31. Breathe, Baby

31

brEATHE, BABY

DARREN

“ I ’m sorry, I should have been there,” Bailey says over his shoulder as he takes a sharp right towards the airfield.

“Not now,” I manage to say as I start to hyperventilate.

“Breathe, baby,” she soothes. “You have to breathe.” But I can’t.

She pushes me forward so that I’m bent between my legs and she rubs my back. “Breathe in and count to three,” she instructs, and I do as I’m told. “Breathe out and count to three.”

I close my eyes and I can hear the whir of the blades slicing through the air, the image of the mangled mess on the tv screen, my parents’ accident, and I feel sick.

One, two, three, she counts, wiping the images from my mind until my breathing regulates.

The car stops and Bailey opens the door.

The helicopter doors are open, and the pilot is waving for me to get in, but I can’t move my feet.

I look behind me to see Bailey’s disheveled appearance and his apologetic eyes. “I should’ve done something.”

I stop him, looking at Evangeline in my arms. “You were where you needed to be,” I reassure him, and he nods.

“I will see you back in Georgetown,” Bailey insists with a confidence that I wish I had.

I nod and then peer at the waiting helicopter.

“You can do this,” Evangeline urges and takes my hand. “I’m right here.” With those words I board a helicopter for the first time since my parents were killed.

A s soon as we reach the hospital, we rush through the emergency doors and to the desk.

“Dexter Rausch, how is he?” I demand.

She looks flustered with my request but manages to pull something up on her computer.

“He was just brought into surgery. Gunshot wound to the chest, in critical condition,” she fires off and my head spins.

“I want to know the minute he gets out of surgery,” I demand, and feel Evangeline’s hand on my shoulder.

I see the tears in her eyes and pull her further into my arms the minute she breaks down. The whole helicopter ride she was so focused on making sure I was okay that I didn’t stop to think that she might not be.

“I’m just glad it wasn’t you,” she cries into my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, I just…”

“Hey, hey, I’m okay.” I hold her face in my hands. The adrenaline has worn off and we both feel it.

“I’m a horrible person,” she squeaks.

“You’re not, you’re not,” I soothe. “Rausch is gonna be okay,” I reassure but I don’t know if that’s true.

A commotion in the lobby pulls my attention and a news crew sets up. “Jesus Christ,” I let go of Evangeline and stalk over to them, but then Alistair barges into the emergency room looking appalled.

“If you have any sense, you’ll take that goddamn camera and get the fuck out of this hospital!”

I’ve never heard him raise his voice like that before, and I’m momentarily stunned as I watch his chest heave and his face contort into someone who doesn’t look like my carefree friend.

He finally notices me standing nearby and his eyes soften.

“We have every right to be here,” the newswoman replies.

“You can do whatever the fuck you want but it’s not gonna be in this waiting room,” he threatens.

She finally concedes. “Let’s just set up outside,” she says to her cameraman.

Alistair takes two giant strides and pulls me into a hug. “How is he?”

“How did you even know what happened?” I shake my head.

“Bailey called me. He thought you might need someone.”

I don’t think I could love Bailey more. “We don’t know anything yet,” I tell him.

“Are you okay?” he asks Evangeline, who still looks shaken, but he doesn’t wait for her to answer when he pulls her into a hug. She says something muffled into his neck and then pulls away, wiping at her eyes.

“Did they get the shooter?” he asks as we make our way over to the chairs.

“I don’t know,” I answer.

“Can I get you a coffee?” Evangeline offers.

I take her hand, pulling her down. “I just need you to sit with me.”

Alistair slumps into the seat next to me.

“Thanks for being here,” I tell him.

“Anything for you.” He leans forward. “Both of you. You know that.”

Staring at the second hand on the clock doesn’t make it move any faster. The waiting room clears out, and my leg shakes with nervous anticipation as I check the clock once again.

“Why would he do that?” I shoot up from my seat and pace the waiting room because I can’t sit any longer not knowing what the hell is going on in surgery.

Alistair disappears on a hunt to find a vending machine and Evangeline joins me by the window as I stare out at the rain.

She places her chin on my shoulder, and I gather her arms around my chest.

“He wanted to protect you. He always has,” she replies.

“The last thing I said to him was horrible,” I admit, the guilt sitting heavy on my chest.

“You were angry. You didn’t know this was going to happen,” she offers.

I turn around to face her and wrap my arms around her. “I can’t lose another person,” I admit.

“You’re not gonna lose him.”

The doctor comes through the double doors, and I let go of her. We both rush forward to meet him.

“Mr. Walker?” the doctor asks, his expression annoyingly unreadable.

“How is he?” I ask.

“Surgery went well. There were bullet fragments we had to remove. We just have to watch him closely for infection or fluid around the heart,” he explains.

I don’t know what any of that means but I focus on the part that surgery went well.

“When can I see him?”

“He’s still in recovery. You can see him once we’re sure he’s stable. I’ll have a nurse come get you once he wakes up,” the doctor replies.

Alistair returns balancing a couple of Styrofoam cups in each hand, another tucked under arm and a bag of chips between his teeth. His blond hair falls in his face and he tries to blow it out of his eyes as he makes his way over to us.

“What did they say?”

“He’s out of surgery, but we can’t see him yet.” I relieve him of one of the cups, but I don’t even know if I can drink it because my stomach is still in knots.

“Thanks,” Evangeline says, taking the other cup.

“Chips?” he offers, and we both shake our heads. He shrugs, “More for me.”

“You don’t have to stay.” He’s been here for hours already and there’s nothing else he can do. “We don’t know when he’s going to wake up.”

Alistair hesitates. “Are you sure? I can stay as long as you need me.”

I place my hand on his shoulder. “I really appreciate that, but we’ll be fine.”

Alistair nods.

“I’ll call you once I hear something.”

Before he leaves, he gives Evangeline another hug. “If you need anything…” he trails off, and she gives him a friendly peck on the cheek.

I lean over my thighs and hook my fingers together at the base of my neck. My whole body feels stiff.

“Maybe we should go home and try to get some sleep?”

I stretch, hearing my bones crack, and then sit back up. “I can’t leave.”

“Then we’ll stay as long as it takes.”