8. Sage

CHAPTER 8

Sage

My second full day at the Black Tower was just as exhausting as the first and even harder because I had woken sore and stiff from the previous day. The bruise I’d gotten from my stepfather’s beating was now a deep dark purple and hurt even when I brushed my fingers against it.

It had taken everything I’d had to tightly wrap the scraps from my old dress around my chest to flatten my thankfully small breasts then drag on the rest of my too-big Black Guard uniform.

Kit, Payne, and Lewin had chatted with me during the morning meal, acting as if they weren’t aware of the dark looks I was getting, and I’d tried to pretend I didn’t notice as well.

I’d woken feeling amazing and boneless and a little heartbroken that I couldn’t return to the Garden again to see Fantasy Man — or rather be with him since I hadn’t actually seen him.

But not being able to see him was for the best. I’d almost let myself be distracted by how comfortable and safe I felt in his arms, and how much I yearned to stay with him, something I now had to forget about.

I had to focus on being Sawyer and staying strong no matter what happened and that started this morning.

Against everything I’d been taught as a woman, I had squared my shoulders, raised my chin, and decided my first full day at the Black Tower was the last day I looked at my feet and demurred to any man.

For now, in the Black Tower — at least until they caught me — I was a man. I could make eye contact without being punished, I could show off my fighting abilities, and I could ask questions of the men around me, including my superiors.

But by the time the day ended and I’d dragged my aching body up two flights of stairs to my room, I was exhausted.

Being brave and standing my ground was not just physically exhausting but emotionally as well. Mucking out the stalls that morning had been more difficult than yesterday because my body just didn’t want to move. I’d also been tripped down the same hill on the running trail where I’d been tripped yesterday, despite trying to avoid the other novices .

Then they’d all gotten a great laugh at how pathetic I was at riding and fighting from horseback — since my step-father, Edred, hadn’t allowed me to ride for years, men rode differently than women, and I’d never been taught how to fight or shoot a bow while on a moving animal.

To top it off, Talon had barely said more than a few words to me the entire time we were being tested and my emotions kept leaping between disappointment that he was ignoring me and no longer supporting me to thrilled that he wasn’t going to use his magic on me and reignite my desperate desire for sex.

And while the memory of my beaten, dead body lying in the mist was burned into my mind’s eye, I was just too sore and tired to even think about trying to become a better fighter in order to save my life.

I could only pray I adjusted to this new life quickly so I had time to prepare, since I had no idea when my vision was going to come true.

Using the pump and basin in my room and the soap and towels I’d taken from the bathhouse beneath the barracks, I scrubbed myself down, redressed, and collapsed onto my bed.

Tomorrow would be a better day.

I huffed. That was just wishful thinking. Tomorrow would be as sore and exhausting as today, and I just needed to fight through it. My brother’s life was on the line and I had to hold out until he’d left the Great Five Kingdoms.

No, I would hold out. And I would survive whatever attack was coming my way.

For once, my life was my own. I controlled my destiny and I’d be damned if things went back to the way they’d been.

My eyes fluttered open — I hadn’t realized I’d closed them — but instead of seeing the shadow of the pump and basin against the wall of my tiny room in the Black Tower, I saw a small pool of softly rippling water reflecting speckled starlight.

My pulse tripped. I was in the fae’s garden. Again.

A mix of hope and fear and confusion twisted in my stomach.

I didn’t belong here. I shouldn’t have come here the last two nights and it didn’t make sense that I’d be in the Garden again. I’d been certain — hoping? — those first two times had been a mistake, except here I was again.

Then my pulse tripped for a whole other reason.

I could be with Fantasy Man again.

My chest tightened knowing that was a bad idea even as my body throbbed in anticipation. We could make love again and I could feel that incredible rush I’d felt the last two times he’d made me come. So long as I didn’t let myself forget my purpose in the real world? —

Someone cleared his throat, the sound low and masculine. Another strange rush of hope swept through me. Lord Rider— No, here in the Garden he was just Rider. He’d been waiting for me last night.

I jerked my gaze to the bench on the other side of the pool, but it wasn’t Rider waiting for me this time. It was the two fae who’d found me the first time I’d appeared in the Garden.

They sat side by side, watching me with the same heated, hungry gazes they’d had before, sending a cold shiver of uncertainty and worry oozing down my spine.

They were opposites of each other, one with black hair and black eyes and the other with white hair and yellow eyes, and were both stunningly beautiful. Their waist-length hair hung loose with only a few braids at their temples to keep it from their eyes as well as to show off their delicately pointed ears, and they didn’t wear jerkins, only shirts, made from a thin material that hugged their sculpted, muscular physiques.

They were everything the minstrels’ tales said a fae man was supposed to be: gorgeous, magical, with bejeweled eyes, and flowing hair, and oh-so-dangerous.

Black Hair’s gaze locked on me and his mouth curled into a predatory smile. It was similar to the look Rider had given me last night, but while Rider’s had called to something within me, excited me, this man’s look just made me more nervous.

“Welcome to the Garden,” he purred.

“We were hoping you’d come back,” White Hair added, his expression also blatantly hungry for me.

Black Hair stood and started around the pool toward me. “I’m Wells and this is Crane. Are you ready to be entertained?”

I scrambled to my feet. It was bad enough most fae towered over me when I was standing, I didn’t want to be caught on the ground and forced to have to crane my neck to look up up up at either of them.

“We’ve asked the others and it seems Rider didn’t show you around the Garden the last two nights,” White Hair, Crane, said, approaching from the other side, his expression just as hungry as Black Hair’s— or rather Wells’s. “We’d love to be your guides tonight, give you a proper introduction to all its… pleasures.”

I took a step back, instinct sliding my gaze to my feet as I’d been instructed when a man approached me?—

Jeez. I’d managed to keep my eyes up all day and now I was right back to being a “proper woman.”

Except it had been easy to remember I could stand firm while in pants and a jerkin and with my hair cut short like a man’s and a sword at my hip. Here, back in a dress and looking and feeling like I did before I’d taken Sawyer’s place in the Black Guard, it was hard to ignore a lifetime of being told how to behave.

That, and everyone here thought I was a woman. I had to behave like one if I didn’t want to draw anyone’s suspicion since I wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place. I couldn’t afford being caught and punished here or in the Black Tower.

Except hadn’t Rider said something to his sister that first night about putting those children — or rather men — in their place. Were women here allowed to talk back and even make demands of the men around them?

I didn’t know anything about fae women or even fae culture only that this Garden was a sacred place for them and humans were magically prevented from entering it.

“Come,” Wells said, sliding his fingers down my arm and reaching for my hand.

I took another tentative step away from him, the urge to move farther twisting my insides. But my years of instruction kept me from fleeing. Running away would just make the punishment worse… except would there be a punishment here?

I didn’t understand why Wells’s look made me uncomfortable when Rider’s hadn’t. Although Rider’s look hadn’t been completely sexual like Wells’s was, more… possessive, which should have terrified me even more. Fantasy Man had also exuded a sense of hungry desire for me and I’d still felt safe with him, desired having sex with him again, even knowing now that he wa sn’t a dream.

“We’ll get something to eat first,” Crane said, “then stroll through the gardens and make our way to the pools.”

“I appreciate the offer…” Would they go away if I just said no or would that make them angry?

They were both bigger and stronger than me and I didn’t have a weapon. I didn’t stand a chance against them in a fight, and I didn’t know if I could fight back. I hadn’t been able to with Edred and I wouldn’t have been able to with any human man.

I needed to come up with an excuse that convinced them I wasn’t available without angering them. “I’m ah…”