Prologue

Tom

Two Years Ago

I shouldn’t have gone out with my teammates last night. I shouldn’t have gotten drunk or hooked up with that fanboy in the bathroom of the bar. I was good at making a lot of mistakes when it involved my life, but that wasn’t the worst one. The headache behind my eyes that made my vision blur hadn’t faded, no matter how much Advil I had taken. And now I was standing in the crease, trying to stop the puck as some asshole from the opposing team came tearing down the ice.

I expected the shove from Martin Hollins, the alternate captain of the Minnesota Bears, the hatred in his dark gaze as he stared up at me and bared his teeth. Martin made it known exactly how he felt about me and the other queers in the league whenever he had the chance. Everyone knew what a homophobic dick he was.

“Fag,” Martin hissed from between clenched teeth.

I squared my shoulders and narrowed my eyes. “Not too original, are you, Hollins?”

I tried to let the word bounce off my skin, but no matter how hard I tried, it still bothered me. No matter how open about sexuality I was or the fake smile I put on my face, there would always be another Martin waiting to try to hurt me. Bully me. Take me down.

“Just like you and all the boys you fuck, huh, Olson?” Martin seethed, then skated away.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts of hate. I was a professional. Nothing that asshole said or did to me would change who I was. A son, a brother, and a damn good—

Suddenly, I was slammed back against the goal post as Martin rammed into me at top speed. I was so lost in trying not to think about him, I hadn’t seen him coming. The angry shouts of my teammates filled my ears as I shoved Martin away.

“You’re just a little sissy boy, aren’t you? All that cock sucking has you distracted from the game, from what you’re paid too much money to do. If you had been paying attention, you never would have ended up on your back. But then again, you probably like it like this,” he growled into my ear as he threw his gloves to the ice.

I ripped off my mask, not caring how much trouble it would get me into.

“I’ll show you sissy boy, you little prick.” I managed to get one punch in before he knocked me to the ground, his heavy body splayed over mine. “Oh, you like it rough?” I grinned as he hit me, the taste of copper filling my mouth.

“Get off him!” Aleks Petrov, one of my defensemen, shouted. “You are insane, Hollins. Absolutely crazy.”

Martin tried to shrug Aleks away, but my teammate was a big man, and he lifted him off me. Martin stared at me with hatred on his face, scowling and struggling against the hands that held him back. Maybe it was an accident or possibly he did it on purpose, but just as I started to get up, Martin’s left leg kicked out, and he hit me square in the face.

I think I might have screamed as my hands flew up to cover my face. The pain was unbearable as it scorched through my head. I felt sick to my stomach as the crowd roared around us, my teammates coming to my rescue to try to calm me down. What if I’d lost an eye? What if I could never play hockey again? This was the only thing I had ever wanted. Were my parents watching? What would my mother think? She had to be horrified right now.

“Blake,” I heard myself whisper as pain worse than my hangover ricocheted through my body. I hadn’t said my ex-boyfriend and best friend’s name out loud in years. “I need Blake.” I grabbed Aleks’s jersey as the pain worsened.

He nodded. “Of course, man, yeah. We’ll get him for you.”

He had no idea who Blake was. I kept that part of me hidden away for nights I couldn’t sleep. Aleks was a good friend, and I knew he would help me.

I must have passed out because when I opened my eye—the other wouldn’t open—I was in an egg-white hospital room with the beeping of the heart rate monitor in my ear. Tears blurred my visions as I raised my hand to my face, terrified of what I would feel, what I might find, or what I wouldn’t. Life as I had known it had changed.

“Don’t touch that.” I glanced to my left to find my brother, Jackson. He looked exhausted, eyes red and dark circles etched into his skin. He shifted his massive body to lean forward. “They did surgery on you the moment you arrived.”

My chin trembled as I stared at him, taking in the ashen look of grief, the pained expression he wore and the tightness of his mouth. “How bad is it?”

“I tried to get ahold of Blake.”

“How bad is it, Jax? Don’t fuck around with me.”

Jackson took a deep breath. “They saved your eye. Said you should be able to keep your vision.” He tried to smile but failed miserably. “There’s going to be a scar.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” I had to fight the urge not to hit something. Myself being the first, followed by Martin Hollins.

Jackson reached for my hand. “You’re alive, Tommy. That’s the most important thing.”

“Don’t call me that.” I yanked out of his grasp. “Where are Mom and Dad?”

Jackson stood up and moved to the window. “They’re at the hotel, sleeping. It’s been a hectic couple of days—“

“A couple of days!” I threw back the blanket only to look down to see I was wearing nothing but some flimsy hospital gown, my hairy pale legs just out there for the entire world to see. I quickly covered myself back up.

My brother nodded as his shoulders sagged. “Two and a half,” he murmured. “Mom and Dad got here first, and by the time I showed up, you’d already had the surgery. You kept saying Blake’s name, calling out for him in your sleep.” Jackson spun around. “I tried to reach him, but I don’t know his number. I couldn’t find it in your phone, and Maverick...” He closed his eyes. “Well, Maverick blocked me a long time ago.”

“I don’t want Blake here.”

“Don’t you want your boyfriend-slash-best friend with you? You repeatedly asked for him.”

My throat suddenly felt tight, dry, and sore. “No, Blake’s not... It’s not like that between us anymore,” I lied, even as I remembered Blake’s smile, the way he laughed, and how his entire face lit up like the morning sun. Guilt mixed with shame twisted in my belly.

“Hey.” Jackson eased himself back into the chair. “You know I never told you about that summer with Mav—”

“Look who’s awake!” A friendly voice brought my attention away from Jackson, and when I turned toward the door, I found a bright-eyed, smiling male nurse watching me. “Your big brother hasn’t left your side since he got here.”

I met Jackson’s eyes. “Have you slept at all?”

I wanted him to finish whatever it was he was going to say. Admit that he had been in love with Maverick, that they had some sort of secret relationship before Jax left for college. I knew something was going on between them because when Jackson returned to his going away party, he had a bruise on his face and Maverick was nowhere to be seen. I had questions about the ring I found one morning in the kitchen cabinet when I was digging around for something to eat. But instead, Jax simply shrugged and looked away.

“You two are the spitting image of one another.” The nurse winked. He was cute in a twinkish sort of way, with dark hair and bright blue eyes. “I’m your day nurse, Grant.” He wheeled his cart closer to the bed.

I leaned back against the pillows. “Nice to meet you, Grant. I’m Tom.”

“You’re a lucky man, that’s what you are.” Grant started checking my vitals, adjusted the bags of fluid that hung on the poles by my bed. Whatever aftershave or cologne he was wearing reminded me of something I couldn’t put my finger on. It was sweet and light. It smelled much better than this sterile room.

I shrugged. “Depends on what you consider being lucky is.”

“You still have your sight. That’s the most important thing,” Jackson pointed out.

Grant hummed his approval. “You’re going to be back on the ice in no time.” He leaned closer. “Don’t tell anyone, since I’m from Colorado, but I’ve never been a big fan of the bears.”

The thought made my entire body break out in goosebumps. The memory of Martin knocking me down, the way his skate had hit my face, and the throbbing on my cheek caused tears to spring to my eye. My stomach turned, and I covered my mouth as dry heaves hit me. I heard the low whine that escaped my throat, and I turned away with embarrassment.

“Hey,” Jackson eased onto the mattress. “You’re okay, I’m right here.” He brushed the hair back from my forehead, careful not to touch the bandage.

I shoved at his chest. “Don’t fucking touch me,” I growled.

“Tom!” Jackson’s voice was stern. “I know you’re upset.”

I forced a laugh. “Upset? You think this is me upset? No, Jax, this is me devastated that my career is over.” I held up my hand before he could tell me otherwise. “What if I never play again?”

“You don’t know that, Tom.”

“What makes you so sure?”

Jackson sighed softly. “Because you’re an Olson. You’re my tough-as-nails little brother who doesn’t take shit from anyone. You’ll heal, you’ll get back out there, and you’ll show everyone just how amazing you are.”

“We’ll see,” I muttered and folded my arms over my chest.

Jackson nudged my hand. “Yeah, we will, won’t we?”

Grant finished what he was doing and steered his cart back toward the door. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake so he can come talk to you.”

I watched his bubble butt bounce as he walked away, and my dick twitched under the blanket. Guess that still worked. When I glanced back at my brother, he was watching Grant, too.

“He’s cute.”

“He’s probably straight.” I shouldn’t be thinking about sex with my nurse. I had my face to worry about. My career. My future.

Jackson chuckled softly. “I can assure you that he’s not.”

“You didn’t.” I gasped.

Jackson rolled his eyes. “He hit on me the first day I was here alone. Asked if I was interested in checking out the staff break room. That he could show me how bendable he was thanks to yoga. It might have been fun, but he’s not for me.”

“So, you’re telling me Grant is a puck bunny?” I snickered and pain shot through my head. I grimaced and reached for my face but stopped halfway. “Jax?”

He reached for my hand. “I know, Tommy.”

“Can you...do you think you could try Blake again?” I whispered. “I just... I miss him and want to know he’s okay.”

Jackson nodded. “Sure, bud. Anything you want.”

I didn’t see Blake again until Jackson’s wedding, two years later.