Chapter 32

The scabs fell off the bite marks, leaving my skin completely healed except for scarring. I guess it would make a good story back in the Fringe. You got stabbed? Yeah, well I got bit by a monster. Ha, take that.

I turned this way and that, examining the scars. An imprint of a bite mark that spanned my shoulder, front and back—evenly spaced dashes that looked almost…pretty. Like an intentional tattoo. I picked out yoga pants, a spaghetti strap undershirt, and an off-the-shoulder knitted sweater, then hopped in the shower. I didn’t bother to fully dry my hair but braided it before heading down the hall to Ordell’s room.

I knocked and waited. Knocked again. He finally answered, hair damp from the shower, joggers low on his hips, chest still beaded with water. He’d obviously jumped out of the shower to answer the door and not dried off properly.

I tried to keep my breathing even, to not stare at the taut, flat planes of his pecs or the tight cobbled ridges of his abs. Yep, I kept my gaze up, on his face, also beaded with water.

“Orina…” His attention dropped to my shoulder, and a muscle in his jaw jumped.

“It’s fine. It’s healed, and it doesn’t look too bad. Like a tattoo, don’t you think?”

“Don’t make light of this.”

“Fine. It hurt like a bitch when you bit me. And when you had me pinned, I was terrified. But that wasn’t you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. The beast is a part of me. It is the basest, most primal part of me, and it wanted you.”

My mouth went dry. “O-kay, I get that. But everything worked out. Hemlock showed up and stopped you from…”

“Violating you,” Ordell said flatly. “I was going to take you by force, Orina, and I would have enjoyed it. Your screams and protests don’t matter to the beast.”

A shudder ran through me. “But if he’s a part of you…”

“The part that is ego and nothing more. Primal ego, and it has your scent now. You need to stay away from me. Keep a distance, just to be safe.”

“I’m not planning on hanging out with you on a full moon, so why does it matter?”

He closed his eyes as if this whole conversation pained him. “It matters. It matters more than you know. Please. Do this for me.”

My heart sank into my boots. “So no more hugs?” Why did I say that?

His throat bobbed, and he exhaled. “No. No more hugs.” He reached out to caress my cheek. “Not that I don’t want to. The problem is that I want to…too much.”

I leaned into his caress for a moment, eyes fluttering closed as a weight settled on my chest. No more contact. No more hugs. No more Ordell. Why did that hurt more than the fucking bite had?

If I was free to be with him, to be with anyone fully, then I might have pushed him to reconsider and find a way for us to be together, but I wasn’t free, and he knew his beast better than I did.

I had to respect his wishes. “Okay. I’ll keep my distance.” He dropped his hand, shoulders sagging as I backed out of his room. “See you for supper?”

“Yes. For supper.” He closed the door, and I locked away my bourgeoning feelings for him.

This was for the best.

The dining roomwas lit up brightly, servers moving up and down the table adding silver platters and domed dishes to the offerings. The delicious smells made my mouth water. Haiden would be impressed.

Ingrid popped in a couple of times to inspect the table, but a thin man with a rod-like posture by the name of Timothy presided over us, checking if we had everything we needed. My gaze tripped to Ezekiel’s seat at the head of the table, but it remained empty throughout.

I was grateful for the bustle, though; otherwise, it would have been a quiet meal, what with Hemlock and Ordell lost in introspection.

Damn, I missed the chapter house. At least I got to hang out with my team during the day.

I escaped back to my room as soon as I could, checked the salt lines, grabbed a book, and crawled into bed.

I must have fallen asleep reading because I woke sometime later to moonlight and a shadow hovering over me.

I tensed as cool fingers soothed my brow. “It’s all right, Miss Lighthart. It’s only me.”

Ezekiel…Ezekiel was lying in bed with me? “What are you doing?”

“Watching you sleep.”

“You do realize how creepy that is, right?”

Part of me recognized that my lack of alarm was alarming, but the other part, the part that was still drifting in that warm fuzzy place between wakefulness and sleep, didn’t care.

“Have you missed me?” he asked.

“Like a hole in the head.” The leap in my blood belied my words.

He chuckled softly, leaning in so that moonlight ran its slivery fingers across his features, tipping the chiseled planes in silver and softening the shadows. “I’m hungry.”

“I’m sure there’s something tasty in the kitchens.”

Rivers of crimson bloomed in his irises. “You know what I want.” He caressed my throat, thumb sliding over my jugular, and the air was suddenly too thin. “I can take it from here or…” He slid his hand down my body, slow and teasing, and stopped between my breast, splaying his fingers to graze my pebbled nipples. I bit back a moan and he chuckled, low and sexy, before continuing his journey down my abdomen over my pubic bone to cup my pussy through my sleep shorts. My hips bucked involuntarily. “I can take it from here.” He pressed his fingers against me, putting pressure on my clit. “But I will take from you tonight.”

My body was on fire with need, the bundle of nerves beneath his palm throbbing with a sweet ache begging to be touched.

Yes, my fucking body hated me, but my mind was sharp, so I focused on my words and my intentions. “No. You can’t have me. That is not our deal or our dynamic.”

“I can force you. I can make you give me what I want.”

“You promised sanctuary.”

“Sanctuary means protection. I can feed from you and not end you. I can make it pleasurable. I can make you want it.”

Loopholes. Fucking loopholes. “I know you can. But it would be a lie. You’d still be forcing me. Do you want to violate our relationship that way?”

His eyes narrowed, and a low growl vibrated in his chest. I forged on. “I don’t think that’s who you are. You’re not a monster. You saved my life twice. You wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, and forcing me would be hurting me.”

He rubbed me through my clothes, the pressure sending delicious shocks of promise through me. My thighs parted, hips rising to meet his hand.

“You say you don’t want me, but this…” He slipped his hand into my shorts and dipped a finger into my heat.

I cried out, then clamped my mouth shut, moaning against my lips as he circled my clit. “This says differently.” His eyes glowed in the gloom, mouth parted, his breath as quick and labored as mine as he worked me.

I should make him stop. I should…Oh, fuck. Oh fuck. I turned my head to the side and pressed my mouth to his shoulder as I came, hips grinding against his hand.

His lips brushed my ear. “And that is without me being inside you. Imagine what I could do with my tongue or my cock.”

Another jolt went through me, pressing me to his fingers and sending me over the edge again.

He chuckled, low and raspy. “I can do this all night. Weaken you. Make you beg for me to fill you. To feed on you. You can’t fight me. You want this.”

Anger licked at my throat. Anger at myself for being weak. For liking this, wanting it. Damn the Order and their no sex rule. Damn them for making me so pent-up that the slightest sexual touch could set me off. I met his gaze, swallowing past the tightness in my throat.

“My body might want it, but my mind doesn’t. I’m saying no, Ezekiel. No. No. No. And you’ll leave now, because you’re not the kind of monster to take what isn’t freely given. You’re not the kind of monster to violate someone.” His eyes flinched. “You’re not a monster.”

I had to believe that. I needed to believe it, because otherwise what hope did I have of saving him…

Save him.

I wanted to save him, not just the people.

Ancient shadows peered down at me from his eyes, and the crimson rivers dried, leaving me staring into a golden abyss, and in the next moment, he was gone. Leaving me cold, alone, and sated.

He’d retreated.

I was right.

He wasn’t a monster, which meant that this year…This year might not be so hard after all.