Chapter Sixteen

Blake

Tommy grabbed me and yanked me down onto a chair next to him that he had been sitting on as someone—I think it was Ryan, Helena’s fiancé—let off another set of fireworks in my backyard. Tommy shoved his leg in between mine, and his hand slipped up the front of my shirt and splayed over my stomach. The sound of Maverick’s high-pitched laugh made me smile for a moment. Then lips landed on mine, and I lost myself in Tommy’s kiss.

He had been like all afternoon and evening. He couldn’t stop touching me—not that I wanted him to. If I had to get up to do something—which I had to from time to time, since this was my house—the moment I came back, Tommy would grab me, wrap himself around me, and kiss me until I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t complaining. This was the first time our friends and family had ever seen us together like this. It felt good.

It felt right.

“Bug,” Tommy groaned into my mouth. “You taste like marshmallows.”

I pressed my face into his neck. “Probably because you keep feeding me s’mores.”

Maverick giggled again, and I turned to see Jackson carrying him around on his back. That was something I never thought I would see again. Not only was my drummer smiling from ear to ear, but he was happy. The happiest I had ever seen him. Even the day Mulligan was signed, he didn’t have a smile on his face that looked like the one he wore right now.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Tommy murmured. “Jax and Maverick.”

I nodded as I positioned myself next to him, his leg still intertwined with mine. I combed my fingers through his auburn hair as I let my gaze move around the yard. Killian and Matthias were tucked into a corner together, Dean was talking to Ryan, which was really fucking weird to me, and I felt my heart fill with something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

When I looked at the man next to me, the feeling got stronger. It scared me more than I wanted to admit. What if Tommy changed his mind? What if he pushed me away? What if he decided he didn’t want me again?

“Where did you go, Bug?” he whispered into my ear.

I turned to look at him, the flames of the fire flickering in his dark eyes. “Just lost in thought.”

“About what?” He leaned his weight against mine, but I didn’t mind. I always liked it when he did that. He was heavy, but it was the good kind.

I gave Tommy a lazy smile. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Mm, I know you’re lying to me.” He nuzzled into my neck as. “You want another s’more?”

I chuckled softly. “How are you even still hungry?”

“Good question.” Tommy’s teeth grazed my skin. “Maybe it’s just you I need. How soon before we can kick everyone out?”

I groaned. “Shouldn’t you make a speech or something? Besides, Killian and Matty aren’t going anywhere. It’s not like we have the whole place to ourselves.” I hissed when I felt his hand palming at my cock.

“What does it feel like? I don’t have to make a speech for the bachelor party or whatever this thing is.” He leaned closer to me.

“Hey.” Dean grunted as he kicked the chair we were in. “Mind if I crash here tonight? I want to give Helena and Ryan some privacy. I can sleep on the couch or whatever.”

So much for giving us some privacy, but the look on Dean’s face told me there was something else he wasn’t saying. His normal smile was gone, and his eyes looked sad and beaten down. It had to be heartbreaking to see the woman you were once with in love with someone else.

“Yeah, sure,” I told him. “You don’t have to sleep on the couch, though. Kill and Matty are in the family room, so that leaves the guestroom open. My mom will be here tomorrow, but she’ll be staying in her old room.”

“Thanks, man. Appreciate it. I’m sorry for raining on your parade or whatever. What room is that? I think I might head in.” He sounded exhausted.

I pressed a kiss to Tommy’s mouth, untangled myself from him, and stood up. “I’ll show you.”

Dean didn’t say anything as we went inside, but I could feel the sadness seeping from his pores. How long had he been pretending to be happy? The whole time we were here? Was it Helena or was it something else?

“Here.” I reached into the room to flip on the light. “Make yourself comfortable—”

He hugged me. Neither Dean nor Maverick was overly affectionate, but Mav had gotten better since Jackson had come back into his life.

“Are you all right?”

“I’ve been better,” Dean admitted before he dropped his arms. “It’s not what you think. It has nothing to do with Helena and everything to do with...” He dropped his chin. “You met him when you brought the engagement ring down for Jax.”

I tilted my head. “It wasn’t just a hookup for you.”

“It was supposed to be.” Dean dragged his hand over the top of his head before he pulled the elastic out of the bun. “Beau was only supposed to be a way to get off. Nothing more than that. He was fun, an older guy who taught me what it was like to be with a man. We had fun. A lot of fun, and then he ghosted me.”

I leaned against the dresser. “You kept in touch, though.”

“Yeah, we kept in touch. It was his damn idea.” Dean sighed softly. “He said he liked me. Wanted to, I don’t know, get to know me or whatever. Fuck, that sounds like a line I’ve used multiple times. I’m so stupid.”

He looked absolutely defeated. “How long did you talk before Beau stopped responding?” I asked. I was trying to picture him, but I couldn’t. The name was familiar, and I knew he was one of Jackson’s teammates. I would have to Google him.

“Six weeks.” Dean looked up at me. “Is that enough time to fall in love with someone?”

Oh, my heart . “You think that you love him?” No wonder he was so broken up.

“I don’t know, maybe. He made me feel special. I mean, okay, I knew he was busy. I get that. I asked Mav about the schedule, so I know they have roadies and stuff, but he would sometimes go all day without getting back to me. I understand. But it would be like the highlight of my day. He would call me, we would talk, laugh, flirt. It was nice.” Dean blushed. “I guess I was na?ve to think that someone like Beau would care about me.”

“Maybe he got scared.”

“Or maybe it was just a way for him to pass the time. I’m not stupid, Blake. I’ve been that guy.” Dean kept pulling on the ends of his hair.

“Have you tried asking him?”

“I’m not going to keep messaging him. He reads them but doesn’t respond. I’m not going to like his shit on social media anymore or follow him if he isn’t going to do the same. That’s just pathetic. Seeing him is going to be hard enough.” He dragged a hand through his green hair. “I just don’t know how to get over him.”

I wasn’t sure if he was prodding me for something or stating a fact.

“I never got over Tommy.”

Dean’s eyes met mine.

“I tried, sure, but I never stopped loving or wanting him. My heart sort of repaired itself as best as it could while I tried to move on. Spoiler alert, I didn’t.”

“You never slept around, though.” Dean sat down on the bed, dropping his head, and his hair fell into his face. “You weren’t the party boy the rest of us were, Blake. You didn’t snort every drug put in front of you like Kill or drink yourself into oblivion like Mav. You’re the—”

“If you say saint, I will punch you,” I grunted.

Dean peeked at me through his green tresses as he chuckled. “It’s not a lie. Everyone knows you’re the nice guy in the band, man. Go with it. There’s nothing wrong with being nice.”

“It’s overrated. I wanted to be like you guys.” I shrugged. “I just couldn’t.”

“Because you’re not like us. You’re pure.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why are we talking about me, Dean? This is about you.” I moved to sit next to him. “If you’re sure you love Beau, really love him, then talk to him this weekend when he shows up. Corner him and force the man to tell you how he feels. If he’s not interested, yeah, it will hurt, but at least you’ll know. Maybe he freaked out because he caught feelings, too.”

“Doubt it.” Dean scoffed.

I nudged his shoulder. “The only way you’re going to find out is if you talk to him. He knows you’re going to be here, too. You’re the best man.”

“I am more than aware that Beau is going to be in my orbit. I feel like... Shit, I feel like he’s already here.” Dean chewed on his lips. It looked like he had been doing a lot of that lately because they were chapped and scabbed over.

I glanced up as I heard footsteps in the hall, and Tommy appeared in the doorway. He smiled at me, and warmth spread through my body.

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“I’m taking up all of your time with Blake.” Dean waved a hand in the air. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Tommy shook his head as he came in and sat down on the floor. “You look sad, Dean.”

“I am sad,” he admitted.

Tommy squeezed his ankle. “I get that. I’ve been sad for a long time. Just because Bug is back in my life doesn’t make everything better but having him here helps. He’s helping me find myself again and realize what an idiot I was for pushing him away in the first place.”

“How did you prepare yourself to see Blake again?” Dean sighed as he dropped onto his back, his green hair fanning out behind him. “I don’t think I can handle it if Beau shows up with a date. Shit, what if he does? Then what do I do?”

I met Tommy’s dark eyes and then he climbed up onto the bed with us, so we flanked Dean before we lay down next to him.

“We’re here if you need us,” I assured him.

“Yeah, but what if he’s not alone?” Dean asked again.

“Then we kill him,” Tommy answered so seriously that Dean turned to stare at him until Tommy started laughing. “Geez, relax, I’m only messing with you. That was the one thing I didn’t think of right away. I was terrified of what Blake would think when he saw my face, the scar, of how my career was over. If he had told me he was dating someone, engaged, hell, married? I would have probably...I don’t know.”

I sat up. “You would have what?”

“This is about Dean, Bug, not me.” But the flash of hurt and anger in his eyes told me something else. He had already confessed his depression, PTSD, the nightmares. Would he have done something to hurt himself or worse?

My nostrils flared. “Say it. Say what you would have done if I’d waltzed in declaring my love for someone else when it’s been you the entire time I’ve known you.” But instead of answering me, Tommy simply climbed to his feet, walked out of the room, and left me with Dean.

“Blake, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Dean once again sucked his lip into his mouth. “You should go after him.”

I flopped onto my back. “No.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Show me your boyfriend.” I glanced over at my guitar player to find him blushing. “Oh, wow, yeah, you have it bad, Frost.” I poked his side. “Show me a cute picture of the two of you.” I rolled onto my side.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Dean mumbled as he produced his cell phone from his pocket. He unlocked it, then dropped it on the bed.

I stared at the picture. Beau was cute. Dark hair, blue eyes, and I could see a few tattoos peeking out from beneath the shirt he wore. His arms were wrapped around Dean as they sat together.

“Is that the Stanley Cup?”

“Yep.” Dean beamed at me. “Each player gets a day with it. I had no idea when I went to visit him that he would have it. Said he wanted to share his special day with me. Stupid.”

He went to grab his phone, but I stopped him.

I lowered my chin. “It’s not stupid, Dean. That’s a big deal. I’m sure if you asked Jax, he’d tell you the same thing. That’s everything he worked for his entire life right there.” I looked at the picture again. “How old is he?”

“Older.”

“How much older?”

“He’s thirty-eight.” Dean’s ears burned pink as I let go of the phone and he put it away. “I don’t care about the age difference. I like him. We had fun together, and I just... if anything, I just want some closure.” Tears slid down his face and disappeared into his hair.

“Talk to him, Dean. That’s all you can do. Tell him everything you’ve already told me.”

“Right. Easier said than done,” Dean muttered.