CHAPTER 23

RIVER

She was safe.

I knew that was what mattered.But I had learnt something tonight: no matter how much I tried to push aside the desire to protect her with every fibre of my being, I just couldn't.

I was a protector. An Alpha.

I looked after what was mine.

And I could promise her the world, but I wasn't sure I could promise her that I could be okay with letting her look after herself.

It tore me apart. Not knowing if she was okay during the patrol. Not knowing if she was alive.

I was constantly checking in with Zander through the mind-link like some sort of over-protective parent.

Not having her around these past few months … maybe a part of me was actually relieved.

It made me sound horrible. Made me feel horrible. But I was relieved to be able to deal with these rogues—putting myself in danger—knowing she wasn't around to be caught in the crossfire.

If the rogues wanted to get to me, wanted to really hit me, all they needed to do was go for her.

When I'd promised her the honesty and freedom she so desired in the few weeks she'd been back, I didn't realise how much harder that would be to give her when she was actually caught in the middle of it all.

With her out on the battlefield, risking her life for me, I became all too aware of that reality.

Tonight was proof.

A test that I failed.

Though I didn't think I could tell her that.

The second Zander had informed me of their situation with the wolves, of how bleak it was looking for those few painful moments, and how close she had been to harm"s way, I had bolted.

I had never run as fast as I had to get to her.

My shields had gone up and I'd locked everyone else out. All that pushed me forward was my aching desire to reach her in time.

And even then, I was too late.

Not because she was hurt.

No.

Because she had done it on her own. With him.

Even from that distance, I heard them.

‘Don't look, baby girl.'

Even from that distance, I smelled the foul stench of rogue blood.

But entwined with it, coming off Vee and the Knight in waves, I could scent their attraction to each other.

Could feel their aura, the tendrils reaching out to one another. Searching for the other and pulling them together. I could almost see it; silver and purple energy flaring from them and coiling around each other.

I knew what he offered her. Could tell he knew her and what she needed. Even in the short time they'd known each other. And more than that, he was strong enough to give it to her. When and how she needed it.

I didn't know if I was strong enough to change the fundamentals of who I was at my core to keep her content.

Even from that distance, I could see the way she looked at him. And how he looked at her.

And even from that distance, I forced myself to halt. To stay away. To give them their moment.

Then I forced myself to retreat. To check on the others and make myself busy for the few moments it would take to circle back to them. After they were responsive enough again to hear me coming with those warrior senses of theirs.

Theirs—because they shared that.

Before we had split up, before she had come to ease my concerns, I had spoken to her hunter. I wanted more than anything to be with her tonight, even when it didn't make sense for my pack. In the end, I relented. But if she couldn't be with me, I was glad she was with him.

Unlike me, he trusted her to look after herself. He saw her as capable. And maybe, somehow, I'd always see her as my human. My delicate, perfect human.

Maybe that was why I had told the Knight captain to look after her.

Maybe he was a better man for responding with, "She's more than capable of looking after herself."

If it came to protecting her or being honest, I would choose protection. Because sometimes honesty just wasn't possible.

I could not be honest with her about how much this sucked.

I could not be honest with her about how much the thought of losing her hurt.

I could not be honest with her about how I had run to her side only to see how she looked at him.

I could not be honest with her and admit that I might not have let her have her moment to be her own Knight in shining armour.

But that was what she wanted. What she needed.

So maybe he was a better man.

Or maybe that just meant he was the right man for her.

Either way, I wasn't throwing in my towel just yet.

I couldn't let go that easy.