s attached to a body.

I whip the blanket back to reveal Cleo staring back at me with her golden-brown eyes and dark curly hair pressed to the pillow next to me.

“Did you drive all night?” I ask her.

“Don’t worry, your snoring kept me awake on the drive down.” She smiles while handing me my missing phone.

I snatch it from her and laugh. “I do not snore.”

“Whatever you say, honey.” She looks at me thoughtfully.

“I don’t,” I protest further as I settle back onto the pillow, the shock of her being here wearing off.

“You really didn’t have to come.”

“You don’t want me here?” she quips.

“That’s not what I meant. I just didn’t want you coming all the way down here for nothing,” I explain.

She props her head up with her hand, resting her elbow on the pillow and giving me a no bullshit kinda look.

“Have you been out of this bed lately?” she inquires.

I scowl. “What do you mean?” I’m sure my breath smells because I fell asleep without brushing, and maybe I could use a shower, but I can’t be that bad.

“Well, either you got robbed in the middle of the night or something else is going on that you most certainly weren’t gonna tell me about.” She narrows her eyes at me and I flip over on my back, blocking out the sun with my forearm.

“I need coffee.” I sit up and she makes a disgruntled noise. Turning to look at her, I roll my eyes. “I’ll tell you everything over a cup of coffee.”

She concedes, and we make our way into the kitchen. I start the coffee maker—that I had to buy to replace the one my mother took—and grab two Styrofoam cups that I stole from work. While the coffee’s brewing, Cleo inspects the Splenda packets and the creamers I also absconded from the diner

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” She looks around the empty kitchen and living room.

I t feels like we’re just two girls from the desert as we sit with our bare feet propped up wearing cut-off shorts and tank tops on the back patio. It’s early enough in the day and the clouds are keeping the heat at bay, at least for now.

She leans over and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “Oh honey, you were meant for so much more.”

I shake my head. “Mimi used to say that if you keep looking in the rearview mirror you’ll never see what’s right in front of you.”

“Smart lady. Too bad you didn’t listen to her.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. If what you told me in the kitchen earlier was true, then I don’t know why you’re still here.”

I look at her in shock. “Now you’re on Darren’s side?”

“I’m not on anyone’s side.”

“You think it’s okay for him to just come in here and…”

“Save you from yourself?” she challenges.

Cleo follows me back inside the house. “I don’t need saving.” I glower.

“Look around you,” Cleo says. “ What are you doing here?”

“I’ll fix it up when I have the money.” I dump the rest of my coffee in the sink angrily.

“I’m talking about you being back here in the first place.”

“You know I came back for Mimi’s funeral,” I argue.

“Why did you stay?” she asks.

I grab the edge of the counter because her question knocks the air out of me. I’ve lied to myself too many times and it’s catching up to me.

“I needed her to love me,” I admit, and it feels like the ground is opening up and about to swallow me whole. When I look at Cleo, her brown eyes glisten with sympathy. “Why didn’t she love me?”

Cleo’s arms are instantly around me and I hold onto her.

“It’s not your fault,” she soothes.

“I know,” I confirm and wipe my eyes. “But why does it feel like there’s something inside me that’s not good enough to be loved.”

Cleo leans against the counter. “It’s like I said, you’re too busy looking in the rearview mirror that you don’t see what’s right in front of you.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t understand how you can walk away from a man who genuinely loves you.”

“I think… I think it’s too late.”

“If I’m right, that man would wait until the end of days for you,” she smiles, taking my chin in her hand. “But you gotta go back to find out.”