Chapter Eighteen
Tommy
The sounds of our friends and family outside filled the room as I lay face down on the bed with the lights off, but all I could think about was Blake. He was going to come into this room any minute now and demand I tell him exactly what I meant about what I would do if he had shown up with someone else. I had thought about reaching out to him after my hospital stay. Asking him to come to come home, to help me, but pride had gotten in my way. He was Blake Duncan. I wasn’t anyone. Not anymore.
“Start talking, Gretzky.”
I turned my head at the sound of his voice and stared at the outline of Blake’s body in the doorway. “What do you want me to say, Bug? That I would have killed myself?”
“Is that what you would have done?” He reached for the light switch.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “Please, leave it off.”
Blake let out a sigh as he stepped into the room, shut the door, and moved closer. “Would you have?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time I tried, but maybe it would be the first time I succeeded.”
“Tommy, no.”
I buried my face back into the pillow, the scent of Blake invading my senses. I felt his hands in my hair as tears spilled from my eyes.
“I hated my life,” I confessed. “Everything I ever wanted was gone in an instant. You, because I pushed you away. Hockey, because of an injury I could have prevented if I had kept my mask on. I had...I had...fuck.” I curled into a fetal position as sobs wracked my body.
Blake climbed up into the bed and wrapped himself around me. He didn’t say anything as I cried. He pressed kisses into my shoulder, his hands dragged through my hair, and he held me as tight as he could until I felt I had nothing left. Then I flipped around to face him.
“My parents found me the first time. Caught me before anything happened,” I whispered, finding tears glittering in his eyes. “I know you’ve already dealt with this before, with Killian, so if you don’t want to go through it again, I understand.”
Blake’s mouth landed against mine. “I love you.” His lips tasted salty. “There is no ‘dealing’ with your depression or suicidal thoughts, Gretzky. What’s yours is mine, and that includes this.”
“Why are you crying?”
“Because you felt you had no other choice but to end your life.”
I leaned my face into his chest. “Multiple times.”
And I started to cry again at the thought of what Blake must think of me now. That I was such a coward that not only did I try to end my life, but I’d tried on more than one occasion. Until my parents had no choice but to put me into a hospital so that I could get my shit figured out. Good thing I had that hockey money and could afford something fancy.
Fingers combed through my hair, palms rubbed at my back, and arms wrapped around me before I finally had the courage to look into Blake’s face.
“And now?” he asked.
“Other than the thought of what I might do if you loved someone else, I think I’m doing better. Therapy helps. Medication. I’ll never be the old Tommy, Bug. He’s long gone.”
He tilted my head up. “What if I came back to Canfield? Would that change things?”
“I could never ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking, Tommy. I want to be with you. Just like we used to talk about.”
A thrill ripped through me. What if Blake came home? We could be together. Have a life. “You would hate it here.”
“Would I? I’d have you. Mav is going to stay in Boston. Killian is already living in North Carolina.” He pressed a kiss against the tip of my scar by my eye. “I can write music anywhere. We could live here. When we have to tour, you could come with me or stay here. We can deal with that when it comes up.”
Hope began to bloom inside of my heart. A feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. It scared me. “What if... never mind.”
“Talk to me, Gretzky.” He gripped my head in his hands.
I chewed on my lip. “What if we moved somewhere new together?”
“Where do you have in mind?” Blake tugged me closer to him. “Boston, perhaps, so you could be near your brother?”
I nuzzled his neck. “Or North Carolina.”
“You’d want to go there?” Blake sounded surprised.
I hummed quietly. “It doesn’t matter as long as we’re together. I could continue to do therapy with Jamie online. I’m sure I could make some, uh, friends or whatever.”
“Killian would make sure of it,” he assured me. “He knows a lot of NASCAR drivers. They seem nice, although I don’t really know them, but I’m sure he’d introduce you.”
The thought of meeting knew people caused me to break out in a cold sweat. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like having to explain my scar or have them staring at me. At least here, in Canfield, people already knew about the accident.
“Bug, I don’t—”
“I’m right here, Tommy,” he assured me. “Jesus, you’re trembling. Come closer,” he whispered, and when he wrapped his arms around me, I felt safer than I had in a long time.
***
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, right there, Tommy. Don’t stop.” Blake threw his head back as he rode me, his back pressed to my chest. “God, I forgot how damn good this felt. Shit!”
I clamped a hand over his mouth. “You’re going to wake up the entire house.”
I nipped at his ear. It didn’t matter that we’d heard Matthias and Killian going at it last night when they’d come in from the party. From the family room in the basement. I reached around to grip his cock.
“Be a good boy for me, and I’ll let you come.”
Blake nodded, and I uncovered his mouth.
“Oh, Tommy,” he whimpered before he tipped his head back to look at me with bliss written all over his face.
I came like a rocket before I could stop myself, filling his hole like I had never been inside of him before. I bit down on Blake’s shoulder, trying to conceal my sounds, but he didn’t bother as he tumbled over the edge with me, his cum slicking down my fingers and his thighs. I dropped back onto the bed with Blake against me before he climbed off my body.
“Uh, Tom?”
“Mffph.”
His hands gripped my head. “Tom, we didn’t use a condom.” My eyes flew open. “Is that a problem for you?” Blake’s brows were furrowed together. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
“I’ve always used one in the past.” It had been a good six months since I’d been with another man. That had been unfulfilling, uncomfortable, and I hadn’t enjoyed it at all.
Blake nodded. “All right.”
“Hey.” I reached for him. “I can get tested if it’ll make you feel better.”
He stared at me, his grass green orbs searching my mocha ones. “I trust you,” he assured me before sliding onto the mattress next to me. He dragged his fingers through the hair on my chest.
“Next time you should do me,” I murmured as I stared at his perfect face. He still looked so young, like the eighteen-year-old boy who’d confessed he loved me the day I kissed him.
Blake’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
“You should fuck me, Bug. You’ll like it.” I kissed his soft, warm lips.
“You do that?” He sounded more than surprised.
I nodded. “There’s nothing I haven’t tried.”
I’d gone a little wild when I’d been drafted and he wasn’t by my side, but I left that part out. I figured he didn’t want to know those things about me.
A knock at the bedroom door had us both jumping, and a giggle escaped Blake’s mouth. “You’d think we were kids.” He buried his head against my chest. “What?” he barked out when the knocking started again.
“Have either of you seen Dean?” Maverick asked. He sounded worried.
Blake shot up off the bed. “He’s missing?” He was already shoving his jeans on, not caring that he had lube and cum smeared all over his ass and legs. I had better get dressed, too. A shower would be nice.
“I wouldn’t say he’s missing,” Maverick answered.
Blake opened the door once I had my own pants on. “But he’s not here?”
“No.” Maverick chewed on his lip. “I’m sorry to interrupt. I know you’re, uh, busy.” His lips turned up into a brief smile as Jackson appeared behind him.
“Tom, put on a shirt,” my brother grunted and stared at me until I did. “Dean’s not answering his phone. He was gone when Maverick went to go check on him this morning. So we don’t know if he slept here or took off last night.”
I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Do we have any idea where he might go? You talked to him last night, Blake. Did he seem okay to you?” I asked.
“Wait, you talked to him? I know he’s worried about seeing Beau.” Maverick moved farther into the room. “I thought maybe he might go to our parents’ place, but that’s highly unlikely. There’s no way in hell I’m going there.”
Blake nodded. “I don’t want to divulge what he told me. It’s not my place.”
“Blake, please.” Maverick looked on the verge of tears. “He’s not been himself lately. Did he...did he tell you that he was in love with him?”
Blake nodded.
“Oh shit.” Jackson gasped. “Sweetheart, I can go check your parents’ house. You stay here with Blake and Tom.”
Maverick shook his head. “No.” He raised his chin, and I saw a fierceness in his eyes that I had never seen before. “If Dean is there, if he needs me. I’m going. Remember what I said about burning their house down?”
“Mavs, you are not committing arson. We’re getting married tomorrow,” Jackson warned.
A smile spread over Maverick’s face before he let out a soft giggle. At least he wasn’t completely freaking out yet.
“Then I’m going, too,” Blake said.
“Yoo-hoo!” Killian called out as his footsteps thundered down the hallway. “Why does everyone look so serious?” He gripped Matthias’s hand in his. He wasn’t going to like what we were about to tell him.
I reached for Blake’s hand. “Dean’s missing.”
“He’s what?” Killian exclaimed. He turned to look at Matthias, who quickly wrapped his arms around him. “What does that mean, he’s missing? Why didn’t anyone call me or tell me what was—”
Matty pressed his lips against Killian’s mouth, which instantly calmed him down.
I reached over for Blake’s hand and laced our fingers together. “I think that we should all go. There’s strength in numbers, right?”
“Where are we going?” Killian asked as he held Matthias against him. My brother might be crazy in love with Maverick, but I was pretty sure that Killian was borderline obsessed with Matty.
Maverick drew a shaky breath. “My parents’ house.”
“Fuck yeah, we are. Can I tell them to go to hell? Oh, can I tell them how shitty they are for what they did to you and Dean? How horrible they are because they had such great kids and they made you feel like you were worthless? Can I tell them that I suck Matthias’s dick and enjoy it? Please, please, please?” Killian looked way more excited about it than he should have.
Matthias placed a hand against his chest. “Easy, Tiger. I enjoy your enthusiasm about wanting to tell people about liking my dick.”
“Babe, you know how much I love it.” Killian grinned.
“If you two are done...” Jackson grumbled. “Let’s make this quick and easy. We’ll go to the Frost house, make sure Dean isn’t there, and leave. No talking to the great Reverend and his wife unless we absolutely have to. Understand?” Everyone nodded. “Great, then let’s go.”
Maverick glanced up from his phone. “Wait, everyone, just hold on. I just got a text from Dean. He’s at Helena’s.”
That was not what I had expected him to say.