Chapter Twenty-Five

Five Years Ago

Blake

I shivered in the cool air. I had tried for what felt like hours to fall asleep, but it never found me. I tossed and turned while Tommy slept peacefully next to me, the sound of his soft snores doing nothing to calm me. Now I was outside the Olsons’ house, wrapped up in one of Tommy’s over-sized hoodies, and staring up at the night sky. Tommy was all I had left. My dad was gone, my mother was in the hospital, and I had no one else. What if my mother never got better? What if this was it for her and she never came home again? I choked back a sob at the thought. She wasn’t a bad person; she just had an addiction. People overcame that all the time.

“Bug?” I turned at the sound of Tommy’s sleepy voice. “What are you doing out here in the dark?” When I didn’t answer, he stepped closer. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I nearly climbed his thick body when he got to me. “I need you.”

“I’m here,” Tommy assured me, his hands digging into my skin. “I’ll give you anything you need.”

“Sit with me?” I pulled away and pointed to the chaise lounge. “I want you to hold me and make everything better. You’re the only person who can do that.”

He nodded and sat down. “I can do that for you.” Tommy patted the spot in front of him, and when I sat down, he wrapped his thick arms around me. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered as his warmth spread through my body. “What if... what if she never comes home?”

Tommy pressed soft kisses against my neck and into my hair. “She will.”

“What if she does but keeps drinking? What if this happens again or if it kills her? She’s my mom, Gretzky. I know she hasn’t been the best, but she tried.”

“We can get her help.”

I twisted around to look at him under the moonlight. “You know she won’t do it. I already told you about the times she tried before, and it never stuck. It’s like she wants to drink herself to death. I can’t leave Canfield if she—”

“Lie back,” Tommy whispered.

I did and felt the steady beat of his heart against me, the warmth of his body seeping through the sweatshirt. His strong arms made me feel safe, like we were the only two people in the world. I didn’t want to be dealing with this. Not now or ever. Tears stung my eyes and blurred my vision. I let them fall quietly down my cheeks, feeling safe with Tommy wrapped around me. My crying soon turned into ugly sobs, and I turned to bury my face in his neck, needing to be as close as possible to my boyfriend. I would be lost without him.

“I’m here, bug,” he assured me and squeezed me tight. “You’re not alone. I promise I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

I twisted my fingers into Tommy’s shirt. “You and me forever, right, Tommy?” I whispered as my sobs started to subside.

“And ever, Blake.” He dragged a hand through my hair. “You’re missing it. Quick, turn around.”

I did as he asked to see a shooting star dipping through the dark sky. “It’s like sparkling confetti,” I murmured as a happy calm seeped through my body. I snuggled back against Tommy’s big frame and gripped his hands when he wrapped his arms back around me.

“Just like you,” Tommy murmured.

***

At some point, Tommy and I must have fallen asleep. The last thing I remember was the feeling of soft, wet kisses against my neck, his sweet whispers in my ear, and then I woke up cozy and warm in his bed. Tommy must have carried me in here last night, and that brought a smile to my face. I twisted around to face him and traced his lips with the tip of my finger. I took in his auburn hair, the streaks of blond that were woven in between the red, the way his dark lashes brushed over his skin, and the heat of his big, thick body. There was no one else I wanted to be with. He was it for me.

“I love you,” I whispered and nuzzled his neck. “So much.”

My stomach sank at the thought of never having this with Tommy. What if he was drafted somewhere far away like Toronto? That would put us farther apart than I could handle. We would hardly ever see one another. No number of texts or amount of Facetime would ease the pain of not being with my boyfriend.

I shook my head. We could do it if we had to, but hopefully it wouldn’t come down to that. A thought suddenly occurred to me. What if my mother needed full-time help after her stroke? I could leave the band now, stay here in Canfield, or even move to wherever Tommy ended up and we could be together. I could get a nursing degree. Maybe that’s what my future would be, instead of touring the world with my band.

“Good morning, Bug.” Tommy’s voice, thick with sleep, sent shivers up my spine.

I beamed at him. “Did you carry me up here?”

“I sure did.” His big hands clutched my hips. “How are you feeling this morning? Better?”

I nodded. “Much, thank you. I, uh, had an idea, though.” He wasn’t going to like it.

“Did you? What kind of idea?”

“That I want to quit the band.”

Tommy’s eyes went wide, then narrowed. “No, no way. Absolutely not.”

“Why not? If I quit, then we can be together. Wherever you end up, I can go with you. I can take care of my mother, go to school, get a job and—”

“No, Blake,” Tommy growled. “You have the chance of a damn lifetime, and you want to throw it away? I can’t let you do that.”

I struggled in his grip. “So, throwing our relationship away is better?” I climbed from the bed. “Is that what you want me to do? Run off with Mulligan so you can have your shot at fucking your way through all the hot puck bunnies? Am I not important to you?”

“You’re the most important person in my life, Bug, so don’t go saying stupid shit that you know isn’t true. I love you. I want to be with you, but I also want you to go chase your dreams. Staying here and taking care of your sick mother is not part of that dream.” Tommy yanked back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

He looked so damn sexy in just a t-shirt and his underwear. I wanted to climb into his lap, kiss the hell out of him, and tell him how much I loved him. Except I also wanted to punch him while yelling that he had no right to tell me how I could live my life when I all I wanted was to be him.

“Tough. You’re not the boss of me.” I raised my chin in defiance.

“Are you trying to break up with me right now? Is that what this really is, because—”

“Fuck you!” I spat.

Tommy’s brows shot up. “Fuck me? Fuck you. All I want is for you to live your best life, and you’re just going to throw all this talent away because your mother can’t get her shit together. You’re going to end up just like her. Is that what you want?”

His words cut like a razor. I stared in horror at my best friend as I felt my chin begin to tremble. Get yourself together, Blake. “That’s not fair, and you know it.”

“I’m sorry, Bug. I didn’t mean it. I’m just upset and frustrated at the thought of you quitting the band. How would you feel if I said I was going to stay here instead of going off to college and taking my shot at the NHL?” Tommy started around the bed toward me.

I shook my head. “To be with me? I’d be upset but happy. You’re the only shooting star in my life.” I took a couple steps away from him. “Don’t touch me.”

“I’m sorry. Let me hold you,” Tommy whispered.

I gritted my teeth. “Don’t. Just don’t.” But he was faster than I was, and that’s how I found myself suddenly pinned against his bedroom wall, staring up into his beautiful face.

“Please, Bug,” he begged. “I love you, and I’m sorry I got upset. It’s just that I don’t want you to waste this gift you’ve been given. She wouldn’t want you to, either.”

My nostrils flared. “You have no right to say what she wouldn’t or would want for me. Let me go, or I’ll scream. You don’t want your parents to think you’re hurting me, do you?”

The pain that flashed in Tommy’s eyes made my heart crack open.

He released me and moved back, his shoulders slumped forward. “I do love you, Blake. So damn much, and if you’re going to leave me because of this, I don’t... I’m not sure we can even be just friends. I couldn’t bear to see you with someone else.”

“I’m not!” I suddenly had the urge to touch Tommy, wrap my arms around his waist, kiss his soft lips, and listen to the low moans and gasps he released. “I don’t want anyone else. I’m not going to leave you. I’m upset, Gretzky, there’s a difference. I just need a little time and space to myself.”

Tommy nodded. “Sure, right, I understand.”

“I need to figure out what I’m going to do. That’s it.”

“But you want to do that alone.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I need to. Please don’t read into it. I love you.”

“We never fight, and I don’t want you to be upset with me. I take it all back. Quit the band if that’s what you want, but just don’t be mad or leave me. I don’t think I could handle you being angry with me,” Tommy begged; his eyes cast down. It made my heart hurt to see him like this.

I moved closer to grip his jaw between my fingers. “I love you,” I assured him again. “I’m afraid that you’re stuck with me.”

“Really?” Tommy’s dark orbs met my greens. “Blake, please.”

I leaned up onto my toes to press a kiss to mouth. “Just give me a couple of hours, Tommy. Then I’ll come back like nothing ever happened.”

“Okay, sure.” He swallowed nervously. “I love you, too, by the way.”

I smiled. “I know you do.”