Chapter 8

Paisley

I’ve spent the day in a state of flux. Switching constantly between hating him and loving him. It’s not unusual. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years. But being back here, being face-to-face with him again, it’s all too much. I just need to get through this wedding and get back to the city. Away from Jack. He hurt me once before and I can’t let it happen again.

“You going to sit down and tell me what happened?” Flora asks as I pace the kitchen.

“Nothing to tell.”

She stares at me, one eyebrow raised, gives me the look until I fold.

“I think you know what happened. We slept together. It was stupid, it was a mistake, it was—”

“What you’ve been wanting for the last ten years,” she interrupts.

“No!”

“Hmmm. I think you’ll find what you’re telling yourself and what you feel are two very different things.”

“Flora, you don’t know what went on back then, you couldn’t know. Last night we made a mistake, a drunken one, but we’ll move on with our lives after this wedding and it’ll be fine.

“Is that how Jack feels?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve lived here Pais, I’ve seen Jack, got to know him, he’s Elliott’s best mate, and the guy you told me he was, isn’t who I see, not anymore. Yes, I told him helping you with this was a bad idea, that he should keep away, but I knew he wouldn’t. And you know why.”

“Because he’s an arse?”

“Because he’s in love with you. He’s always been in love with you. Seeing him today, the way he looked at you, even when you two were arguing, there was always that emotion there. Maybe you need to re-evaluate what went on back then. As you say, I couldn’t know, and I’ve never talked to him about it. You’re my sister, my loyalty lies with you, but I know Jack too. Maybe talk to him, before the wedding.”

“I just—”

“Before the wedding,” she repeats, knowing I’m about to protest, and then with a wink, she smiles and adds. “I don’t need you and him stealing my thunder with all your pent-up sexual tension.”

She’s right, I know she’s right, and yet at this very moment, talking to him is the last thing I want to do.

“When did my little sister get so wise, huh?”

She smiles. “I’ve always been this amazing. You’ve just got a blind spot when it comes to Jack. You try to let your head rule that heart, but ultimately you know how you feel, and I think you’ve spent a decade avoiding him where you should have actually just sat down and talked.”

“He could have reached out.”

“Would you have been open to that? I don’t think so. He knows you, and he knew that too. But here and now, you have a chance to at least put the past behind you. You’re my sister and Elliott is his best mate, you can’t avoid each other going forward. So at least make peace with what went on. Whatever it was, however much he hurt you, please, for your own peace of mind, let it go.”

It’s her wedding, how am I supposed to say no? “I’ll go talk to him tomorrow. I’ll give him the night to cool down and go round first thing.”

“I think it might be you that needs to calm down,” Flora says softly, “but, take the night, maybe it will help both of you.”

****

“Jack? You home?”

It’s just after nine on a Sunday morning, where the hell is he?

The house is quiet, curtains open, no car in the driveway, and a quick scan of the street provides me with no clues. I ring the bell once more, wait, and then head slowly back to my car.

I make it as far as the gate when an unfamiliar voice stops me.

“Paisley?”

An elderly woman I’ve definitely never met comes shuffling towards me from the house next door.

“Hi,” I say, curious how she knows my name. “Can I help you?”

“I can’t believe you’re here. It’s about time.”

“I’m sorry, have we met?”

She ignores the question, her Welsh accent lyrical as she carries on. “Does Jack know you’re in town? I’ve not seen much of him this week, but he’ll be terribly excited to see you.”

I’m not sure that’s true right now, he’s probably still pissed at me over yesterday. But this woman seems to be a neighbour, might know where he is.

“Yeah, he’s been helping me get my sister’s wedding sorted,” I reply.

“Oh, he’s a good boy is Jack, you can always rely on him,” she says, eyes a little rheumy but clearly full of adoration.

“He is, do you know where he is? Have you seen him this morning?”

“Not this morning lovey. He came round yesterday, popped in on me to check I had all I needed for the evening, then rushed into his house like a whirlwind, headed off in the car not ten minutes later, rucksack thrown in the back.”

I hesitate for a moment, unsure what to do. Clearly, he’s headed off so he doesn’t have to see me, but I can’t let things stay like this, I have to fix things, we were getting on well, and it’s all gone to shit over one night. One night that we both wanted. We just let emotions and pride get in the way.

“Thanks,” I say and again start to make my way to the car.

“Paisley?”

I stop and look back, the woman now leaning on her own gate.

“He loves you, you know that, right?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, or disrespectful, but why would you say that, do we know each other?”

“I know you. Been looking at a photo of you for the last six years, you’re a little older now, but it’s unmistakably you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“In Jack’s house, on the shelf next to the telly, a photo of you and him. You two look so in love, and I catch him staring at it sometimes, when I go round for tea.”

Things are getting weirder by the second, and my head is spinning. “A photo? Tea? Jack?”

“Yes, he’s a sweet boy, started helping me out and looking after me the minute I moved here from Cardiff. Must be six years ago now. We’ve become quite good friends. He loves it when I pop round for a cuppa and a chat.”

From what I’ve got to know of him over the last week, that doesn’t actually surprise me. He loves everyone. And they all seem to love him back.

“He told me, you know, about everything. He has regrets, but he did what he did for a reason.”

Could this woman really know things, did he open up to her? And if so, why not me, the person involved?”

“He’s wanted to reach out,” she continues, “but after the whole Bryan thing, you and your family were hurting, he couldn’t bring this to you too.”

My blood runs cold with that name. A dagger to my heart as I stare at this woman.

“And he knows you think he stopped loving you, but my dear girl, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve never seen a man more resolute in his feelings. Not since my Joe, anyway. Hope you catch up with him, dear.”

Over the course of this week, I’ve started to think the Jack I left behind all those years ago was a very different person to the one he is now. The Jack of back then was a boy, someone who couldn’t handle the things that went on. This Jack, he’s a man, has grown up, is someone to rely on, a protective and caring soul, but maybe he always was. Yes, he was a joker, a typical lad, but he always treated me well, and we were in love, proper love, even as teens we knew it.

And as I stand here now, as the elderly woman shuffles back up her path, something occurs to me, something huge.