Chapter Twelve

Blake

I stalked into the kitchen, turned around to face Tommy, and folded my arms across my chest. The last thing I wanted was to talk to him. I wouldn’t be here right now if Killian hadn’t told me we were going to drag Maverick out for some sort of big gay bachelor party. I needed to be as far away from Tommy Olson as possible right now. I couldn’t stand the thought of him being with someone else, and last night had just about pushed me over the edge.

He was mine. He would always be mine. Even if we weren’t together anymore.

“Bug, I’m so fucking sorry,” Tommy murmured as he dragged his hands through his already disheveled hair. “Shit, I just... I didn’t mean to upset you last night.”

I raised my chin. “You never mean to, but you always do. Like the week after you came back from visiting Jax, and I saw you with your ex after our show.”

“That wasn’t what you thought it was, and you know it!” Tommy exclaimed. “I told you that. He kissed me, not the other way around. Matty saw, so did Helena. I pushed him away.”

“Not fast enough.”

“Stop trying to pick a fight with me right now. That was years ago.”

I clenched my jaw, turning to stare out the bay window over the sink, and watched my bandmates. Maverick threw his head back, laughing as he leaned into Jackson, while Killian flicked his fingers into the water to spray it at Matthias, and Dean slapped his brother on the shoulder as he spoke. That was what happiness looked like. Everyone was out there having a good time, and I was still picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

“I wouldn’t have to pick a fight with you if you hadn’t hurt me in the first place.”

“Blake.” Tommy suddenly moved his huge body and blocked my line of vision. My eyes darted to the scar on his face before I quickly looked away. “Come with me.”

My brows shot up. “Come with you where? We’re supposed to be taking Maverick out for his bachelor party.”

“You honestly think that he’s going to agree to that? He’s not going to leave Jackson’s side. Look.” He moved back so I could see his brother and his fiancé, the way Jax had his arm wrapped around Maverick, how attached to one another they were. “He’s not going anywhere that doesn’t involve Jax. That includes a strip club, a party, or whatever Killian has planned. Kill won’t leave Matty either.”

I smirked. “You’re probably right about that.”

“So, I’ll say it again. Come with me.” Tommy held out his hand. “Just for like two hours. Trust me, Bug.”

I stared at his outstretched hand, wanting to ignore it. Needing to go back to my friends and push all of this nonsense behind me. But as usual, Tommy was going to win, and he knew that. He always did.

“Fine.” I laced our fingers together. “It doesn’t mean I trust you.”

“Yeah, you totally trust me.”

A smile spread over his face, and his scar to pulled his lip up farther. It might have frightened some people, but not me. Tommy wasn’t ugly or scary. There was no way he ever could be. He was so damn handsome it was ridiculous.

I grunted. “I trust you about as far as I can throw you.”

Tommy gripped my hand. “This is going to surprise you, I promise.”

***

Tommy parked his car in front of the red house with white shutters and a giant wraparound porch. He didn’t say much on the ride over, kept the radio on a classic rock station that played music that my parents listened to, and I was fine with that. It kept us from having to make small talk. He didn’t knock on the door when we got there, simply stepped inside, and then walked into the first door on the left. I was about to ask him whose house this was when I noticed the plaques hanging on the wall.

“You brought me to see your shrink?” I gasped when we stepped into a large office. I looked around, wondering what I was doing there. This was beyond anything I thought Tommy would ever take me to. He had already told me about his PTSD. What else did I need to know?

Tommy chuckled softly. “He’s not a shrink, Bug. He’s a psychotherapist.”

“Why?” I asked.

His brows dipped. “Why, what?”

“Why did you bring me here?”

The door opened behind the desk, and a man not much older than we were stepped inside the room. “Tom, it’s good to see you.” He moved his eyes to me. “You’ve brought a guest today. I don’t want to assume anything, but is this who I think it is?”

“Yes,” Tommy grunted. “Blake Duncan, this is my therapist, Jamie Little.”

Jamie smiled at me, his blue eyes crinkling around the corners. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Blake.” He held out his hand, and I shook it. “Tom, I have to make sure it’s okay to talk about everything with Blake here.”

“It’s fine.” Tommy sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to him.

I made sure to keep space between as I joined him. “You told him about us?”

“He knows everything, Bug.” Tommy reached for my hand and laced our fingers together.

Jamie immediately zoomed in on that. “Are you two back together?” He opened his laptop once he sat down at his desk.

“No,” I answered.

“Maybe.” Tommy squeezed my hand.

I glared at him. “What?” I tried to yank my hand away, but he only held on tighter. “After last night? No, no way.”

“What happened last night?” Jamie asked as he typed on his computer.

I shook my head at Tommy. “Don’t.”

“He slept over, and I had a nightmare. He woke me up and then we messed around.”

Jesus, I guess he really did tell this guy everything. Did he tell him what he had for dinner, too? I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Did he tell him about my mother and what he did to get her to stop drinking?

Jamie’s eyes slowly moved back to us. “What was the nightmare about this time, Tom? Were you getting hit or was it Blake again?”

Wait, what? I slowly turned my head so that I could pin my eyes on Tommy as I waited for his answer.

“You have dreams where I’m the one getting hit in the face? Why didn’t you tell me that?” I whispered.

“Sometimes I do.” He dropped his gaze to his lap. “Jamie said it’s because I regret hurting you, lying to you the way I did.”

“Do you?”

“Every single day since you left.”

I dropped my head back onto the couch. “I really can’t do this.”

“Why not?” Jamie asked, and when I raised my head to look at him, he gave me a soft smile. “Are you seeing someone else? Are you no longer in love with Tom? What’s holding you back from giving him a second chance?”

Tears stung my eyes. “I told Tommy last night that I still loved him, and he couldn’t say it back. He ruined me for everyone else. I haven’t had sex in five years. I’m too scared to move forward because I’m too busy looking back. Thinking that maybe he’ll change his mind and want me again.”

“I’ve always wanted you, Bug,” Tommy whispered.

I choked out a laugh. “That’s funny, because aren’t you the guy who lied to me? Bribed my mother to go to rehab, so I could go live my dreams? Told me now was my chance to go out and see the world, live my dreams, or some bullshit like that? After I told you I didn’t care about that? I didn’t even know you were in an accident until two days ago.”

“I...” Tommy stared at me, his dark orbs searching my face.

“This was a mistake.” I jumped to my feet and had my hand on the door when I heard him.

“I love you, Bug.”

I froze at those words. Those words I had been dying to hear again for five damn years. “Don’t you dare do this to me.”

“Isn’t that what you want from me?” His voice was closer now, the heat from his body pressed against my back. “I love you. I never stopped.”

Tears spilled from my eyes before I could try to stop them. “Why couldn’t you have just told me the truth, Gretzky? Why couldn’t we have been together all this time? Maybe we could be having our wedding now, too.”

“Hey,” Tommy turned my head to look at him. “We can still have that. I want that with you.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“What?” Tommy’s eyes went round. “You don’t want that?”

“I do, and that’s the damn problem. You lied to me, fucked your way through how many teammates and rival hockey players, puck boys, too, probably, and then had this horrific accident while I cried myself to sleep at night, wishing I had stayed. Prayed for some sort of way to turn back time so that I never told you about my mother. Quit the band instead of leaving for California. I would trade all the fame, fortune, and everything else to still have what we did before that day you ruined what we had. If you had really wanted forever with me, Tom, you wouldn’t have done what you did. You would have worked with me. Late-night phone calls, text messages, twenty-four-hour visits, quickies in hotel rooms, anything to be together, but that’s not what you did.”

Tommy’s entire face had grown dark. “You’re saying I lied to you and got your mother the help she needed, so I could fuck whoever I wanted?”

“Yes, and while you did that, I was celibate for five years.”

“That’s a goddamn lie, Blake. I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else.”

I shrugged. “Guess we’ll never know, because you ruined everything.”

“I wanted you to live your life without worrying about your mother!” Tommy exclaimed. “Tour the damn world, meet new people, and have fun. You were babysitting your alcoholic mother instead of being a child! I told you my hockey career was not going to be like Jackson’s. I wasn’t even close to being half the player he was before I fucked that up like I fuck up everything else.”

“The accident wasn’t your fault!” I shouted back at him.

Tommy’s entire face trembled with rage. “It was. I took my mask off! I shouldn’t have gone after the guy, but he called me a faggot, and I saw red. I knocked him down, and he kicked me. So, yeah, it’s my fault.”

“Right, so, if you two want to sit back down?” Jamie coughed softly.

I had completely forgotten that we had an audience.

I reached for Tommy’s hand, but he shoved me away as he went back to the couch. The accident still wasn’t his fault. The guy kicked him in the face. With a fucking skate. Used a homophobic slur. That wasn’t right.

When I sat down, I didn’t leave Tommy any room, my body pressed right against his. I put my hand on his thigh to let him know I wasn’t going anywhere. He had to stop carrying this guilt around. Maybe we both did.

“Tom.” Jamie steepled his hands together. “You told Blake you love him. Did you mean it?”

I looked over at him, saw the sincerity in his dark brown eyes, and immediately knew the answer to that. Tommy’s hand came up to touch my face. “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you call me, Tommy? I hate that I didn’t know you were in a hospital somewhere lying there and I wasn’t there to hold your hand. Whisper in your ear that it was going to be okay? Was it really because you didn’t want me to drop what I was doing while I was in Japan, or was it something else?” I gripped his wrist when he tried to pull away.

He worried his lip between his teeth. “I didn’t want you to see me like that, bug. This scar is bad, but before all the surgeries, it was so much worse. Seeing me with tubes in my nose and throat, that would have broken you.”

“I wouldn’t have cared. I’ve seen some scary shit. You’re my best friend.”

“Jackson tried to call you. I no longer had your number, and Mav had blocked him.”

I closed my eyes as more tears came. “I hate that I couldn’t help you when you needed me the most.” I felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest.

“Blake.” Tommy murmured my name and then I felt his lips brush mine in a feather-light kiss. “You’re here with me now when I really need you to help get me through PTSD. That’s what means the most to me.”

My eyes flew open. “Did you just kiss me? I thought you said you didn’t kiss anymore?”

“Baby steps, Bug.”