14. Nick

CHAPTER 14

NICK

I gave Sydney lots of space, mainly because I could hardly stand being in the same room with her. Not because I hated her or anything. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I was so in love with Sydney it fucking hurt. Just catching a hint of her shampoo, a sideways glance, a quick smile, and my heart swelled in my chest.

Knowing I couldn’t have her stung even worse than getting cut from the team.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

“You sure you want to go?” I asked Sydney for the tenth time. “It’s really cold tonight. We could just stay home and watch another movie, go to bed early.”

“No, let’s go. You told Jackson and Harper we’d be there and you don’t get to hang out with your friends that often. Besides, you’ve talked this tour up so much, there’s no way I can miss it now.” She flashed me a wan smile, squeezing my hand.

“Okay, if that’s what you want to do.” I squeezed back, barely resisting the urge to pull her to me and kiss her until she changed her mind about us.

We headed downstairs and made nice with my parents for a few minutes, then hopped in my SUV and drove over to the beach. I parked in the lot closest to the lighthouse and killed the ignition. Sydney and I sat in the dark for a minute, the only sound our breathing and the soft crash of waves against the shore.

“You ready?” I asked, glancing over at her. Her profile was illuminated by the moon, outlining her high cheekbones and full lips.

She nodded, her chest rising, then falling with a resigned sigh.

It was going to be a tough night.

Together we walked across the parking lot, then down the sandy path leading to the lighthouse. Couples and families huddled together in clumps around the lighthouse, laughing and chatting, waiting for the tour to begin. Sydney shivered next to me, hunching down lower in her coat. Instinctively, I wrapped my arm around her narrow waist, drawing her into me for warmth. She didn’t move away, so there was that.

“Sydney, Nick, over here!” Harper and Jackson waved to us from a refreshment table set up near the entrance to the lighthouse, both of them beaming like it was the most wonderful time of the year or something. I blew out a deep breath and put on my best game face, pretending to be happy.

“Hey, guys. Great to see you.” I bro-hugged Jackson and side-hugged Harper; Sydney did the same, all with a smile that only I knew was less-than-genuine.

“I’m so excited to get the tour. I’ve been hearing about this for a year,” Harper said in a bubbly voice. “We’re even going to film part of it for our show.”

“Great idea,” Sydney said, smiling. “I like the use of local landmarks in shows; it really speaks to the character of a place. And Starlight Bay is stunning, so why not show it off?”

“Right? I can’t believe I’d never even heard about it before last year. It’s a real gem.” Harper beamed up at Jackson and a sharp stab of envy twisted in my gut. I wanted Sydney to look at me that way, dammit. Like she did before I fucked it all up last night.

“Nick? You want something to drink?” Jackson waved his palm in front of my face, trying to get my attention.

“Huh? Yeah, sure. Syd, you want something?”

“I’ll take whatever you’re having, thanks.” She met my gaze, but her tone was cool and distant.

This night was not going well.

Jackson and I got in line, leaving the girls chatting together.

“You okay, dude? You seem a little off. Like nervous or something.” Jackson’s dark brows knitted with worry.

I shrugged off his concern. “Nah, I’m good. Just a little tired. Mid-season slump. You know the drill.”

Jackson nodded. “How long you think you’re gonna play?”

“No idea, man. As long as they keep paying me, I guess. I say my prayers every night that I don’t get injured. Barring that, I’ll keep going as long as I can. How’s civilian life treating you?”

“Better than I thought it would. The job’s pretty cool and Harper’s great. So I can’t complain. Sure, it’s not as exciting as the NHL, but it’s a whole helluva lot less stressful. Life on the other side’s pretty good, whenever you want to make the move.” He cut his eyes at me, gauging my reaction.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. Four hot chocolates?” I said, placing my order.

We paid and collected the steaming hot beverages, then made our way back over to the girls.

“Thanks, Nick,” Sydney said, taking the Styrofoam cup from me and blowing on it, the white wisps of steam floating into the inky night.

“No prob.”

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Annual Lighthouse Tour,” a guide dressed in a navy blue peacoat shouted out over the crowd. “Behind me stands the Starlight Bay Lighthouse, a landmark that’s stood and protected these shores for over one hundred and fifty years. It’s the town’s custom to decorate it every holiday season, just like the town square, as it serves as a beacon to travelers in our area. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you to explore the inside of one of the northeast’s oldest operational lighthouses. Everyone will get a turn, so take your time roaming the grounds, walking on the beach, and enjoying the refreshments. And happy holidays to you all!”

The crowd broke into polite applause, then the docent began the first tour, with several large families practically stampeding the entrance.

We waited until the families cycled through, making small talk and enjoying our beverages. Finally, it was our turn to go in. Jackson and Harper led the way, directly behind the guide, then Sydney and I followed.

The air inside the lighthouse was at least twenty degrees warmer than outside, partly a function of the huge heat lamp sitting at the top of the building, guiding sailors through the night. Sweat cropped up on my neck as soon as I stepped inside and I unbuttoned my coat.

White twinkly lights decorated the black metal railing that flanked the gray stone steps, twisting and winding all the way up to the top. Golden orbs set at precise intervals hung on the stone walls, lighting our way. The guide prattled on about Starlight Bay history, but I tuned him out. I’d heard the spiel many times before and besides, I couldn’t concentrate with Sydney’s perfect round ass sashaying right in front of me.

How could I change her mind? Make things work between the two of us? Despite what I’d told her this morning, there had to be a way. I still believed we were meant for each other, otherwise why would I have been traded back to Boston? And what were the chances she’d be working for the team, my team? That had to be fate.

“And here we are, folks, the top of the lighthouse. I’ll give you a few minutes to take in the view. You got real lucky—it’s a clear night, no clouds. You may even be able to see the Vineyard from here tonight.”

The guide held the door open for us, then ducked back inside, leaving the four of us alone at the top. Cold, crisp air was a welcome relief after the heat inside, especially after climbing all the stairs. The white strobe streamed by every few minutes, bathing us all in a bright light. I leaned against the iron railing decorated to match the inside, with the same twinkling lights as well as fragrant evergreen garland.

“Oh, Jackson, this is absolutely stunning!” Harper breathed, her cheeks flushed pink with excitement.

Sydney smiled at me, a soft, wistful look. “It is magical.”

I linked my fingers with hers, drawing her close, nuzzling into her dark hair and inhaling her sweet scent. If this was one of the last moments we’d spend together as a couple, I at least wanted to make it count.

“I thought you’d like it,” I murmured, pushing down the wave of sadness threatening to roll into my perfect moment.

“I do.” Sydney and I stood there, looking out onto the Atlantic Ocean, listening to the pounding of the waves against the shore, oblivious to everything going on around us, for a long time. Longer than our allotted time, according to the tour guide, anyway, because several more couples spilled out onto the walkway, shattering the peace and quiet.

“Hey, you’re Nick Milton, right?” A tall, thin guy with dark hair and a goatee squinted at me in the dark.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Cool. Think you’re going to go to the playoffs?”

“Uh, I hope so. That’s the plan.”

“Mind if we get a picture with you?” The dude whipped out his cell phone and Sydney untangled herself from my arms.

Sometimes I hated fans.

“Sure, man.”

The dude threw his arms around me like we were old college buds and his girlfriend moved to the other side, wrapping her arm around my waist. I plastered on my best PR smile and Sydney took his cell, snapping several pics.

“Thanks, man. That’s really cool of you. Good luck!”

“Thanks. Happy holidays!” I smiled at the two of them as they moved away, chatting about football and our chances of making the playoffs.

“Oh, you’re Nick Milton, the football player! I thought I recognized you.” The guide nodded, then his eyes lit up. “Would you mind taking a few more pics for the Historical Society? It would be great for the town.”

Sydney shifted, her PR mind calculating the risk/return on this, then nodded at me, giving me the go-ahead.

“Sure, no problem.”

“Great. Stand here, yeah, perfect—and let’s get the friends in the picture, too.” He gripped Sydney’s shoulders, scooting her in towards me, nudging us together, then lined up Jackson and Harper as well.

Sydney shifted next to me, a tiny crease of worry between her eyes. “Nick,” she whispered. “I’d really rather not be in the photo.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’ll just be in some Starlight Bay brochure,” I whispered back, wrapping my arm around her.

“Great, that’s nice, I like it,” the docent said, then he snapped away, flash and all. He took several quick pics and then he was done.

“Thank you very much, guys. The town of Starlight Bay will appreciate that.” The docent held the door for us, ushering us down.

“Thanks so much for the tour,” gushed Harper to the docent, starry-eyed, as we trailed down the stairs. “I love how it’s all still original.”

“Oh, we’ve patched it up over time. But we’ve tried to stay as close to the pure materials as possible.”

“That was great,” Harper said, semi-breathless, at the bottom of the stairs. “Thanks again.”

“My pleasure. See you next year!” He waved to us, then started his next ascent, fresh faces listening to his nautical tale.

“Great night, guys. I had fun.” Sydney gave Harper a quick hug, then Jackson.

“Same. Hopefully we’ll see you again before you go back to Boston. If not, we’ll definitely be at a game,” Jackson said.

“Sounds good,” I said, taking Sydney’s hand. “Merry Christmas, guys!”

We waved good-bye and made our way back to the car.

“That was fun, Nick. Thanks for suggesting this.” Sydney smiled at me, some of her earlier frost melting away.

“Glad you liked it,” I said, opening the car door for her. She climbed in and I closed the door behind her.

I turned on the car, flicked on the heat.

“Are we okay?” Sydney asked in a small voice.

“Yeah, Syd, we’re good,” I said, rubbing my hand on her thigh.

Although we could be better, I thought to myself as I drove us back home. But right now, I couldn’t see how I could change her mind, short of me quitting football. And that wasn’t really an option right now. I just signed a two-year contract, so I was locked in for the foreseeable future.

I didn’t see a way around our problem and this wasn’t exactly something Santa could deliver.