Chapter Twenty-Two

Tommy

I wondered how long it would take before Killian came storming back into his sister’s house for his fiancé. He seemed pretty attached to Matthias. Consumed, even. When the band had said they were going out to breakfast, just the four of them, Killian had pulled Matty aside and spoke softly into his ear for what felt like ten minutes before he kissed him and murmured that he loved him. It was kind of sickening. But also, kind of sweet.

“You two are cute.” I nudged Matty’s thigh with mine as we sat around Helena’s kitchen table.

Matthias dropped his chin. “I already know how you feel about him.”

“Do you? Because when he came out, posted that picture of the two of you on his Insta? That was a big damn deal, Matty.”

His ears turned pink.

Jackson chuckled softly. “I was so fucking happy for the both of you.”

“I told him to take it down. I was afraid he was going to regret it,” Matthias admitted as he blushed even more. “It took me a while to trust him, to believe that Killian actually loved me.”

Helena huffed. “He’s been in love with you for years, Matty.” She placed a basket of bagels on the table, along with a couple of containers of cream cheese. “Oh, you thought I was going to make a big breakfast for you? I’m beat. I worked a twelve-hour shift before Dean showed up at the house this morning. He’s a mess. You had better tell Beau to get his shit together, or I’ll knock his teeth out.” She reached for her coffee. “What?”

The three of us were staring at her.

“I guess maybe it’s strange that you’re still friends with Dean after everything,” I answered.

She shrugged. “I care about him. And he’s hurting. I want him to be just as happy as I am. I know you all think it’s weird that he and Ryan get along, but they do. They’ve met before. Dean and I are still very close.”

Matthias squeezed her shoulder. “It’s nice to see that the two of you are still close. I couldn’t do that if it was me. There is no way I would be besties with Killian if we broke up.”

“Because you and my bonehead brother are soulmates,” Helena teased. “Dean and I had fun when we were younger, but we were never going to end up getting married. We’re too different. He thought he loved me, but he realizes now that’s not what it was.”

I reached for a bagel. “Dean’s into dudes. That I did not see coming.”

“Dean is into one dude,” Helena corrected me. “He said he never looked at men until Beau. He had no idea Beau was even flirting with him or coming onto him until Jackson pointed it out.”

Matthias snorted. “How very Killian of him.”

“He was pretty clueless.” Jackson grinned as he smeared an obscene amount of cream cheese on his bagel.

I remembered the first time I kissed Blake. How he told me he was into me and only me. “Blake’s gay for me.”

“Duh.” Matthias grinned when I met her eyes. “What? I toured with the band, Tom. He never touched anyone else while they were on the road. He never drank or partied. He’s a—”

I cut him off before he could finish the sentence. “He hates that nickname. Don’t call him that.”

Blake didn’t like to drink because of his mother. He would occasionally have a sip or two of beer at a party when we were younger, but he never got drunk. Not once. Kids at school sometimes gave him a hard time, but they didn’t need to know the reason. It was no one’s business.

“What do you think is going to happen now that the two of you are back together?” Jackson asked. “Do you see yourself moving to California, or do you think he’s going to move back here? You can come to Boston if you want. Mav and I would love to have you. There might be an opening in our apartment building.”

We had only briefly talked about it, but the thought made my stomach turn. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to leave Canfield. As it was, I hated even going out in public.

“Uh, he mentioned coming back here.”

“Really?” Helena sounded excited. “That would be fun. We could all hang out.”

I chewed on my lip. “Maybe. I mean, he’ll have to tour and stuff.”

“But think of how much fun we’d have if you came with him. Sometimes they have to do photo shoots, and it gets so boring. Although Killian brings me back some cool shit.” Matthias smiled. “I have so many name brand shoes now.”

I knew that would never happen. I couldn’t go on tour with them. The thought made me nearly have a panic attack.

“Maybe,” I answered softly.

The sound of laughter filled the air as Killian, Maverick, and Blake walked into the kitchen. Killian shoved his drummer playfully before he turned to stare at us sitting at the table.

“Wow, why do you all look so serious?”

“Where’s Dean?” Helena asked.

“With Beau,” Blake answered as he stepped closer to me. “You all right?”

I nodded. “Sure, never better.”

Maverick immediately climbed up into my brother’s lap. “Mouth, please.” He beamed happily up at Jackson who didn’t hesitate to kiss him. Killian was already swooping in to do the same with Matty.

“Gretzky.” Blake’s voice was low in my ear. “Hey, what’s going on?”

I climbed to my feet. “I need to talk to you.” I grabbed his hand to drag him outside so we could have some privacy. “You know I love you.”

“Why does this sound like you’re breaking up with me?”

“Trust me, that’s the last thing I’m going to do.”

Blake folded his arms across his chest. “Go on.” He leaned against the house as he waited for me to continue.

“Right, so we’re together now. Everyone knows. What happens when you go on tour? You know I can’t do that. I can’t even go out to lunch or dinner. You’re a fucking rockstar, Blake. People are going to take pictures of you, of us, and see my face. I can’t... I can’t... shit.” I bent over at the waist as I tried to catch my breath.

Blake’s hands rubbed at my back. “Tommy, relax. You don’t have to come on tour with me.”

“I want to. I want to support you, stand there, and see you on stage while everyone sings your songs, cheers your name. I just can’t.” Hot tears burned my eyes.

He wrapped his arms around me. “You don’t have to because we’re not touring anymore. We made that decision today. No more touring for Mulligan.”

“What?” I stood up.

Blake smiled as he touched my face with his fingers. “Kill and Mav absolutely hate it. Their mental health is more important. Killian is having a recording studio built in his home. Dean suggested live streaming, which is brilliant. And I thought, maybe, if you were up to it, we can move to North Carolina. But only when you’re comfortable enough.”

I kissed him. The years of not having Blake in my life again hit me so hard at that moment that the only thing I wanted was to feel his lips on mine. He let out a little laugh when my hands combed through his hair and our tongues slicked together, but he let me take control because he knew I needed it. Blake let me push him back against the house, my knee between his thighs, as I devoured his mouth.

“I love you.” I whispered as I cupped his head in my hands. “Blake, I’m so sorry for hurting you. I thought that I was doing the right thing. You know that, right? That I loved you and just wanted you to go live your life without worrying about your mother. I never should have done it that way. You’re such a fucking rockstar.”

“I’m really not, Tommy.” He smiled at me with softness in his olive-colored eyes. “All I ever wanted was you. To be happy in your arms, in your bed, if it meant giving up everything, you know I would have done that.”

My throat felt tight. “I’m sorry.”

“Gretzky, I forgive you,” he whispered.

I kissed him again. “Do you still think you want to get married, Blake?”

“What?” Blake stared at me with wide eyes.

I laughed nervously. “I mean, not today, but in the future, when I feel better about everything. When I get my shit together. We could be happy, right?”

“Being with you makes me happy.”

“But that’s not a yes.”

He blushed. “It’s a yes. It’s always yes with you, Tommy. You know that.”

***

We were all sitting in Helena’s living room when Dean walked in with Beau. Killian growled like a guard dog until Matthias slapped playfully at his chest. He shook his head, and Killian pouted as Jackson climbed to his feet but not faster than Helena.

“You must be Beau.” She flipped her ponytail behind her shoulder. “I’m so excited to finally meet you.” The warning in her voice was more than obvious. She obviously took after her big brother.

Beau looked pretty much the same way I remembered the couple of times I had met him. Raven-colored hair, sky-blue eyes, and tattoos running up and down his arms. Maybe he had a few more laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. He was nearly as tall as me at six foot four.

“I finally get to meet the Helena.” He took her hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“ I’ve heard so much about you ,” Killian mimicked under his breath. “I already hate him.”

Beau’s blue eyes shot over to Killian. “I can see that winning you over is going to be a problem.”

“Whatever gave you that idea.” He shot back. “You broke my best friend’s heart.”

Jackson clapped Beau on the back. “It’s good to see you. Ignore Killian. He can be a handful. I think Matty can keep him in line, though, right?”

“Yes.” Matthias held up a hand.

Maverick pulled his lip between his teeth as he went to his fiancé. “It’s good to see you again.” He greeted Beau with a shy smile.

“I’m so happy for you and Jackson. You two truly deserve the best.” Beau gave him a quick hug before he turned back to Dean. “Introduce me to the rest of your friends, Pink. I’m excited to get to know Helena, and I briefly met the broody one on the couch before.”

Killian rolled his eyes. “Please.”

“Killian, stop it,” Dean hissed. “You’re being a dick. Are you jealous or something?”

“Dick is my middle name, and Matthias is the only one for me.” Killian folded his arms over his chest. “Babe, don’t look at me like that.”

Matthias narrowed his eyes. “You weren’t always good to me either, Killian. So stop being an asshole. Give Beau a chance.” He quickly got to his feet. “I’m Matthias. The dick’s fiancé. We met before, but I wasn’t sure if you remembered.”

I barked out a laugh, which only made Killian scowl even harder.

“It’s good to see you again,” Beau told him.

“Look at you, little Olson.” Beau broke into a big smile. “Holy shit! You’re almost as big as your brother.” He threw his arms around me so tight I thought he might pop a rib. “Sorry about your face. You’re still better looking than Jax, though. Oh, who’s your friend? Wait, you’re the bass player. Blake? Are you two together?”

Wait, was Beau making a joke? He was giving me sympathy or ignoring it, but acting like it wasn’t a big deal. That it didn’t ruin my entire face.

“Blake Duncan is my boyfriend,” I heard myself tell him.

“Sweet, nice to meet you.” Beau held out his hand, but his blue eyes landed on me. “Are you okay, Tom?”

I nodded. “I’m good, yeah.” I was, too.

Beau acted like Killian had. Like my scar wasn’t a big deal. I turned and kissed Blake on the cheek.

“What was that for?” he asked.

I smiled. “Because I love you.”

“Oh, is that all?” Blake smiled at me, then wrapped an arm around my waist.

“Killian, stop.” Matthias’s voice was loud, and when I turned to look, he was trying to keep his fiancé away from Beau, his hands pressed to Killian’s shoulders.

He looked angry. “I don’t trust you.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t have to worry about that. Dean does. Is it really any of your business?” Beau answered.

“Dean, don’t do this,” Killian urged. “He’s not good for you. There are plenty of other men out there if you want to try dick.”

“That’s not what it’s about. You weren’t good for Matty either, Kill, but you changed. Beau’s going to do the same for me.” Dean raised his chin. “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

Killian gritted his teeth. “I want to talk to you. Alone. Without anyone to interfere.”

“Jesus, why are you so fired up about this?” Dean scoffed. “You jerked poor Matty around for years until you finally got your shit together. At least Beau isn’t flaunting women in front of me.”

Ouch.

“This isn’t about Matthias. This is about you. My best friend since we were kids. Please, Dean. Just hear me out.” Killian looked close to tears.

He shook his head. “No, Beau wants to give us a shot. We’re going to try to be a couple.”

“I saw him with someone else!” Killian exclaimed, and the whole room went quiet. “Last night, when I went out to get firewood. I saw him. With a woman. Look, I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t know that he was going to just show up here today. I had no idea you were in love with him. He’s bad for you. You look like shit. You’re thinner than I’ve ever seen you, you’re not sleeping, you—” He stopped when Dean ran from the room.

Helena slapped her brother’s arm. “Nice job, asshole.”

“What? I’m just saying what everyone else won’t. Like I always do.” Killian looked around the room. “Why do you all look like I just said we should join a cult?”

Matthias sighed. “You just told Beau how Dean feels about him.”

“Oh.” Killian grimaced. “Shit.”

Beau took a step forward. “For what it’s worth, that was my sister, Sam. You’ll meet her at the wedding. She’s friends with Maverick.”

Then he stepped out the door Dean had just vacated, and we heard him calling after our guitar player.