25. Belle

"We need to have a pack discussion. In private…" Jeremy adds with a quick glance in my direction.

His words slice through the room, and my heart, but I try not to let them get to me. Or the fact that I am not a member of this pack and never will be.

I haven"t missed the way Jeremy keeps looking at me.

He is ashen, as if he has seen the dead rise from their very graves, and was it something I did?

Did I do something to upset him?

No. That is not irritation I spy in his eyes. That is pure fear, and I swallow in dread.

He knows what I have done...

What I am truly capable of.

I knew I saw him gazing at my tattoo the other day, and it seems that Jeremy is already two steps ahead.

The silence that follows after Jeremy"s declaration is deafening, and no one knows what to do or say.

Slowly, I begin to rise, half expecting Leo to reach up and sit me back down into the chair with a gentle hand, but his hands remain by his side.

No one fights for me.

Rian offers me an apologetic smile, but Leo can"t look me in the eyes.

Soon, I will no longer spy warmth inside those sweet chocolate brown eyes, but hatred and fear, just like the expression inside of Jeremey"s" storm cloud gaze right now.

Rian"s moss-green eyes will be the same the moment he finds out. When they all find out what I truly am.

Troy doesn"t even spare me a glance. The only time he ever does is when he"s sending me a warning.

Once Jeremy has told them all what he knows, then at least his feelings will be justified.

The others will realize he was right all along and will feel like a fool for ever doubting him.

The Alpha has every right to be hostile.

Because I am a danger to him and his mate.

The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Rian, but whenever I hear that distant jingle of Francis"s bell, I freeze up in terror, losing all sense of myself.

I leave the room with as much dignity as I can muster. So, I put one foot in front of the other, feeling every single one of their gazes on my back as I retreat to my room.

Somehow, I make it all the way upstairs, falling to the carpet by my door once I reach my room.

I don"t move for some time. I just merely gaze at my bed until the light blue sky outside my window turns to dusk, and it is utterly hopeless.

Any hope I had of ever joining the pack have gone now.

Once Jeremy tells them who I really am, they will kick me out.

And I will be on my own again.

I just hope Rian at least lets me keep the clothes and the books.

I need those books. They have taught me so much about myself, and this world.

I"d be lost without them…

So, I guess I should start packing my things.

Slowly, I rise from the floor, legs stiff as I gather the few meager possessions that I own.

It"s not much. A stack of books, several changes of clothes, and a bag of toiletries.

My arms shake, and I drop to my knees, gripping my hair.

Tears drip from my eyes.

I can"t go. I am not ready yet. I haven"t armed myself with enough information yet.

Those romance books only tell me so much.

I need to know more about what I"m up against before I venture out on my own. I had hoped to at least stay until then.

After all, I am still determined to find my brother. I know he is alive and I will find him.

Just… when I am ready. When I know more…

When I have more weapons in my arsenal.

I am too weak right now. This world will crush me.

A little part of me hoped that maybe I could stay with the pack on a long-term basis.

Like, forever, maybe…

I have seen the empty room. The empty nest.

Maybe that nest could be mine.

No. It never will be.

I am sure there is an Omega out there for them somewhere. But that Omega is just not me.

No pack would want me.

All the Omegas I read about are sweet damsels in distress who need rescuing. They are not killers.

They are not weapons.

What Alpha would want me?

I am broken. Damaged.

Francis had made it so that no pack would ever want me…

He took all my innocence and twisted it into something warped and grotesque.

Now I am a monster.

Troy is smart; he can see through the fa?ade. But the others will soon learn, too. That I am dangerous.

Tears stain my cheeks as I curl up on the floor, rolling beneath the bed where it is safe.

Here, I can pretend for just a little while longer. I can still pretend that everything is all right and that Rian and Leo will still want me.

And maybe Jeremy too.

But Troy… He will never want me…

He can"t stand me.

I press my ear to the carpet, and there, I can hear an echo of their voices through the floorboards.

I can"t hear much of anything, but I do know that the loudest voice belongs to Leo.

He is angry. Angry at Jeremy for dropping such a huge bombshell on his shoulders or at me for lying to him.

My heart pounds, and I squeeze my eyes, hoping they don"t hear it thundering through the floorboards.

Any moment, they will come to my room and demand me to leave.

Maybe they will even kill me and just put me out of my misery.

Would I want that? I don"t know.

I think about my brother.

Would he turn me away too? Would he be disgusted by what I"ve become?

Will he refuse me just like this pack?

It looks as if I really will be on my own for the rest of my life.

Still, I will close my eyes and just pretend for that little while longer.

Just maybe, things will be all right.

Maybe the pack will still find it in their hearts to let me stay. To trust me.

I have to hope.

Have to hope unless the darkness consumes me.