Chapter 4

Chapter

Four

I barely see the street around me as I run; only the feeling of the wind in my hair and the cold air freezing my breath catches my attention. The cobble pavements, the towering trees, and everything else is a haze. All of it is nearly like I'm running through a dream, because all I can focus on is the thumping of my heart, the feeling of my Nexus clawing in my chest, begging and trying to come out. It's angry, it's jealous, and I get why. I didn't expect them not to have relationships and sex. They are handsome and powerful. Why wouldn't they? I bet half the Nexus girls have thrown themselves at my mates. I've been gone five years. Of course they had relationships, but I guess I wasn't expecting to be faced with it so soon.

Or it to be her.

She was like a glaringly obvious beacon of truth that my Nexus wanted to eat for supper to mark its territory. In fact, I think it felt like destroying the entire world because of Hollis and Rochelle. I don't know how to stop it, but I keep running, hoping it will calm down when I'm not around our mates. The pounding of my feet on the pavement is almost soothing, but I'm aware that someone's chasing me. Stopping at a crossroads, I glance behind me to see Rhodes. He's a few feet away, even though I feel like if he wanted to, he could close the distance between us in a second. He pauses with me, keeping an eye out around us before his eyes lock with mine…just for a second.

For a second, I imagine running to him. Telling him everything and hoping he doesn't hate me. Hoping he understands why I need to get away from them—from Starlight. But he wouldn't understand. He would hate me. His mouth opens, but I turn away before I can hear what he shouts. I sprint across the crossroads and down a shorter path next to a busy road. Cars swoop past, but not just cars, horses…Nexus shifters. Three of them, all white, run past me, and I watch them, feeling my Nexus watching too.

The pathway opens up into an alleyway, and on the other side, I see a much busier street. The walls are old down the alleyway, thick grey brick and brown mortar somehow holding it all up. Moss has sneaked in the cobblestone in the alleyway, but as I step onto the street, it's flawless and clean. Old buildings line the row, with a big clearing path in the middle that looks like it cuts through the city from one side to the other. All the buildings are ancient, old Scottish houses that have been kept and tidied up, so close to the original that it feels like stepping back in time. Each of the shops nestled in the townhouses have triangular roofs with small animal designs in stone. No one notices me as I slip into the crowd and disappear like a ghost. One of my favourite things to do.

I keep running until I stop and realise that I'm hidden in a swarm of people. Of Nexus. I glance around, but no one's looking my way, and it's strange to be around so many. There are a few humans here too, but they must know about Nexus or be married in. I'm not sure what the rules are on humans, but I know Starlight is hidden from human knowledge for the most part. Some are shifted into their Nexus; wolves, snakes, bears, and a tiger stroll on like it's a normal day. Two tiger cubs run after the mother, and I smile, watching them for a moment and just letting myself enjoy the moment of peace after the storm.

Yes, I'm trapped in the city, but I'm safe for now. My Nexus mates aren't hurt, and I have my monster under control. It won't stay under wraps for long, but I have a few weeks before it will need to hunt. I make sure my Nexus is tucked away where no one can sense it before I walk with the crowds.

I can feel one of my mates following near—Rhodes, I assume, but I can't tell the feelings apart. I think the only way I'll be able to do that is by spending more time with them, and I'm not doing that. Somehow, I have to get away from them all. I don't think Onyx or Rhodes will hurt me or force our Nexus to mate, but I don't trust the others. Hollis might just attempt to hurt me, and I have to watch my back with him.

My eyes drop to the most beautiful golden retriever as a human walks it past. He sees me looking and pauses. "This is Gentle. I would let you stroke her, but she has a temper around Nexus. My Nexus wife puts up with her because I love her."

I fall to my knees in front of Gentle and hold my hand out. "It's a pleasure to meet you, gorgeous girl. I won't stroke you unless you want me to." She stares at me with her big brown eyes before nudging my hand with her nose, and I take that as a hint to stroke her neck.

Her owner laughs. "It must be because she is having pups. She is never this nice."

I rise to my feet and grin. "I love dogs and I've always wanted a golden retriever. Thank you for letting me say hello."

"Are you new? Only, you look fam?—"

I leave before he can figure out why I'm familiar. I only get another mile down the street before Rhodes is standing in my path, right in front of a tea shop. The smell of tea fills my senses as Rhodes crosses his arms. "You can stop running now. We can walk together and talk. Chasing you is getting old when there is nowhere you can run that I won't follow, Gwenieve."

I have the feeling he's definitely going to be the one that plays good cop with me. "Are you my guard for the day?" I spread my arms out. "I hate to tell you this, but bodyguards don't need to talk. In fact, looking muscular and scary is all the job requires."

He runs his hand through his blond hair, looking like he doesn't know exactly what to say to me. My eyes flicker to the scar, the only part of him that doesn't look exactly like Hollis. "What Hollis did?—"

I cut him off. "I don't want to talk about Hollis."

Rhodes closes the space between us, too close. I can smell him, like Onyx. "Alright, I'm glad we're both in agreement about my twin. I want to be your friend, but I'm finding it hard to make up excuses for your behaviour and all the running. Just give me something." When I don't say a word, he sighs. "I don't know why you rejected our bond, and I don't need to know that yet. If I'm being honest, I just want to protect you. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. My brother can be difficult and I'm sorry he did that to you, but he is hurt. We all are, but can you give us a chance to show you who we are?"

I'm not giving anybody a chance. "I don't want to be here, and I was kidnapped. Learning about you isn't something I want." I tap the rune on my wrist a few times with my middle finger.

"Why?" he asks, frowning. "You don't make any sense. These are your people, too." For a moment, I let myself look around at the people flooding the area near us. "Why don't you want to be here? Is it really that great in Spain with humans and a few Nexus? Is that where you were all this time?" He pauses and his eyes tighten. "Is it because you're in love with that guy you lived with?"

"I don't have to tell you anything."

He frowns and it doesn't suit him. "You don't, but our Nexus were bonded by the Wolf Gods. We were chosen to be together?—"

"They were wrong!" I snap, letting my anger rise. "Our Nexus are not bonded, because I rejected you!"

He steps a little closer and leans down, our faces inches away. "Reject us all you like. We'll be connected till the day we die, and I'll make sure of it. Let's go back before Onyx loses his shit and comes to get you himself. It wouldn't surprise me if he is already here."

I lurch from his grip, and for a second, the full force of his Nexus splinters out in the air between us like a rope wrapping around my own heart. I push it away and hate the feeling of rejection that radiates between us. Rain starts dripping from the grey skies on us, just like a mist. He looks up, swearing under his breath, and he takes off his black cloak, handing it to me.

"I don't want to wear that."

"Gwen!" he shouts after me, but I'm already rushing into the crowds, trusting them to hide me. The crowd easily splits us up after a second, and my shoulders drop in relief. Rhodes is dangerously nice, with his charming smiles and small talk that somehow makes me want to blurt out my secrets. I have to stay away from him. All of them. I know he can sense me, and no amount of running here will get me far enough away, but I might as well make him work for it a little. I keep tapping my rune for fun as I wind through the crowds until I come to a crowd of teenagers who are talking quietly. I rest on the wall next to them to catch my breath.

"I can't believe it's the Ranger Academy sign up today and we are only watching! I'd die to live in that castle." My ears perk up and I brush my dark hair to the side as I look at the guy speaking. He is smoking and leaning on the wall near me, his eyes on a blond guy opposite. "Why didn't you sign up like you planned, Deke?"

Deke glances at the woman in his arms, tall and willowy compared to him. I can sense that they're Nexus mates, and I already know he isn't signing up because of her. "Being a ranger is hard and dangerous. You have to sign up and stay in that castle for three years without your mate."

The smoker coughs. "Yeah, but it's awesome. You're such a good fighter, and you'd get all the honours and awards. Not to mention the riches."

Deke rolls his eyes. "Being good isn't enough to win in that place. The amount of people they cart out of there, not just body bags but brain dead, scares everyone. Even the healers take ages to fix the ones who survive. The necromancers won't touch anybody from there when they are dead. My mum is one, and she told me the reason is because they're too broken by the time they're dead to bring back to life for a goodbye with their family." Ugh, necromancy creeps me out. Dead should stay dead.

The smoker laughs. "Come on, not that many have died."

"There's enough dead that I'm not going in there." He smiles at the woman. "We want to start a family and have a normal life. Not all of us are cut out to be rangers. The academy is not for me." Ranger Academy. Memories shoot back to me—memories of my father talking about the Ranger Academy and how he entered it when he was younger. That's how he met Macsen, who was a ranger too. Macsen said he gave up being a ranger when his mate got pregnant in his last year, and my father left at the same time for personal reasons. My father was a damn good fighter. I know, he taught me himself, and he said he loved the academy because it was an escape from his family. He got his own room, and he could do anything he wanted as long as he went to lessons and passed.

Sounds perfect for me.

Sensing one of my mates nearer than before, I slip in between some people and run through the crowds. I don't know where exactly I'm going, but I follow the crowd, dodging between them, hearing Rhodes shout for me occasionally but ignoring him. He doesn't own me. No one does. I've done terrible things for my independence, to keep them safe and to escape here…it can't all be for nothing . I'm certainly not living in that house with them, because sooner rather than later, it will come out. Unless I have some freedom and moments where I'm not watched, it's going to be a nightmare.

It might not be a great idea to sign up for the Ranger Academy, where they're going to push me to my limits. But it's better than being around my Nexus mates—where my monster might come out and kill them all for fun. I've done things I can't even let myself remember, but their deaths would break me. I would never be able to live with it. I've never been sure I can at all live with this thing inside me, anyway. But as long as they're alive, that's all that really matters. I've tried ending my life a dozen times, but it never lets me. It always makes sure that I stay here, that I live, because its need to destroy is never-ending.

I see the sign in the distance, a wide, massive sign for the Ranger Academy sign ups. "Everyone is welcome. Come and fight to be the strongest Nexus." They might as well be rolling out the red carpet for my escape at this point. It becomes harder to get through the growing crowd to find a small queue with three people waiting in front of a black tent. I look behind, just quickly into the crowds, and can't see Rhodes anywhere. He's far enough behind that hopefully I'll make it to the front before he finds me. There is only one other person in the queue when I get to it.

I just quickly jump to the back of the queue, breathing heavily from all the running, standing behind a woman with long red hair that the wind blows into my face. She looks back at me with her green eyes and smiles softly before turning back. "NEXT!"

The bark comes from inside the tent, and the woman in front startles before rushing into the tent. The rain picks up as I wait outside, soaking my hair and clothes quickly, and I shiver. I don't stop looking back into the crowds for any of my mates, sensing they are close.

Not close enough to stop me. "NEXT!"

The warmth of the tent washes over me as I step inside. There is a black desk, two chairs on either side, and on the desk is a massive book that is open to a blank page. On the chair behind the desk sits someone who a kid might say resembles Santa. Long white hair mixes with his long beard, and his blue eyes look at me with familiarity I can't place. He sighs, leaning back in his seat, and it creaks. "Name?"

It's a sarcastic question. He knows who I am. "Gwenieve Autumn, and I am here to sign up."

He tilts his head to the side, and the light shows off how tanned his skin is. "The only reason I'm not throwing you out is because I knew your father. He was by far one of the best fighters in the academy. Second only to one of your Nexus mates. You've been missing a very long time, Miss Autumn. I feel that signing you up to this is just asking for trouble though."

I lie. "My father wanted this for me." I grin next. "And the sign said anyone's welcome. So, shouldn't it not matter who my Nexus mates are? I rejected them anyway."

He sighs and taps his fingers on the chair arm. "Finnegan is my son. I'm Tutor Edvard and president of the Ranger Academy." That's why he looks familiar. I'm fucked. He is just going to call Finnegan and tell him I'm here. "You're definitely going to get me in trouble with my son and his Nexus bonds." He offers me a silver Nex dagger that unnaturally glows. "Cut your hand and wipe the blood on your fingers and palm."

I do as he instructs, barely flinching at the cut. He watches me and taps the book. "Place your hand on the page and mark yourself as a ranger in training. The moment you do, you're binding yourself here for three years. Unless the page is ripped out or burnt by me, you are bound to the academy permanently and you will follow our rules. You'll share a room with one roommate, and you'll have freedom within reason. You'll stay here unless you die in combat or tests."

"Why are you helping me?" I ask, my hand hovering over the page.

He smirks, lying almost as easily as I do. He reminds me of Finnegan now. "The academy was getting boring, and you're exactly the kind of trouble we need to liven it up."

"She is my trouble. Mine ." I turn my head back to see Onyx waiting in the door of the tent, light pouring around him. His eyes are like black fire, and tension radiates off every inch of him. He snarls at me. "Don't you dare do it, Gwen!"

I wink right as I press my hand straight onto the page.