Chapter Forty-Three

Tommy

Five Years Ago

My best friend-turned-boyfriend, came storming across the street toward me, and dread curdled my stomach. His hands were balled into fists as his side, his blond hair moved in the breeze. Even though he wore an angry expression on his face, he was still the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I had never seen Blake look so upset before, and I’d be a liar if I didn’t say it terrified me. I knew this moment was coming; I just thought I had more time to prepare. To plead my case.

I was supposed to tell Blake goodbye today. Just like he was supposed to tell me the same. His band, the one he was the bass player in, Mulligan Downtown, was going to be leaving for California. It was only a matter of time before they hit it big. After all the shows I had been to, the crowds that got bigger and bigger, my boyfriend was going to be a huge star. Canfield was always going to be too small for them. The crowds kept getting bigger, each show selling out, and it was time they spread their wings and moved to get that big record contract.

Just like it was too small for me.

I had my own dreams. Blake knew that. Dreams of making it as a professional hockey player in the footsteps of my big brother, the big-time NHL goalie. I wanted a forever with him. We worked together, and it made sense that our relationship had taken this turn. Best friends to boyfriends. The rock star and the hockey player. His cheesy jokes and my broody seriousness. It just wasn’t meant to be. Not now. Maybe not ever. Breaking his heart was not originally part of my plan, but I could see his chest was cracked wide open.

“What did you do?” Blake shoved at me with the palms of his hands. I didn’t budge. I outweighed him by at least fifty pounds. “Huh, Tommy, what the fuck did you do? I told you I was staying here, and you went behind my back, anyway.” His chin quivered as he stared at me with defiance in his green eyes. “Guess what? I’m not leaving, and she’s not going.”

I reached for one of his hands, only for him to slap me away. “Bug, don’t. She needs help.”

“She needs me, Tommy. Me .” Blake pressed a hand against his heart. “I’m the one who’s been taking care of her for the past four years.”

I nodded. “I know that. You’ve been doing great, but now it’s time for you to spread your wings. Chase your dreams. You can’t protect her forever.”

“No.” He shook his head, and I saw tears in his eyes. “No one knows her like I do, Tommy. Who’s going to know what she needs? She’s my mother. Not some stranger. I’m the one who washes her when she gets sick, cleans her sheets and blankets. Helps her up when she falls. Not some nurse in a rehab.”

“Please let me hug you, Blake.”

I needed to touch him. To let him know that I was still on his side and that I only did this because I loved him. I scrubbed a hand down my face. I truly loved Blake. I wasn’t sure if he was aware of that, but I did.

We’d met when he moved to Canfield when I was twelve and he was fourteen. Friends first, lovers second, and I don’t think he was aware he was into dick until I kissed him. He didn’t freak out, hit me, or try to end our friendship. No, Blake had run headfirst into our relationship like he did everything else. He was the most easy-going, laid-back person I had ever met. We were complete opposites, but we worked so well together. The thought of losing him made me want to crack open my chest and rip out my heart. I wasn’t sure I could function without Blake Duncan, but I was soon going to find out.

Blake pulled his lip between his teeth before he fell to his knees in front of the house. A loud sob escaped his throat, and he dropped his head. I knew how much he loved his mother. How he took care of her after every drunken episode, picked her up from the bars she frequented, and everything else that came with having an alcoholic parent. He never spoke about his mother, about the jobs she lost, the money he spent on food, and bills, the nights, and mornings he worried she would end up dead. But I saw it. And right now, he was screaming and crying on my parents’ front lawn like someone had died.

I sunk down next to him. “Bug, she agreed to this,” I murmured. “Your mom is going to get all the help she needs. This rebab is state-of-the-art. The doctors, nurses, and aides will take care of her just like you would. You won’t have to worry about her.”

“I should be taking care of her.” Blake stopped to look up at me, tears and snot covering his face.

I sat down on the grass and patted my legs. “Come here.” When he shook his head, I raised my brows. “I know you want to.”

“Gretzky, I’m mad at you.”

You’re going to be really mad at me when you find out how I convinced your mother to actually go to rehab. “Yeah, but you love me. And you love to cuddle.”

“Doubtful.” Blake rolled his eyes at me before he sighed and finally climbed up into my lap. He put his head on my shoulder, and I began to relax.

Maybe we would be all right. I didn’t want to end up like Jackson, broken because the person I loved pushed me away because he couldn’t come to terms with himself. Whatever had broken my brother had broken Maverick, too. They thought I hadn’t known about the two of them, but I did. I saw the way they looked at one another. The glances, the touches. And the night of Jackson’s goodbye party? Yeah, it was more than obvious. I was happy for my brother until Maverick broke his heart. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders, scream and yell at him that he didn’t deserve someone like Jax, that he had no right to do that. But I let it go. Maverick was suffering, too. It had completely changed him.

My stomach clenched at the thought of not having Blake in my life. Like this, next to me, and with me when I needed him. Would he find someone else? Fall in them with them and forget about me? I turned so I could see his beautiful face again and brought my hand up to cup his cheek.

“How did you do it?” Blake leaned into my palm. “You know how my mom feels about rehab, AA, all that crap. She’s tried it all before, but it never sticks.”

I stared at his pretty face. Blond hair that he kept short but styled neatly across the top of his head, forest green eyes that I wanted to stare into forever, a perfect button nose that sat right in the middle of his face, cheekbones that would make any model jealous, and a jawline to cut glass with.

I chuckled. “My parents helped.” Not true. It was all Jackson.

“How did they help?” Blake’s tears had dried, but he still looked sad, and I didn’t like that.

“Bug...”

The nickname I called him caused his cheeks to turn pink. I thought of those ridicules glasses he used to wear when we first met, how they had made his eyes look so big and wide. I was glad the nickname stuck around even after the glasses hadn’t. I gripped his waist with my big hands. I was a large guy, nearly six-foot-four, and Blake, well, he was just about five-foot-ten these days. Not small, but smaller than I was. Years of playing hockey had me packing on more muscle, and I loved how Blake’s body was so much smaller than mine. Lean and tight.

“Tell me what I am to you.” I pushed the hair from his eyes.

He smiled at me, catching me off guard. Maybe there was hope for us yet. “You’re everything.”

“Yeah?”

I loved how Blake’s entire face lit up when he smiled. It was like his muscles pulled at his eyes, his lips, his fucking nose, his entire being glowed with happiness. It made him even more gorgeous than he already was. He was going to have guys and girls lining up for a piece of him. That’s why he had to go to California with Mulligan. So, he could experience all the things in the world without his mother holding him back. He deserved that.

Blake nodded. “Yeah, Tommy, everything.” He pressed the palms of his hand against my chest as his excitement grew. “You’re the sun, the stars, the moon, and the air I breathe.” His entire body shook as he spoke. “I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it, you know? Our lives intertwined. The rockstar, the hockey player, imagine how amazing our lives are going to be together. We can build the biggest house, have the best things. We’re going to be so damn happy.” Blake leaned forward to brush his lips over mine but stopped before our mouths touched. “You promised her money, didn’t you?”

Not me, but close.

“Bug—”

“No, no, stop fucking calling me that.” Blake untangled himself from me and climbed to his feet. “That’s the only damn thing that would get her to even consider not drinking.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears ago. “Well, too bad because she’s not going. She’ll give the money back.”

I stood up and towered over him. “She signed the paperwork.”

“She can unsign the paperwork.”

“That’s not how it works. She’s expected there in two days. Blake, why are you fighting this? Why don’t you want your mother to get the help she needs? Do you not want to go to California?”

Blake dropped his gaze. “She won’t stop, Tommy, and you know it. She’ll stop while she’s there, then she’ll come home, and after a little while? She’ll start again. She’ll call me while I’m in California or on the road somewhere, begging me to come home and help her. And you know what? I’ll do it.”

“You won’t,” I whispered as I tipped his head back up. “You won’t because you’ll tell her no.”

Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. “I’m not that strong, Gretzky. I’ll send her every drop of cash I make. I’ll give her everything she asks for until she bleeds me dry. That’s why I can’t go. It’s not because I’m scared or because I don’t want to. It’s because I’ll ruin myself to make her happy.”

“Change your number.” I gripped the sides of Blake’s neck. “Cut her off. I know it sounds heartless and cruel, but until she’s sober for a year, two, five, whatever you think is right, don’t talk to her.”

“I can’t do that. She’s my mother.”

“Your father did it.”

He stared at me like he couldn’t believe I would say something like that, but he knew I was right. It was the reason his parents had divorced. Blake was given the choice of which parent he went with, and he’d chosen his mother because he’d wanted to take care of her. A lot of good that had done him.

“You did this for me?”

I nodded. “For you. Because I love you. Because I want you to go off and live your life. Became the rock god you deserve to be.”

“What if I don’t?” He ducked his head before he stepped up onto his toes to kiss me. “Will you still love me?”

I wrapped an arm around his waist. “You can be my trophy husband.” I chuckled softly when he swatted at my chest. “And I will always love you, no matter what.”

“How much, Tommy?” he whispered.

Shit, I thought he had forgotten about that part. “Does it matter?”

“How much?” Blake’s entire body went stiff in my arms before he pulled away. “How much money did Jackson offer my mother to go to rehab?”

Sometimes I forgot how smart he was. Or maybe I was just an idiot.

“Bug—”

He shook his head. “No, you don’t get to call me that. And you know what? I don’t want to be around you right now. I’ll just ask my mother. She might be a drunk, but she always tells me the truth.”

“She can’t tell you. She signed an NDA.” I flinched when I realized what I’d said.

“You need to leave me alone right now, Tommy,” Blake warned and then rushed back across the street to his house.

I wouldn’t see or talk to him again until my brother’s wedding several years later.